one more minute

a really tender and vulnerable time with you. this one is a leap of faith and of hope. it's left me with a nervous // anxious // too much kind of belly which is exactly how i know it needs to live and have breath out in the wide world. i need you to know that you are really loved. i mean that. it gets lonely out there. it gets heavy and unbearable sometimes. i was there. that place of shallow breathing and surrounding weight of dark getting darker. i am here to tell you it will not stay this way. i know some of you won't believe me. but i just need you to really try. it. will. not. stay. this. way.

slowly light will come. slowly it will lift. please lean in and please look up. you are needed in this story. and there is something you cannot, in wildest imagination, predict about your future. you can't even brainstorm the way things will shift for the better.

as i type this i am 5 million minutes, 3 babies earth-side, one baby in Heaven, one husband, one decade, heartbreak, healing in the bank on the other side of the darkest minutes of my life. those sweeps of dark still come but i remind myself i have made it a million times over and i will make it still.

please promise me you will spend 40 minutes with me and one more minute after, and another, and another. slowly your minutes and breaths will begin to add up to life abundant. all of your darkest parts can't exist when there is even a sliver of light. your dark makes you human and your humanness is exactly why i love doing life along side you.

if you or someone you know struggles with depression, please reach out to a lifeline by way of prayer, therapist, trusted // safe heartbeats in your circle. the national suicide direct line is 988. this is not over.

the world needs you. we need you. all of us. i love you. all of your dark parts. too much. forever. xoxo ::: kb.