Mindful Impact with Justin Francisco

My top 3 takeaways on Monday's episode with Ellen Boeder - prioritizing your partner and growing together.

On today's episode of Mindful Impact, Justin speaks with Ellen Boeder, faculty at The Relationship School, about some essential tips for cultivating more mindful relationships. Learn more about Ellen at her website: www.ellenboeder.com.

Episode Highlights:

• Ellen is faculty at The Relationship School, founded by her husband.
• The thing that makes Ellen excited to wake up in the morning is her family and her daily morning yoga practice.
• She loves to connect with nature and appreciates the ability to get outside.
• She first picked up yoga 25 years ago, when she was 22 years old, because she thought she needed to stretch more.
• She doesn't currently have a formal sit down meditation practice, though she has in the past. Today, she focuses more on taking mindful walks.
• Her ability to practice yoga and meditation changed when she had kids.
• Ellen's husband, Jayson Gaddis, hosts a podcast with The Relationship School, and she's a frequent guest.
• Ellen and Jayson want to challenge each other to be their best and call each other out.
• Ellen feels they've learned how to fight efficiently and fairly, with no low blows or walking out of the room, and always making a commitment to finishing the conversation.
• In a moment when you're feeling connected to your partner, you can say something like, "I notice we're fighting a lot. Can we talk about how to make that better?"
• What are the main things we should focus on to have the happiest and most loving relationship we can?
• Ellen counters by asking what does the happiest and most loving version of a relationship look like to you?
• It looks different for everybody, so it's important to know your 'why.'
• Couples should figure out how to find the inherent strengths in being different.
• Difference means you can attend to different things and give more, for example, to your children, and you can balance each other out.
• Ask your partner what they want and what you can do to be the best partner you can be for that person.
• Ellen sees both men and women struggle with intimacy and vulnerability.
• We are never finished getting to know another person because we are always changing, and who we are unfolds in the moment.
• The business of our lives is a distraction that gets in the way of our relationships.
• Logistics prevent us from slowing down with each other and noticing each other.
• Scheduling things like sex is awesome; it is intentional, mindful, carving out of time for each other; it is self-care.
• At the same time, don't treat it like something to check off a to-do list; be open to whatever happens in that time you carve out to connect with your partner.
• Talk about how to make the time nourishing for both of you, to feel like input instead of more output.
• Over time, our differences can become glaring; you have to take the time to metabolize those differences and recalibrate.
• You have to have something bigger to commit and recommit to even when your feelings naturally shift moment to moment.
• Ideally, your relationship should be inspiring, fun, and challenging, but that's something you have to make true intentionally.
• It's unrealistic to think that you can stay in the honeymoon phase of an early relationship forever.
• Being mindful of bringing yourself into the present moment as an individual is a different experience from being mindful with your partner.
• Ellen feels she can remain present for longer when she's with her partner or her child, and finds that she's able to lose sense of space and time.
• Ellen believes we have many more demands on our attention now than ever before.
• She and her husband have scheduled business and financial related meetings as a way to keep those conversations separate from their date time.
• Ellen recommends a date be 3-4 hours, or longer if you're able, but a 2 hour date isn't sufficient.
• Her favorite time with her husband is when they take walks or hikes together.
• They tried things like couples yoga but Ellen found that for the dates to be meaningful forher, she needed to be talking to and connecting with her husband.
• If she could go back and give her 18 year old self any advice, it would be to reassure her that she would find love and have a wonderful relationship.

3 Key Points:

1. There is no one way that a relationship should look or be, so you have to talk about what that looks like for yourself and your partner.
2. Be intentional about how and when you connect with your partner so that you both get what you need out of it.
3. Commit to something larger and greater than just each other, because your feelings and emotions towards each other as people can and will change.

