NOBODY LIKES ONIONS

You’ll be old one day. Patrick turns 47 on Veterans Day and goes live anyway, starting with a leaking water heater and an update on the search for a Hackamania 2027 venue after things with the Plaza fell through. Charles Chance calls in with the story of his job interview at a turkey processing plant, and then Patrick revisits the old Waffle House pull-drop-mark training video, jelly packets and all. Mersh bans a regular chatter on Rumble and brags about his weigh-in, then takes off the jacket and opens up about loneliness and late-night anxiety. After a stretch of Kevin Brennan and Ray DeVito on MLC, Patrick previews Chad Zumock’s Dry Bar special until a Content ID match briefly takes the stream down. The rest of the night is a run of old corporate training videos from Subway, Montgomery Ward, Game Crazy, Toys R Us and RadioShack, with stops for Summer Sinclair and a rambling video about awards along the way.

‘Twas the night before Patrick’s birthday, and after days stuck in bed he found a window to go live, though he admits Hackamania is up in the air. Michael Ray Bower tells the story of his time on the She’s Out of Control set, and Patrick digs into the rumors about who is editing Chad Zumock’s special. Karl Hamburger asks for privacy about Jenny Jingles, and Kevin Brennan spends a long stretch speculating anyway. Mersh melts down over Tojo and Icedancer in an unprecedented fashion right before our very eyes. Then Chad Zumock’s marathon sad show brings canceled Christmas plans, a question over the Dry Bar rights, calls to comedy clubs and plenty of shots at Gino Bisconte. Chad misses his daddy Kevin Brennan and the longer he goes without him, the more cracks we see start to form in the aging wannabe comedian.

It’s a stripped-down version of This Little Piggy, with Patrick catching up with the latest goofs from Aaron Imholte and the Steel Toe Morning Show. Karl from WATP backed out of TLP this week and then went live half an hour earlier on his own channel with Anthony Cumia to cover Aaron, and Patrick spends a good part of the show trying to make sense of it. Echoing Supertips cause audio trouble along the way. Kevin Brennan shows off his freshly cleaned teeth on stream. On the Steel Toe side, Aaron begs his way toward the goal, eats spicy jelly beans for money, writes off Oz’s bonus, goes on an election-night tirade and responds to Moody’s new Toepedia channel. Patrick also lays out his terms for Karl, which include a pie booth at Hackamania, and Peter Sky Parker calls in before the show wraps.

Right, right, right. Patrick pops on for a short, unplanned show after catching Chad Zumock live explaining how he secretly taped his comedy special at Sidesplitters, with his voice shaking the entire time. Chad walks through the two nights and the five-camera crew, and describes coming back Saturday to land the two jokes he wants to name the special after. He blames the people who tape his sets and send them to Patrick and others for forcing him to do it all in secret, and he insists Rocco never actually figured it out. Along the way, Chad trashes and refunds former executive producer Brian Landon and keeps promoting his GoFundMe even though the taping is done. Patrick breaks down the Jason Craig alt account he says Chad used to fake a winner of his death pool, reveals he has a recording of Chad’s Friday night set to compare against the finished special, and accidentally spoils that Roachie was gifted the last two Hackamania black tickets. After a round of Supertips, Chad’s stream drops to a countdown and he ends up striking Patrick’s channel, so Patrick promises to reupload once it comes down.

It’s time for our very own monster mash! Patrick almost canceled tonight’s Halloween show because he was feeling rough, but he powered through, and hanging out with the Onion Army helped him feel better. Let’s watch Kevin Brennan and his band of merry dum dums waste their Saturday night getting along on Misery Loves Company, gang! KarmicX’s vampire impression sucks, and his eyeliner and Kevin’s teeth get a much closer look than either of them would probably like. Sorcerer explains his Hackamania travel routine, Kevin is only now finding out about the $1,000 Hackamania tickets, and the MLC panel wonders whether Chad Zumock’s new romance is just a way to get people to stop talking about his special. Then we move to Chad’s emergency show, where Chad’s insane new story about a woman he was dating makes no sense. He says he met her at a show in Sarasota, and from there the story involves one date by the bay, a famous father who turns out not to be her real father, a stepmother she blocked, plans for a trip to St. Augustine, a breakup over text, and Chad telling her that her safety is now secure. Patrick explains why he thinks Chad will never have a girlfriend, wonders whether Chad can read his own analog clock, and points out that Chad complaining about being contacted is a lot like the emails Chad used to send him. Chad’s show ends with a walk-and-talk in the rain about anonymous threats and a possible police report, and along the way he admits his venue was free, which raises new questions about where the GoFundMe money went.

