Mindfully With 'Tunmise

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What if being loved still leaves you lonely? We sit down with Ola—now an author—to trace the subtle gap between affection and attunement, and why safety is the missing ingredient in so many families and partnerships. Through personal stories, cultural context, and clear language, we unpack how tone, co‑regulation, and early repair teach a nervous system what intimacy feels like, for better or worse.

We start with the book’s bold thesis: love without safety can feel like abandonment. From childhood corrections delivered through sharp looks to third‑party scoldings, we explore how kids learn to shrink curiosity to avoid conflict. That early pattern becomes adult performance—fixing, achieving, and overextending to earn closeness—while the body quietly stores the small absences: the reach that met no meeting, the apology demanded without understanding. We name recognition grief, the ache that rises not from death but from realizing something vital was missing all along, and we talk honestly about living fully while healing rather than waiting to be “done.”

Together we navigate boundaries that protect softness, not punish others. We contrast gratitude with true receiving, question multitasked intimacy, and acknowledge culture’s role—silence, obedience, and passive aggression disguised as respect. Ola brings the vocabulary of attachment and the warmth of lived experience, translating academic ideas into everyday choices: how to ask for what we need, how to refuse being dragged back into chaos, and how to stop passing on the patterns that shaped us. We close with three gentle questions to carry into your week and an open door to a reflective, non‑fixing community space.

If this conversation resonates, follow the show, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a review so others can find these stories. Your listening shapes what we explore next.

To get Ola's book on Amazon https://a.co/d/4x5FjOA

or on Selar Selar.com/m/theseundawodu for pdf 

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Ever feel like the world demands a performance while your soul asks for quiet? We mark our 100th with a breath, not a bow, and step into a tender exploration of healing that doesn’t need applause. I share how delays, detours, and stillness reshaped my understanding of growth, and why choosing yourself is less about retreat and more about showing up without disappearing.

We unpack societal narcissism—the cultural habit of turning authenticity into legislation over others—and how a smaller, hyperconnected world can still miss the shape of each person’s lived reality. Difference becomes richness when we stop mistaking critique for attack and discomfort for violence. From there, I lean into what pain taught me: how domestication and over-identifying with roles pull us away from the child within who felt freely and forgave easily. The work isn’t rejecting norms outright; it’s discerning which ones help us belong without erasing ourselves.

Then we slow down together. I guide a brief breath practice to shift from fixing to thanking the body. We talk about integration—when rest no longer feels like guilt, when boundaries land as care rather than punishment, and when growth can be quiet. I share core reframes: healing is staying, silence can be information, rest is wisdom, and faith often looks like trust more than certainty. Along the way, I offer reflective questions you can carry through your day so insight can unfold at its own pace.

If you’re longing for an honest, unhurried path to wholeness, this one’s for you. Press play, breathe with us, and share which question you’re carrying forward. Subscribe, leave a review, and pass this episode to someone who needs a gentle pause today.

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Get Living Mindfully: A Journey to Being  https://blackhemages.com/living-mindfully/

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Love Yourself; Love Your Neighbour; Love Your Country: Above all of these Love God He's the essence of Your Being.

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Support the show

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Get Living Mindfully: A Journey to Being  https://blackhemages.com/living-mindfully/

https://chat.whatsapp.com/BFAJsSrOui17Po8tvmMoPe

Website: https://blackhemages.com/

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Love Yourself; Love Your Neighbour; Love Your Country: Above all of these Love God He's the essence of Your Being.

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What if our well-meaning care has been crossing a line we rarely name? We pull apart the quiet ways empathy can turn into supervision and how “emotional colonization” shows up in families, faith communities, and friendships. Instead of offering easy answers, we sit with better questions and a more humane posture that honors agency, consent, and pace.

We start by tracing the cultural current the host calls societal narcissism—how proximity tricks us into thinking we have jurisdiction over someone else’s inner world. From there, we redefine empathy beyond the slogan of “walking in someone’s shoes,” adding the humility to be guided by the person wearing them. You’ll hear how surveillance masquerades as concern, why watched people perform rather than heal, and how boundaries can serve love rather than distance. Drawing on Brené Brown’s strong back, soft front, grounded heart, we show what collapses when empathy becomes control: overhelping, rigidity, and anxiety-driven fixing.

We also bring in Adam Grant’s framework of preacher, prosecutor, and politician to reveal the roles we slip into when our beliefs feel threatened. The antidote is a scientific posture—curiosity over certainty—that slows us down and replaces verdicts with listening. Along the way, we offer reflective prompts to help you notice where you might be supervising rather than accompanying, and how to restore presence without possession. If you’ve ever felt “helped” but not held, or noticed your own impulse to manage someone’s healing, this conversation will give you language and practices to recalibrate with care.

Join us, take a breath, and let these questions work on you at their own pace. If the conversation resonates, share it with someone who values real empathy, subscribe for more mindful episodes, and leave a review to help others find the show. Your presence matters—stay mindful, stay human, and keep becoming.

