My Rejection Story

What if the spirit of self-sabotage isn't weakness at all, but a quiet strategy to make sure a loss never truly feels yours?

Alice is joined by Steve Magness — performance scientist, coach to Olympians and military teams, and the high-school phenom who ran a 4:01 mile, chased Roger Bannister's ghost, and never broke four. In his book, Win the Inside Game, he speaks about choking under pressure in sports and why talented people freeze the moment an audience shows up. But what makes Steve fascinating isn't the elite résumé — it's the self-sabotaging psychology underneath: we don't fear failure so much as being seen as failing, and so we self-sabotage to soften the blow before it lands.

Steve's reframe: choking is rarely a skills problem, it's an ego defence — which is self-sabotaging explained in a single move. The student who "didn't really study," the runner who "wasn't really training" — both are pre-building excuses, so a loss never feels fully theirs. That's why self-sabotaging behaviours show up exactly when stakes rise. His antidote is to treat the brain like a muscle: step into the arena on purpose, start small, and rig a friendly audience so your alarm system turns down a notch instead of screaming 'run'. The deeper argument is about who's standing around you, and how that quiets the spirit of self-sabotage.

Drawing on toddler-persistence research, the boot-and-nail case, and studies of coaches on the sideline, Steve shows how a calm, believing audience rewires what your brain reads as danger — part of why choking happens at all. He ties this to "the problem of modernity" — we've swapped deep local communities for shallow global connection, candy instead of fruits and vegetables, and lost the support that used to help us get back on the horse. Whether you've been hiding behind a half-effort or you're trying to build something in public, this is a sharp, science-backed reframe of what rejection is for.

In this episode they explore:  • Choking as self-protection — why "I didn't even study" is an excuse built before the test

• The gym model for courage: start small, never max out the bar on day one

• The boot-and-nail case and a predictive brain that manufactures pain that isn't there

• Interoception and anxiety — why some people read every twinge as a five-alarm threat

• The "problem of modernity": intimate strangers and the community we traded away

• The "healer in chief" — why the alpha chimp consoles rather than dominates

• The Pygmalion study: fake potential scores that became real test gains

• Leading people back from a loss without breaking them

• Adam Smith warning his own invention about hyper-individualism

• Treating life as a quest — why Steve won't write "Do Hard Things 2"Connect with Steve:

Instagram: @stevemagness

X: @stevemagness

Substack: SteveMagness

Newsletter: https://thegrowthequationnewsletter.substack.com/ 

Books: https://www.stevemagness.com/books/

Chapters:

02:05 Choking as self-rejection

05:31 Treat your brain like a muscle

07:30 Rig a small, friendly audience

09:32 The quest mindset

11:43 The predictive brain and the boot-and-nail illusion

16:55 Interoception, anxiety, and sitting with the signal

23:19 The problem of modernity

28:0 The healer-in-chief

33:31 "I believe in you" and the Pygmalion study

37:13 Leading after a loss

41:42 Adam Smith's warning

46:03 The 4:01 mile that taught Steve outcomes never satisfy

51:45 Crippled by success, and why he won't write the sequel

56:45 Where to find Steve

What if the first person to reject your book isn't a publisher — it's you?

Alice is joined by Stacy Ennis — number-one bestselling author, founder of the Nonfiction Book School, and a writer who launched her career by deliberately collecting 29 rejections in 30 days. She talks about the second-grade rejection that branded her the "bad kid" in a tiny Christian school, the parent who bullied her in empty hallways, and the chip on her shoulder she's used ever since. But what makes Stacy fascinating isn't the survival story. It's the philosophy underneath: the rejection blocking most people's books was never going to come from the outside.

Stacy's reframe: most people's first rejector is themselves, and most authors never get past their own self-rejection to write a word. External rejection — the 99% of proposals turned down, the pitches that go nowhere — is just part of the game. The quieter, more lethal one is the voice asking "am I even worthy of writing this?" She invokes Esther Perel's idea that resilient people always had one person in their corner. Whether you've got a finished manuscript in a drawer or you're still telling yourself you'll start someday, this is a clear-eyed reframe of what writing a book — and getting rejected for it — is actually for.

In this episode they explore:

• The second-grade rejection that followed her every year — and being called a liar when she asked for help

• Esther Perel's one-person-in-your-corner theory. 

