Neurodivergent Strategies for Late-Diagnosed Adults: The Divergent Paths Podcast

You can be loved, cared for, and in a relationship that functions well... and still feel like no one quite gets you. If that sounds familiar, masking may be part of the reason.

Attunement means being perceived accurately and responded to in real time. It is the "you get me" feeling that builds safety and belonging. But attunement only works when there is a genuine signal to tune into. When you have spent years presenting a masked version of yourself, the people around you are attuning to the performance. Their care is real. It is just aimed at someone who isn't fully you.

In this episode, Dr. Regina McMenomy, Ph.D. explores how masking disrupts attunement in both directions, why near-misses can hurt more than obvious rejection, and how you can start resyncing your relationships without burning everything down.

The client story shared in this episode was shared with permission.

Sign up for N.E.R.D. Notes and get weekly nerdy neurodivergent insights!

Chat with Regina on Instagram @drreginaphd

Book a Make it Make Sense Call with Regina

About Dr. Regina McMenomy, PhD

Regina is a neurodivergent coach and educator who helps late-diagnosed adults unmask, heal from burnout, and build lives aligned with how their brains work. She founded Divergent Paths Consulting to provide the type of coaching and support that late-diagnosed nerdy neurodivergent folks need after receiving their late diagnoses.

You can tell your boss is irritated before they say a word. You know when your partner is off, what your kids need, and which comment will set off the meeting. But when someone asks how you're doing, you go blank.

In this episode, Dr. Regina McMenomy, Ph.D. launches a series on psychological attunement, the experience of feeling seen and how a late diagnosis shapes it. Many late-diagnosed and late-identified neurodivergent adults are highly attuned to other people. But much of that watching grew out of hypervigilance: years of getting things wrong without knowing why turned reading people into a safety system. From the outside, scanning for threats and connecting through curiosity can look the same. From the inside, one connects you and the other drains you.

Sign up for N.E.R.D. Notes and get weekly nerdy neurodivergent insights!

Chat with Regina on Instagram @drreginaphd

Book a Make it Make Sense Call with Regina

About Dr. Regina McMenomy, PhD

Regina is a neurodivergent coach and educator who helps late-diagnosed adults unmask, heal from burnout, and build lives aligned with how their brains work. She founded Divergent Paths Consulting to provide the type of coaching and support that late-diagnosed nerdy neurodivergent folks need after receiving their late diagnoses.

You said yes to fun social plans on Monday. Then Saturday night arrives and the version of you who has to follow through has nothing left in the tank. Welcome to something Dr. Regina McMenomy Ph.D. likes to call capacity optimism: the confident belief that future you will have the resources to keep the promises present you makes.

In this episode, Dr. Regina explores why neurodivergent adults are especially prone to overcommitting. She draws on behavioral economist George Loewenstein's empathy gap, the finding that people in one physical or emotional state struggle to predict how they'll think, feel, or act in another. For late-diagnosed and late-identified neurodivergent folks, that gap gets wider based on several factors.

Sign up for N.E.R.D. Notes and get weekly nerdy neurodivergent insights!

Chat with Regina on Instagram @drreginaphd

Book a Make it Make Sense Call with Regina

About Dr. Regina McMenomy, PhD

Regina is a neurodivergent coach and educator who helps late-diagnosed adults unmask, heal from burnout, and build lives aligned with how their brains work. She founded Divergent Paths Consulting to provide the type of coaching and support that late-diagnosed nerdy neurodivergent folks need after receiving their late diagnoses.

Can't stop overthinking a conversation you had? For a lot of late-diagnosed neurodivergent adults, rumination works like a quest that never registers as complete. You've done everything you can but the marker won't clear, so your brain keeps replaying the conversation and searching for the step you missed.

In this episode, Dr. Regina McMenomy, Ph.D. and Russ break down effortful thinking, how it collides with rumination, and why masking and rejection sensitivity make the loop so much harder to close.

If your brain grabs moments like this and refuses to let go, it isn't malfunctioning. It's doing exactly what it was built to do, just without an exit. Neurodivergent minds tend to love effortful thinking: the deep, gritty, deliberate kind of cognition that digs into how and why things happen. That kind of thinking is designed to sprint toward a conclusion and then rest. The trouble starts when there's no end to the effort.

Sign up for N.E.R.D. Notes and get weekly nerdy neurodivergent insights!

Chat with Regina on Instagram @drreginaphd

Book a Make it Make Sense Call with Regina

About Dr. Regina McMenomy, PhD

Regina is a neurodivergent coach and educator who helps late-diagnosed adults unmask, heal from burnout, and build lives aligned with how their brains work. She founded Divergent Paths Consulting to provide the type of coaching and support that late-diagnosed nerdy neurodivergent folks need after receiving their late diagnoses.

There's a version of you that commuted, worked, volunteered, and kept every plate spinning. You look at that version now and wonder where she went. The comparison runs automatically and it always ends with you coming up short.

In this episode, Dr. Regina McMenomy, Ph.D. provides the reframe: that capacity was never actually yours. You were borrowing against your future self and no one told you the interest rate. The crashes, the crabby moods, the drained feeling that never fully lifts between recovery cycles, all of that was the bill coming due. Masking doesn't create surplus. It runs a constant cycle of compensation and when you finally crash there's nothing underneath you because it was already spent.

Sign up for N.E.R.D. Notes and get weekly nerdy neurodivergent insights!

