New Ways New You ( Tendrils of Grief- Life After Grief)

Brigette Squire is a recent graduate of IIN and she is dedicated to working on issues that trouble people in areas of mental, reproductive, and digestive health. She also mentors members of the community on how to eat holistically. She has her own business, Ebb And Flow Holistic Care, and is a community volunteer within the Christian Roberts Foundation.

Key Takeaways:

• Brigette shares her grief story. Her younger brother was murdered two years ago.
• Because of COVID, it's been hard to get closure + there were no witnesses to the crime.
• The people who were responsible for the murder might be let free. This is a hard faith to grapple with.
• How does Brigette find her center?
• Brigette and her family decided to continue to carry on her brother's life work.
• Brigette is a very optimistic person, but that by default doesn't mean she ignores what's happening.
• When you focus on the negative, all you see is negative.
• Whatever is happening in your life, face the feelings. It's okay to feel sad.
• Why is meditation so important to Brigette?
• Brigette made a conscious effort to seek out the good in others.
• What advice does Brigette have for someone in grief?

Resources:

Yourtopix.com

Tope Folarin is a Nigerian-American writer. He won the 2013 Caine Prize for African Writing for his short story "Miracle". In his first novel, A Particular Kind of Black Man, Tope writes about a Nigerian family, new to America, as they try to assimilate and it takes from themes he had experienced throughout his life in America. Tope shares his grief story about his mother and her struggles with mental illness in this week's episode.

Key Takeaways:

• Tope shares his grief story.
• Tope's mother didn't pass away, but it felt like she was gone through her illness.
• When Tope's mother left, a lot of deep wounds were created and there was just a lack of understanding on why.
• Tope had to undergo a very tough journey when it came to forgiveness of himself and his mother.
• How did Tope get over his anger?
• As a way to cope with Tope's sadness and grief, he became hyper focused in school.
• Tope wanted to feel like a whole person again.
• We are all on this journey together. No one truly has all the answers.
• Do you believe 'good things' don't happen to you?
• If you tie your life to achieving specific goals, you will never truly be happy.
• Tope's father would always remind him to be thankful for everything you have.
• In every crisis, there is an opportunity.
• Grief can come in and then you end up structuring your life around it, not realizing there is a pest in your house.
• Tope shares some of the benefits he's received by going through hardship.
• What advice does Tope have for someone going through grief?

Resources:

Topefolarin.com

Tope Folarin

Tope's book: A Particular Kind of Black Man: A Novel

After losing her infant son in 2011, Catherine McNulty embarked on a journey to do more than survive grief. The loss forever changed the trajectory of her life and sent her looking for meaning and purpose for the life she was given. She channeled the love for her son into her own healing, self-growth and personal empowerment. In this week's episode, she shares her grief journey and how we can get better at recovering from grief during this process.

Key Takeaways:

• Catherine shares her grief story and how she got started on this journey.
• Catherine left the hospital twice as a mother without a child.
• People aren't aware of how common a miscarriage is among women.
• Grief can be a lot harder for women who have lost a child because it's so unexpected.
• People don't know what to do with you when you're the one experiencing the loss of a child.
• How did Catherine recover from her loss?
• Going through grief can be a lot quicker and easier than it needs to be. There are tools out there to help you get out of it.
• Why isn't there a manual for grief??
• Catherine believes she's a better mother because of her experiences and everything that she's gone through.
• There's no 'getting back to normal' when grief is considered. You live in a new normal.
• Celebrities bring so much awareness to issues, but a lot of people suffer in silence.
• How can people better show up for their friends and family when someone they know has had a miscarriage?
• Remember anniversaries. Remember the day they lost someone.
• People just kind of wait for you to get better, but it takes time.
• What advice does Catherine have for those who have experienced a miscarriage?
• You can choose to be a victim, but there comes a point where you become tired of being miserable.

Resources:

Griefinspired.com

Catherine's book: THE GIFTS OF GRIEF: Grief Was An Unwanted Gift That Changed My Life

Paula Stevens is the author of 'From Grief to Growth', which details how you can give grief a purpose. She wrote the book and got into grief and trauma after her son passed away unexpectedly while home on leave from the army. Paula focuses on how we can become whole again and work on ourselves in the face of tragedy. In this episode, Paula shares why people, especially close friends, choose to distance themselves from you during your toughest times and how you can learn to grow from this experience.

Key Takeaways:

• Paula shares her grief journey and how she lost her child.
• Through the writing of her book, Paula realized that she has had a long history with grief.
• Paula knew that when she rebuilt her heart and put back the pieces, it would become bigger than ever before.
• What do you say when you know someone has passed?
• You're going to have to do the work one way or the other. It can be a negative experience or a good one, but you do choose.
• Susan thought she'd have a friend for life, but after Paul passed, the friendship turned sour.
• Our culture just doesn't deal with grief very well, and we don't have protected rituals around that.
• People distance themselves while you're grieving because they might have trouble facing their mortality.
• You can either point your anger and pain outward or work with it inward.
• Choose what you want to focus on.
• When someone is distancing themselves from you, it means they're suffering. Paula puts some things into perspective.
• Why did Paula decide to write a book?
• How can you protect yourself from people who might hurt you, abandon you, etc?

