Mindset Unlimited: Tips, Tools, and Inspiration for Women in a Time of Change

“Am I just making excuses?” is something most people wonder at some point when they are not following through on something they say they want to do. From health goals to work goals, the story we’re surrounded by is that of weakness. It’s self-sabotage. You aren’t trying hard enough, so you don’t want it badly enough. It’s lack of maturity. Basically, whatever the details of the message are, the energy is judgmental and shame inducing. This is the messaging because we’ve learned to use shame to motivate even though it doesn’t work. Actually, all it really does is block us from discovering what’s really going on and accessing our ability to find a solution.

In this episode of Unlimited, I explore understanding why and alternatives to asking if you’re just making excuses.

Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:

• What is an excuse
• Reasons people make excuses
• Separating identity from behavior
• How to stop making excuses
• Supporting aligned action

Thank you for listening!

If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval

Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.  You can email me at [email protected] or DM me on Instagram
 
AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast!
 
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Deep Self Care to Shift Habits
It's Simple, So Why Am I Not Doing It?

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How to Prioritize Your Needs in a supportive way means going beyond Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. People often reference this motivational theory when trying to understand behavior and choices. It's popular because it creates a simple framework that makes sense in our hierarchical, over-individualized society. It's problematic for the same reason, AND because it's based in a highly biased study influenced by the colonial corruption of native wisdom. Additionally, modern neuroscience now provides evidence of the inaccuracies of this model. To create a healthier way of being in the world, we need a healthier approach to understanding and honoring our needs.

In this episode of Unlimited, I explore deconstructing Maslow’s Hierarchy and creating an intuitive approach to prioritizing your needs.

Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:

• Understanding Maslow’s hierarchy of needs
• Neuroscience of belonging
• Decolonizing self-actualization
• Discerning your priorities

Thank you for listening!

If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval

Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.  You can email me at [email protected] or DM me on Instagram

AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast!

LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Why Work Life Balance Is a Myth
What’s Killing My Motivation
The Pressure to Love Your Job
Managing with the Brain in Mind
The Blackfoot Origins of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs
Simply Psychology - Maslow’s Hierarchy Of Needs
National Women’s History Museum - Sarah Moore Grimké
In Defense of Witches – The Legacy of the Witch Hunts and Why Women Are Still On Trial by Mona Chollet
The Myth of Normal by Gabor Mate

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Creating a human-centered work culture is the antidote to the burnout that is now pervasive in the work place. While learning how to create a human-centered work culture is of particular importance to managers and leaders in organizations, it is not for them alone. Brains love patterns and, without intentional engagement, people carry this dehumanizing relationship with work when they leave a particular workplace and even into their own entrepreneurship. So, regardless of your current work or workplace, we all need tools to intentionally engage our relationship to work. Being able to understand, create, and advocate for healthy boundaries in work is a skill that benefits everyone.

In this episode of Unlimited, I invited Marissa Badgley, MSW to join me in a conversation about creating a human-centered work culture.

Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:

• Why companies need an intentional culture
• The importance of compassion AND accountability
• The multiple layers and impact of trust in organizations
• Setting boundaries and creating team buy-in
• Who gets a seat at your table and creating a safe table

Thank you for listening!

If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval

Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.  You can email me at [email protected] or DM me on Instagram

AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast!

CONNECT WITH MARISSA BADGLEY:
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The Millennial Manager Collective

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Leaning into a mid-life career change isn’t easy. Yet it is a reality for many people, especially Moms, and even more so recently. This change often challenges our identity, worth, and sense of place since we are socialized to intertwine these aspects of our life. The woman I work with in this episode reached out to me feeling STUCK. A recent ADHD diagnosis rocked her world. Due to the reverberations of this diagnosis, she made the decision to leave a job that felt like the perfect fit in many ways. Her hope in signing up for a session was to gain a sense of how to figure out what to do next and that it will all be okay. 

