One Hard Thing Substack Podcast

Well, I wasn’t going to post this, but I think if I break it up, it will work better. There’s just a lot that happened today and I’m still feeling like more needs to happen. Between my stated intention to stay grounded, the very active weather which certainly kept us all alert, and me figuring out some gaps in Tundra’s vocabulary (namely: “you can stop now”), it was an athletic day for both of us in the round pen. I want to keep going with this lesson (in real life), but the full version (which I’m not subjecting you to in this part) was more than long enough for one day. We’ll resume tomorrow if at all possible and I’ll try to video that, too, as I continue to attempt to capture how well I manage to learn to stay true to my own values and true goals!

It’s so hard to balance when the environment is all sorts of “in motion.” I think this is so crucial to practice, though, because the environment is rarely a lovely day of 22° C with blue sky and a slight breeze. It happens, and that’s very nice, but most of the time we’re dealing with…more discomfort than ease. Wouldn’t you agree?

I want to keep in mind the circle of my limits (always the trickiest thing for me to respect). I want to remember my Mind loves to fly but she’s not actually the one doing the work. That’s my Body’s job, and so I need to stay weighted, present, and highly physically aware, if I’m going to communicate effective solidity in a background of energetic chaos. My Heart’s contribution is to remind me (when my Body gets “angry,” or maybe annoyed), that my true values lie somewhere in the relationship between me and Tundra, not in the performance of the “task.” That’s also very hard for me to remember, so I’m counting on my Heart to stay present as well, and support me in keeping my plans and goals secondary.

The actual time in the round pen was interesting, and the video of that will be a next week thing. This is just a video of me walking towards the project, with Tundra not so very sure it’s going to be a great idea!

I think our wildfire is likely sputtering out as we just had a full on thunderstorm pass over as I am posting this. Very welcome rain, that. Stay safe and cool and enjoy your Wednesday.

Grace, softness, and space were my words for the year 2026. They sound nice, don’t they? Harder to live out, though, in deep winter, in deep grief, in deep stress.

This morning someone was quite aggressively resistant to Joy’s presence in a public place. This is an unusual response, thankfully. I think most people find a dog in amongst normal human-only places novel and, with the service dog vest on, kind of glamourous. There are other problems we tend to encounter that are on a different end of the spectrum, honestly. But that’s another post.

Anyway, I had to reach deep, deep, deep in my soul for grace, softness and any space whatsoever. I think I managed to not betray my own intentions or values, whilst also defending my people and Joy’s extremely necessary presence in that place. But it was a reminder that people come with significant debris. Why else would someone be so unbelievably self-absorbed, and hard? I can’t know, but certainly that flood of hostility was not a recent accumulation of anger/fear. Nope. There’s a full story going on there.

I’m talking today about my recent increased awareness of the costs of increased awareness…because answering that person back in the same spirit they were inhabiting would have gone nowhere. I’m aware. I get (now) that it is possible to be utterly certain of one’s opinion, utterly convinced of the rightness of one’s cause, and also to be completely wrong, as compared with the full story or reality or truth of the big picture. So there’s really no point in me arguing or trying to convince them of anything. There’s not even any point in escalating internally. That person is where they are and has their own large stuff to handle, and is handling it in their own way, and it is probably good to just get out of their orbit, asap.

Being aware (and ever more aware) that we each come with depths and breadth and history and all sorts of paradoxes and inconsistencies, not fixable through sheer logic, or any other persuasive technique, is both depressing, and hopeful. It allows me to slow down and expect less progress for more work (surely in line with my experience). It also suggests that some problems are too much for me to handle, particularly the interpersonal kind. And this can reduce some pressure for me to try to bend reality to a childhood shape and colour scheme. So…yeah. Awareness has pros and cons. But it’s one of those things that is hard to put back in the bottle, isn’t it?

That’s the gist of it. But download and listen and share and whatnot. And comment! What are you becoming aware of, that you kinda wish you could turn off - but of course you can’t…?

This fence is sort of like growing up. Mostly there is really only one direction to travel. But it’s worth a pause to at least grieve the loss of a simpler time…

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I think we all try to avoid certain uncomfortable truths, and I’m not particularly enjoying facing mine. But it’s time. I have time. I have a willing horse. I have a round pen, and today I have a world of distraction outside of it, just begging me to dismiss myself. As usual.