Resources:

From Grief to Growth: 5 Essential Elements of Action to Give Grief Purpose and Grow from Your Experience by Paula Stephens

Judy Thureson has a genuine desire to see people live their most authentic life. In the last decade, she has helped hundreds of clients focus on their mental, physical, and spiritual health. In 2019, Judy experienced the tragic loss of her eighteen-year-old son, Jacob, to an opioid overdose. She wrote the book Beautiful Tragedy chronicling her experience and introduces the GIVE Principle.

Key Takeaways:

• Judy lost her son to the opioid crisis. She shares her grief story.
• Judy shares how those two weeks of Jacob being unconscious were a gift.
• Unfortunately, visiting Jacob in the ER due to a drug overdose was not Judy's first time.
• Jacob had so many recoveries prior due to his drug abuse, but Judy knew that this time it was different.
• There is a lot of judgement from other people about losing someone to addiction.
• Shame breeds and grows in silence.
• We all do stupid things as kids, but sadly these children are not making it out okay. These drugs are way more addictive than what we were exposed to in our youth.
• Hope and despair and misery and joy can all live in the same space.
• There is peace at the end of the grief.
• We are so ill-equipped when it comes to managing grief.
• What are the four pillars of GIVE?
• It's okay to sleep in and just take care of yourself.
• We're all on this journey together.
• Why did Judy write her book?
• Love wholeheartedly and make the effort to share fully. Do not be afraid to hold back.
• There is a lot of good that has come out of Judy's tragedy.

Resources:

Judythureson.com

Beautiful Tragedy by Judy Thureson

Sean Tobias Ambriz is an American soldier that has served in a variety of duties in the military including driver, gunner, platoon medic, team leader, designated squad marksmen, and more. Sean enlisted in 2008 at the height of the war and shares his experiences as a soldier who has lost important people in his life from act of war or from suicide. Listen in as we hear from his perspective on trauma, anxiety, and PTSD.

Key Takeaways:

• Sean shares his journey with grief and trauma as a soldier.
• Death is constantly around you, but you get used to it.
• When you get home from war, it changes how you interact with the world.
• Sean always has a plan to kill someone. This is just training that doesn't go away.
• How does PTSD show up in Sean's life?
• Military people live in an anxiety bubble where death can happen at any time and at any moment.
• Susan often struggled with the 'Why'.
• Sean often asked himself why he survived his deployments and his friends did not.
• How does Sean process all the grief in a healthy way?
• The veteran suicide rate is an epidemic.
• What can you do to better handle anxiety and PTSD?
• There is so much power in sharing your story.
• What is Sean's book about?
• How did Sean build his resiliency and keep moving forward with his life?
• Sean shares some final words of wisdom.

Resources:

Veteransreferringveterans.com

Ghosts of the Valley by Sean Tobias Ambriz

Meghan Smith Brooks is an Ordained Unity Minister and the author of Unraveling Grief: A Mother's Spiritual Journey of Healing and Discovery, which details her grief experience when she lost her son when he was just 19 years old. Meghan shares how she was able to pull herself out and find a sense of gratitude to this new path she has been set on in this week's episode.

Key Takeaways:

• Meghan shares her grief story and the murder of her son.
• Meghan spent two months walking around like she wasn't in her body.
• How did Meghan find gratitude after she found out about her son's death?
• Meghan is so grateful that she had a spiritual foundation to stand on.
• Pain and loss is part of our human reality.
• Meghan still has moments where she wants to scream.
• Sometimes you have to forgive the people who killed your loved one, not for their sake, but for yours.
• You can live in a dark hole when someone you love passes away, but it's up to you to get past that.
• Susan remembers her arguing with her husband on where to go to eat.
• It's a choice to be angry at someone.
• Grief is your teacher. It broke Meghan open.
• When Meghan wrote her book, it helped her oldest son cope.
• It becomes an ongoing blessing when you can be vulnerable and create something beautiful out of your pain.
• How does Meghan spiritually help people in grief?
• Everyday you get to choose how you will show up and what you do to make a difference.
• Keep breathing, keep moving forward.

Resources:

Unityawakeningways.org

Meghan on LinkedIn

Unraveling Grief: A Mother's Spiritual Journey of Healing and Discovery

Sandy Weiner, founder of Last First Date and The Woman of Value, is passionate about helping women communicate and lead with power and grace. She guides women to know their true worth, do work that lights them up, and live up to their potential in every way. Sandy shares her grief story and how to navigate grief.

