Not for Children

Space is an infinite cosmos but you can bet your sweep bippy that, somewhere out there, something as close to Brendan Fraser as we know exists, and they hate their brother. But that's ok, because after you see them frozen to life-death, you'll just have to love them!

Explore the cosmos with us this week as the watch 2013's "Escape from Planet Earth," discuss the limitations of gay villains, marvel at a non-dead, important mother figure, and start the groundwork for a revolutionary rating system.

Right off the bat I'm gonna take the L and say that Carolina actually deserves to win Bobblehead High Council this week. Does a man made of marshmallow using their flesh to bring someone back to life secure the win? No. Does her absolute love for this mushy man outweigh Bryan's bitter clinging to a dying tree? 100%.

Walk with us down the tarnished road that is 2013's "Legends of Oz: Dorothy's Return." Help us wish for a stronger villain and ask for humor that punches up not down. That's all we need.

If you commodified your life into a collection of moments, would you cut them up into tiny pieces so you could have more? What if that ruined the integrity of said moments? Would you be pleased with the outcome? Let us explore that question with you.

Join us this week as we scurry through 2013's "The Nut Job," ask for something that will really kill a kids film protagonist, completely change the Bobblehead High Council game, and ask for humans to finally up and leave it to the park animals.

Feel the cool, ocean breeze blow across the nape of your neck as your down feathers shed in the heavenly glow of a tropical island. Congratulations! You've won an all expense paid trip to the isle of Pengu where there's no bathrooms, rampant colonialism, and a shrine to a fake dead bird.

Join us this week as we swim through the 2007 film "Surf's Up," dissect the definition of sports, blow the lid off of the animal animated film conspiracy, and spend some time thanking all our favorite pod people.

Listen folks, sometimes in the vast desert that is family friendly films you need to create your own oasis. Does that mean you look to the Henson company and their cast of colorful characters? Of course. Does that mean you also explore the interspecies relationship between amphibians and mammals? Only if you're cool.

Join us this week as we indulge in 1981's "The Great Muppet Caper," establish who tops between pig and frog and wonder about the death of synchronized swimming.

Somewhere off the capes of Florida a dolphin remembers the humans it saved branding it with a cruel nickname based on the injury it sustained from its heroic injuries. But who cares about that? Those dolphs in the background are doing sick flips!

Join us this week as we dive into 2018's "Bernie the Dolphin" and explore the intricacies of creating cruel nicknames, wonder how long of a con you need to enact in order to dupe Peter Maldoon, and finally break Carolina's bobblehead streak.

This one is late because Bryan's right eye decided to get infected. I'm not saying the film helped cure him, but rather motivated him to fix his eye before this was the last movie it saw.

Join us this week as we watch the English dub of 2015's "The Underdogs," cement our position on the subs vs. dubs arguments, dig deep into a blossoming inter-species relationship, and recognize yet another "accidental" immortality curse.

Family films focus very strongly on immortality and the various paths you can take to get you there. One example is when you learn you're the ever-charged, digital rebirth of a Florida attic heat stroke death and that love is a feeling, not an action, and the difference is a razor's edge.

At least you come back with a vacuum for an anus. So there's that! Join us as we experience 2016's Robo-Dog, discuss whether a life or its robot follow-up is superior, and explore 42 different apps and features.

Sometimes your body goes through changes when you're delicately kissing a frog and that's alright. It's normal. We here at Not for Children realize that, sometimes, the hardest thing in life is acceptance. Which is why you should run away from your dad to explore a mythical island shrouded in mystery. Did we lose you there?

Join us this week as we venture to the 2017 film Monster Island, explore mommy baby tubes, induct a new member into the bobblehead high council, and embrace the monster within us.

If you only take our advice once, now might be the time: do not watch this movie. Sure it'll fill the void with some interesting animation choices, and you'll get to be blown away learning that Brenda Song is slowly carving her way back into entertainment. But Lina got motion sickness watching this.

Join us as we endure Bobbleheads: The Movie and discuss Dumpster dogs, introduce the very important idea of a bobblehead high council, and spend way too much time talking about this forever bobbling fire.