Mindset Unlimited: Tips, Tools, and Inspiration for Women in a Time of Change

Dealing with impostor syndrome is a topic commonly and historically focused on working women. Most women have experienced the feelings of self-doubt and fear of not being good enough despite their accomplishments. Of course, working women aren’t the only ones who experience self-doubt. So, why are we the focus for this topic? We are social beings and our understanding of ourselves is generated in large part from our interactions with others. The experience of what is called impostor syndrome indicates a disconnect between how you see yourself and how you believe others see you. What if how others see you is based on bias, rather than having anything to do with you? The experience of impostor syndrome is certainly personal. However, it is not always or only an individual mindset issue.

In this episode of Unlimited, I explore the individual and social dynamics of impostor syndrome and what you can do about it.

Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:

• What is impostor syndrome
• 5 types of impostor syndrome
•  Systemic bias in the workplace
• Unlearning internalized impostorism
• Practices to support being you

LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Stop Telling Women They Have Impostor Syndrome (A Harvard Business Review article)
What is Impostor Syndrome (Merriam Webster article)
Impostor Syndrome – (Healthline article)
Impostor Syndrome and Social Anxiety Disorder (A Well Mind article)
Shift from Drained to Motivated (Unlimited Podcast episode)
Out of Doubt & Into Action Workbook
Share a comment or ask a question (Ask Val form)

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Silencing your inner critic can help you start to get out of your own way but there’s a more effective way. Using the silencing technique is only a temporary solution for two key reasons: First, it fails to address why the inner critic showed up. Second, it means you’re spending energy fighting yourself instead of harnessing that energy to help you. Most of my clients “know better” when their inner critic shows up, but it still freezes them. That’s normal because it’s not about what you know. It’s about self-protection. Your inner critic has a lot of power, and it shows up for a reason.

In this episode of Unlimited, I explore engaging and redirecting the inner critic’s power, rather than trying to silence your inner critic.

Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:

• Shame and motivation
• The internalization of hurt
• Identity storytelling and affirmation
• Repurposing the inner critic energy
• 5 Steps to shift the self-story

LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
To Emotional Awareness and Beyond episode
Deep Self-Care to Shift Habits [coaching] episode
Feeling Confident Being Visible [coaching] episode
In and Of Itself movie
Psych Central article: Working with Your Inner Critic
Quieting Your Inner Critic Workshop
Valerie's Resource Page

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You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval

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Become empowered by your emotions, rather than stuck in them, by understanding their purpose or lack thereof. It's important to remember that though "feelings aren’t facts," they still matter. They are an intrinsic part of our whole humanness. Supporting emotional wellbeing starts with embracing the value of emotional information. Despite some of that information being outdated or maladaptive, it can still provide direction for what support, boundaries, changes, etc. you need to create a more enjoyable life. This knowledge can empower healthier decisions for individuals and organizations. (And relationships but that's for a different episode.)

In this episode of Unlimited, I invited Dr. Mavis Mazhura to join me in a conversation about how to become empowered by your emotions.

Some of what we talk about in this episode includes: 

• How emotions feed holistic wellbeing
• The role of emotions in corporate change
• When emotions get you stuck vs help you move
• Separating emotions and identity
• Spiritual bypassing blocks to emotional processing
• A 5-step process to manage an emotion

Thank you for listening!

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LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Dr. Wayne Dyer – The Shift (Taking Your Life From Ambition to Meaning)
Resmaa Menakem

CONNECT WITH MAVIS MAZHURA:
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Navigating the Rapids and the Waves of Life: 10 Lessons for Managing Emotions for Success

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Workshops & Resources

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To emotional awareness and, beyond that, to USING that awareness is this week’s topic. As we explored last week, you must first find the emotions and allow space for them. Following that, you can learn how to use them in a helpful rather than harmful way. This is also called being responsive rather than reactive in our behavior. Reactivity isn't just lashing out. Another facet of reactivity is shutting down or avoiding. Both are rooted in survival mode, which is a natural mode when you haven't had room to develop an understanding and relationship to your emotions. This space is also critical in your relationships. First, it keeps you from placing your emotions on other people. Second, it allows space for other people to have emotions because it keeps you from taking responsibility for emotions that aren’t yours.

In this episode of Unlimited, I explore tools that support emotional awareness and beyond that to proactively using that awareness.

Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:

• What emotional awareness isn't about
• Meaning making from emotions
• The emotional life cycle
• What is your part and owning it
• The emotional inventory tool

LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Deep Self-Care to Shift Habits
More Self-Control Is Not Always the Answer
Planting Seeds to Take Confident Action
Making Decisions I Can Trust
Out of a Funk play list
Ask Val (anonymous form)

If you found this episode helpful, please share it!
You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval

Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.
You can email me at [email protected] or DM me on Instagram

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Fantastic emotions and where to find them guides you to where you begin to access your power within your emotions. You often hear emotions spoken of as powerful. However, it's really YOU who are powerful. The problem is we aren’t taught to understand the dynamics of our emotions. Instead, we are conditioned to avoid unpleasant emotions and simultaneously hope that the enjoyable ones will eventually be earned. This leaves us feeling at the mercy of our emotions instead of empowered by them. 

In this episode of Unlimited, I engage gaining clarity and finding the empowerment inside your emotions.

Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:

• Emotional intelligence vs emotional awareness vs emotional literacy
• Expanding emotional awareness
• Developing your emotional language
• Understanding emotional expression
• Noticing trigger patterns
• Separating experience from identity

LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Understanding Your Stress Language
How to Stop Reacting and Start Responding
Shift from Drained to Motivated
Deep Self-Care to Shift Habits
Ask Val (anonymous form)
Apply to be coached on the podcast

If you found this episode helpful, please share it!
You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval

Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.
You can email me at [email protected] or DM me on Instagram

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Deep self-care is necessary to shift habits in an effective and healthy way. The “stop it” or “just do it” model often isn’t sustainable and can even be harmful. Habits make up a lot of the way we show up in life. Thus, they can become confused with personality and limit what we believe possible. Our societal norms are made up of collective habits. Similarly, most collective habits are so internalized that we stop seeing them as aspects we have power over.  One of the overarching collective habits is using control. That is why using care in our own life to create shifts is powerful, effective, AND radical.

In this episode of Unlimited, I explore an example of using deep self-care shift a habit and change harmful patterns

Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:

• Habit process recap
• The overthinking habit
• The box of personality
• Distraction vs healing
• Stress response and blaming

LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
Foundations in Somatic Abolitionism training
Schedule a free consult
Schedule a one time coaching session
Ask Val (anonymous form)
Apply to be coached on the podcast

If you found this episode helpful, please share it!
You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval

Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.
You can email me at [email protected] or DM me on Instagram

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Do you want to build a habit? Or does the idea stress you out? Habits are often a focal point in conversations around personal development, business development, career development, etc. When we talk about habits the conversation is usually about changing them and the emphasis is on control. These conversations are often full of sense of judgment around what are deemed "good" and "bad" habits and a pressure "be better." For many people the idea of habits feels stressful. It brings up thoughts of behaviors they don’t like but that feel outside of their control or trigger sense that they are deficient in some way.  If you "know better" but "do better" ends up looking more like "beat yourself up" instead, then you're in the right place. 

In this episode of Unlimited, I explore what it looks like to build a habit with a focus on self-care, instead of self-control.

Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:

• What is a habit
• The pattern of a habit
• How to shift a habit
• How to develop a new habit
• How to support a new habit
• Why old habits come back

LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
How to Break a Habit (Healthline article)
The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
Understanding How Brains Control Our Habits
Ask Val (anonymous form)
Apply to be coached on the podcast

If you found this episode helpful, please share it!
You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval

Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.
You can email me at [email protected] or DM me on Instagram

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Give yourself a break, you are not a machine. Hustle culture tells us that we should have everything planned, systematized, and organized. It says that, if you do this well enough, then you will be successful, happy, and stress-free. But failure is part of growth. Unhappiness, discomfort, anger, overwhelm, etc. are normal emotions when it's time to do something different. In this time of change that is naturally, understandably, necessarily stressful, this episode is a little love note from me to you. We are not meant to have everything under control at all times - even ourselves. Your intuition can help create plans and systems but it is not your plan or system. You deserve to take up space when you need space and for people to hold that space for you. Doing so will help you hold that space for others when they need it too. 

In this episode I invite you to release the push to plan and give yourself some space.

Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:

• What to do when life happens
• The habit of being busy
• Cultivating an ability to be present
• Trusting your intuition
• The need for community

If you found this episode helpful, please share it!
You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval

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Finding time to proactively plan is hard in a world where our attention is constantly in demand. It is especially difficult to find time to plan when your plan involves doing something new. First, you must navigate a society designed to keep you busy – physically busy, mentally busy, emotionally busy. Second, you must face your own internal resistance from fear based in limiting beliefs, conflicting values, shifting relationships, etc. The key to finding time is the self-awareness to make intentional decisions. That means knowing what you really want and saying no so that you can say yes.

In this episode of Unlimited, I explore what it takes to make time to plan proactively, instead of reactively, in this hustle culture.

Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:

• Why you struggle to plan ahead 
• Identifying your priorities
• The belief you have to earn it
• Fitting in exercise and housework
• Where and how to say no
• Accountability and creating habits

LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
How to Create A Plan You’ll Follow Through On
Shift From Drained to Motivated
How to Stop Reacting and Start Responding
What’s Killing My Motivation?

If you found this episode helpful, please share it!
You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval

Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.
You can email me at [email protected] or DM me on Instagram

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How to create a plan you’ll follow through on starts with setting a clear foundation for that plan. Many clients come to me when they aren’t following through on achieving something they want. Even when they have a plan, they still aren’t doing what they think they need to do to achieve it. Once we dig in the reason is usually based in a lack of clarity around what they really want. Or more specifically, the motivation underneath what they think they want. Without that clarity, most people end up creating a plan that is misaligned. Misalignment will naturally create additional resistance to taking action, which adds to the stress inherent in change.

In this episode of Unlimited, I explore what it looks like to create an aligned plan that supports follow through to achieve your goals.
 
 Some of what I talk about in this episode includes:

• Being vs Doing
• The question to stop asking
• Structure of a plan
• The importance of buffer time 
• Staying accountable without shame 
• Planning for distractions 

LINKS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
What’s Killing My Motivation episode
Valerie’s Resources Page

If you found this episode helpful, please share it!
You can tag me on social: @unlimitedcoachval

Want to share your thoughts or have questions? Send me a message! I love to hear from you.
You can email me at [email protected] or DM me on Instagram

CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
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