Not for Children

I'll cut to the quick: Bryan might have bronchitis so this episode is late. Just like last week. And this description is relatively bare bones, like the movie they watched.

Join us this week as we cruise through 2016's "Ratchet and Clank: The Movie," discuss indentured foster kids and pit alien versus robot.

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Normally I, the disembodied narrator voice of this podcast, would have something more to say. But the hosts of this show have been struck with separate illnesses. Hopefully Scooby and Shaggy's palpable horror didn't leave a ghoul in their ducts!

Join us as we haunt through 1998's "Scooby Doo on Zombie Island," recognize true fear, decide bobbleheads are bobbleheads, and speculate the reality behind that plantation.

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You're Barbie: a young college student forced to take her three young sisters on a three-month trip over summer vacation. Your parents won't explain why, but you have to go to an island and try to get your childhood friend fired from his research job. Also here's four puppies. Don't let anyone die.

Join us this week as we watch 2017's "Barbie: Dolphin Magic," ask for a grownup, love lesbian mermaids, and ask what needs to happen to get Barbie a glare gun.

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Were some things said under duress in this episode? Possibly. But that does not excuse the fact that I was pressured into a corner and when my fight or flight took over the adrenaline got confused and made me talk bad. You don't have to believe me because I'm right.

Join us this week as we wash 2004's "Shark Tale," find another kid's film where someone fakes their death,' give our thoughts about animated, organized crime, and have a good, hearty guffaw.

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We found a movie that Carolina hates. Feel the warmth of her anger burn through the show. The laughter? Real and derisive. The application that allows you to override anyone who identifies as a man's sense of self? You betcha. Now all we need is a dance off between Zendaya and someone about to lose to Zendaya.

Join us this week as we follow 2014's "Zapped," air our grievances, push for the total collapse of gender hierarchy, and pit phone vs. dog.

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Wondering if stylized violence (and action) disqualify you from falling into the family film category? Think again! Some web slinging, a horse actor, and a little bit of manslaughter will help develop a wonderful base to your hero movie stew.

Join us as we swing through 2002's "Spider-Man," figure out our role in the avengers, pit aunt vs. robber, and ask for one scene where the Web Head spills coffee on his suit and has to spend 45 minutes washing it out.

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With the help of an arrogant, haughty, petulant boy genius we are back on track. That fudge-haired know-it-all pulled us out of our time vortex and placed us right back on the time line. But uh-oh: I see a clone of myself and that definitely isn't good news.

Join us this week as we think through 2001's "Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius," appreciate adolescent humbling, say goodbye to the jester, and finally ask what's wrong with everyone else.

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Cher is the leader of Bobblehead High Council. She does not permit clemency. Carolina and I were too proud to sacrifice a tribute in the original episode 26, so our ruler right up and fucked the data. Just sent it down the toity. So that's why we're disheveled and bloodied.

Join us this week as we watch 1995's "Sailor Moon Super S: The Movie: Black Dream Hole," find our highest rated film to date, explore the reality of Sailor Scout murders, and just beg for mercy.

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On one hand the lateness of this episode was caused by an untimely eye infection that limited my screen time. On the other, it was a sign from the universe that talking about pirates in kid's movies will curse me with an eye patch one day. Thank you for your patience. I'll simply do away with the entire eye next time.

Join us as we sail through 2014's "The Pirate Fairy," ruminate on lost time, welcome a lovely guest, and push through the slime.

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The title says it all. Unless Cher makes a universal exception, then Bryan will never be allowed into Bobblehead High Council. Does this fill him with great sadness? Of course. Is he empowered knowing that the sociopath from the movie that Lina picked also won't get in? Of course. Life balances out.

Join us this week as we conglomerate with 2005's "Yours, Mine & Ours," explore our own entertainment consumption habits, appreciate Quaidian slapstick, and toe a hard line.

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