• Why your first rejector is yourself — and how self-rejection kills more books than any publisher

• The numbers: 55% want to write a book, roughly 4% finish

• Public accountability vs. public shaming — a launch date on the calendar 18 months out

• Guilt-free breaks, and why "creating through chaos doesn't work" in nonfiction

• Rethinking ROI — measuring a book by the stage it unlocks, not the copies it sells

• Why she won't let authors use AI in early ideation — "it shuts you down so quickly from yourself"

Connect with Stacy:

• Instagram @stacyennis https://www.instagram.com/stacyennis/

• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stacylynn/

• YouTube: https://youtube.com/@stacyennisauthor

• Website: https://stacyennis.com/

• Join the newsletter: https://stacyennis.com/join

• Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/beyond-better-with-stacy-ennis/id1451233196 

Chapters: 

01:05 Two earliest rejections 

04:00 Why rejection builds some, breaks others

06:05 Holding your sense of self

11:40 The one-person-in-your-corner theory 

14:43 30 query letters, 30 days, one yes

19:07 Where fear stops people 

24:27 Why your first rejector is yourself 

27:25 The messy middle 

30:00 Guilt-free breaks, and why "creating through chaos doesn't work" in nonfiction 

33:20 Rethinking ROI by measuring a book by the stage it unlocks, not the copies it sells 

37:20 Challenges in the writing process 

40:30 Why AI shuts you down 

43:00 Standing beside your best book 

47:40 Where to find Stacy

What if the rejection that shapes you most isn't the one the world hands you — it's the one you learn to hand yourself?

Alice is joined by Sabrina Pace-Humphreys — British ultra runner, author of *Black Sheep*, and co-founder of Black Trail Runners, the charity diversifying the UK's outdoor spaces. She grew up the only Black girl in a small Cotswold town; her Afro shoddily cut against a Jackson Five photo because no one knew how to do her hair. But what makes her story land isn't the rejection she survived — it's what healing from rejection trauma taught her on the other side of chasing approval.

"No one else's opinion is any of my business," she tells herself daily — because the only acceptance that holds is the kind you give yourself. She traces a life spent dealing with social rejection by making herself "palatable," and the realization in her 40s that rebuilding identity in addiction recovery is an inside job. She's confident, too, that addiction is not a choice — and that addiction guilt was never the same as blame. 

After 18 months training for the Marathon des Sables — sober, a mother of four — she felt something that had always evaded her: pride no one had to grant her, built from resilience earned through all she'd survived.

Whether you're carrying guilt you can't put down or standing at the door of a change you can't yet imagine, this is a raw reframe of what rejection and recovery are for. If you've ever wondered how to heal from rejection trauma, Sabrina's answer is three words: you are enough.

In this episode they explore:

• The earliest memory: a cot, the dark, and a father who threw her back into it

• Growing up biracial in an all-white town, where racial preference ran so deep, she wished her skin and hair away

• Why "I wanted to be white" was the survival logic of an isolated child

• Dealing with social rejection by overachieving — and why the praise never translated

• Addiction is not a choice: getting sober in 2016, and the call that was really a decision to live

• "Connection is the opposite of addiction" — what the 12 steps gave her

• Reclaiming identity in addiction recovery, one sober decision at a time

• A GP's prescription of jogging for postnatal depression, and the day wanting to live got her out the door

• Rock bottom, the Samaritans, and the power of someone saying "I've been you"

• *Start Where You Are* — why the hardest mile is always the first

Connect with Sabrina:

Website: Sabrina Pace – Humphreys 

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sabrina-pace-humphreys/ 

Instagram: @sabrunsmiles

Books: *Black Sheep* (memoir) and *Start Where You Are: The Beginner's Guide to Running 5K for Women* https://www.amazon.com/stores/Sabrina-Pace-Humphreys/author/B096WMN3B5?ref=ap_rdr&shoppingPortalEnabled=true 

Chapters:

00:00 Welcome — meet Sabrina Pace-Humphreys

00:26 The earliest memory: a cot in the dark

03:39 The only Black girl in a Cotswold town

07:57 “I wanted to be white" — survival as a child

11:21 Seeking belonging through overachievement

14:32 Realizing approval was never going to be enough

17:09 Sober in 2016, turning 40, and a start line in the Sahara

21:01 The hardest mile is the first mile

23:03 “I wanted to live" — the catalyst behind every big decision

26:50 Connection is the opposite of addiction

28:22 How to do the first mile: accepting help

31:27 What she'd say to Sabrina in her darkest days

33:10 A starting point for anyone at the edge — the Samaritans

35:37 Black Trail Runners, the books, and the world she's building

What if the rejection you're dreading isn't the editorial rejection — it's the pitch you never bothered to fix? 

