Nightly News Roundup

Nightly News Roundup

By Jason ThompsonComedyNewsGovernment
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Nightly News Roundup episodes

  • Nightly News Roundup for Mar. 3, 2026

    Tonight: Donald Trump kills Iran's supreme leader and its entire replacement bench in the same strike package and explains from the Oval Office that the next guy might be worse, Kash Patel fires America's Iran intelligence unit four days before America goes to war with Iran because personal loyalty outranks national security and always will, Kristi Noem sits before the Senate for four hours and declines to apologize for anything including the dog, Marco Rubio tells Congress Israel's plans set the clock and Trump tells reporters he set the clock and both men work for the same government, Alex Jones becomes the most intellectually consistent voice in American foreign policy commentary and no one knows what to do with that, the VA eliminates 14,400 medical positions at hospitals that were already short-staffed and assures veterans the math is fine, and United States military commanders invoke the Book of Revelation to explain a live war to active-duty troops because Pete Hegseth has been running the Pentagon since January. Tape rolls.



    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    6 min
  • Nightly News Roundup for Mar. 2, 2026
    Tonight: Donald Trump promises the big wave is coming for a nuclear program he already claimed to have destroyed, JD Vance discovers that opinions have consequences and silence is a full-time job, Pete Hegseth stands at the Pentagon podium and explains that America didn’t start the war America started while somehow not mentioning the three American jets Kuwait just shot out of the sky, six kids are dead and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs tells the country to pencil in more, Bill Clinton spends six hours explaining a painting he’s never seen of himself in a dress hanging in a pedophile’s apartment, Lindsey Graham calls Cuba and announces its days are numbered while the Middle East is already on fire, a federal court tells the Trump administration it has 90 days to return tariff money it was never allowed to collect and approximately zero days to stall, and somewhere in all of this, Barron Trump has bone spurs. Tape rolls.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    6 min
  • Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 20, 2026

    Tonight: The Supreme Court rules Trump's tariffs illegal and he announces more tariffs, calls his own appointees traitors, and promises to "find out" what evidence he doesn't have, three hundred billion dollars in illegal charges hits American consumers who are now told to lawyer up and wait five years, Trump threatens to bomb a nuclear program he already claims to have destroyed while two carrier groups idle offshore and nobody mentions Iraq, Jeffrey Epstein's files stay buried while Pete Hegseth posts alien emojis, GDP limps to 1.4% and the president blames everyone except the man in the mirror, the Labor Secretary is under investigation for strip clubs and a bodyguard while her husband gets trespassed from her own building, and the U.S. Air Force is out here doing its job with quiet professionalism while the Commander-in-Chief threatens the judiciary. Also, America plays Canada for hockey gold Sunday morning and it is never too early. Tape rolls.



    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    6 min
  • Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 18 & 19, 2026
    Tonight: A British prince gets arrested on his 66th birthday while his brother issues a statement and his sister tours a prison voluntarily, the president invokes the Defense Production Act to save a cancer-linked weedkiller from litigation while his own health secretary quietly dissolves into irrelevance, the Justice Department hangs the president's portrait on its own building and apparently sees nothing wrong with that, Trump tells a roomful of kings he might bomb Iran in ten days or possibly not while oil spikes 7% and the hedge funds start popping bottles, Palantir pays zero federal taxes on $1.5 billion in profits while billing the government for the surveillance apparatus your money built, a Texas Railroad Commission candidate refines his deportation policy down to four specific indigenous women and cannot identify a destination country for people who were here before countries existed, and Hilary Knight scored with 124 seconds left in her final Olympics because some people simply will not go quietly. Tape rolls.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    12 min
  • Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 17, 2026
    Tonight: DHS's chief spokesliar bolts before the subpoenas clear customs, Epstein's New Mexico ranch transfers from convicted pedophile to MAGA tax cheat without missing a beat, the FCC weaponizes airtime rules to gag a comedy show while the First Amendment files for disability, Iran threatens to sink American carriers as Jared Kushner negotiates the apocalypse over uranium, an 18-year-old drives a tactical arsenal to the Capitol steps and gets politely arrested, federal workers guard the president for free because ICE refuses to wear cameras, and Jesse Jackson, the kid arrested for reading while Black, finally put the book down. Democracy's gargling mouthwash. Tape rolls.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    6 min
  • Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 16, 2026

    Tonight: Federal agents execute citizens then hide the evidence, Trump rages at California's climate diplomacy from his nursing home, billionaire donors offshore Ohio while preaching America First, the FBI seizes Georgia ballots to relitigate 2020, DHS builds dissident databases with tech company cheerleaders, Ohio senators pocket Epstein money then vote to bury the files, and RFK Jr. torches vaccine innovation because brainworms make policy now. Democracy's in hospice care. Tape rolls.



    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    6 min
  • Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 13, 2026
    Tonight: Minneapolis murders meet Munich getaways, ICE agents perjure for sport, Trump pardons corpses and cocaine cowboys, aircraft carriers pretend diplomacy works, Western states delay drowning, Noem turns DHS into influencer content, and Norway's Nobel chief vacationed at Epstein's rape island. Consequences took the long weekend, carnage clocks in. Tape rolls.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    6 min
  • Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 12, 2026
    Tonight: RFK Jr.'s relapse politics, Pam Bondi’s espionage cosplay, Kushner’s nuclear vanity projects, Kristi Noem’s QVC border theater, and lasers vs. balloons in El Paso. Democracy’s on bathroom break — tape rolls.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    7 min
  • Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 11, 2026
    Tonight: Bondi vs. Epstein’s survivors, National Guard ghost withdrawals, Gallup pulls the plug on America’s vital signs, Trump’s Venezuela smash‑and‑grab hits an oil veto, and Jeanine Pirro’s sedition circus dies in the grand jury room. Outrage engineered for hate‑lovers. Tape rolls.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    5 min
  • Nightly News Roundup for Feb. 10, 2026
    Tonight: Epstein Island Family Lunch, Billionaire Redactions, Vance's Sweatshop Speech, Trump vs. Hockey Bridges, EPA Kills Climate Science, Vetting John Busted for Hookers, DHS Shutdown Poker. Outrage engineered for hate-lovers. Tape rolls.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    5 min

About Nightly News Roundup

From the publisher's feed

A news headline show for people who love to hate the news and hate to love the news.

Art by Cory Drake.

Hosted on Acast. See