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Get Living Mindfully: A Journey to Being  https://blackhemages.com/living-mindfully/

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Love Yourself; Love Your Neighbour; Love Your Country: Above all of these Love God He's the essence of Your Being.

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What if the body’s silence is the most honest feedback you’ll hear all week? We sit with the rising noise of advice, certainty, and wellness performance and ask why so much “help” leaves us more tired, more watched, and less connected to ourselves. Drawing on the myth of Narcissus as a cultural mirror, we reframe the caution: the real danger isn’t self-awareness, it’s self-absorption without reciprocity—especially when healing becomes a stage and empathy becomes supervision.

Across this conversation, we name societal narcissism as a collective posture that quietly centers the self in spaces built for care. We trace how hustle culture meets toxic positivity, how algorithms reward spectacle, and how even mindfulness can turn performative when progress demands proof. From forced stillness to small practices of noticing, we share why the body’s interruption isn’t drama but devotion, and how language without wisdom can still wound. You’ll hear reflective prompts on consent, authority, and the difference between responding and reacting, plus a simple pause you can try right now to return to presence.

We’re not asking you to speak less; we’re inviting you to listen better—first to your own body, then to others with cleaner attention. If you’ve felt pressured to display your growth or measure your worth by how publicly you heal, this is a gentle reset. Tune in, take one slow breath, and consider a quieter courage: no correction, no achievement, just arrival. If this resonates, share it with a friend, subscribe for the next chapter in the series, and leave a review with your favorite question you’re taking forward.

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Get Living Mindfully: A Journey to Being  https://blackhemages.com/living-mindfully/

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Love Yourself; Love Your Neighbour; Love Your Country: Above all of these Love God He's the essence of Your Being.

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The season opens with a breath you can feel. After months of enforced stillness—pain, surgery, and a body that said “enough”—we step back to examine what mindful living actually asks of us when the lights are off and the milestones stop counting. I share how grief cracked my certainties, how recovery humbled my pace, and why I’m rethinking the language we use around healing so it guides rather than governs.

We unpack the subtle shift from healing to performing: when vulnerability becomes strategy, stillness turns into content, and mindfulness reads like a brand. I call this drift societal narcissism—not a diagnosis, but a posture where visibility outruns integrity. Drawing on Viktor Frankl’s insight that meaning shows up in our response when we cannot change our situation, I talk through the difference between reacting and recognizing, and how response becomes a practice that lives in the body, not just the brain. The conversation moves from doing to being, from milestones to presence, from proof to patience.

You’ll hear the questions animating where we go next: What happens to healing in a world that demands evidence? When does empathy become supervision? How can language remain a compass and not a courtroom? Along the way, we ground in a simple breath sequence to return to the body, and I offer a quiet prompt to carry through your week. If your season feels like a hallway with no signage, this is a gentle place to pause, listen, and choose your next response with care.

If this resonates, subscribe, share with someone who needs a slower pace, and leave a review so others can find the space. Your healing does not need an audience—but your story might help someone breathe.

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Get Living Mindfully: A Journey to Being  https://blackhemages.com/living-mindfully/

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Love Yourself; Love Your Neighbour; Love Your Country: Above all of these Love God He's the essence of Your Being.

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What if the most powerful force holding you back isn't external criticism but the silent voice within that whispers "I'm not enough"? In this vulnerable and illuminating conversation, we unpack the complex emotion of shame—that intensely painful feeling of believing we're fundamentally flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.

Drawing inspiration from Brené Brown's groundbreaking work, we explore the crucial distinction between guilt ("I did something bad") and shame ("I am bad"), revealing how this subtle shift profoundly impacts our identity and relationships. Through personal stories, we examine how childhood experiences with authority figures, cultural expectations, and religious contexts create shame templates that follow us into adulthood. You'll hear raw accounts of how seemingly small interactions—like being repeatedly corrected by someone other than a parent, or seeing "intelligent but talks too much" on a report card—can create lasting patterns of self-doubt and silence.

The conversation takes a fascinating turn as we discuss how shame manifests in our self-perception around abilities, particularly in areas like business acumen, where perceived deficiencies easily transform from "I'm not good at this specific skill" to "I'm fundamentally inadequate." We uncover how shame thrives in secrecy and silence, and why finding safe relationships where we can share vulnerably becomes essential for healing.

Whether you've consciously struggled with shame or are just beginning to recognize its influence in your life, you'll leave with practical wisdom for moving forward: affirming that shame is human but not where we want to live, naming it rather than being defined by it, and approaching ourselves with the same compassion we'd offer a friend. Connect with us on social media to share your reflections on the journal prompts: What part of your story deserves compassion today? And who can you share your story with, knowing they would respond with empathy rather than judgment?

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Get Living Mindfully: A Journey to Being  https://blackhemages.com/living-mindfully/

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Love Yourself; Love Your Neighbour; Love Your Country: Above all of these Love God He's the essence of Your Being.

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Adversity doesn't detour our journey—it defines it. This reflective episode explores how life's toughest moments can become our greatest teachers, using Paulo Coelho's "The Alchemist" as a guiding metaphor for personal transformation.