In this solo episode of My Rejection Story, Alice goes from her earliest days as a student journalist — including a mortifying ghosting that ended with an editor telling her it would be "ill-advised, now and in her future career" to ever give an editor a deadline — to running a PR agency placing clients in HBR, Forbes, Business Insider, and the world's biggest podcasts. What changed wasn't her confidence. It was her framework: the Five P's of a Perfect Pitch.

Alice's reframe: rejection is rarely about you — it's usually about missing P's. Drawing on the Ebbinghaus Forgetting Curve (humans forget 50% of information within a day, 90% within a month), she explains why most pitches vanish before they're even considered, and why pattern interruption is the real craft underneath great media outreach. Her 100 Rejection Challenge didn't just build resilience — it built spreadsheets, pitch data, and eventually a career. Exposure therapy for rejection, done alongside community support.

In this episode, Alice explores:

• The spec assignment ghosting — and the editor who told her she'd sabotaged her career (she hadn't)

• The 100 Rejection Challenge: how going for a hundred no's turned rejection into a pitching education

• The Ebbinghaus Forgetting Curve — why editors forget your pitch within hours, and why that's good news

• Pattern interruption: the real reason some pitches get opened and others get archived

• P1: Personal — social proof, social anchoring, and why one specific mutual connection beats a generic opener

• P2: Plot — storytelling that drops a reader into a scene in one line and makes them want to know what happens next

• P3: Pressing — tying your pitch to the news cycle, data, and cultural moments to make it feel unmissable now

• P4: Practical — speaking points, named frameworks, and clear listener takeaways

• P5: Proven — the bio that name-drops strategically ("backup dancer for Beyoncé" beats "award-winning coach" every time)

• Action bias over waiting to feel ready — and why the uncontrollable variables were never really about you

Connect with Alice:

Website: hustlingwriters.com/templates

Instagram: @alicedraper

LinkedIn: Alice Draper

Chapters:

00:00 The Editorial Rejection That Felt Like a Career Ending — And Wasn't

02:30 What the Ghosting Taught Her About Freelance Journalism

04:15 The 100 Rejection Challenge: Exposure Therapy and Community Support

05:35 The Ebbinghaus Forgetting Curve — Why Nobody Remembers Your Pitch

06:10 Pattern Interruption: The Skill Underneath Every Perfect Pitch

07:20 The Five P's of a Perfect Pitch — Overview

08:00 P1: Personal — Social Proof and Social Anchoring

09:40 P2: Plot — Storytelling and Emotional Hooks

10:40 P3: Pressing — Timeliness, Data, and Why Now

11:25 P4: Practical — Speaking Points and Named Frameworks

12:05 P5: Proven — The Bio That Name-Drops

12:50 Action Bias, Uncontrollable Variables, and the Real Lesson of Rejection

Why does ADHD make rejection feel like physical pain in your chest? Why can a sharp comment, a missed look, or a workplace layoff trigger something that feels far older and deeper than the moment at hand?

Alice is joined by Jesse J. Anderson — ADHD advocate, bestselling author of Extra Focus, and the guy who spent decades feeling like he didn't fit until his wife noticed his symptoms matched his best friend's ADHD diagnosis. Together they unpack rejection sensitive dysphoria and the wired differently, not broken reframe.

Jesse's reframe: RSD isn't oversensitivity, it's an old wound re-injured — tied to the estimated 12,000 negative messages ADHD kids hear before twelve, the shame backpack you haul into adulthood. The strategy that finally let him separate feeling from reality was embarrassingly small: Russell Barkley's micro-pause, hand over the mouth, just enough breathing room to ask the logical question that disarms RSD — "does it make sense that this person would betray me right now?" A tender, practical reframe — and the half-second pause that lets you take the steering wheel back.They also dig into why ADHDers gravitate together — interrupting and tangents as unmasked connection, not rudeness — and why sharing robs shame of power.