Chat with Regina on Instagram @drreginaphd

Book a Make it Make Sense Call with Regina

About Dr. Regina McMenomy, PhD

Regina is a neurodivergent coach and educator who helps late-diagnosed adults unmask, heal from burnout, and build lives aligned with how their brains work. She founded Divergent Paths Consulting to provide the type of coaching and support that late-diagnosed nerdy neurodivergent folks need after receiving their late diagnoses.

If masking is the thing that kept you safe, how do you feel safe while you unmask? That question came from a client this week and it sits at the center of this episode.

Masking was never a flaw. It was a survival strategy that worked, one you built without realizing it to reduce rejection and help you belong. So when you start taking it off, your nervous system reacts like you are removing armor while you are still on the battlefield. That fear is not a sign you are doing it wrong. It is your nervous system doing exactly what it was built to do.

Sign up for N.E.R.D. Notes and get weekly nerdy neurodivergent insights!

Chat with Regina on Instagram @drreginaphd

Book a Make it Make Sense Call with Regina

About Dr. Regina McMenomy, PhD

Regina is a neurodivergent coach and educator who helps late-diagnosed adults unmask, heal from burnout, and build lives aligned with how their brains work. She founded Divergent Paths Consulting to provide the type of coaching and support that late-diagnosed nerdy neurodivergent folks need after receiving their late diagnoses.

You rested. You took the break everyone swore would fix it. So why can't you do the thing you used to be so good at?

In this episode, Dr. Regina McMenomy, Ph.D. and co-host Russ return to one of their earliest topics, neurodivergent burnout, with a harder and more honest update. The first time around, recovery sounded almost simple: rest, learn your capacity, come back. This time they get into what that framing left out. Neurodivergent burnout is not a bad week or a skipped vacation. It is your nervous system shutting down after a long mismatch between what your environment demands and what your brain can actually sustain. And sometimes the skills you were using to survive that mismatch do not fully come back.

Sign up for N.E.R.D. Notes and get weekly nerdy neurodivergent insights!

Chat with Regina on Instagram @drreginaphd

Book a Make it Make Sense Call with Regina

About Dr. Regina McMenomy, PhD

Regina is a neurodivergent coach and educator who helps late-diagnosed adults unmask, heal from burnout, and build lives aligned with how their brains work. She founded Divergent Paths Consulting to provide the type of coaching and support that late-diagnosed nerdy neurodivergent folks need after receiving their late diagnoses.

Ever stare down a five-minute task for three weeks straight and wonder what's wrong with you? Nothing is wrong with you. Your brain is just running more background processes than anyone ever taught you to account for.

In this episode, Dr. Regina McMenomy, Ph.D. breaks down why "simple" tasks so often feel disproportionately hard for late diagnosed neurodivergent adults, and introduces the concept of discernment: the skill of accurately pricing what a task costs you, instead of what you think it should cost.

Listen to learn a some strategies to stop "should-ing" on yourself.

Sign up for N.E.R.D. Notes and get weekly nerdy neurodivergent insights!

Chat with Regina on Instagram @drreginaphd

Book a Make it Make Sense Call with Regina

About Dr. Regina McMenomy, PhD

Regina is a neurodivergent coach and educator who helps late-diagnosed adults unmask, heal from burnout, and build lives aligned with how their brains work. She founded Divergent Paths Consulting to provide the type of coaching and support that late-diagnosed nerdy neurodivergent folks need after receiving their late diagnoses.

You were probably told your impulsivity was selfish. That you jumped in, overshared, or said yes too fast because you weren't thinking about anyone but yourself. This episode makes the case, with the research to back it up, that the opposite was usually true.

Dr. Regina McMenomy, Ph.D. talks about the science behind how impulsivity has different motivations than we assumed. For a lot of late-diagnosed neurodivergent adults, impulsivity got filed under "character flaw" early and somewhere along the way you decided you were the problem and built a mask to manage it. But the science tells a different story about what that impulse was actually reaching for: connection.

2013 study: Low Self-Control Promotes the Willingness to Sacrifice in Close Relationships

Sign up for N.E.R.D. Notes and get weekly nerdy neurodivergent insights!

Chat with Regina on Instagram @drreginaphd

Book a Make it Make Sense Call with Regina

About Dr. Regina McMenomy, PhD

Regina is a neurodivergent coach and educator who helps late-diagnosed adults unmask, heal from burnout, and build lives aligned with how their brains work. She founded Divergent Paths Consulting to provide the type of coaching and support that late-diagnosed nerdy neurodivergent folks need after receiving their late diagnoses.

Nobody sat you down and taught you to mask. It just switched on one day, quietly, without asking, and most of the time you don't even catch it happening. So what would it mean to actually get your hands on the switch?

In this episode, Dr. Regina McMenomy, Ph.D. and co-host Russ dig into intentional masking: the difference between the mask that flips on automatically, without your permission, and the one you choose to wear because you've read the room and done the math on what it will cost you.

The heart of the conversation is your capacity, and why it's a moving target. We reframe this as a masking budget: your high-cost events (the dentist, the family visit, the party you're dreading) get planned around, not powered through. Because unmasking was never meant to be all or nothing, and treating it that way is its own kind of trap.

Sign up for N.E.R.D. Notes and get weekly nerdy neurodivergent insights!

Chat with Regina on Instagram @drreginaphd

Book a Make it Make Sense Call with Regina

About Dr. Regina McMenomy, PhD

Regina is a neurodivergent coach and educator who helps late-diagnosed adults unmask, heal from burnout, and build lives aligned with how their brains work. She founded Divergent Paths Consulting to provide the type of coaching and support that late-diagnosed nerdy neurodivergent folks need after receiving their late diagnoses.