Like Santiago the shepherd boy who discovers his treasure wasn't gold but clarity, we too find our most profound growth not on the mountaintops of success but in the valleys of challenge. The treasure isn't reaching the destination—it's who we become along the way.

Today's mental health conversations sometimes inadvertently promote avoiding discomfort rather than developing resilience. The phrase "I need to protect my mental health" has become almost facetious, potentially deepening stigma around legitimate struggles. True mental fortitude comes from understanding life's inherent duality—night and day, joy and pain. As Brené Brown wisely notes, "You cannot numb the dark without numbing the light," while Susan Cain reminds us that "if we could honor pain and not try to erase it, we could transform it."

When facing difficulty, try shifting from asking "why me?" to "what has this come to teach me?" This subtle reframing transforms our relationship with adversity. While sharing my personal experience navigating bipolar disorder, I've learned that mindfully pacing yourself through challenges isn't weakness—it's wisdom. Tough times don't just reveal who you are; they refine who you are becoming.

What valley are you currently navigating? What lessons might it be offering? Remember that finding your rhythm in difficult seasons is where true growth happens. Join this thoughtful exploration of resilience, complete with journal prompts to help you transform your own challenges into teachers.

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Get Living Mindfully: A Journey to Being  https://blackhemages.com/living-mindfully/

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Love Yourself; Love Your Neighbour; Love Your Country: Above all of these Love God He's the essence of Your Being.

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Fear—that flutter in your chest, that whisper of doubt, that paralysis when facing uncertainty. We all know it, but do we truly understand it? 

This episode takes you on a journey through the many faces of fear, revealing how this misunderstood emotion operates in our lives. Beyond simply identifying what scares us, we explore why we feel afraid and what those fears reveal about our deepest values. You'll discover that fear isn't always the enemy—sometimes, it's a signal that you deeply care about something.

Through personal reflections and thought-provoking insights, we examine how fear manifests in different spheres of our lives. From the anxiety we feel in vulnerable relationships to our complex relationship with mortality, this exploration offers a fresh perspective on embracing fear as a teacher. Maya Angelou's powerful words about being "afraid all the time but not afraid of anything" provide a compelling framework for approaching fear with mindful awareness.

The episode introduces the practical SBNRR technique—Stop, Breathe, Notice, Reflect, Respond—a mindfulness approach that transforms how you engage with fear when it arises. Instead of being controlled by fear, you'll learn to walk alongside it with intention and awareness. Complemented by journaling prompts to deepen your personal exploration, this episode invites you to reframe your relationship with fear and discover the freedom that comes with mindful engagement.

Ready to transform your relationship with fear? Listen now, and remember: courage isn't the absence of fear—it's the willingness to walk alongside it mindfully. Share this episode with someone who might benefit from a gentler approach to their fears, and join our mindful community on social media @mindfullywithtunmise

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Get Living Mindfully: A Journey to Being  https://blackhemages.com/living-mindfully/

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Love Yourself; Love Your Neighbour; Love Your Country: Above all of these Love God He's the essence of Your Being.

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Grief reaches far beyond death, weaving through our lives in ways we rarely recognise or honour. 

What do you think about the dream job that never materialised? The friendship that dissolved? 

The promotion you deserved but didn't receive? 

These everyday disappointments create quiet ripples of grief we're not taught to process.

Many of us excel at navigating joy but falter when facing sorrow. Our cultural narratives often discourage preparing for pain, viewing such preparation as inviting suffering. 

We're conditioned to "move on quickly" or "stay positive," denying ourselves the healing that comes from acknowledging our pain.

Drawing from Yoruba wisdom that embraces life's dualities—"tibi tiri la daye" (we were created with both good and bad)—this episode invites you to sit with grief as a teacher rather than an enemy. 

Like the bitter leaf that eventually yields sweetness, discomfort can lead to growth when mindfully embraced. 

Too much grief without processing leads to depression, while avoiding grief altogether creates unresolved pain that silently shapes our relationships and responses.

Through personal stories of professional disappointment and cultural perspectives on embracing life's polarities, this contemplative journey offers three journaling prompts to help you identify and honour those "small losses" you haven't permitted yourself to grieve. 

What might your grief say if you allowed it to speak? What version of yourself are you holding onto out of fear?

Take a breath, find a quiet corner, and allow your grief to guide you—just for today. 

Your healing journey begins with acknowledging what hurts, even when society tells you it shouldn't.

Suggested episode:

 https://pod.fo/e/2b1ac7 (a princess's journey through loss and legacy)

https://pod.fo/e/1f89b0 (Grieving is living )

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Get Living Mindfully: A Journey to Being  https://blackhemages.com/living-mindfully/

https://chat.whatsapp.com/BFAJsSrOui17Po8tvmMoPe

Website: https://blackhemages.com/

b45eeaafa11188b421daa26f6eb85da5596dbf11

Love Yourself; Love Your Neighbour; Love Your Country: Above all of these Love God He's the essence of Your Being.

#tdk