Tweetable Quotes:

• "We have really shared values, and we're really different people. So that looks like… we have a lot to talk about." –Ellen Boeder
• "If I don't ever slow down or pause and reflect, there's a cost." –Ellen Boeder
• "It's actually really good that people are different because you can actually attend to more needs and things in the whole system." –Ellen Boeder
• "We really do depend and rely on our partners a lot, emotionally. And it's normal to, it's okay to, it's good to. But I think as a society we're very prone to getting the message thatwe're supposed to just be okay on our own." –Ellen Boeder
• "I think it's easy to fall in love and hard to be loving every day over time, over the long haul with someone." –Ellen Boeder
• "It's amazing what happens when people just start asking questions and telling more of the truth." –Ellen Boeder

Resources Mentioned:

• Justin Francisco: Website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube
• Ellen Boeder: Website, Instagram
• The Relationship School: Ellen

Guided meditation through a field and river to let go of anything limiting you.

My top 3 takeaways from Monday's Episode with Andrew Newman.

www.consciousstories.com

Today, we will have an insightful conversation with Andrew Newman, a brilliant children's storytime book author, about mindful practices with your children, including meditation and creativity. He will talk about teaching your children mindfulness, core life values, and much more.

3 Key Points:

1. Sitting as a parent is an immense mixture of responsibility and power. Show our kids what we want them to learn.
2. Teach children mindfulness at an early stage, use bedtime stories to be with them fully in the last 20 minutes of their day to help them discharge their daily struggles as they transition to sleep.
3. Meditation practices help children to slow down as they transition to sleep. Make it as a spiritual practice, give as much of that loving presence as you can.

Episode Highlights:

• 06:08- The last 20 minutes of the night creates an impact on what's going on in our brain.
• 07:24- Use the transition points of sleep and wake in the first 30 minutes of the day to sit us up.
• 08:38- Teach kids mindfulness early so that they don't have to unlearn a bunch of stuff like adults.
• 16:12- In the moment of surrender, something magical happens.
• 17:21- Problem can't be solved from the same level of consciousness that we created a problem with. Have a space for a new level of consciousness.
• 19:00- The therapeutic relationship is learning one's triggers and learning how to be non-reactive when activated.
• 20:30- Therapeutic relationship is the same aspect as the parent-child relationship.
• 23:21- The our breathing practice- I breathe for me, I breathe for you, I breathe for us, I breathe for all that surrounds us.
• 29:26- Andrew's morning practice helps the stream of consciousness come out for him to go into the space of openness.
• 31:32- Andrew's struggles from the business standpoint relates to the period of surrender.
• 40:50-The power of a story shifts us from a perspective where we hate to hate, thereby creating a safe place.
• 43:50- Anticipate challenges in time and translational speed of kids, be encouraging of slowing down.
• 45:00- Use the breathing technique to slow kids' systems down.
• 45:21- Model to our kids what we want them to learn.
• 45:25- Kids are designed to seek love, and the fastest way to get love is to mimic the person who gives them love.
• 49:10- Andrew gave his message to his 18 y/o self, who needed encouragement.

Tweetable Quotes:

• "The power of the story is that it shifts us from this perspective where we hate to hate. That shift is one of those mechanisms of creating safety.. "- Andrew Newman
• "We don't have to fight until we reach the point of surrender. We can choose to surrender earlier and ask for help because, in the moment of surrender, something magical happens. "- Andrew Newman
• "If we think the same way we have always been thinking, we will get the same result. We need something new to influence ourselves and change the course of our lives."- Andrew Newman

Resources Mentioned:

• Justin Francisco: LinkedIn | Website
• Andrew Newman: Conscious Bedtime Stories | LinkedIn | Instagram

Nick Matiash was a guest from episode 25, Monday Nov 18, 2019. Nick is a men's life coach helping them move from their head to their heart. Nick can be found at www.nickmatiashcoaching.com

Top 3 takeaways from Monday's episode "Functional Medicine, exercise snacks and positive psychology with Dr. Sandra Scheinbaum.

Tune in to hear my take and how I found value in the conversation.

