So, when I was a kid, first grade with Miss Spencer at Solana Vista, we had an assignment to figure out what we wanted to be when we grew up. A super easy process for any first grader and I mean that sincerely because at that point we were still innocent and non jaded to the realities of our world. Many kids said usually what their parents did for a living. Doctor, lawyer, prostitute, crack dealer and so on. Believe it or not the aspiring crack dealer, Charlie, was an Asian kid that liked rap music and had zero idea what he was referring to. One of our classmates, a friend at the time, who loves dogs just about as much as I do, said without blinking and so matter of factly, I want to be a Siberian Husky. The only part he accomplished was being a bit husky and going to UDub, right Spike...oh didn't.you fuck Kristi and Tessa just last year while married to....oh what is your current wife and mother of your kid's name? I cannot remember nor do I care as you fucked me over you complete piece of shit. You morphed into a lard ass fuck. And BTW, your a disgrace to your family. Your brothers are real athletes and solid men...you not so much. Any way have fun with that..... So back to career day my other buddy said with absolute confidence and self assuredness "I want to be a SEAL..".like a Navy SEAL but our teacher had not thus far heard of the elite Teams as her comment was something to the extent of "Well, Ja..., You're a human remember so you can't turn into a seal when you get older. Nor do they make any money...even if they work at Sea World. So what else would you like to be when you grow up? Somewhat disgruntled and confused Ja....said very quickly, in a first grader prepubescent voice "I wanna be a SEAL.i said I want to be. SEAL..." It was clear that Miss Spencer was somewhat frustrated because her ability to tolerate bullshit was at an all time low. Compared to what we normally did in class or on the playground each day simply saying he that one wanted to be a SEAL should have not even registered on the Bullshit Meter. Muttering under her breathe as she sipped from a coffee mug, "God damnit, why today? Than at a normal tone " I said before Jam....you can't be a seal as kids don't grow up to be any other species other than humans. I appreciate your enthusiasm for aquatic animals but you have to choose a more reasonable occupational goal." Ok...so in first grade we didn't fucking swear as much as we Fucking do now but I think that was the first time I ever heardy my buddy use the F word and by F word i mean he said to me, as we sat on the floor of the classroom in a circle with all twenty two kids around us, "Dude, is this bitch fucking retarded? Why doesn't she know what the fuck a SEAL is. What the Fuck, man?" Needless to say Jamie was sent to time out and had to pick up trash at recess but got out of it by tricking some dude named Pedro into doing for him. I have yet to figure that one out but it was still a memorable day. Coincidentally,.that was the same day that Miss. Spencer was late coming back to lunch and always kept a bottle of special juice on her desk. She was so much for fun from that day on....not sure what happened? She was often late and kept mumbling something about the bus and not having a license. I thought she also drove a school bus for some of the kids Anyway, my buddy actually did grow up but be became a Siberian Tiger and not a Seal as he hoped but he did become the first ever tiger to join the elite special forces team known as the US Navy SEALs otherwise known as the Teams....it's quite a remarkable story. I hope he is well and Miss Spencer. I am truly proud of Jamie and the several other guys we grew up with and surfed with that became SEALs. That was my dream at one time and I am glad that you all had the talent, motivation and fucking unwavering desire to fight for our country and stand up for what is right. I would have loved to have had that opportunity as well. You all are truly a rare breed.

If you are anything like the Jizz Stain Stain, Satan's Retard or the unlovable Kum Kovered Klown that most likely has a crack pipe and Valtrex in her pocket rather than balloons or fun magic tricks. The only magic trick I have seen her do is fuck ten guys at once with no condoms and she doesn't transmit any STDs to them or her, for that matter.....TahDah! The Dirty Bird is also an idiot so I am sure those words confound and perplex her causing anguish and self doubt. But that's ok.....the good thing is if those words are unfamiliar to you ....first, you are lucky to not be any of those previously mentioned retards and, secondly, you can just read a book or two and your leaps and bounds smarter than the aforementioned prolapsed rectums. Also, don't be too hard on yourself as I didmt know the meaning of those words till seventh grade so you got a few years. Take it easy or with Krusti or the Jizz Stain....take her G-sleazy. For Satan's Retard, just take her out back and shoot her im the fucking head. Funny fact about the Dirty Bird, her vagina drips with primal needs when she thinks about fucking me and discussing, as foreplay, killing Krusti, Satan's reject and the Jizz Stain. She is one fucked up Turkey Bird. I am kinda into it though...and now I am hard.....I mean difficult to understand as my metaphors are rigid and stiff, never unnoticed. Does that make nonsense? I hope it does not or does it? I believe, wholeheartedly, indeed it does, not? Yeah fuck you LSAT..dicipher that shit.