Patrick wasn’t aware there wasn’t a TLP this week, so let’s get together and see what’s new with Aaron Imholte without Karl laughing and Moody bringing out props. What a bunch of clowns. The show opens with chat and Supertips, a new rumor about Karl’s freckles, and a long run of gibberish Harm voice tips. Patrick then digs into the Steel Toe Morning Show as Aaron spends hours chasing his daily goal and a membership record, asks for money to show a week-old tiger video, says he likes Flimsy because Flimsy dislikes Patrick, and complains about a two-Uber week and a message from his ex-wife. Along the way, Kevin Brennan replays a 12-year-old podcast of Patrick talking about his weight, Patrick calls out Stevie Lou’s Hackamania hypocrisy, and he predicts a breakup between Aaron and SP. The last hour follows Kevin Brennan live on MLC, where viewers send Supertips to push Patrick past Kevin on the Flimsy board while Kevin plays Mike Bocchetti’s appearance on Sam Roberts. Goldfold sends the same Supertip over and over and then demands to be unblocked, and Kevin shows off his freshly cleaned teeth before struggling to end his stream.

Come watch Chad Zumock and react with the community, as YouTube is encouraging us to do! Patrick goes live after a YouTube prompt suggested he watch and react with his community, so he tunes in to Chad’s own show. Chad insists his special is filmed, paid for and being edited, and he claims he always promised it would be 30 minutes, even though Patrick points out he said 27 minutes last week. Patrick also notes that anyone who asked him for their money back got it. After a run of old Supertips, including a long gibberish message read by the text-to-speech voice, Patrick shares his theory that Chad’s attachment to Ric Flair comes from Flair being a dependable father figure on TV when Chad was a kid. Chad then puts his show on hold to go strike Patrick’s channel, and Patrick passes the time with an improvised song. When Chad comes back, he dismisses Pat Dixon as boring and says he doesn’t watch anyone. Once the strike lands, Patrick explains why he sees it as interference with his business rather than a copyright dispute, and he says he expects the matter to settle.

Join Patrick from Nobody Likes Onions, Karl from Who Are These Podcasts?, and Moody from somewhere in the Middle East as they cope and seethe for hours about the goings on of Aaron Imholte from the Steel Toe Morning Show in St. Cloud, Minnesota. This week is sure to be just another win for the toe! Aaron gets recognized at Costco, mocks Karl over an offer to pie him at Hackamania, explains corporate taxes, and loses his voice chasing the goal before calling out sick. Moody gives an update on the restraining order case against Aaron, which has been pushed to December. The crew looks at Aaron’s fishing buddy lawyer, his red court suit and his talk of being a changed man, and Aaron says he would do a weekly show with Chad Zumock. On the evening show, a new donor named Big Fish drops 50 gifted memberships. Later, Aaron spends Oz’s promised $50 bonus on the goal and argues that Rumble’s numbers are the real ones.

Patrick is back after a short break and not feeling great, so he picks up with Chad Zumock’s show after Chad’s exit from Kevin Brennan’s MLC, while Kevin himself hangs out in the chat past midnight. Chad declares that he rides alone, refunds and blasts Brian Landon, one of the top donors to his special, and then reacts to Rocco’s emergency stream, where Brian lays out the timeline and reads his texts with Chad. Chad pitches a movie theater premiere at Sidesplitters and insists the special was shot on ‘Netflix ready’ cameras, so Patrick looks up what those cost to rent as the camera count keeps changing. Rocco’s spy report from the Jim Florentine weekend and a Columbus Funny Bone theory get picked apart, and Chad floats teaming up with Ray minutes after saying he works with nobody. A Demi Moore hype train drifts into mustaches, the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Geraldo Rivera sightings in Cleveland. Chad closes by unboxing his Caitlin Clark shoes, admitting he paid the production company from the GoFundMe, explaining why it had to be Sidesplitters, and taking shots at Patrick’s back injury.

For the love of Melton! A show! Chad Zumock is emotionally broken, lost and fifty-two years of age, and staring down a long empty calendar to nowhere after the secret filming of his special this past weekend. If you’re lost, you ain’t the only one! Come hang out and go over Chad’s latest meltdown, emotional outbursts, and subsequent poor decisions. We can mix in some singing or nudes if you guys are in to that. Tasteful, of course.