Not gonna. Today I’m working through my own tendency to feel like I’m paradoxically not enough, and also too much. My go-to in these situations is (or has been) to focus on the task, not the relationship. I’m trying here to use a task to support our relationship, which is a slight flex of reality for me.

This is a long-ish video, and has a lot of wind, Tundra going in a circle, and also my phone loop whipping around just in view. I can understand if only a few of you soldier through it. However, for me the experience of making it was quite important, and I am kinda proud of myself for the clear differences I can see (watching it back) between how I would have approached Tundra’s skitteriness in the past, and the far more balanced way I have available to me, today. This is thanks to a lot of work within my inner home, and amongst my inner team. I have a renewed appreciation for the choice to just be, and do rather less.

Being, though, does involve inhabiting space, and the round pen, along with a fairly energetic, large, and slightly distracted co-inhabitant, requires me to do whatever is necessary to stay within the guardrails of not enough (where I’m in danger), and too much (where I endanger Tundra).

You are welcome to come along for the windy, warm work. I think we both had some fun and also stayed connected. Despite the chaos all around.

Happy Wednesday!

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It’s so…funny, and yet also a bit horrifying, to figure out that my preconceptions are not just incomplete, but dead wrong. My assumptions about what home is, can be, and what it means to leave home have coloured so much of how I am and who I’ve presented myself as, to the world. I’m sad, and also happy, to finally unearth these simplistic “templates” in my own head and replace them with a more detailed, intentional, and reality-based paradigm.

Working from home as a default orientation to my soul, my balanced centre, and to my whole resource bank (and where I can find it), is hopeful. It gives me the sensation of protection, with space. Of security, with openness as well. There’s a way, I now believe, to enter into relationships without betraying who I am in the process. Better late than never! I’m sad it took this long to get here, but happy I’m on this particular fence now.

Happy Friday as we look at the appealing option of never leaving home, while also living life to the full. Best of all worlds? I think so.

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This wasn’t my plan, but it was both fun and relaxing. Trying to balance my considerable Drive energy, and also my Draw energy with Tundra, for sure, and sort of just “join up” with my herd without them demonstrating any sort of disturbance, was a Just Right Challenge for me today.

I think the peace of the moment may communicate even through this 2D medium. I hope so. It was kinda lovely. A Wednesday sort of magic, maybe. Or maybe it’s a Monday one, because that’s the day I videoed it!

The grass is green. The snow is still trying to disappear. Water is all around us, suggesting a delay in fire risk for a little while, anyway. I have lots of plans and dreams and forward energy going into this late (and possibly compressed) summer. But I’m trying to stay in balance, and enjoy the pulling back (Drawing) powers of my Heart, and the Soaking capability of my Mind, as well as the familiar Drive momentum of my Body.

Thinking of all these energetic directions as great, valuable, and yet nicely antagonistic to each other (like the personalities in a well-ordered team), is helping me manage hard things with less tension, and a lot more enjoyment.

Happy late May, late spring, finally warm, Wednesday!

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I’ve been playing with this one in odd moments, and I think I’ll use it. And the rest I’ve explained on the video!!

(But…I describe the “hang ten” hand gesture, when what I really mean is the “I love you” gesture. The two are not interchangeable! I’ve done a little bit of research, and now I know. Always kinda wondered. The index finger up is the difference. If the thumb is not extended, that becomes the gangster/rapper symbol I’m not really trying to reference. So it’s the thumb, index, and little finger I’m talking about…if this is detail you care about!! :)

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There is nothing like the experience of being full of good intentions, absolutely brimming with positive optimism and kindness and whatnot, and then realizing that my actions were, overall, basically harmful.

I have become aware, as I clear off the artificial coating of applied shame from my reflective, honest Heart, that what I do does matter, far more than I thought it did. Far from being an unworthy imposter, I affect everyone I come in contact with. My need to be aggressively helpful as a (pick one): way to prop up my ego, way to make my own surroundings and daily experiences less distressing for me, or way to avoid doing the much less glamorous work of cleaning up my own soul - this is no longer a trait I can place in any good category.

Part of where I’m coming from, as I work and work and work on placing words to concepts and trying to come up with actionable techniques and strategies and stories for my own unbalanced soul, is the realization that there really is very little neutral territory as regards relationships. We affect people, and we can do no harm, or we can do some harm. It’s hard to do nothing at all.