In this episode they explore:

• Wired differently, not broken: the reframe after a late ADHD diagnosis
• How itchy t-shirt tags and hyperfocus often signal undiagnosed ADHD
• ADHDers gravitating together — unmasked connection for the first time
• The shame backpack: childhood criticisms that calcify into adult RSD
• RSD as physical pain and betrayal — an old wound re-injured
• Russell Barkley's micro-pause to take the steering wheel back
• Why small strategies that feel silly are the ones that work
• Layoff as rejection plus confidence drain — sharing robs shame of power
• The shame blanket that suffocates, and what happens when you release it
• Gamifying rejection as exposure therapy: UltraSpeaking, improv, standup
• Non-engagement as rejection as data
• Audience dictates the punchline: the comedian's notebook approach
• Out of sight, out of mind — build tools: WavePal for ADHD brains

Connect with Jesse J. Anderson:

Website & Newsletter: extrafocus.com

Book: Extra Focus: The Quick Start Guide to Adult ADHD Socials: @ADHDJesse (across all platforms)

YouTube: ADHD Jesse

App in development: wavepal.app

Chapters:

00:00 Wired Differently, Not Broken: A Late ADHD Diagnosis

03:51 Why ADHDers Gravitate Together and Unmasked Connection Feels Like Home

06:01 Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, Defined

07:03 The 12,000 Negative Messages and the Shame Backpack

12:28 RSD as Physical Pain and Betrayal — An Old Wound, Re-Injured

18:21 The Hardest Part: Catching It in the Moment

19:59 Russell Barkley's Micro-Pause — Hand Over the Mouth

25:12 Layoff as Rejection and Confidence Drain

30:26 The Shame Blanket Suffocates — Release It

33:31 Permission to Be Open: Where Vulnerability Started

36:44 Gamifying Rejection as Exposure Therapy

37:57 UltraSpeaking and the Improv-Style Drills

46:07 Why Non-Engagement Feels Like Rejection — Rejection as Data

47:58 Audience Dictates the Punchline: From Inhibition to Action

49:15 WavePal: Out of Sight, Out of Mind — Build Tools

What if the worst rejection isn’t the one someone gives you — it’s the one you give yourself?

Alice is joined by Jude Sack — magician since age four, Yale cognitive neuroscience grad, and the guy who flewacross the country to ambush YouTuber David Dobrik in an airport with a magictrick and a job pitch. The video went viral. But what makes Jude fascinating isn’t the stunt — it’s the philosophy underneath: he’d rather be rejected than ghosted, every single time.

Jude’s reframe: rejection is a moment of contact. Self-rejection is just silence. He unpacks the three secondsbefore any big ask, why social pain lights up the same brain regions as physical pain, and how his rejection therapy dating experiment — asking one girl a week for her number for a year — taught him how to deal with rejection from a girl without spiraling.

Jude argues that designing asks people “can’t ghost” is one of the most underrated moves available. He digsinto why most rejection challenges fail, why the 100 days rejection challenge made Jia Jiang rejection proof but isn’t the only way in, and why vulnerability is the new creativity.

Whether you’ve watched every rejection therapy compilation on YouTube or you’re on rejection therapy day 1, this is a practical, neuroscience-backed reframe of what rejections in life are actually for.

In this episode they explore:

•      The three-second brain block — and why everything getseasier once you start talking

•      Why being ghosted is worse than being rejected — andhow to design asks people can’t ghost

•      The neuroscience of social pain — rejection as exposuretherapy, and the Advil study that says more than you think

•      “Rejection Night” with friends — a rejection challengebuilt on high fives, rock-paper-scissors, and small absurd asks that rewire your nervous system

•      Vulnerability as the creative move when almost no oneelse is being vulnerable

•      Jude’s year-long rejection therapy dating experiment —and what it taught him about how to deal with rejection from a girl

•      Why Jia Jiang’s 100 day rejection challenge made him Rejection Proof — and the lower-stakes version you can start tomorrow

•      The regret-minimization framework — and the rejectionJude is still scared of

Connect with Jude Sack:

LinkedIn: ⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/jude-sack-a30826132/⁠