In this episode of Unlimited, you’ll hear us explore the process of reimagining purpose through leaning into a mid-life career change.

Some of what we engage in this episode include:

• Re-centering in yourself
• Stepping into the unknown
• Identifying what’s important in work
• Finding your next step

Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me!  @unlimitedcoachval
 
 I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
 You can send me an email at [email protected] or DM me on Instagram
 AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast!
   

LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Apply to be coached for free on the podcast
Schedule a FREE exploration call

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What to do when you’ve fallen behind isn’t push yourself harder. It’s pause and allow yourself to recalibrate. Understandably, you may experience resistance. We are surrounded by stories that tell us that failing to plan for all the things is a personal failing. Additionally, there’s a constant message that we aren’t doing enough. This conditioning programs us to set unreasonable expectations, beat ourselves up when we don’t meet them, and push harder. The good news is that you can change this unsustainable way of being. In order to change, you must first notice the stories and the patterns they make in your life. Next you must know what is yours and what isn’t and where you have choices. Finally, you must allow yourself to choose something different.

In this episode of Unlimited, I explore reclaiming your journey when you’ve fallen behind.

Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:

• Using shame as motivation
• Stories that perpetuate cycles of harm
• Disappointing others
• Personality traits that break you down

LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
You’re More Than Your Personality Test
What’s Killing My Motivation?
Helpful vs Harmful Mindset Work
Bonus Episode: Give Yourself A Break
The Myth of Normal by Gabor Maté
Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey

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The pressure to love your job is something you’ve likely experienced whether you love your job or not. In the United States, we are surrounded by the story that you achieve success through having a job you love. Perhaps success is simply that you enjoy the privilege of doing a job you love. Another possibility is that you won't feel like you’re doing work, will then work harder, and therefore create success. (Likewise, this story also perpetuates the idea that working hard will always lead to success.) What this story obscures is that loving your work doesn’t make it not work. Ultimately, this story is designed to keep you from setting boundaries and instead buy into your own exploitation. 

In this episode of Unlimited, I invited Cristin Downs to join me in a conversation about understanding and releasing the pressure to love your job.

Some of what we talk about in this episode includes: 

• The purpose of pressure to love your job
• The burnout cycle that keeps you stuck
• Expectations when applying for a job
• Leadership examples and quiet quitting
• Freeing your identity from your job
• Setting boundaries around work

Thank you for listening!

If you enjoyed this episode, please share it! Take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me: @unlimitedcoachval

Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.  You can email me at [email protected] or DM me on Instagram

AND don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast!

LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Job You Love Quote Investigator
Work Won't Love You Back by Sarah Jaffe
Bullshit Jobs by David Graeber
A History of the World in Seven Cheap Things by Raj Patel & Jason W. Moore

CONNECT WITH CRISTIN DOWNS:
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Free Resources

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WHY work life balance is a myth is as important to understand as knowing that it is one. It’s important because the way a topic is framed has a large impact on how we think about it. It directs our focus and influences the options we perceive. Most people I speak with consciously know there is no real balance between work and life. Yet work/life balance is still used to describe a primary challenge facing people. The fundamental issue with the term work/life balance isn’t just that such a thing doesn’t exist. The issue is also the framing of our struggle being one of work/life balance and the assumptions on which that framing is based. One assumption is that working has equal priority to living. Another is that they oppose each other. Thus, the challenge of work/life balance is a fictious one based on inhumane assumptions that prevent creating healthy and sustainable ways of being in the world.

In this episode of Unlimited, I explore the roots of the work/life balance myth and how the myth perpetuates itself as a problem.

Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:

• What is work/life balance
• The history of work/life balance
• The deep problem with the term work/life balance
• A starting place to create what you want in life
• What to expect in Season 3 of Unlimited

LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Truly Experiences - The History of Work Life Balance
Oxford Bibliographies – Work/Life Balance
Positive Psychology – What Is Work Life Balance
Forbes – The Evolving Definition of Work/Life Balance
Book – The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
Book – Stolen Focus by Johann Hari
Book – How We Show Up by Mia Birdsong
Book – Rest Is Resistance by Tricia Hersey
Unlimited Episode – Dealing With Impostor Syndrome

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A simple way to end the year strong involves allowing yourself a little space for three activities. First, focusing your attention. Second, celebrating your accomplishments. Third, assessing what worked and what didn't and feeding that into your new years plans. Sounds simple, right? Yes, it's a simple outline, but the practice of it is less simple. It can actually be rather confusing and messy. There are many factors that go into the decisions about where you put your focus. There nuances to how you identify accomplishments for the year and especially discerning what worked and what didn't. Not to mention, this may not be your best time for planning.

In this episode of Unlimited, we sift through the factors and nuances of the year to clarify your simple way to end the year strong.

Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:

• How to focus and de-stress the holidays
• Wrap up the year with a positive focus
• Reviewing and setting a word of the year
• What to consider when new year goal setting
• Build self-trust and lean into growth

LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Resource page with ‘What to Say’ Download
7 Ways to Reduce Holiday Stress
Setting Holiday Boundaries
Rest Is Resistance by Tricia Hersey
Holiday Support Coaching Session

I also reference every episode from Season 2. I'm writing a blog post to map and link everything out and encourage you to join my mailing list for notification when that is completed.

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How to say no without guilt is a common struggle for Moms but also for most highly empathetic people. The fear of letting people down or upsetting others can make saying no extremely uncomfortable. You may worry about hurting someone. That worry may feed a fear that you will then be seen as uncaring, lazy, incompetent, or otherwise judged. There are many articles with step-by-step instructions for the logistics of politely saying no. However, it’s one thing to know the steps and another thing to follow through on them. Ultimately, as social creatures, saying no may hit a primal fear of being rejected. You have layers of internalized expectations from society, family, and the patterns in your own life that feed these feelings. That means being able to say no isn’t just about saying no to things you think you don’t want to do. Your time and energy are finite resources, so sometimes it’s about capacity. How to say no is also about knowing what’s yours to do and what’s not yours.

In this episode of Unlimited, I explore the mindset blocks to saying no and the logistics of doing so in relationships with others.

Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:

• Why saying no is so hard
• When it’s okay to be selfish
• Dealing with people who don’t get it
• Letting go of control
• Saying yes in order to say no

LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
How to Stop Reacting and Start Responding
Setting Healthy Boundaries
Setting Holiday Boundaries
Creating Healthy Boundaries Group Coaching
Holiday Support Coaching Session
Recording Coaching Session Application
Ask Val Anonymous Form

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Setting healthy boundaries is a process that improves with practice. Part of the challenge of setting boundaries is that most of us didn’t grow up with examples of healthy boundaries. Additionally, the media often idolize emmeshed relationships. Consider how many songs and stories idealize relationships where someone’s emotional wellbeing is dependent on one other person. In our societal narratives, love and caring look like being able to read someone else’s mind. You most likely first encountered the idea of boundary setting as a prescription for codependency or because you’re trying to deal with a person or job that feels toxic. The thing is, you do NOT have to have “issues” or label people for boundaries to be important. They are always important for everything because they are about YOU.

In this episode of Unlimited, I explore understanding and setting boundaries that support you and your relationships.

Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:

• The concept of a boundary
• Types of boundaries
• Indications you need boundaries
• The three components of setting a boundary
• Boundary setting challenges
• Self-awareness and boundary setting process

LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Clarifying What You Want Episode
Break Free From Assumptions & Misaligned Rules Episode
Setting Holiday Boundaries Episode
Creating Healthy Boundaries Group Coaching
Private coaching session
Ask Val anonymous form

If you found this episode helpful, please share it!
You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval

Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.
You can email me at [email protected] or DM me on Instagram

CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
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