Let these words sink in:

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

shitshitshitshitshitshit

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

Now, let this sink in:

Your piano playing sounds like f*****g s**t because you can’t even read these words without obsessing over the moral decay of society.

Stop being so entitled.

Do some f*****g work.

—Michael

P.S. I may have a few ideas for you, but first, I’ve got to check something. I need to know that we’re on the same page with all this theoretical s**t. What you need to do is reflect it back to me, so that I can verify.

P.P.S. It’s not just your piano playing. I would bet money that your relationships suffer from the same…quirks.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nomichaelhere.substack.com

A fellow trendsetter posed the following problem to me:

“I’ve got all these great creative ideas, but when I go to do them, I get bored and quit and do something else. As a result, I never make any money because I’m not sticking around long enough to build whatever I’m trying to build.”

Here’s what I think: you’re wrong about what’s causing this.

It’s NOT because:

* You’re stressed out

* You’re anxious

* You can’t focus

* You don’t have creative inspiration

* You don’t have follow-through

* You have too much ADHD

* You don’t have enough ideas

* You have too many ideas

* You have too many interests

The problem is none of that.

It’s more about BPD. It’s fear of abandonment. You’re abandoning your work before anything gets good. You abandon it before it abandons you. Typical BPD behavior.

But, work doesn’t abandon you and projects don’t abandon you. People abandon you. So, you’re afraid of people, because you don’t want to be abandoned.

This is something you need to fix.

Your work sucks.

Do it for your work’s sake.

Look at it objectively, your social media posts. Things get good and then what happens? You delete all the posts. Come on.

This is the definition of a boring social media account: an account with no posts. Of course you’re bored. Everyone’s bored. You’ve engineered it that way. You’ve guaranteed this is not a project worth sticking around for. Of course you’re going to go do something more exciting.

“But, Michael. It’s not abandonment I have a problem with. It’s conflict! I love people. As long as we’re getting along, everything’s great.”

You know that’s b******t. You know you can’t be like that. You know that’s not really what you want.

You know how I know that? Because you’re so funny when you get going and you feel safe enough to say what’s on your mind.

You come up with things that are funny and witty. They’re not nice and they don’t avoid conflict. They’re actually pretty oppositional.

I see that twinkle in your eye and I know you’re having fun. This isn’t rocket science. That’s where you need to be if you want to have fun.

(Of course, then you have to deal with the fact that people might leave. I think you might be overblowing those fears, but that’s another topic.)

You want conflict.

Don’t kid yourself.

You’re all about conflict.

—Michael

P.S. If you prefer audio, you should know that the audio version of this post is recorded by me. It’s not AI-generated or whatever.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nomichaelhere.substack.com

I got this Instagram DM from a future superstar:

“I’m not moving my body freely when I play piano, because I’d rather play well first. I’ve always struggled with hand positioning, you brought up a weird way I put my hand that I hadn’t noticed, accepted and now try not to.”

That’s not good enough.

Remember what Yoda said: “Do or do not. There is no try.”

So, let’s make this practical. Otherwise, it’s just philosophy, and that won’t make you any better at piano.

Yoda tells you to “do”. Do what? What, Yoda? Specifically, what do I do?

And he’ll reply: “Make a video where you focus on theatrical spice instead of playing well.”

Don’t “try” to make a video. Make a video. Don’t “try” to focus on theatrical spice. Focus on theatrical spice.

Do it. Don’t try.

So, here’s my offer: if you do it, send it to me and I’ll give you some comments.

I won’t “try” to give you comments. I’ll give you comments.

—Michael

P.S. Stop trying to play well. If you want to learn piano as an adult, moving your body freely has to be more important than playing well. There’s a reason kids learn faster: they move their bodies freely, by default. But, as adults, we’ve been taught to disconnect from our bodies (I don’t mean you were taught that by a piano teacher, but by society, your friends, your parents, everything). So, you have to fight against that programming, or you’re screwed. Fuhgeddaboudit.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nomichaelhere.substack.com

In this video, you can see a familiar riff from the song “Bohemian Rhapsody”.

The video shows the wrong way to play it and the right way. I’m emphasizing the word “see” rather than “hear” because this is obvious when you’re looking but not so obvious when you’re listening.

