Never The Same

Alexandra Silver Fagan

Hi everyone…I’m back! 

Life got pretty full there for the past few months - I started a new job and that kind of soaked up all my energy and time, so no complaints but I finally just sat down to edit some of the episodes I recorded this fall and wow, i’d forgotten how good these were…and it just feels really nice to pick this back up again and put these stories out into the world.

Today’s episode is with the lovely Alexandra Silver Fagan. Some of you may know her from the fitness world…she’s a Nike Master Trainer, a yoga and strength coach and currently teaches her personal blend of mindfulness and movement at Open, which happens to be one of my favorite companies in the game. 

Her story is one of finding success and recognition at an early age – a picture perfect life for the eyes of her friends and followers…yet when those external validations started to dissolve, it left her in a dark place, questioning who she was, battling her mental health, and that journey took her to her absolute rock bottom. That experience, which she shares with a lot of vulnerability and grace, has reshaped how she looks at the world, what she values, and ultimately who she is today.

I couldn’t help finding an incredible number of similarities between her story and Lee’s…and it was so incredibly eye-opening to sit down with someone who had been in much the same position and whose story turned out thankfully so differently. 

We dive into:

* Hitting rock bottom and both the power and the stigma that brings to the journey back to health

* The power of vulnerability and where to draw the line with what you share

* The illusion of social media and how everyone is fighting a battle you can’t see

* The magic of saying yes

This conversation was a pleasure to have and revisiting it felt like finding a little treasure you forgot you had…I hope you enjoy it as much as I did…Let’s see where this goes.

Intro music by @joshjameslim

All other music licensed by Epidemic Sound

Get full access to Never The Same at neverthesame.substack.com/subscribe

Today I had the pleasure of sitting down with Rachel Havekost. Rachel is an author, a storyteller and a coach who has been on my radar for a long time for her ability to balance sharing some of the really raw and sensitive episodes from her life alongside the tools and techniques she’s used to move through them. She does this in a way that feels grounded, hopeful and oftentimes quite beautiful. Rachel recently published a memoir called “Where The River Flows” in which she writes with her trademark honesty and a real human touch about her battles with her Eating Disorder, depression, anxiety, suicidality, sexual trauma, divorce, and grief. She and I had so much to dive into that I totally forgot until the end that she’s one of the few other people I know who’s done the PanAmerican Highway trip down to Argentina, and as it did for me, it played a pivotal role in her life…but     we’ll have to save that story for another episode (or check out her memoir, highly recommend). 

Some of the topics we went deep on included:

* Learning to sit in the not-knowing and finding joy in letting go

* The power of sharing - how speaking out creates a space for others to open up

* Learning to love the darkest part of yourself

* How asking for help is a learnable skill

* Why sometimes it’s important to do away with your rituals and just live without always needing to heal

* Prioritizing our social health just as much as our mental and physical health

The time Rachel has spent reflecting on and writing about her experiences clearly shows in her ability to tackle these thorny subjects with deep insight and a lot of grace. I really enjoyed this conversation, hope you will too…let’s see where this goes.   

Other topics:

* Somatic release thru dance

* Navigating experiences for which there is no map.

* Acceptance does not mean approval

* How to fall apart and how to live for those we’ve lost

* Rewriting your life story

Get full access to Never The Same at neverthesame.substack.com/subscribe

Today’s guest is Mckenna Roice…Mckenna and I met socially last year  at a very fun birthday weekend up in Tahoe, and it was only after we’d come back that we realized that unfortunately we had way more in common than it seemed on the surface. She lost her brother Dylan to suicide just a few months after Lee died, and while his story carries the additional weight of addiction, the journeys we’ve both ended up on have too many similarities to count. Mckenna is such an inspiration for her self-awareness and drive to help others avoid a similar plight…she’s created a charity and organization called Dylan’s Camp that is dedicated to suicide and mental health awareness through connection, community and service, and in our conversation we get into:

What to do with the energy that was previously being used to care for and worry about your loved one

What grief has to teach us, and how it can be beautiful

The power of breathwork to connect to lost memories and heal trauma

How those you’re close with can surprise you in times of loss

And what it’s like to go thru grief together as a family and how it can change those already-tight bonds. 

Mckenna is so genuine and so easy to drop in with, even on such a painful subject…I hope you enjoy the conversation, let’s see where this goes…

Intro music by @joshjameslim, all other music licensed by Epidemic Sounds

Get full access to Never The Same at neverthesame.substack.com/subscribe

Ethan Stewart is a writer, a surfer, a dad and a friend to many. Today with Ethan, we dive into what happens when your world goes upside down, how to take the energy of freefall and turn it into a force for good, the tangible value of hope, the beauty of fresh starts, using psychedelics as a tool for healing and the power that exists when you take back your agency. Thanks for joining me as we navigate this beautiful but uncertain world together…let’s see where this goes. 

Intro music by @joshjameslim, all other music licensed by Epidemic Sound.

Get full access to Never The Same at neverthesame.substack.com/subscribe

Today’s guest is the one and only Cheyenne Ellis…where do I start with Cheyenne? First off she’s an old friend of mine…we’ve known each other about ten years now, and she’s always been someone I look up to, both for serious things like work and handling the s**t life throws at you, and also for play and how to have a vibrant social life…there’s no one who brings people together quite like Chey. Professionally, she’s a successful commercial photographer who’s traveled the world behind the lens, but in front of it she’s a model of emotional intelligence, kindness and community. She recently retired as the unofficial mayor of Topanga to move up to Half Moon Bay to marry a big wave surfer, and her presence is strongly felt wherever she goes, whether that’s leading our Burning Man camp, making world-class avocado toast or (on the wild nights) dancing until 9pm. 

Chey was super close with her dad and when she lost him suddenly, her world was thrown upside down, which was then compounded again when her mom passed just a couple years later, also unexpectedly and with a lot of questions left unanswered. Our first convo got cut off about halfway thru - technical difficulties that were totally this first time podcaster’s fault, but we just kept going and even on the second go around we got deep into: 

- How to show up for people in times of loss

- Finding joy amongst the pain

- Normalizing conversations around death

- How to make the most of this time here on earth

 Chey was instrumental in my own healing journey and I’m so excited to introduce you all to her…I know you’re going to enjoy the conversation as much as I did…ladies and gents, Cheyenne Ellis.

You can follow Cheyenne at @cheyenneellis

Intro music by @joshjameslim

All other music licensed by Epidemic Sound

Get full access to Never The Same at neverthesame.substack.com/subscribe

This episode is a little different from the ones that are going to follow. It’s my story, and it’s how I got to be sitting here in LA, making a podcast about navigating uncertainty. It’s about how I became the person that I am today, scrapes and scars included. It’s about how what they don’t tell you about getting everything you ever wanted is that you also have everything to lose…and how losing everything can teach you more about yourself than you ever really wanted to know. At its core, it’s about how building back is best done as a community project, where the weight of carrying each piece is shared.

Many thanks to everyone who has supported me thus far, and to those of whom I don't yet know...I hope this helps.

To hear future episodes please subscribe below, and feel free to follow along the daily journey at @jordanpchiu.

🙏🙏🙏,

Jordan

Title music by @joshjameslim

All other music licensed by Epidemic Sound.

Get full access to Never The Same at neverthesame.substack.com/subscribe