Optimal Parenting Daily

Ever feel like you have no idea what you’re doing and that people will find out and expose you for the fraudulent hot mess that you are?

This Monday Momtra is about releasing the imposter syndrome, a debilitating condition that is affecting mothers everywhere. It renders sufferers unable to acknowledge their awesomeness and as a result are paralyzed with fear in moving forward into furthering their awesomeness. Commonly paired with paranoia that others will discover inadequacies and exploit them.

This looks like the general feeling of “I have no idea what I’m doing, I’m doing a terrible job, and/or my kids would be better off with someone else.”

It’s time to own our abilities and shine our confidence. There’s no motherhood tribunal that is waiting to swoop in and label you as a failure.

The truth is that you got this. You are it. And there ain’t nothing fake about what you have to offer the world.

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How do you heal, reconcile and accept parts of you that you hold guilt and resentment towards?

One of these lessons that I’ve gotten the opportunity to face in this experience of motherhood has been releasing past feelings of guilt, judgement and disconnectedness with the color of my skin.

This episode was inspired by my amazing husband, who recently did his own episode on his podcast “Having It ALL,” about growing up biracial and his challenges and breakthroughs around his identity. As we talked about our experiences growing up and relationships to race, culture and belonging, he encouraged me to explore more of what was coming up for me as I realized I let my issues around my skin color impact a lot of how I felt about myself for many years.

I held onto what some use the term “white guilt” to describe. For much of my adolescence and young adulthood I remember wishing I could look different, and feeling like I didn’t have a cultural identity. As a staunch people pleaser from a young age, I couldn’t stand the idea that who I was or how I looked offended anyone.

So this episode is a process of sharing and healing for me. Going back to those early years and uncovering how this was created and what I chose to take on energetically to fuel the feelings of guilt. Then how it traveled into dating and choice of romantic partners.

It would bring up questions in me like “What do I say? How do I act? How can I be in alignment with my true self?” And now - how do I create a new paradigm in which I can be a powerful mother to a mixed race daughter? How do I release my “stuff” so that I can support her in feeling comfortable, loved, affirmed in her own skin?

Balanced Mama Moments Album - https://www.sarahbivens.com/balanced-mama-moments

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Ever feel like you’re not doing enough, like you’re not quite measuring up to all the amazing things everyone else is up to?

Today’s Momtra is about releasing the comparison compulsion. I don’t know about you, but sometimes when I watch, read or listen to something about someone rocking it in their specific field or interest, I feel like I need to be doing that thing too. I have to be eating all organic, crafting Pinterest board worthy items, mastering yoga and meditation and be the expert on everything that ever existed.

This pressure we put on ourselves is insane. And the belief that we have to know it all and do it all...well that’s a recipe for disaster.

The point I want to hit home here is that everyone has their “thing.” And it is possible to stay in our lanes while we celebrate other people in theirs. And ultimately, you gotta do you.

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Ever have something happen in your life that you once swore would never happen? Even more - it was something you were extremely afraid of?

For me, this happened in the form of having my daughter Maya. I’ve been pretty open in the past in social media and in conversations about my intense anxiety and fear in the past around having a daughter. In this episode, I explore that further and give a more detailed timeline of feelings and events that led up to that.

From thinking I’d pass on all my issues to my resentment of men. And then some of the unsolicited outside feedback from people when they learn you’re having a girl.

Whether you’re a mother to a girl or boy, or not a parent, the essence of this is taking the opportunity to explore the fears about our lives that hold us back, how we can examine them and learn from them to rise above them.

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Why do we look for things to be stressed about?

Seriously, all of us at one time or another are actively searching for and almost pursuing the things that bring us frustration.

Why do we want to deny the possibility that things can flow with ease, that we are powerful and capable? It’s like we want confirmation that we have to struggle.

Well this is your reminder to stop doing that! And start trusting in the idea that life can flow and that things are okay.

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What is abundant love?

What is love to you? What’s the purpose of sex for you?

There are a lot of boxes for different lovestyles: monogamy, non-monogamy, polyamory, polygamy, polyandry, polygyny, open marriage, swingers….any others I’m forgetting?

This is a super personal episode and I’m sharing some big, bold and authentic truths with you about my marriage and identity as an individual.

Here’s how it’s going to flow...I’m going to answer the following questions:

What is Abundant Love?

How did I realize I was an abundant lover?

What lessons have I learned from this process?

How does it make me a better mother?

I’m putting it all on the table. Practicing BEING about what I talk about and encourage on the show. So here it is, folks. Here I am. Enjoy!

Matthew’s podcast episode of our discussion on Abundant Love: https://www.havingitallpodcast.com/

Marianne Williamson’s “A Woman’s Worth”: https://www.amazon.com/Womans-Worth-Marianne-Williamson/dp/0345386574

“Sex At Dawn”: https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Stray-Modern-Relationships/dp/1491512407

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Why can’t we ever find gratitude in the midst of s*** hitting the fan? Why does it always have to be weeks, months or years later before we can realize, “oh yeah...that thing that I thought was awful...it was actually great for me and I’m glad that it happened.”

Retrospectively finding the gratitude and the growth is a great practice, and one I think we’ll continue to do. I also think there’s tremendous opportunity to set some things in place to support us in real-time gratitude when stuff goes awry.

So in this episode, I’m sharing a quick list of things that can help you in those moments. I’m calling them the 3 P’s (super innovative I know! haha). So not just what they are, but specific examples of things within each of those areas.

Can you think of a situation where you could’ve lost all your marbles, but instead were able to navigate yourself through it - like Neo in The Matrix dodging bullets? What did you do, and what helps you stay grateful despite life’s challenges?

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Ever have someone tell you that you can’t do something? Or people who didn’t believe in you and fed you disempowering beliefs about yourself?

Well here’s an idea - send love and gratitude to those people. Say whaaaat? Yes. I’m talking about being grateful for the opportunities that those people and situations created for you to rise above, to make something different. Because gratitude is far more productive than resentment.

And for me, the situations where I did overcome something that someone once had me believing I couldn’t...I feel that much more powerful as a result.

So in this episode I talk about a few examples of limiting perspectives that were once offered to me, and why I’m thankful for them. Before that, I touch on my recent visit with my mom and some great opportunities that gave me to share my voice, speak my truth and remember who I am.

And for any Atlanta area listeners, come say hi to me at the ATL Area Moms Blog event Bloom 2018 in Kennesaw on April 15, 2018. I’ll be moderating a panel discussion of experts on things motherhood. So any expecting mamas or seasoned mamas planning to grow their family, come check out the event!

Website for Bloom 2018 - https://atlanta.citymomsblog.com/

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Do you have your hands out wide and open and ready to receive what the world wants to give you?

In today’s episode I’m expanding upon a prosperity visualization exercise from one of my favorite books “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay.

Imagine we all get the chance everyday to step up to the shoreline of the abundant ocean that is the life experience. What will you bring to collect your reward? And what’s it saying about your conversations around worthiness and wealth?

This week, think about where you can open up and expand your idea of prosperity, own your worthiness and truly receive!

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Why are we so scared to speak up at times?

In this episode, I challenge you to drop the act of playing small, and to be TOO MUCH. Yes. Be bold, fearless and unapologetic.

I talk about how the movie “I, Tonya” inspired this conversation, what compassion is for me, and what the consequences are of staying silent and shutting yourself down.

What are some ways you can express your voice more fully, challenge what’s expected or what’s been and bust through some fears and things that make you uncomfortable? I dare you - BE TOO MUCH!

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