I can see, just by watching, that there’s all this extra effort. Maybe you don’t know what you’re looking at, but I know you can feel it.

I can feel it too because I’ve been there.

I’ve got an explanation for why it’s hard: you’re leading with your thumb and I’m not. That’s why it’s hard for you and easy for me.

So, what do we do about that?

You say you have to practice it 10,000 more times and then it’s going to be easy. And that might be true. But, it didn’t take me 10,000 times to play this.

You’ve got to be more like ME

I don’t think you understand how powerful you’d be if you upped your sensitivity. Because that’s what it’s going to take: more sensitivity.

It seems like such a minor tweak, but it’s really not. Unfortunately, it’s going to cost you your soul.

Your whole entire soul is wrapped up in the way you move your body. The way you do these tiny things tells me everything about you, about your whole way of looking at the world.

This is not a decision to be made lightly.

I don’t even know how you would make the decision. You’re going to have to let go of whatever you’re trying to do right now and do something else instead.

You’re going to have to pay attention

It’s like meditation. You have to go deep into minute nuances and pay close attention to what’s behind your urges to move a certain way. It’s subtle.

Why are you balancing in this direction? Why put the weight there and not there? Why do you turn slightly this way and not that way? Tiny little things.

The only way to change them is to pay attention to your feelings. You know it feels bad. You may not know why you’re doing it but you know what it feels like.

You’re wrong about why you’re doing it

You think it’s because:

* you’re a beginner

* you don’t have enough experience

* Michael is so much better because he’s so much more experienced.

No, it’s because your priorities are screwed up.

You’re uncomfortable but you’re pushing through it. You’re forcing your body to do something it’s not designed to do. You’re doing that because you’re trying to impress people.

Stop trying to impress people.

Try to suck even more.

Keep your eye on the prize

It’s going to stop feeling hard and it’s going to start feeling easy. You’re going to have more control, and as a result, you’ll impress more people. And then you’ll forget why this was ever hard.

So, fix it.

Yeah, no one’s going to understand what you’re doing, but they don’t have to understand.

They’re not your peers.

They’re your future public.

—Michael

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nomichaelhere.substack.com

Let me give a quick recap about why you suck at piano, because I don't think this is a matter of lacking clarity. I think there's something else going on, so I want to throw it out here as a way of starting a conversation.

Here’s how you look at the problem

From your perspective, you have no time for piano because you need to spend all your time making money. But, you have ADHD, so no matter what happens, you're not capable anyway.

Now (according to you), the way to fix this is to:

* Get your life in order.

* Dedicate/block time for music.

* Work the calendar.

* Put in the reps.

* Get clarity, then money, and then ask for help.

And here’s how I look at it

I disagree. I think you’re wrong.

My diagnosis is that you have Perpetual Novice Syndrome (PNS):

* You’re afraid to screw up.

* You’re afraid to make a fool of yourself.

* You’re afraid to embarrass yourself.

* You’re comfortable where you are because you've found a familiar role.

* You don’t trust yourself.

* You don’t even like yourself.

It has nothing to do with money or time.

It has to do with the fact that you’re afraid.

You don’t want to be seen as someone who’s failing or screwing up. You don’t want to embarrass yourself, so you’ll just stay a novice forever.

But that’s OK with you because you enjoy being a novice and are comfortable with it. You even tell stories about it and try to recruit everyone else into going along with it.

See, that’s the most insidious thing about this virus: it makes you try to recruit everyone else into playing along with your nonsensical stories. It’s a horrendous disorder.

Treatment options

Unfortunately, there’s only one way to treat Perpetual Novice Syndrome and it’s NOT about putting in more reps.

What you need to do is get over your fears and be a failure (which you are, so you might as well come to terms with it). Then, we can move on and have real conversations about interesting things instead of this b******t.

—Michael

P.S. My offer still stands.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nomichaelhere.substack.com

Here's the thing: maybe we're not ready for clarity. Maybe we should sit with the confusion for a bit longer.

Why rush through this? Why rush to a point where you know what to do next? Would that be based on anything, on what’s happening NOW? No, it would be based on idealizations about the future.

See, I don't think we've hit rock bottom yet. There’s an order to things, and I’m expecting that before we find clarity, we first hit rock bottom.

With your permission, I'd like to drive us further down towards rock bottom.

