Old v. Gold

It’s interstellar attackers vs. the world — read U!S!A! — in Roland Emmerich’s 1996 epic-wannabe Independence Day. Actors who were famous then, and some who have become famous and infamous since, chew through the explosion-laced scenery and cash their big fat alien-invasion paychecks. Can Jeff Goldblum work his magic and make this movie worth it, or will he be overpowered by Will Smith’s quips? And what do those mean old space folk have against our tourist landmarks, anyway?

Here’s our ten minutes of concentrated Jewish chutzpah.

Podcasters: Robert, Tim, Joanna, Justin

Put on your quirky bathrobe and pop up a big batch of plot-significant popcorn for Real Genius.

Check us out on Twitter (@hiddendeadly or #oldvgold).

Say “yes, cyborg officer” to 1987’s RoboCop, whose near-future science fiction trades in such preposterous notions as a crippled Detroit, unethical corporate overseers, and constantly referring to videoclips that are only a few seconds long. How does the movie’s satirical ultraviolence hold up a quarter-century (and one remake we didn’t see) later?

Also, in the next few days when you hear everyone buzzing about the “Nancy Allen mimosa sketch,” this is the podcast they’re talking about.

Oh look, an evil corporation controls everything, well duh. And maybe it wasn’t as duh back then, but it’s certainly duh now.

Podcasters: Robert, Tim, Sam

Old v. Gold is taking a couple of weeks off for the holidays, returning with a new episode on Tuesday, Jan. 6. That gives you plenty of time to watch our lengthy next subject: Independence Day.

Check us out on Twitter (@hiddendeadly or #oldvgold).

From the mind (or perhaps some other body part) of Joel Schumacher springs 1987’s The Lost Boys, about a California beach town infested with gays vampires. Will the dreamy young newcomer be turned homosexual nocturnal by these timeless rummage-sale-costumed hooligans, or can the ’80s super duo of Feldman/Haim actually save him from perversity immortality? Join our three-quarters vampiric gay panel to find out! (And if the “sub”text gets to be too much, just relax and bask in the glory of Oily Sax Guy.)

This creates a threatening atmosphere, ’cause you know kids with shaved heads and day laborers are very frightening to normal people.

Podcasters: Robert, Tim, Jack, Justin

Please watch the original RoboCop. You have 20 seconds to comply.

Check us out on Twitter (@hiddendeadly or #oldvgold).

Trek! Next Gen! Again! This week’s Season 2 sample of Star Trek: The Next Generation is “The Emissary,” who is someone in this episode, but that’s not important. What’s important in this episode is feminism, the meaning and importance of marriage, questionable personnel management, what we all know the holodeck is really for, and, above all, FASHION.

And we wind up talking about Star Trek: Voyager a lot too. In a good way!

(Previously on our coverage of ST:TNG Season 2: “Q Who.”)

“I’m shooting a chick in a missile at you.”

Podcasters: Robert, Tim, Danny, Jack, Sam

Bring your creepy children’s choir down to the pier for The Lost Boys.

Check us out on Twitter (@hiddendeadly or #oldvgold).

A theme park filled with actual flesh-eating dinosaurs: what could go wrong? That’s the question asked and answered by Steven Spielberg’s 1993 film Jurassic Park. Join us as we consider the movie’s Spielberginess, Goldblumosity, science, effects, child-character abuse, and fashion choices. And recoil in horror with us at a bit of fan fiction that goes to more bad places than you can imagine (and makes this podcast more explicit than usual).

“What was that?” “My ovaries shutting down because of your ascot.”

Podcasters: Robert, Tim, Christian, Justin

Another away-team mission to the second season of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Episode: "The Emissary."

Check us out on Twitter (@hiddendeadly or #oldvgold).

It’s back to high school yet again for the proto-Mean Girls: 1988’s Heathers, which brings us a brightly colored yet pitch-black tale of cliques and power. Does this movie still have something relevant to say between its beloved slang and zingers? Has it lost its edge over time, or actually become edgier? Why does every character live in a mansion? All in all, what’s Heathers‘ damage?

I do love that we’re talking about the Heathers as if they’re Power Rangers.

Podcasters: Robert, Tim, Danny, Jack, Mike, Rich

Jurassic Park in mirror is closer than it appears.

Check us out on Twitter (@hiddendeadly or #oldvgold).

For Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, we’re joined by some folks who know their way around the Alpha Quadrant: Captain Matt, Lt. Commander Eddy, and Dr. Ken from the Starboard Power Coupling podcast (“A Star Trek Podcast You Hope Doesn’t Fail,” with new eps every Thursday). With 30-plus years, several franchise series, and a (dreadful) movie reboot between then and now, does Khan still possess its genetically enhanced power? Join us as we compare Shatner and Montalban, scan the science and plot holes, and pop our future scientist collars and find out. As Kirk and/or Spock would say to a more-than-ready-to-comply Sulu, “Indulge yourself.”

That’s why the warp core went offline when they blew a fuse.

Podcasters: Robert, Tim, Joanna, Sam, Captain Matt, Lt. Commander Eddy, Dr. Ken

It’s Heathers‘ turn.

Check us out on Twitter (@hiddendeadly or #oldvgold).

Would you like to swing on a star? Or would you rather recall the 1991 Bruce Willis showcase Hudson Hawk? This difficult-to-describe antic comedy was a critical and box-office bomb, but is beloved by many today. How does it fare here? Well, don’t make a drinking game out of us saying the word “ridiculous” — it comes up a lot, both for good and bad. And if you’re wondering if there’s a podcast that unexpectedly and incongruously references the anime series Fullmetal Alchemist, that would be this one.

Also, Andie MacDowell fans may want to avert your ears.

It’s not ridiculous at the beginning and then not at the end; no, it’s stupid the whole way through.

Podcasters: Robert, Tim, April, Joanna

Our look back at Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan includes guest panelists from the Starboard Power Coupling podcast!

Check us out on Twitter (@hiddendeadly or #oldvgold).

For Spooky Week, we’ve picked the spooky 1984 comedy Ghostbusters, full of spooky slime monsters and spooky demon dogs and spooky sexual harassment! Join Bill Murray, Sigourney Weaver, and Dan Aykroyd as they battle the gubmint and sugary treats while spookily foretelling dot-coms, prison privatization, and the death of print.

(Note: This podcast was recorded before news of the all-female Ghostbusters reboot broke.)

(Warning: This podcast contains the Guinness World Record holder for Longest Riff On How No One Reads Books Anymore.)

I want to be able to say one day, in real life, with relevance and confidence, “I’ve seen every form of combustion known to man.”

Podcasters: Robert, Tim, Sam, Zuul Dana

Bruce Willis. Hudson Hawk. It’s hard to explain.

Check us out on Twitter (@hiddendeadly or #oldvgold).

Remember that movie about sinking oceancraft that James Cameron made? No, not that one — The Abyss, the 1989 deep-seacret movie with Ed Harris and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio. We dive in (HA!) to the 171-minute special edition, to solve such mysteries as what mysterious deep-ocean creatures might look like (answer: glowing vibrators); whether the Bechdel Test works underwater (answer: yes and no); and which suspenseful moments were the results of great acting and which were from Cameron being a jerk (answer: mostly B).

My least favorite character was Michael Biehn’s mustache.

Podcasters: Robert, Tim, Dana, Kathleen

Who ya gonna call? Someone who has access to the movie Ghostbusters, because that’s what we’re watching for Halloween week.

Check us out on Twitter (@hiddendeadly or #oldvgold).