Instagram: ⁠@judesack⁠

TikTok: ⁠@jude.sack⁠

Chapters:

00:00  Meet Jude — the Yale-grad magician whoambushed David Dobrik

05:24  The 30 seconds before the ask: clammy hands,calculations, going for it

10:29  Magic in Central Park at age five: trainingthe rejection muscle

12:00  “I hate dating apps” — a year of rejectiontherapy dating, one girl a week

13:22  Hand-delivering his resume to MrBeast andlanding the job

14:27  Rejected vs. ghosted: why one is so muchworse

17:21  Vulnerability is the new creativity

19:30  Rejection Night: a rejection challenge withhigh fives, rock-paper-scissors, and a bar wheelbarrow

22:40  The neuroscience of social pain — rejectionexposure therapy and the Advil hack

26:00  The Zoe Chance assignment: try to getrejected — it’s harder than you think

27:53  Why your friends, your mom, and yourcommunity matter more than you think

33:43  What’s actually stopping you from making your“David Dobrik” ask

35:47  The IDEO story — getting told off, gettingheartbroken, getting clarity

38:14  The regret-minimization framework

39:04  Rejection therapy day 1: a small, rejectablemove to try this week

40:45  The rejection Jude is still scared of

44:01  Increasing the surface area for luck

Why does one rejection have the power to override dozens of wins? Why does your brain cling to the time you were told you're not good enough — and quietly use that story to limit what you try next?

In this episode of My Rejection Story, Alice is joined by Dr. MH Pelletier (neuropsychologist, executive coach, and author of The Resilience Plan) to explore why rejection is so hard, why resilience is not a personality trait you either have or don't, and how a strategic, research-backed approach can help you build resilience to rejection — no matter where you're starting from.

MH's central reframe: resilience is not something you're born with — it's something you build. She introduces the supply-demand framework to expose the gap between what life asks of you and the energy you actually have. Most of us underestimate our demands and overestimate our supply, and that gap is where burnout and rejection sensitivity take root. Closing it is how you turn rejection into resilience.

Is rejection normal? Absolutely — and MH argues that expecting it, even preparing for it in advance, is one of the most underrated strategies available. She unpacks why we internalize rejection as proof of unworthiness rather than data, why a modest pessimistic streak can actually serve ambitious people, and why the antidote to feeling too sensitive to rejection is never a thicker skin — it's smarter preparation and a more honest read of the system you're operating in.

Together, Alice and MH explore how values, community, exposure, and self-compassion build a foundation where rejection and resilience can coexist — where a no stops being a verdict on who you are and starts being information you can use.

In this episode they explore:

• The supply-demand framework and reading your resilience reserves accurately
• Why resilience is not a personality trait — what the research says
• How to build resilience to rejection through exposure, community, and preparation
• Is rejection normal? Why expecting it changes your experience of it
• Why we personalize rejection — and how to zoom out to the bigger system
• Values as an anchor when rejection threatens your identity
• Self-compassion as a neurological tool: why "it makes sense" calms the brain

Connect with MH Pelletier:

Website: https://drmarie-helene.com/ 

What does it cost a child to grow up knowing who they are might be enough to lose their family? And when family rejection is the backdrop of your adolescence, how do you learn to trust that romantic love is even possible?

In this episode of My Rejection Story, Alice is joined by Kenny Ethan Jones — British activist, model, author, and the first trans man to front a period campaign — to explore transgender family rejection, trans family rejection trauma, and what it actually takes to start dating as a trans man when the statistics are stacked against you.

Kenny came out to his mother at eleven, without the language to name it. Her response was immediate: I think we should talk to a doctor. That support became his anchor against the family rejection he faced elsewhere — his father, a Caribbean man raised in Jamaica, took years of breadcrumbing and boundary-holding before he came around, just before his death from cancer. Kenny speaks candidly about how rejection by family members shapes a child, and what it means to build yourself without a blueprint.

The conversation turns to dating while transitioning and the realities of online dating as a trans man — including the 87.5% of people who say they would not date a trans person. Kenny shares the practical vetting framework he uses before disclosing: reading dating profiles for queer-coded signals, sharing news articles as a values test, and trusting instincts when something feels off. He also addresses PTSD from romantic rejection, being treated as an experiment, and why not settling starts with self-trust.