This episode has nothing to do with dead birds or blind kids but I like that line from one of my favorite movies. However, the episode does feature two prominent retards discussing things they didn't want me to hear. Why do they discuss things within earshot or, in the Jizz Stain's case, within cumshot and not expect me to use my brain, record it and use it to my advantage? Ok, that's right because they are fucking retarded. How many retards can Jimbo rope into this metaphorical journey of his own aboard a White Star Liner The Titanic Fucking Disaster of a Plan with none other than Jimbo, The Jizz Stain, Satan's Reject and Krusti Kristi the Kum Kovered Klown as his wrecking crew as they slolam through the cold Atlantic hitting every iceberg possible like a drunk at the helm of the Exxon Valdez. It's a Deep Water Horizon sized fucked up and it will be costly to clean. Up this mess and many species in the area will be endangered with their natural corrupt habitat being completely destroyed and replaced by an ecosystem that is sustainable but vastly different in structure than the preceding one.

Some interesting revelations here that surprised me. The Jizz Stain being a prostitute not too surprising as she is truly awful. Apparently she liked to fuck me but in return I felt like I was always in the deli meat section of the local market. Some guys like the pack of sliced roast beef or corned beef that also doubles as vaginal overcoat to keep her knees warm. That was one sandwich that I ate over and over but never once did it fill me up nor was I in the mood to eat anything after that. Not even her ass and I could always eat some ass for dessert. Too much fucked up info... I think so but that's how I roll.

I had learned months ago that my place in the family was the result of my parents adopting me. What my mom always said every year on my birthday was the heartwarming, although bullshit, story of how I was born with Listeria and I survived blah blah blah...not important nor relevant not true. What is true is that real mom was a drug addict piece of shit homeless hooker, I think is how she is describes her, and I was born a barely alive drug addict baby that needed a loving home.... As my real parents didn't want me nor could they provide the care a newborn needed. That's what I learned today. It's kind of a superhero story.... Is that why methamphetamines has made me stronger and smarter?! Who the fuck knows why? I am not a doctor nor is my piece of trash prostitute ex wife, Krusti Kristi the Kum Kovered Klown who did, at one time, work as a Neonatologist. Now she can't even volunteer at her most recent failed career, sucking cock and taking it in the ass, for pesos or expired pizza coupons. Or as she called it, Escorting.

Jimbo and The Ruptured Assholes or whatever I said in the last episode description have raised the stakes to hiring some celebrity to pick me up and deliver me to some undisclosed location where I would meet my untimely demise. That's what is hard to hear with the cacophony of street sounds overshadowing some very important info regarding my life and not so well being. It's there, please listen carefully as all the terrible shit that rockstar Attorney at Law Mrs. Allred needs to hopefully hear how genuinely these people are just prolapsed rotten soggy assholes that can't keep their shit together as they let it leak out all over this once fair city that now require Federal Superfund money to clean up. Keep on fucking shit up for yourselves you fucking retards. It makes my job, of staying alive, just a bit easier and more entertaining. And a Bumble Bee Tuna to you too, you piece of shit. (The Bumblebee Tuna comment is, in my opinion, hilarious, but kind of an inside joke. I guess its more of an outside joke seeing as how I am homeless and live in the streets as a result of these shit stained cum rags that call themselves human beings.

The shit bag ragtag gang of ruptured assholes that is Jimbo and the wrecking crew have just possibly destroyed another "friends" life and relationship because, and here is the not surprising, kicker...they lied to an innocent person about lil ol me... Jimbo and the broken assholes, maybe that will be the name of their prison altrock band led by the no talent POS or Satan's Reject Tessa the Terrible who will have another position in prison as the executioner for death row inmates. She won't be administering the lethal injection but rather singing Cold Play songs until the poor inmates self implodes or spontaneously combust after several agonizing hours. Life in prison will be jammed packed much like the fellas assholes and mouths with male rooster, I mean, richard, or let's just say other inmates penises. Also, for those whom have yet to figure it out not only do I like recording there idiots to prove my innocence and earn my freedom but I truly love writing these episode descriptions. Any chance Hollywood could use another talentless writer to make surprisingly successful television shows... Maybe Fox is hiring? By that I mean Meagan Fox, because not only is she foxy, but I would literally do whatever she required of her personal slave, I mean servant...or personal assistant.

Just another clip highlighting how truly fucking terrible these slunts really are. It's amazing that such shitty human beings are slithering among us. Just dispicable. I can't wait until these fuckers are put to death..... Ultimately we are all dead men. Some of us may chose how we meet that end. For these demons, I pray that I am the one who ends their lives.

I just like the simple and unambiguous title that reflects my feelings towards those that chose to fuck my life up. Eat shit and kill yourself. Get fucked and lastly, Go Fuck yourself.

I have no idea how many people actually follow this podcast. Since Berkely. The Dirty Fucking Bird, whom hacked basically all of San Diego, has some control over what data is filtered on my phone I can't see the true viewership of my podcast nor does anyone ever say a word to me about it. Not one person has ever said anything to me about it. I know you all don't know what to say to me so I will make things easy. All you have to say is "just keep going" or "nice job" or "funny jokes Even if it isn't funny. Please say something to me. Anything is better be than nothing. Anything will make my day infinitely better with just a simple acknowledgement.