Mistress Wellbeing

What happens in the psychotherapy room?

If I told you it's a three step process of reconnecting to yourself, building awareness and making better choices, does that seem too simple?

Therapy is a wonderful supportive tool to get unstuck in life and to live well.

It opens doors that we didn't even know we had firmly locked shut, it builds expansiveness and it builds safety.

It can be one of the biggest gifts you can give yourself, to dive more deeply into how you do life and start to make choices about what you want to keep, and what you no longer need.

With support.

Here's my take on the process.

 

We are experiencing an epidemic of stress and anxiety.

Amongst professional women rates are as high as one in two.

Today I'm exploring the high cost of anxiety, how it impacts our lives in so many ways, robbing us of enjoyment, presence and confidence.

I also share my quick tips for the self management of anxiety and the meditation I mentioned is in my meditation library at https://leiladavis.com.au/freebies/

 

 

Vicarious trauma (VT) is a very real issue amongst professionals dealing with highly charged, emotional cases.

Lawyers are not exempt from this and today I'm excited to bring you an interview with David Heilpern, a former magistrate who has been vocal about his own journey with vicarious trauma.

This is a three way conversation between David, Amanda Mead and myself.

We explore the signs of VT and how to minimise and work with it.

Today I'm chatting with Tayla, who is early in her law career, about all the things that keep her sane and functioning well, while working in family law.

We explore setting good habits early, being deliberate and resourceful about what supports your physical and mental health.

There is also an interesting discussion around choice, choosing your work environment and colleagues so they support you toward a fulfilling career.

My hope is that these interviews will allow you to reflect on your own choices and whether they are serving you.

Women face a unique set of challenges in the practice of Law.

Running a family and a law firm can be daunting, and if you're not careful, it can be an easy path to burnout.

I'm delighted to be interviewing the courageous and authentic Amanda Mead today, who has done all of the things, had her own practice, had a family and become an entrepreneur.

We discuss Covid, working from home, the pros and cons of setting up your own firm and how she has found a wellbeing journey to transform life from meh to joy.

She shares her experiences with characteristic openness and generosity.

 

 

 

Do you spend too much time at work? Do you spend too much time thinking about work, worrying about work and stressing about work?   Work can easily fill the time available, and that's a one way ticket to burnout.   I've seen it over and over in my clients and supported them to build awareness and make much better choices.   I have my own story of being lost in the haze of work and losing track of what is precious and juicy about life.   Here are my tips

1. Stop and take time to honestly reflect on the quality of your life right now
2. Do the wheel of life exercise and notice the areas where you score poorly
3. Decide on two small and doable changes you can make today and start making them.

  Let me know how you get on, what small direction will you change today to end up in a different port in ten years time?    

Do you have good boundaries?   What difference would it make in your life if you did?   Boundaries with yourself and with other people, with work, family and friends.   Boundaries keep you safe when they’re clear.   And when they’re not, you can feel overpowered, angry and small.   Here’s the thing, Boundaries are a choice, but most of the time they’re just a habit.   We are all choosing every minute of every day, only it often doesn’t feel like we are.   The choice not to make a boundary usually stems from wanting others to like us, feeling afraid of going against another person, scared of disappointing them or not being liked.   It’s also usually a familiar way of behaving. Not comfortable, but familiar.   So, how to make good boundaries?   First recognise that you have choice Next, tune in and acknowledge where the boundary needs to be ( hint, if you’re feeling angry, small or resentful the boundary isn’t in the right place). Now practice taking one small step towards creating your boundary. Give yourself permission to be interested and curious rather than judging, and start with small things.   Starting with boundaries within yourself is the easiest place, what are your boundaries with digital technology, alcohol, exercise, food and sleep?   The more difficult ones can be with family, work and friends.   But remember this mantra, “I choose. Every day I choose. What will I choose today?”   How will you choose powerfully and wisely today?

Arriving at the top of your profession is a great achievement.   Well done! I know how much hard work and sacrifice went into it.   Your passion and desire to help others moves me.   But what about you?   You also deserve  to live well, and that doesn’t mean just driving a flash car and having the trappings of success   It means prioritising your needs, developing self care, feeling supported and much less stressed, overwhelmed and irritable.   Pouring every minute of your time and energy into your job is a recipe for burnout and ill health.   It can be hard to get perspective when you’re at the top. There is pressure  to behave like your peers. And it’s hard to seek help when it’s not working for you.   There is a way to be a dedicated and excellent lawyer AND have time and space for you and your loved ones.   The change needs to happens in you. Developing good boundaries Knowing when enough is enough. Prioritising the people and things you love. Making better choices which put you first.   It’s not selfish, It’s a win win outcome, because when you’re happy and well, everybody benefits. You’re a better friend, mother and lawyer.   You won’t turn into an unmotivated slacker. You will work hard because you want and choose to, be more present and engaged with people (including your family) and start to look after yourself.

Are you living in the trance of unworthiness?   It’s like a negative brainwashing that we do to ourselves.   The inné r critic having a field day.   Tara Brach coined the term and calling it a trance is useful because it gives the flavour of it.   We actually hypnotise ourselves into believing our own negative self stories.   Too fat, too short, too unloveable, not enough, nothing to offer.   I know my own trance well!   Working with the trance requires first that we recognise it.   Turn up the volume.   Next allow it, “Ah, here I am doing what I do, that old story!”   You can investigate why the trance has been triggered, somebody said something, did something, I looked in the mirror etc.   And the final piece is to nurture yourself.   Ask yourself what you need, how can you find support for this difficult place?   The acronym is RAIN, the rain of self compassion.   Let me know how you get on!

Vicarious trauma is real.   Those of us who engage with others who are in crisis, traumatised, abused or vulnerable will experience it.   Here's the thing, the more empathetic you are, the more likely it is to occur.   How does it show up?   I still have vivid, visceral recollections of my own more heartbreaking experiences as an intern and junior hospital doctor. That was thirty years ago.   I can recall faces, diagnoses, deaths.   The feelings and memories are no longer invasive, but they are also not gone.   Other symptoms are anxiety, irritability, insomnia, nightmares. Feeling overly responsible and being unable to shut off from work. It can be a short step to disconnection, isolation and withdrawal.   Vicarious trauma is linked to burnout, and here are some ways to manage it before it does,   🌻 Reach out and talk with friends, family or better still, a professional trained to handle these issues. 🌻 Make good boundaries around your own self care - exercise, rest, sleep. 🌻 Do fun things, that you love, just for the fun of it and to feed your soul.   Avoid self medicating and see withdrawal as a signpost for action.   Enjoy today's podcast!