The investigator may be private, but this episode is for public consumption. Okay, that didn't make sense, but you can tell by the title Andre and Jake are talking MR. MONK, PRIVATE EYE.

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If you find yourself on whatever 2021's version of ChatRoulette is, make sure you recommend this podcast to everyone you talk to. Even the people who are pleasuring themselves (a listen is a listen).

Love is blind, and so is Mr. Monk in this episode. We're talking MR. MONK CAN'T SEE A THING.

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If you are somehow a priest listening to this podcast, recommend it during your next homily. I'm sure God will forgive you.

If you don't listen to this episode, it's a technical foul. Andre and Jake hit the showers to talk MR. MONK AND THE BIG GAME.

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Next time you're at a party (post-COVID, obviously), do this podcast in charades. Yeah, yeah, no one is gonna get it, but then you have a fun podcast to recommend to them.

Something stinks, and it's not this episode! Andre and Jake talk MR. MONK AND THE GARBAGE STRIKE!

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If you are a member of any radical organizations of any kind, please include a recommendation of this podcast in the literature you hand out at your meetings.

We start off season five with an absolute banger of an episode - MR. MONK AND THE ACTOR.

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If you are in charge of putting audio onto the next Golden Record that they send on a hypothetical Voyager III, please put an episode of this podcast on there.

The end of season four is upon us, and Andre and Jake have the pleasure of talking MR. MONK GETS JURY DUTY.

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If you are in a famous rock band, please put a subliminal message in one of your songs that says, "LISTEN TO NO FUNKIN, STRICTLY MONKIN" when you play it backwards.

If it isn't Lt. Randall Disher himself! That's right, the guys are joined by one of the stars of Monk, Jason Gray-Stanford, to talk about his time on the show, his favorite moments, and what makes MR. MONK GOES TO THE DENTIST such a special Randy episode.

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If flash mobs ever become a thing again (I hope they don't, but IF), make a flash mob where the ultimate message is that the viewer should listen to this podcast.

Andre and Jake are cleared for takeoff (with secret escape pod in tow) to talk MR. MONK AND THE ASTRONAUT!

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When you get your COVID vaccine, recommend this show to the person vaccinating you.

Diamonds are forever, but this episode is about 53 minutes long. Listen to Andre and Jake talk MR. MONK AND THE BIG REWARD!

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If you're in high school, leave a note in your crush's locker but instead of telling him or her that they are your crush, the note says that they should listen to this podcast.

These things happen. And by "things," I mean Andre and Jake talking MR. MONK AND THE CAPTAIN'S MARRIAGE.

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If by some miracle you happen to be proficient in skywriting, please write "LISTEN TO NO FUNKIN, STRICTLY MONKIN" in the sky on a clear day at the beach.