Mindset Unlimited: Tips, Tools, and Inspiration for Women in a Time of Change

The courage to change comes from inside of you but requires and deserves support from others. You need other people to help you see and hear yourself clearly as well as to see more clearly what needs to change. This is especially true the easier it is for you to fit into and follow the conventional rules of society. One of those rules being that we’re supposed to be fully self-reliant. If you are not it indicates weakness and deficiency. Change is inherently stressful, and this rule blocks us from the most important resource for stress resilience – each other. This is one of the many dynamics that increases our need for courage to change. Add on that our society exploits vulnerabilities for profit and it naturally feels even more dangerous to ask for help. Unfortunately, social rules like this get wrapped up in our identity and become internalized rules, which serve as a wedge between you and your intuition.

In this episode of Unlimited, I explore the dynamics that create the need for courage to change the rules and free yourself from ones you’ve internalized.

Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:

• Pros and cons of having rules
• The value of those “negative” emotions
• Toxic individualism and codependency
• Reframing internalized rules
• Giving space for grief and celebration

 
LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Ask Val
Alok Vaid-Menon Website
Alok’s quoted IG post
How We Show Up: Reclaiming Family, Friendship, and Community
Courage to Change Al-anon book
Mindset: The New Psychology of Success

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Breaking free from assumptions and misaligned rules is a multi-layered process. We all have rules for how we believe we are supposed to do life. They are tied to our values, to societal norms, and the stories we’ve been told about who we are and the way the world is. Since we do not exist outside of a societal context, we must acknowledge the influence of societal stories as we engage our own programing. First, looking at the rules for the roles that we occupy and whether they fit who you are or who you want to be. Then looking at where they feed the assumptions you make about yourself and others and how those assumptions influence your actions. You don’t have to know exactly where you started making assumptions or changed who you are to fit in. You only need a process to step out of those assumptions and reclaim who you want to be. 

In this episode of Unlimited, I acknowledge the layers of stories influencing us and explore how we as individuals unpack our own assumptions and misaligned rules.

Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:

• Who do you think you are?
• The relationship between self and society
• Why we make assumptions
• Ways to stop making assumptions
• The importance of intentional, diverse community

 
BOOKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Fearing The Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fat Phobia
How the Word Is Passed: A Reckoning with the History of Slavery Across America
The Four Agreements

PREVIOUS EPISODES REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE
A Roundtable to Improve Your Perception with Aleia Walker
What’s Killing My Motivation?
No, You're Not Crazy
You're More Than Your Personality Test
Girl, Learn to Apologize
Stop Being Nice and Start Being Resilient
How to Stop Reacting and Start Responding

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A roundtable to improve your perception is necessary because perception isn’t just an inside job. The inside part is only the first step. You do need the willingness to expand and the courage to change. Then, improving your perception requires conversations and learning from others who have different experiences. Only through this next level of awareness expansion can we make the meaningful and effective changes needed to make a better world for everyone.  For me, the ultimate purpose of doing the inner work is being able to step into the outer work.

In this episode of Unlimited, I invited Aleia Walker to join me in a conversation about how to expand your awareness to build a better business and be a better person.

Some of what we talk about in this episode includes: 

• Foundations for diversity in business and marketing
• Real vs superficial representation
• The importance of embracing discomfort 
• Listening to hear vs respond
• Safe space vs brave space
• The step that matters most when showing up (it’s not the first one…)

Thank you for listening!

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LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
The Hill Roundtables
What Is Perception - UCF Online Book
Energy Leadership Index Assessment

CONNECT WITH ALEIA WALKER:
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On The Hill Newsletter
The Hill Creatives Directory

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Helpful vs harmful mindset work is a critical distinction to make for anyone interested in real change. Too many of the problems our society faces are framed as individual issues and placed on individuals to solve. First, this fails to address the real issues and instead perpetuates them. Second, it has developed a billion-dollar industry that feeds on itself. Mindset work IS powerful and CAN make a huge difference in your life.  The key is to know the difference between individual thought patterns and systemic dynamics. When you stop accepting the blame for systemic issues you can more effectively create change in your life and in the systems you’re a part of.

In this episode of Unlimited, I explore how to spot harmful mindset stories and instead engage helpful mindset work.

Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:

• The difference between what is and isn’t mindset
• Over-individualism and pathologizing stress
• The false binary of empowered or victimized
• Releasing the blame game
• The power of perception and accessing choice

LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
You Were Born for This by Chani Nicholas
Stolen Focus by Johann Hari
Toxic Positivity Episode
You’re More Than Your Personality Test Episode
The Faux Revolution of Mindfulness article
Why Your Workplace Might Be Killing You article

Other recommended episodes:
No, You’re Not Crazy Episode
Understanding Your Stress Language Episode

If you found this episode helpful, please share it!
You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval

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Shift from drained to motivated by understanding five commonly internalized values that often work against women. Our values are beliefs that motivate us and drive our decisions. Not all the values we hold are intentionally chosen values. Actually, many of them are internalized beliefs from important adults when we were young, as well as beliefs emphasized by the society that we live in. Even if we consciously think about them one way, they may be motivating us in a way we don’t realize. If that subconscious motivation triggers your stress response, then it’s also draining you in the process of motivating you. Through my work with high-achieving women, I’ve found this dynamic to be a recurring theme with the values of responsibility, reliability, respect, achievement, and discipline. 

In this episode of Unlimited, I explore how understanding the dynamics of these five values along with the desired freedom, flexibility, and fulfillment can help shift you from drained to motivated. 

Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:

• Internalized values vs intentional values
• Using values to improve the quality of your motivation
• How to engage your relationship with your values
• Supporting yourself through the fear of letting people down
• Finding freedom, flexibility, and fulfillment
• The values of Valerie Friedlander Coaching

LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Fearing The Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fat Phobia
Stop Being Nice and Start Being Resilient
More Self-Control Is Not Always The Answer
Free Exploration Session

If you found this episode helpful, please share it!
You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval

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How to stop reacting and start responding starts with understanding that internal reactivity is normal. It happens when your brain perceives a threat. That internal reaction doesn’t differentiate between a real or imagined threat or between an emotional or physical threat. Some of our most common reactivity comes from a perceived threat to our values. When this happens it’s important to first acknowledge that there’s nothing wrong with you that you’ve had a reaction. The stories we’ve internalized about reactivity being bad or wrong can actually make us more reactive. Second, take some time to understand the values at play in your reaction. Understanding your core values, engaging them, and cultivating your consciously chosen values allows you to become more mindfully responsive and slowly shift those internal reactions.

In today’s episode of Unlimited, I explore how values awareness can help you shift your reactions and respond better.

Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:

• Meeting yourself where you’re at
• Why we worry
• “Mom guilt”
• Finding choices
• Improving relationships – especially with yourself

If you found this episode helpful, please share it!
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Clarifying what you want can be overwhelming, especially when you’re stressed out where you are now.  Gaining clarity is something a lot of clients initially come to me for help with. It’s one thing to recognize that you don’t like the way things are. That’s a helpful first step. Next, you want to find what you DO want, which is much harder because there are so many obstacles to clarity. Many of these obstacles are internalized stories that block your ability to hear yourselves and your intuition. They include the idea that you should know what you want, the brain’s wiring to find familiar patterns, and our society’s fixation on outcomes. Knowing what you want doesn’t start with the future. It starts with the present.

In this episode of Unlimited, I dig into using a visioning process to gain clarity on what you want.

Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:

• What stops you from knowing what you want
• What is visioning and its purpose
• Fear of failure and fear of success
• Present visioning and how it helps with goal achievement
• Practical tools to tap into your best self

If you found this episode helpful, please share it!
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Learn more about the Flow Mastery Group!

LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Flow Mastery Group Coaching
How to Manifest What You Want
What’s Killing My Motivation
Leading With Growth Mindset
Empowering Evolution In Your Work
You vs Future You -Hidden Brain episode

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How to manifest what you want in life is a fairly mainstream topic these days, yet it's also typically misunderstood. It's misunderstood because it's a concept popularized by books like The Secret and The Law of Attraction. This concept of manifestation is based in problematic pseudoscience. It relates to believing something into existence and it is closely related to the toxic use of positivity. True manifestation does have roots in psychology and does have practical applications. The real secret is that you are constantly manifesting. The problem is, it's often not what you want. When you understand how manifestation actually works, then you can create a better impact in your life and in the world around you. 

In this episode of Unlimited, I dig into how to consciously engage your ability to manifest what you want in life.

Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:

• What is manifestation
• The popular lies of manifestation
• How manifestation really works
• Taking the power from fear and fueling courage
• Where we go wrong with manifestation 

If you found this episode helpful, please share it! 

You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval

Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you. You can email me at [email protected] or DM me on Instagram


LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Flow Mastery Group Coaching
Toxic Positivity
Manifestation: Definition, Meaning, and How to Do It

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I’m done with the "new year, new you" thing. It’s really common messaging at both the end and beginning of the year. We hear it ALL the time from people trying to sell you things. You could even say we’re bombarded with it. At least, that’s how I feel about it because it really pushes my buttons. I know that no one can push a button I don’t have but I also know I’m not alone in being bothered by it. The reason it bothers me so much is because underneath this message is the idea that you need to be different as in, not you.  It’s a message built to play on fear and lack mindset. Often, that is not the intention of the people using it (I know because I’ve been one of them.) They use it because it’s what everyone is doing… but that doesn’t make it okay and it’s time it stopped.

In this episode of Unlimited, I engage the toxic story behind “New Year/New You” and leaning into a new year as you.

Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:

• The Problem with the New Year/New You story
• Reclaiming yourself – Where did that little girl go?
• Beyond personality labels
• Building Self Trust – Making commitments to yourself
• Supporting your self
• What to expect in this season of Unlimited

If you found this episode helpful, please share it!
You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval

Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.
You can email me at [email protected] or DM me on Instagram

LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Flow Mastery Group Coaching
Create Your Flow Course
You Were Born For This by Chani Nicholas

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Seven ways to reduce holiday stress and really stress in your life in general is the theme for this bonus episode! Despite the joyful intention of the season, many life stressors expand this time of year. Stressors such as time, money, and family dynamics. Throw in a dose of inclement weather and you can suddenly find you’ve flipped from the warm and cozy person you want to be, to a cold and prickly “just get through it” kind of you.

In this episode of Unlimited, I share seven ways to reduce holiday stress for yourself.

Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:

• How our stress triggers intersect
• Navigating expectations and perfectionism
• Clarifying and supporting your values this time of year
• Intentional engagement of time and money
• Building emotional resiliency and releasing stress
• Creating a self-support plan for gatherings

 Stay tuned for when Unlimited comes back with Season 2 in January!

If you found this episode helpful, please share it! 

You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval
 
 Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you. You can email me at [email protected] or DM me on Instagram


LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Episode 4: Setting Holiday Boundaries
Episode 3: Understanding Your Stress Language
Book a coaching session
List of things to say to support healthy relationships

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