Where we are right now, does this feel like fun?

Do you feel light? Creative? Joyful? Optimistic? Hopeful?

Those are the feelings I’d expect if we were at a point where clarity would emerge. There would be creative optimism.

But, right now, I’m feeling heaviness.

I’m assuming it feels the same way to you. I could get all metaphysical about it, but we're part of an interconnected system. So, my feelings will be mirrored somewhere in your feelings.

So, let me be a mirror for a second.

Here’s what I see when I look at you.

You're used to the heaviness

It's comfortable to you, familiar.

You like being overworked.

You like being too busy.

You like having no time.

It gives you a way to externalize your failure.

It reminds you of school

You know that, in school, you could have done better if only you had applied yourself. But, you didn't apply yourself because there was just “too much work” and “too little work ethic”. It’s not your fault.

OK, fine.

But…you like it. You’re comfortable with that role. It’s a familiar, feel-good story. Satisfying, like comfort food.

You even have a familiar script (I’ve heard you recite it more than once) about how lazy you are and how much you disapprove of yourself and how much better things are going to be in the future once you finally get your s**t together.

I see what you’re doing but I'm not buying it.

Your s**t was never together and it never will be.

Your destiny lies elsewhere. You’re not the kind of person who’s going to get their s**t together. I’m sorry to tell you. If it hasn’t happened by now, what are the chances it’s going to happen? Might as well accept it.

(And please, even though I’m right, don't tell me you agree with me. Don't praise my writing. It makes me a little nutty. If you want to make me happy, talk shop with me.)

My offer

If you’d like to have a clarity-seeking conversation about piano, hit me up. No charge. I can't promise clarity and I can't promise I’ll be nice or tell you what you want to hear, but I'll show up and give what I can give. I won't try to sell you anything (unless the conversation goes in that direction organically).

—Michael

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nomichaelhere.substack.com

Lately, I’ve been asking a bunch of people, “how’s it going with piano?”, and by far, the most common answer is “It’s not, sadly! Been insanely busy lately but it’s all good!”

Since I’m a piano teacher, you may think I’ve some particular reaction to that answer. I don’t know, but I’m not judging it. I don’t think it’s a bad answer, but I do want to know where it’s coming from.

I want to know what this conversation even is.

So, let me if I’m following this.

Piano used to be important to you but now it’s not.

Or, maybe I should say:

You used to NOT be too busy for piano and now you’re too busy.

To be clear, this isn’t some kind of Jewish guilt trip. It might be true that you’ve got other things going on that are more important than piano. So, I’m not saying piano should be the most important thing. Nor am I saying it should be important at all.

But, I want to understand what’s going on because something’s not adding up.

For example, if a personal trainer were to ask, “how’s it going with your working out?”, you wouldn’t say “I’m too busy to exercise.” At least, you wouldn’t say it without some kind of shame, with a straight face.

Or, if a doctor were to ask you “how’s it going with that cancer treatment?”, you wouldn’t say “tbh I’ve been more focused on making money lately, but thanks for asking.”

So, why is it socially acceptable to be too busy for piano but not too busy for your health?

Now, I’m not saying it shouldn’t be socially acceptable to be too busy for piano. I don’t think piano is as important as your health. But, if it’s not important, why did you ever do it? Why would anybody ever do it? Why not just take that time you spend on piano and spend it on health?

I want to understand the difference.

Why is it easier to say—with a straight face—that you don’t have time for piano than it is to say that about health? Or, about relationships? Or money? Or vacations? Or religion? Or the environment?

I could make a whole list of things where you can’t say you don’t have time for them. And I could make a list where you can say that.

Piano’s on the second list. Why?

I want to understand the implications of this. What’s going on with society?

Ok, maybe that’s not entirely honest of me…this isn’t just a philosophical thing. I want to understand what’s going on in this conversation.

What’s the real conversation we should be having? Because I don’t think this is it. But, it seems to me we have to work through this one before we can get to the real one.

Help me out here.

—Michael

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nomichaelhere.substack.com

You suck at piano. It sounds like s**t when you play. I hate listening to it.

You mess up even the most basic things. But, you care more about not messing up than what it sounds like.

You don't care what it sounds like. You don't care about keeping a steady beat.

