Not for Children

Taking a cherished cartoon and bringing it back to life for current consumers can seem a little short-sighted. For one, you might just polish an already adequate story. Or, you might make two boys look like they have bug legs for hair. It's worth the risk, though, right?

Join us this week as we reminisce through 2015's "The Peanuts Movie," notice more lifelessness recreations of beloved 2D animations, push through the sleep, and absolutely forget to rate this film.

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Edited this episode on anxiety. Sat on our back porch with my laptop on a TV tray. 85°F. Apartment's lamps shining. I do not remember the last time I saw geese migrating. A duckling and its mother inhabit the pool at our apartment. This movie, like all others, gets stacked into the pile--put on the shelf. Wellp.

Join us this week as we walk through 2018's "Duck, Duck, Goose," go back to recess, explore the void, and try to find the deep end of a puddle.

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While you and I might be nothing more than a composition of two different sets of genetic material we are at least born with a purpose: to figure out how to live. In today's lecture we'll discuss the differences between raising Pokémon from an egg and from a test tube, and the very real consequences of both.

Join us this week as we reminisce through 2019's "Pokémon: Mewtwo Strikes Back - Evolution," point out the porcelain painted protagonists, laugh at 90's kid's saddest memory, and pull from the void.

Finding a planet to escape to after you've desecrated your own can be a tricky business. Unless, that is, you've mastered the ways of space colonization and imperialism. Then, you can show it off to kids, and have them empathize with a heartless, soulless, foreign invader.

Join us this week as we zoom through 2015's "Home," ponder what does and doesn't matter, question whether or not our daughter understands death, and add a new game to our non-gameshow gameshow podcast.

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I'll bite the bullet and be the first to admit that I liked this film, folks. I may be the disembodied voice of a podcast's whole vibe, but that doesn't mean I can't get behind some fantasy. Elves but technically fairies? We got 'em. The duality of magic? You betcha. Unicorns? Well, there was budget cuts but you'll get your fix.

Join us this week as we give in to 2019's "The Fairy Princess and the Unicorn," get our first reluctant victor of Bobblehead, and crave horned equine screen time.

Bury your darlings with us this week, folks, because we're watching a Peter Pan prequel. We're seeing how every fictional character gets shoehorned into an origin story you're not sure you ever wanted to see.

Join us this week as we fly through 2015's "Pan," just absolutely commiserate with ourselves, do our best to help Hugh Jackman escape, and ask what the true risk of art is.

Don't forget to leave a review on Apple Podcasts if you have the time. Otherwise, have a lovely day.

Nobody gives a hoot about Easter because it's always about Jesus, you know? But we're here to ask, where's the money? Where's the corporate consumption? Where is my ability to see a CGI rabbit mess around with beautiful, dreamy James Marsden? Where's the respite from Big Jesus' attempts to silence us?

Join us this week as we trudge through 2011's "Hop," wonder why more people don't shell out for eggs and have a fair, hare fight.

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Somewhere on this earth, where the mountains grasp at the heaven's, and its sedimentary base sits older than the idea of life itself, is the Castle Stork. Inside, covered in dust and dehydrated placenta is the baby making machine. And it's not from a 70s porno.

Join us this week at we fly through 2016's "Storks," explore the dark magic of postal mitosis, question what is and isn't life, and channel our gladiator spirits with another grueling bird fight.

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Come with me, and you'll see, this dead librarian's soul trapped in eternal, digital enslavement. Take a look, and you'll see, the power of literary necromancy. We'll begin by being accomplices to a robbery.

Join us this week as we read (watch) through 2017's "Escape from Mr. Lemoncello's Library," uncover the grim twin of magical reading, pit boy vs. goose, and get in the habit of spinning IMDB's rating on it's head for our own nefarious purposes.

Get ready to kill your darlings this week because we're taking a classic and smooshing it up real small like the soft part of the bread. And that bread ball? We're gonna eat it for content.

Join us this week as we cavort through 1994's "The Little Rascals," take another beloved film and turn it on its ear, settle the age-old fight between dog and monkey, and finalize a new rating system that will forever outshine us and our legacies. Thank you for listening, and share it with a friend why don't ya?