I think that my energy is far better spent on my own disarray than on yours. I think that my tendency to fall over when I try to deal with anger, shame, or fear, is a more pressing issue than me seeing you wobble a bit over there. I feel some chagrin at my eagerness to charge ahead and be helpful, when I so obviously need to put the work in to learn how I myself could be more balanced (stable, sane, secure).

Coming close to people who do commit to their own soul’s health and welfare is a genuinely moving experience. I am shifting (and talking about it today) from a mindset of helpfulness as a desirable pattern, to congruence, internal coherence, and honest calm as being such good attributes that they will (of course!) be helpful, wherever a person is who carries them.

(Still hoping that this discussion is…helpful, though! But less invested in that as the metric I need to pay attention to. Honestly, none of my business. Back to my own strong circle, and all the work it requires.)

Happy Friday, and blessings as you work on your own “stuff,” because that work does pay off for everyone around you.

This is a sampling of a few pretty long and not all that interesting videos (unless of course you are me!) from this morning. I had a lovely time. I think you can see that Tundra is well and truly immersed in a whole bunch of Just Right Challenges, as am I, clearly!

The winter finally broke. The warmth is finally here. And all those long days of putting in time, “trudging” through my interactions with my animals in the dark and cold and very unfriendly conditions, mean now that I have very little left to do but just, well, get on and ride. She’s almost there.

I’m so very happy, and I’m so very much enjoying the complete lack of drama of this whole last few steps. Of course there’s ever so much more for both of us to work on, but the main things - standing still, moving off, accepting all the tack, and most of all, her believing that I want to do good by my beautiful buckskin mare - are all here. I’m really glad I took the time to go slow, and I’m also glad I took the time, period.

There’s probably life lessons in all of this - but I’m a little too blissed out to think about them just now. Feel free to enjoy the lovely weather along with me. And my horse. So great!!

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You are getting to watch me figure this out in real time, and are my first audience as I build it from scratch - so definitely feel free to provide some feedback!

I’m trying to use a visual/graphical approach to hacking my emotional upsets and imbalances. Given how life is, there is no shortage of opportunities for me to practice, but this video is me attempting to process a run with (well, mostly without) Kyrie the other day.

For me, the most apparent strong emotion in my “home” is always going to be a mentally seated Fear. This is always going to seem reasonable and rational, and it will tend to push me (if it’s strong enough) into a physical Anger. My blind spot is the emotional vertex of the triangle. I don’t like all the Shame that I feel there, so I try to shield myself from my Heart. That last bit - realizing I have a determined reluctance to “look at my image in the mirror” - is liberating. It is helping me to question my own tacit acceptance of all that unbalanced shame, and maybe spend the time to examine whether it’s justified. (It’s really not, and it’s really not helping me relate in healthy ways with other people).

You are likely quite different from me, and may have a totally different preferred focus, secondary strategy, and blind spot than do I. This is me just trying to draw out in a visual form how I think this model can work both against, and (with some conscious effort) for me. I do want to be in balance, be congruent with my true values, and to relate with others in reality.

Kyrie is the sweetest dog ever, but she can’t really multitask all that well. This is exasperating, and can be dangerous. Not her fault, and not mine either. Simply informative for next steps. My strong feelings are data, but they don’t need to drive my actions. Not anymore.

See what you think of where I’m going with this. I think it could be helpful for you as you try to manage the intense personalities of your inner team. Let alone how you relate with other people on the “outside” of your circle of control.

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Thanks for reading One Hard Thing Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it.

A shorter podcast, today. Probably because this is still not my favourite topic, although I’m getting more comfortable with my Heart, and her capabilities.

Shame as an obscuring coat of muck on a mirror is the image I’m using. I don’t think shame is useful, in and of itself, but perhaps its appearance in my heart space can let me know that some cleaning is necessary. I may be applying its sticky “paint” to hide myself from myself, or to hide me from others, or to hide others from me.

And, you know, the alternative to sinking into a pit of shame is to move away from idealism, away from perfectionism or any sort of -ism, and into a practical place of being able to “do better.” Because we all have faults, and flaws, or at least deficient areas that could do with some real work, not the image-enhancing, status-seeking misdirection we tend to employ instead.

My Heart as a reflective, honest, and somewhat washable surface is a pretty good starting point for moving towards my true north, or for entering relationships as myself, rather than a filtered and enhanced version of myself.

I’m not all bad. I’m not all good, either. I’m just…complicated and somewhat energy-intensive. Just like you.

From my Heart to yours: less judgement, and far more creative, practical living.