NatAndChat

We underestimate the importance of honesty. And a lack of honesty with ourselves is how we survive...telling ourselves stories to make what we experience in life bearable. It's not that we ever want to deceive anyone, or ourselves, but we are built around the need to be comfortable and sometimes we reach that through non-truths.

I have experienced the non-truths being more harmful than helpful, and I am going to be as honest as I can (even publicly) with an aim to benefit from deep honesty. 

Just like happiness, it's not a destination, it's a path.

The older I get, the harder trust is. And not by ignorance...by experience. I want to figure this one out. I wish I could even trust finding trust were possible.

My approval of myself has been the lifelong dream for me. "Others" never successfully convinced me their approval was worth anything. The enigma of my own positive self-view is what I see as the goal and the gold. Who am I trying to impress? Thats not even the word for it...if others can relate to me, I want to be SHARING with them.

The two are so similar, sometimes we tell ourselves we are being strong when we are actually being stubborn. I needed to realize this, and maybe someone else could use this too.

To a large extent each of us can decide who we are...what choices we make and how we affect others. You decide whether you hug or hit, laugh or shout, ask for help, or freak the fuck out. Ask yourself: Who am I?

It's a healthy skill to master-being able to see that the way others act and sound is usually NOT about you. Allow others to be and do "their thing", even if they sound rude. They might even need to be reminded to worry about themselves. That's what happened to me, and it was one of the best lessons I've been given. I won't turn your attitude into being about me. I'll let you show the world whatever you want...I'll worry about myself.

I don't know why feeling a real reciprocal connection with someone is so disconcerting. I think its possibly a vulnerable space where you accept being seen because someone else has recognition of themselves in YOU. And vice versa. It doesn't need to be uncomfortable, and yet when it appears, it is.

A sponge can only soak up what its surrounded by. Worth remembering.

Some people insist on growing and healing while others don't believe they can. The resilient ones get creative, they get working on themselves, and they don't believe pain and discomfort have to be permanent. The resistant ones either don't see it as possible, or they need to believe what they think even longer. In either case, someone has it easier by doing the work, and someone has it harder by not.

Mattering to someone is a different level of caring and loving; its existence grows into becoming, it isn't simply "there". Mattering is knowledge shown to and felt by you because it's not ethereal, it's actual. It's knowing I matter to some, while not mattering to others who matter to me that has me thinking.