NBC Weekly Sermons

3.2 -Happiness vs. Contentment

American culture tells us that pursuit of happiness is our duty. I have found myself agreeing with this idea by rating my life based on perceived happiness. I seem to seldom be content. I have been disappointed in my quest for unrelenting happiness and I need another goal.

3.3 -Addressing Worry - God’s View of Time

I seem to always get stuck regretting the past or worrying about the future. Anxiety keeps me prisoner as I find myself either grieving my past or fearing the future. Sometimes I feel like I am “ping-ponging” between the past and the future. Living in the “now” seems nearly impossible.

3.6 - Unrelenting Disagreements

We have used every tool provided to us and we still can’t agree on specific decisions. It seems like each of us is “digging in our heels”, even to the point of refusing to talk about the issue. While some decisions can be delayed for a long time, others need to be decided now. When an immediate decision is required, and we are refusing to talk about it, a unilateral decision by either of us causes conflict and hard feelings.

1.1 - “I” Statements & Stop Action

Most conversations seem to devolve into conflict. There is often tension even when the topic is benign. Lately, the conflict appears to be damaging our relationship. Escalation of volume and/or intensity is almost always the result. At this point, we either both escalate further, or one of us disrespectfully exits the conversation and probably the room. It seems like we talk less now, probably as a defense mechanism.

1.2 - Healing Apologies

Apologies are seldom offered. When an apology is offered, it almost never brings healing or closure. An apology is more likely to result in an “eye-roll” than a sincere response.

1.3 - Forgiveness / Trust

Forgiveness and trust are foundational for a healthy marriage. As trouble enters a marriage, it may appear that those foundations are eroding. It is important to have a proper understanding of these two words, as well as establish appropriate verbiage to communicate concerns.

1.4 - Reversing Negative Conversation Momentum

Isaac Newton’s first law of motion states that “an object will not change its motion unless a force acts on it.” The same is true in conversations with the momentum in either a negative or positive direction. Without intentional and active change, a conversation with negative momentum will continue to become more and more negative. In this training we describe a technique to stop the negative momentum and change the direction to one more positive.

1.5 - Reacting vs. Responding

If we pay attention it is possible to determine if our mind or our emotions are in charge of us during a conversation. When emotions, and more specifically negative emotions, are driving our words the brain is typically out to lunch. When the mind is in control we “respond” in a rational manner. When emotions are in control, we often “react” in a harmful “knee-jerk” manner. The ideas presented here are designed to help you catch yourself reacting, and provide a tool to return to healthy responding.

1.6 - Marriage “Breathing”

Long term marriages “breath”. Healthy marriages “breath-in” (connect) by spending time together, and “breath-out” (distance) by spending time apart. The connecting times are not simply being in the same place at the same time, but rather are times of engaging with each other. Likewise, the

distancing times are not simply time apart, but rather intentionally doing something that is “life-giving” but is best done apart from each other.

2.2 - Simple Miscommunication

It seems like we seldom understand what each other is saying. Rather than pause and verify correct understanding, we tend to simply repeat what we said previously. When both of us get stuck in this cycle, understanding goes nowhere and both of us become preoccupied with being understood.