You care so much about doing it right that you're not willing to leave out notes, to make a decision, to have an opinion.

It's horrible and sounds worse because you care so much about doing it right, being a good student, getting a pat on the head or a gold star.

You don't care about the results of your actions. It's like you're cooking and don't care how it tastes. You say, "I followed the recipe."

"I was only following orders."

It's pathetic. You're self-absorbed and in denial.

You don't care about making it sound good with the pedal. You want to press the pedal down and say, "I pressed the pedal down. I'm doing it right." But, you don't care what it sounds like.

It would be impossible to sing along to your playing.

It’s not music. It's horrible. Do you get it???

Your friends and family are probably telling you it sounds good.

They're lying to you. But, that's OK because you're lying to them. You're telling them you're happy with it.

"I'm doing piano. Everything's great."

You're lying to me and probably lying to yourself. There's an aura of dishonesty around you. It's bad. Your playing is bad. Your character is bad. It's evil.

You're not willing to admit you care. You just want to stick your head in the sand. You're addicted to positivity. You don't care about reality.

You say "I like it this way" when you don't actually like it this way. I don't know how you look in the mirror.

You don't like it but you think you should like it. You say, "I'm just a beginner. This is the most I can expect. This is good for a beginner."

No, it’s not good for anybody (except for maybe a ROCK).

It's total b******t.

I don't know what else to tell you.

—Michael

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nomichaelhere.substack.com

You get that piano's hard, right? You're not going to master it overnight.

I know you've got other stuff going on, but I don't see how that's relevant. You're always going to have other stuff going on. It's been that way your whole life and it'll always be that. One project after the next.

Hold on. You’re hypnotizing me. Again.

Damn it. We need to back up.

Can we get more specific about where we're going here?

Like, let's take "piano" off the table. It's too big of a project. It's more of a lifetime journey, like "family" or "health". Not useful for this conversation.

Let's replace it with something more specific, like playing "All of Me" for your wife or whatever.

Btw, I'm not blaming you 100% for this mess we're in. I've allowed myself to be branded as the "piano" guy. But, it's not like you've been pulling your weight. So, we'll share the blame, 50/50.

Now, let’s talk about the division of responsibilities.

I'm doing my part by writing this email.

As for what you can do...

One possible action would be for you to reply and say "yes, Michael, I want to play All of Me for my wife or whatever."

Maybe you're ambivalent about opening Pandora's box with a step like that, but I'm on the same page. I don't know what would happen after that first step, but I think we need to find out. There's only one way to know.

Come on. You're on this list of your own free will. We should be having a back-and-forth here.

—Michael

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nomichaelhere.substack.com

The other day, I was chatting on Instagram with someone who didn't seem all that enthusiastic about piano (this is someone who’s been a client of mine).

I remarked that this lack of enthusiasm was why I didn't want to waste my time chatting about piano. In response, they sent the following message:

"In one of our early conversations about piano, you said something like piano is a lifetime journey. I don’t have the specifics, but I agree, piano is a similar to a vocation vs a job or hobby. It is a skill to be studied (even an elementary study) and practiced. Piano is definitely on my top 5 list of life endeavors."

OK, so my question is: do you think you're using our time well with that reply?

I’m a piano teacher. Is this a good use of my time? Is this a good use of your time? Even if we’re just two people, even if I’m not a piano teacher, is it still a good use of time?

Let me give an analogy.

Imagine you eat at a restaurant and you find a spider in your food. You say to the manager, "there's a spider in my food."

Manager: "Yes, there is."

You: "Can you do something about it?"

Manager: "Not now."

You: "It doesn't sound like you're enthusiastic about customer satisfaction."

Manager: "No, customer satisfaction is actually on our top-5 list of business endeavors. But, we view customer satisfaction as more of a long-term journey. It's something to be practiced. We're not going to get it right every time."

As a piano teacher, that’s what I’m hearing.

It’s like I’m the customer at the restaurant.

—Michael

P.S. I know I sound like a jerk in this email, but actually I agree with you. There's no urgency to "piano" and there shouldn't be. Let's get more specific. We should at least be talking about a Chopin nocturne or something like that, if you want to talk about urgency, about something we can do right now, before the end of our life. That’s the kind of thing I’d think would be a good use of time.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nomichaelhere.substack.com