In this episode they explore:

• How family rejection trauma shapes identity and mental health in trans youth
• Kenny's mother's response versus his father's — and the years between rejection and acceptance
• Advice for anyone whose family rejected them and needs to build support elsewhere
• Dating apps as a trans man: Kenny's vetting framework before coming out to a partner
• Online dating rejection, and disclosure timing
• Why self-trust is the foundation of dating as a trans guy

Connect with Kenny Ethan Jones

Instagram: @kennyethanjones, https://www.instagram.com/kennyethanjones

TikTok: @kennyethanjones

Book: Dear Cisgender People (2024) — available wherever books are sold

Chapters:

00:00 The Data on Transgender Family Rejection and Why Family Support Is Life-Saving

05:59 Growing Up Trans: Copying the Boys and the All-Girls School

10:28 Coming Out at Eleven Without the Language for It

13:54 Was Less Awareness Actually Less Pressure

15:08 Building Trans Identity Without a Blueprint

16:56 The First Romantic Rejection and What She Got Right

20:41 Dating as a Trans Man When 87.5% Say No

25:57 The Vetting Framework: Dating Apps, News Articles, and Red Flags

28:05 His Father, Trans Family Rejection, and Years of Baby Steps

32:53 Standing Your Ground When a Parent Won't Accept You

36:35 A Father-and-Son Moment Before It Was Too Late

37:50 Advice for Trans Youth Whose Families Are Not a Safe Place

Why does spending a lifetime wondering what is wrong with you feel more personal than a medical oversight — why does it feel like confirmation? And what happens when a diagnosis finally arrives in your forties and reframes everything you thought you knew about yourself?

In this episode of My Rejection Story, Alice is joined by Dari Crawford — fractional Director of Operations, Chief of Staff, and host of Distracted, Not Disqualified — to explore late-diagnosis ADHD, the exhausting weight of lifelong masking, and why ADHD and rejection sensitivity so often travel together.

Dari was diagnosed in early 2025, after a routine doctor's appointment where her daughter filled in the gaps she hadn't known to name. The news reframed decades of anxiety, depression, and relentless over-functioning. As a Black woman, Dari sat squarely in the demographic least likely to receive a diagnosis — Black women and women broadly are significantly underrepresented in ADHD identification. For Dari, inattentive ADHD rejection sensitivity never looked like distraction. It looked like 57 browser tabs open in her brain, every birthday in her calendar, every system in place — and total exhaustion underneath. ADHD rejection anxiety had been present since childhood bullying in junior high, compounded by a home environment where walking on eggshells was survival, and a community where there was simply no language for neurodivergence or mental health. What family called "bad nerves" was, in fact, the symptoms of ADHD rejection sensitivity playing out in real time.

Together, Alice and Dari unpack how ADHD and fear of rejection quietly drive people-pleasing, over-committing, and performing a version of yourself that other people will accept. They explore adult ADHD rejection sensitive dysphoria in friendships, in parenting, and in the workplace — and what it cost Dari to finally stop. In May 2025, she resigned from her job to do nothing: to nap, grieve her diagnosis, and learn how to deal with ADHD rejection sensitivity by first sitting still long enough to feel it. ADHD rejection avoidance had kept her performing for decades. Stopping was the most radical thing she had ever done.

In this episode they explore:

• Why Black women are among the least diagnosed with ADHD and what that gap costs
• How ADHD rejection dysphoria develops through childhood bullying and trauma
• The masking-to-anxiety-to-depression pipeline and why it goes undetected
• Rejection sensitive dysphoria and ADHD in friendships, parenting, and work
• What grieving a late diagnosis actually looks like — and why it's worth it
• Resigning from a job to choose yourself for the first time

This episode is for anyone who has spent a lifetime performing their way out of rejection. Your brain was never broken. It just needed the right language.