On this episode of Mindful Impact with Justin Francisco, we will have a meaningful conversation with Dr. Sandra Scheinbaum, Co-Founder and CEO of the Functional Medicine Coaching Academy (FMCA), regarding Functional Medicine, exercise, snacks and positive psychology. Also, we'll talk about some ways to replace sweet-tooth, and much more.

• Dr. Sandra Scheinbaum: Website

3 Key Points:

1. Functional medicine works as an ally where people support one another with the coach, where the feelings are being normalized, then people start to feel hopeful.
2. In conventional medicine, people have never been diagnosed the way it's done in functional medicine, where the first interaction is listening, caring, and understanding.
3. Functional Medicine coaches help clients to be mindful consumers of health supplements.

Episode Highlights:

• 4:05- Dr. Sandra Scheinbaum reinventing her work out at the age of 70.
• 9:32- Dr. Sandra describes rest as sitting in a sauna, red light therapy, or watching movies with her husband.
• 11:00- Functional Medicine is the combined clinical psychology teachings and philosophies with the most recent learnings of Dr. Sandra.
• 12:21- Functional medicine is the medicine of "why" to get the root cause.
• 15:28- Often, people will go from doctor to doctor to seek treatment, but they are not getting better; that's when they start seeking functional medicine.
• 17:26- Functional medicine is client-centered and personalized.
• 19:48- Dr. Sandra ran a center that studied neural feedback, which trained children to regulate brain wave activity through some sort of mind-stimulating games.
• 24:40- Dr. Sandra's daughter wrote a musical called Emoji Land, which talks about perseverance amidst the pandemic.
• 28:25- Dr. Sandra gets energy by paying attention to posture, power pauses, backbends, yoga, inversion, or even baking in the morning.
• 34:59- Medical background is not needed to be a functional coach.
• 35:15- Coaches are skilled to conduct a 1:1 coaching or group coaching, which is the future of healthcare.
• 35:41- Functional medicine with a doctor is reimbursed by insurance companies and can be done virtually.
• 38:35 Coaches can provide crucial and emotional support, especially during these trying times to people who are not for psychotherapy.
• 40:00- Life Coaching stemmed from the humanistic approach of Psychotherapy.
• 40:54- Coaches do not make direct recommendations of botanical herbs or medicine, but refer people to source/specialist.
• 44:38- Coaches can educate clients about nutraceuticals and be a smart consumer.
• 47:35- Dr. Sandra recommended Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning and Simple Numbers book as a good read.
• 51:15- Dr. Sandra's advice to her 18-year-old self is to lay off the sugar.
• 52.19- Dr. Sandra shares some ways to replace sweet-tooth with monk fruit, 100% dark chocolate or 1-2 raspberry.

Tweetable Quotes:

• "What led me to functional medicine is, I wanted to make a bigger impact. We could train thousands of coaches to really make an impact."-Dr. Sandra Scheinbaum
• "I think that ADD is overdiagnosed, and I think that we are so quick to label."-Dr. Sandra Scheinbaum
• "You will have a coach who hears and understands, not pushy, and tells you what to do. That's the beauty of the relationship in functional medicine."-Dr. Sandra Scheinbaum
• "What's real in the mind, is real in the body. Every thought, every image, everything we feel, is all in the body. You don't have to be stuck in suffering. Change your mindset, as it's possible to create a profound change."-Dr. Sandra Scheinbaum

Resources Mentioned:

• Justin Francisco: LinkedIn, Website
• Dr. Sandra Scheinbaum: Website

This is a great mindfulness meditation to see if we can stay present without thoughts as we count to ten using our breath. Follow along and enjoy :)

Top 3 takeaways from Carol Howe - The Truth About How Life Really Works.

1. The way you acted in the past was the best you could do with the tools and knowledge you had at the time. It's ok to have full compassion and forgiveness around it.

2. It's not the other person's fault when you have an emotional reaction. Instead, it's something inside of you that gets mirrored back to you from them, thus triggering some sort of guilt inside of you from childhood.

3. We can never condemn another without our direct experiencing the consequences of it.