Did the dreams you dreamed as a child aim higher than driving a bus? Then listen and watch as Joe Dante’s Explorers presents, in their first theatrical-film roles, River Phoenix and Ethan Hawke — plus a third kid you haven’t heard who more than holds his own against them — as young hobos or something who put their longing for the stars to the test. Speaking of tests, the third act …

If you go on this adventure, you will get girl love.

Podcasters: Robert, Tim, Joanna

The original Enterprise crew journeys beyond the TV screen with Star Trek: The Motion Picture.

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On this New Year’s Eve, we commemorate the year and podcasts gone by … by doing a podcast completely differently than we’ve done all year! There’s no movie or show to view! Instead, we gathered a few of our podcasters past and future to not just bring you updates on the oldies that we nostalgiamacated this year, but also share our favorite (and not-so-much) movies, series, and trends of 2013. Herewith, the meatiest chunks of our sprawling conversation.

Let’s do everything but like, bigger and heartier and more gravy.

Podcasters: Robert, Tim, Dana, Danny, Jack, Mary Ellen

Links to some of the lesser-known works and related tidbits we mention in this episode:

Young River Phoenix and Ethan Hawke become Explorers. (For real this time.)

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Our two-part look at holiday classics wraps up with the stop-motion antics of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, a one-hour special that stretches a two-minute song into an epic tale of non-conformity, dubious revenge, quality assurance in manufacturing, and lackadaisical snowman narrators. Also there are songs.

Don’t be different, unless you’re useful!

Podcasters: Tim, Robert, April, Kathleen

It’s Christmas vacation, so no assignment! Just join us on New Year’s Eve Day for our year-end special, as we discuss movies of 2013 and bring you updates on podcasts past.

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A very special (as all things at Yudetide are) two-part edition of Old v. Gold looks past the nostalgic tinsel to the dangerously dry tinder trunk of classic Christmas TV!

Part 1 is a double feature, wrapping together, in the gaudiest of bows, the decidedly downbeat, jazzy attack on commercial Xmas that is A Charlie Brown Christmas and the nonsense-encrypted holiday heist of How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

Correctional note: The Hobbit was published in 1937, not the ’50s as stated in this podcast. We will all learn from the mistake, grow, and move on.

That sounds dirty: “I’m buyin’ a time-share on Mount Crumpet.”

Podcasters: Robert, Tim, April, Kathleen

Join us on the Island of Misfit Toys as Christmas TV continues with Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer!

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Save Ferris … from the Middle Ages! Somewhere, sometime in Europe, Matthew Broderick is drawn into the cursed romance of Michelle Pfeiffer and Rutger Hauer in Richard Donner’s 1985 Ladyhawke.

Note: This movie is tough to locate for viewing, but iTunes, for one, has an old-style, non-widescreen video version available.

Did it strike anyone else as a little chintzy that this curse had been going on for two whole years?

Podcasters: Robert, Tim, Dana, Jack

Young River Phoenix and Ethan Hawke become Explorers. A two-part holiday-TV xmastravaganza begins with A Charlie Brown Christmas and How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

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It’s an extravaganza of a podcast full of Old v. Gold firsts: five commentators! A panelist on the opposite coast! Extra sound bits!

What movie warrants all this excitement? 1984’s The Last Starfighter, in which a bored young denizen of a strangely idyllic trailer park longs for something more — and gets it when his videogame prowess buys his ticket to adventure in a pioneeringly high-CGI universe, with the original Music Man, Robert Preston, as his charming huckster of a tour guide.

The movie has no problem with Robert Preston rolling up and, “Yes, teenager, step into the weird stranger’s car.”

Podcasters: Robert, Tim, H.P., Joanna, Jack

The rocking medieval love story of Ladyhawke!

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Inevitably, we reach into the John Hughes oeuvre, and — hey, who took the oeuvre? BUELLER! Yes, it’s Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, in which weirdly popular Matthew Broderick manipulates his friends, the mean ol’ dean of students, a lot of answering machines — and maybe the fabric of spacetime itself?

Ferris Bueller’s the kind of kid I really would have hated in high school.

Podcasters: Robert, Tim, David, Sam

Get your score up to a million points for The Last Starfighter!

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The NeverEnding Story brings us, all the way from Germany, weird capitalization and a truly interactive children’s book. Follow the story-within-the-story’s hero, Atreyu, who’s kind of whiny for a warrior but has fabulous hair, as he fulfills his leisurely, seemingly goal-free quest in a dazzling and fragile wonderland.

Content note: Old v. Gold is always intended for an adult audience, but this episode is particularly salty. The movie is for children, but this podcast is not.

The actors are probably very talented, but the director kept saying, “Can you please talk slower, my audience is stoned.”

Podcasters: Robert, Tim, Chris, Kathleen

Ferris Bueller’s … Anyone? Anyone? … Day Off.

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1984’s Red Dawn pits a gaggle of teenagers (and apparent Hugh Jackman fans) against the entire Soviet army, plus one Cuban guy, who have invaded the U!S!A! via a small Colorado town. Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey are not having the time of their life. Will you be while watching this movie?

Halfway through the movie, Powers Boothe is air-dropped in to provide acting and exposition.

Podcasters: Robert, Tim, Rich

Step onto your flying worm-dog and into The NeverEnding Story.

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We return to the Enterprise, cruising at full impulse toward the end of Season 1 of Star Trek: The Next Generation. “Conspiracy” darkens the usual series tone as Picard is forced to cancel his beach vacation in Pacifica when he’s lured into a (non-Tholian) web of suspicion and mistrust.

They have to go around the bridge three times before they can sit down at their workstations.

Podcasters: Robert, Tim, Danny, Sam

It’s Soviets vs. Wolverines in the ’80s paranoia epic Red Dawn.

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