Connect with Dari Crawford

Podcast: Distracted, Not Disqualified — YouTube and all major podcast platforms: https://www.youtube.com/@DistractedNotDisqualified

LinkedIn: Dari Crawford, https://www.linkedin.com/in/daricrawford

Chapters

00:00 Why Black Women Are the Least Likely to Be Diagnosed with ADHD

03:20 Dari's Late Diagnosis and What Finally Led to the Appointment

07:10 Masking, High Functioning, and the Cost of Looking Like You Have It Together

11:45 Childhood Bullying and the Roots of ADHD Rejection Anxiety

16:00 Bad Nerves: When There Was No Language for Mental Health

19:30 EMDR, Childhood Trauma, and Starting to Release It

22:40 Carrying ADHD Into Adulthood Without Knowing It

26:00 Parenting With ADHD and Learning to Show Grace

31:20 People-Pleasing, Overcommitment, and Fear of Rejection

35:00 Losing Friendships When You Stop Performing

43:00 Resigning to Rest: Choosing Herself for the First Time

47:10 What Napping Taught Her About Safety and Her Own Brain

51:30 Grieving the Diagnosis — and Why She Would Do It All Again

Why does one rejection have the power to override dozens of wins? Why does your brain cling to the time you were told you're not good enough — and quietly use that story to limit what you try next?

In this episode of My Rejection Story, Alice is joined by Anne-Laure Le Cunff (neuroscientist and author of Tiny Experiments) to explore how the negativity bias shapes our response to rejection, why the brain's survival wiring keeps us playing small, and how tiny experiments can help us break free.

Anne-Laure explains the neuroscience behind brain negativity bias: your brain records negative experiences with far more weight than positive ones because in ancestral environments, rejection meant being cast out of the group, which meant death. This negative bias psychology made sense for survival, but in modern life the negativity bias quietly convinces us that raising our hand or trying something new is a threat worth avoiding. She also introduces the self-consistency fallacy — the belief that because you've always been a certain way, you must continue that way. This negative cognitive bias narrows possibility and keeps us stuck.

If you've seen Anne-Laure Le Cunff's TED talk or her Anne-Laure Le Cunff Big Think appearance, you'll recognize the themes — but this conversation goes deeper into the personal fear behind the framework. Anne-Laure shares her own story of leaving Google after a health scare, launching a startup for the wrong reasons, and finding liberation when it failed. That failure became the catalyst for everything that followed, including Tiny Experiments by Anne-Laure Le Cunff.

Together they explore how to stop negativity bias from running your life — not through willpower, but through curiosity-driven experimentation and metacognition. They discuss why big goals often backfire, why tracking metrics without tracking how you feel is a trap, and how negative attribution bias causes us to internalize rejection as proof of unworthiness rather than information. Anne-Laure Le Cunff's tiny experiments framework offers an alternative: small, time-bound actions evaluated through honest reflection on both external results and internal experience. This is overcoming negativity bias not by fighting your brain, but by giving it new data.

In this episode they explore:

• How the negativity bias developed as a survival mechanism and why it backfires today
• The self-consistency fallacy and how past rejection becomes a limiting identity story
• Why you cannot rationalize your way out of fear and what actually works
• The neuroscience of exposure therapy and rewiring brain negativity bias
• Anne-Laure's journey from Google to burnout to building Ness Labs
• Why big goals trigger the arrival fallacy and social comparison
• How metacognition makes experiments meaningful
• Intentional imperfection and communicating your limits to prevent burnout
• The difference between toxic productivity and mindful productivity
• This episode is an invitation to stop letting the negativity bias write your story. Your brain's job is to keep you safe — your job is to decide whether safe is enough.

Connect with Anne-Laure Le Cunff

Website: nesslabs.com

Instagram: @neuranne

Book: Tiny Experiments, https://www.amazon.ae/Tiny-Experiments-Freely-Goal-Obsessed-World/dp/0593715136

Chapters

00:00 The Self-Consistency Fallacy and How Rejection Shapes Identity

02:10 The Negativity Bias and Why Your Brain Overweights Rejection

05:25 Why Rational Thinking Cannot Override Fear

07:57 Exposure Therapy and Rewiring the Brain

09:33 Leaving Google and a Life-Threatening Health Scare

13:46 How the Brain Handles Uncertainty

17:52 When Failure Becomes Liberation

22:02 Tiny Experiments as a Tool for Rebuilding Agency

29:35 Metacognition and Reflecting on What Actually Worked

34:59 Anne-Laure's Own Tiny Experiments

41:45 Intentional Imperfection and Overcoming Burnout

46:11 Mindful Productivity Over Toxic Productivity