Myopia Movies

This week on Myopia Movies, we learn a valuable cinematic lesson: you can be absolutely slovenly and still be the hero of a movie.

We watched Mitchell. Yes, that Joe Don Baker vehicle, where our rumpled, sweat-soaked protagonist somehow gets the girl… and then has her arrested for prostitution.

Chivalry is dead, folks. Our hero, ladies and gentlemen.

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Host: Nic

Panel: Jeremy

We are both riffers on Cineprov! Check us out!!

Enjoy this early Christmas Present! This week on Myopia Movies, someone needs to save Christmas and we know just the corporate spokesman, know-what-I-mean? We watched Ernest Saves Christmas, Animal Control and Air Traffic Control in the same film?!?!?! Vern...

Host: Nic

Panel: Lauren and Jeremy

Directed by John R. Cherry III

This week on Myopia Movies, we watched the classic story where an outsider falls in love with an indigenous person and tries to protect them and their land. Ok, not Pocahontas, no, not Ferngully. Ok, not original, but valuable property that somehow earned itself a land in Disney World and now has four sequels coming out, including one this weekend. We watched Avatar, where large cat people have intercourse with trees via their ponytail. Well done, Jim Cameron. Well done.

Host: Nic

Panel: Keiko

Directed by: James Cameron

Starring: Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldana, Sigourney Weaver, Stephen Lang, Michelle Rodriguez, Giovanni Ribisi, Joel David Moore

This week on Myopia Movies, we watch an entire town kick around a illiterate little person for 75 minutes. We watched Eight Crazy Nights, we tried to keep it festive, but Adam Sandler giving a TBI to the protagonist after the musical number about how great the mall is, was the best we could do. Happy Hanukah!

This week on Myopia Movies, we watch a millennial Christmas Classic, Jingle All The Way! Bathe in the 1990s nostalgia as we visit trampling people for toys, malls, and toy stores. Also, Phil Hartman's masterclass on seducing a woman away from Arnold. 

Host: Nic

Panel: Keiko, Nur, Candice, Matthew, and Jeremy

Directed by Brian Levant

This week on Myopia Movies, we learn how the world became entranced with Henry Cavill and started to fall out with Zack Snyder. We watched Man of Steel home to the world's most vindictive Pa Kent and the one where Superman kills thousands in his final fight.

Happy Thanksgiving from us at Myopia and safe shopping and travels today!

Host: Nic

Panel: Keiko, Matthew, Nur, Alex

Directed by Zack Snyder

First, take a beloved musical from the 1930s and let it age on a shelf for forty-plus years.

Second, strip out all the songs.

Third, turn it into a waking nightmare.

This week on Myopia Movies, we dove into Return to Oz! Isn’t it delightful when Creepy Kids Month syncs perfectly with a blockbuster release like Wicked: For Good? Though honestly…this movie might be memorable for entirely different reasons. Not good ones—just…reasons.

Host: Nic

Panel: Charlie, Alex, Keiko

Directed by: Walter Murch

Starring: Fairuza Balk, Nicol Williamson, Jean Marsh, Piper Laurie, Matt Clark, Michael Sundin, Tim Rose, Sean Barrett, Mak Wilson, Brian Henson

"Like no one has ever been, like, aroused by close up magic, right? You're just like, ah, wow. That was my card. My God, where did that ball go? Who knows? Can I just pay for my, like, mozzarella sticks" - Nic

We dive into Gore Verbinski’s eerie remake, the very specific shade of Pacific Northwest Depression Filter™, Naomi Watts’ crusade against cursed media, and the seven-day slow decline of a family held together mostly by caffeine and denial. Along the way, the panel examines horse suicides, VHS nostalgia, Pacific Northwest lighthouses, creepy kids named Aiden, and the logistics of a ghost girl committing long-distance murder through a Zenith television.

Host: Nic

Panel: Keiko, Alex, Matthew

This week we learn who is creepier, Macaulay Culkin who murdered one and a half siblings or Elijah Wood who is convinced that his mom is reincarnated into his aunt. We watched The Good Son. Ok, so the corpse highway car accident might be the greatest thing put to film and my favorite sentence I have gotten to write. 

Directed by Joseph Ruben