Old Wives

We're in a mysterious unknown country this week to hear a tale of fairy factions, lusty mermen, and helpful animals. When the fairies come for Mutinosa, she's quick to throw her daughter Graziella under the bus. Graziella is stuck in a tower for years before some princes finally come a-rescuin'. But Graziella's picky—she won't marry just any slouch. Join us for an epic story worthy of a big-budget film trilogy.

For sources and links, support us on Patreon, or follow on Twitter. Our theme music is from Carnaval des Animaux, performed by Aitua.

Today, we get amorous in Italy, where the King of Strong Fortress lusts for his downstairs who he has never even seen. He launches a charm offensive to win her over, but when his efforts go ignored, his fixation only intensifies. The sight of one of her fingers undoes him completely—until he learns her secret. Join us for the horniest story in our whole canon, to help celebrate the 69th episode of Old Wives!

For sources and links, support us on Patreon, or follow on Twitter. Our theme music is from Carnaval des Animaux, performed by Aitua.

Over in Denmark, we meet a man who wishes to be left alone with his scholarly pursuits. He's happy to spend his time boiling things and measuring distances with sticks, until one day, a ghost appears with an offer. To be the man he wants to be, he'll have to give something up, and it's a pretty big something.

For sources and links, support us on Patreon, or follow on Twitter. Our theme music is from Carnaval des Animaux, performed by Aitua.

Over in Russia, Sadko is a trader, content to play his dulcimer and spend his time alone. Whether he's out trading or in his hometown, his heart belongs only to his beloved Volkhov River, whose beauty is unmatched by any bodies of water or, uhh, women he meets. The Sea Tzar brings Sadko down for a private underwater dulcimer concert, and pressures him to marry one of his daughters. But can Sadko love anything more than his precious river?

For sources and links, support us on Patreon, or follow on Twitter. Our theme music is from Carnaval des Animaux, performed by Aitua.

We're in Scotland this week for a Hallmarkian tale of love, betrayal, and brotherly envy at Christmas. Harold is the loud Earl brother, but it's the quiet Earl brother, Paul, who wins the princess's heart. Over winter break, Harold will consult local dwarf and carbuncle enthusiast Snorro for help winning her back, unaware that his aunt has already done the same. Can Paul's budding romance survive when the schemes converge? Join us!

For sources and links, support us on Patreon, or follow on Twitter. Our theme music is from Carnaval des Animaux, performed by Aitua.

We're in Poland this week to meet Princess Ladna and her army of suitors. She chooses Prince Dobrotek, but one magic dwarf hidden among the rejects is unhappy with the process. The dwarf kidnaps the princess, kicking off an epic battle involving a magic horse, a Basilisk mountain, an invisible cap, and—of course—some golden armor. Because every princess crazy for a Sharp Dressed Man. Join us!

For sources and links, support us on Patreon, or follow on Twitter. Our theme music is from Carnaval des Animaux, performed by Aitua.

Today we hear a Czech story about Lidushka, a woman who gets bullied by a horrible frog while doing her laundry at the river. The frog takes her to its undersea home for a party, but when Lidushka gets nosy, things turn, and fast. The Nickerman is coming for Lidushka, waving his bright red streamers, and all she can do is run.

For sources and links, support us on Patreon, or follow on Twitter. Our theme music is from Carnaval des Animaux, performed by Aitua.

We're in Siberia this week to meet Brave Amzun, a lad on a mission to meet Tairnads, The Old Man in the Sea. Amzun grows fast and travels faster, and thanks to a pack of small whales, he'll make it to the Old Man's house, only to find him snoring away. Join us for the first story that uses a rainbow to advance the plot!

For sources and links, support us on Patreon, or follow on Twitter. Our theme music is from Carnaval des Animaux, performed by Aitua.

Over in Scotland, a mean stepmom swaps Princess Velvetcheek's head with the head of a sheep, in order to give her own daughter, Katherine Crackernuts, a better chance for a good marriage. But Katherine won't let Velvetcheek suffer alone, and they set out to find a cure together. Cue The Eurythmics & Aretha, cause these sisters are doin' it for themselves.

For sources and links, support us on Patreon, or follow on Twitter. Our theme music is from Carnaval des Animaux, performed by Aitua.

Today we're back in the Pentamerone, where find a king absolutely transfixed by the image of a dead bird he finds on a hunt. His brother will search the world to find a remedy, but return with a choice: give his brother the gifts he knows will kill him, or be turned to stone himself if he refuses. It's a classic case of Iennariello's Dilemma—and that WILL be on the test.

For sources and links, support us on Patreon, or follow on Twitter. Our theme music is from Carnaval des Animaux, performed by Aitua.