Key Takeaways:

• Sandy shares her grief story with her son.
• At the age of 5, Sandy lost her son. They said it was an 'ear infection' at first.
• When seeking comfort for her grief, the hospital staff treated her so poorly. What was going on? She just lost a child.
• Sandy asked to do a CAT scan and none of the doctors were listening to her.
• Susan understands completely. She had to corner a doctor to get the real information about her husband. They just didn't want to tell her.
• Instead of fighting her son's diagnosis, Sandy chose to accept it.
• How does Sandy celebrate her son's life?
• Life is short. Stop being in toxic relationships. It's time to empower yourself.
• You have control over what you will allow in your life.
• What happened to your friends who couldn't handle your grief?
• People don't know what you need if you don't tell them.
• It's so important to communicate with your friends.
• When you're grieving sometimes, you don't always know what you want.
• How can friends show up and be helpful?
• Susan remembers how she had so much food after her husband passed. She had to throw it away.
• Not happy with how someone is treating you? Speak up.
• If you fall apart, everybody else does.
• Need coaching as a widow? Reach out to Sandy.

Resources:

Lastfirstdate.com

Sandy with LinkedIn

Christi Staib is the President of Silver Sail Wealth Advisors and works with her clients on making sure they have a secure financial future. After losing her husband, Christi found herself in grief and navigating this complex financial world. This is the second episode with Christi as she discusses how to make the best financial decision for your family while in grief, how to avoid scams and the best ways to set financial boundaries.

Key Takeaways:

• Widowers need to protect themselves from people who don't have their best interests at heart.
• When someone passes away, you're in a vulnerable state and you might open your heart up to family members who want to take advantage of you.
• How long after grief should you be making important financial decisions?
• People felt guilty when they bought something that made them feel happy.
• When Susan was grieving, someone asked her to invest in a business.
• There are emotions that come out of nowhere, especially when you're talking about your finances without your loved one for the first time.
• How can you spot a professional scammer?
• Susan shares an example of a professional scammer and how they specifically target widows.
• These scammers are brilliant. They have thought of everything to keep you hooked.
• Listen to your network. They know when something is up. Tell them about the people you're dating. They will help protect you.
• Some people know they are being scammed, and don't care. They just want the connection.
• How do you protect your financial boundaries?
• Are you overspending?
• Vet your potential partner through their friends.
• Before you give anyone money, look at their relationship with money.
• What are some of the signs someone might be taking advantage of you financially?
• When the money runs out, the scammer will leave.
• Know your limits and trust your friends. If enough people are saying the same thing, you have to pay attention to it.
• Get an advocate in your corner to help protect you.

Resources:

Silversailwealthadvisors.com

Silversailwealthadvisors.com/team/Christi Staib

The Secrets of the Power of Intention by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

Navigating the Unique Financial Needs of Women Today: Smart Steps for Women and Their Wealth by Christi Staib

Christi Staib is the President of Silver Sail Wealth Advisors and works with her clients on making sure they have a secure financial future. After losing her husband, Christi found herself in grief and navigating this complex financial world. There are so many things you don't consider after a loved one passes and this is why Christi has created a financial checklist to help fellow widows navigate this foreign world. This is a two-part series, so stay tuned for next week's episode with Christi!

Key Takeaways:

• A little bit about Christi and her background in wealth management.
• This is a two-part series on how to gracefully navigate death and money.
• Christi shares her grief story.
• After losing her husband in a scuba diving accident, she found purpose again in helping others.
• Why are we poor?
• What does someone need to do/think about to keep their finances safe after a loss?
• Call the social security office, attorney, accountant, and insurance.
• Have a safety deposit in the bank? Access it before you notify the bank about your loved one's passing.
• Christi shares a list of documents you also need to be looking for/need to find.
• People also don't think that you can transfer airline miles and other points onto someone else.
• Susan has heard stories of widows losing their home and having to take on a second job.
• Money is such a big topic, often taboo, and it caused Susan a lot of anxiety trying to navigate how much money you need to be okay.
• It can be so tough to even just sell the car or the house when there are so many memories attached to it.
• People will give you the 'should' dos on when to sell things, but at the end of the day, it's your decision.
• How should you be thinking about money as you navigate the grief process?
• What are some of the most common mistakes people make in their financial planning?
• Everyone has made some bad mistakes with money.
• What advice does Christi have for someone battling with grief and money?
• Christi also shares her advice on how friends and family help a grieving person with their finances.
• Consider giving your friend or family member the gift of a financial advisor.

Resources:

Silversailwealthadvisors.com

Silversailwealthadvisors.com/team/Christi Staib

The Secrets of the Power of Intention by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

Navigating the Unique Financial Needs of Women Today: Smart Steps for Women and Their Wealth by Christi Staib