Optimal Parenting Daily

What does it mean to believe in yourself? What is faith? And how do those two things create your reality?

It might seem super transcendental, but it doesn’t have to be. In this week’s Monday Momtra, I’m diving into a topic that came up during a meetup with some fellow goddess friends.

Essentially: we don’t have to rely on certain things happening in our lives in order to have confidence in who we are. It’s the confidence in ourselves, the belief, that allows for the manifesting to occur. In other words, our thoughts create our life experience. The experience does not create our thoughts.

So this week I want you to think about where you could strengthen your belief in yourself, and where you could cultivate more faith (and what that word even means to you).

We didn’t come here just to experience results. What about the process, and even before that - the conception of the thought and the idea? When we’re attached to results, we can be let down, disappointed, even depressed. But if we focus on the belief and tend to the faith, our joy is not dependent on a thing or circumstance. We can have rich relationships, abundant self-love, vibrant health and fulfilled passions and desires when we believe in our ability to do so, and have faith that we are worthy of it all.

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Ever want to yell at parts of yourself that aren’t doing you want them to do?

Maybe not just physical parts - but almost like there are different versions of yourself within you that fight against each other and create disconnection and frustration. Like the part of you that wants to workout and eat healthy versus the part that wants to veg out on the couch all day. Or the part of you that wants to be bold and expressive and the other part that wants to stay small and hold your truth in.

In today’s episode I’m taking a lesson from Marianne Williamson’s book “A Course in Weight Loss,” and I’m opening up a dialogue between the two selves I like to call “Fat Me” and “Skinny Me.”

The practice is to allow the two selves (whatever versions of you that are at odds) to communicate and share everything that comes up for them. It could (in fact it probably will) get ugly. Let it out. Leave no stone unturned. Vent, curse, cry...really let them have it. Because that’s where the space for better understanding and compassion can be created. And we can integrate the parts of ourselves to work together rather than battle each other.

So I wrote letters - you could also write letters, or record conversations...whatever works for you. You don’t have to share the conversation with anyone, or even tell anyone that you’ve done it. And I read my letters for you as an example of the process. Maybe it sparks some ideas for your dialogue or resonates in certain aspects and helps you start to heal that area that could use some love and understanding.

What parts of yourself are butting heads? Maybe it’s time to let them loose in the rink and just go at it.

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Ever gone to a party and been totally bummed that they didn’t have your favorite snack or beverage?

Hang in there with me, because I’m going somewhere with this. Today’s Momtra is inspired by a boss I had a few years back. In one of our weekly brainstorm/energy pump-up sessions, he gave us a little analogy about a friend of his who was feeling stuck and frustrated. The solution he found can be linked back to my original question. See, in the friend’s case, he was bummed when he showed up to a lot of places and did almost anything. Because he was relying on something outside of himself to bring the happy. The fix became showing up and bringing exactly what he wanted to experience. So if he was going to a party, and wanted some f***ing cheese puffs, HE would bring the cheese puffs.

So this week, think about where you could bring the cheese puffs. Where you could liven things up a bit and start with yourself, before worrying about whatever kind of spread other people are laying out. Life’s too precious and too awesome to be less than enthusiastic about it.

Listen in and get that extra AIM for your week: affirmation, inspiration and motivation with the weekly Monday Momtra.

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Why do we feel embarrassed about our periods?

This past week when I got the flu - I also started my menstrual cycle. Yay, right? Maybe it was because I had nothing to do but rest up and let my body heal by staying in bed all day, or the power of the full moon (which my cycle is now synced up with - pretty cool!), but it got me thinking about our conversations and relationships to our periods - going back to when we first started menstruating.

So I share my own “right of passage” tale of when I got my first period. Oh, also I mention the fact that I had faked getting my period years before it actually started - to feel more accepted amongst girls in my class who were “maturing” early.

I talk about some of the shame and guilt that gets laid down at a young age - encouraging us to reject this part of our body and its natural process. Like have you ever felt awkward and embarrassed buying pads or tampons in the store? Ever been paralyzed with the fear that you’ve bled through your clothes at the most inopportune time? Or felt weird even asking questions about it (or Googling it like me...incognito window anyone??)?

Motherhood changed and healed a lot for me around menstruation. And my desire for women (and my daughter when the time comes to guide her) is to embrace the process. To embrace the fullness of our bodies and all they are capable of. To own our periods, own our power and hold the space for our divine feminine awesomeness! You don’t have to hide or feel ashamed!

How has your relationship to your period evolved over the years? How do you feel about it now?

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Ever get mad at yourself for how you handle a situation? Anyone? And then proceed to judge and shame yourself more over what you did or didn’t do?!

Well I did that last week - in the midst of setting intentions to “be selfish” like I said in last Monday’s Momtra. I got an opportunity to practice my intention, and when it didn’t go well - I realized I wasn’t honoring myself in the process. And it led to a huge “WTF SARAH?!” moment. Proceed down the rabbit hole and spiral of self-doubt and loathing…

So I share how I snapped myself out of this and the lessons I learned from this experience to give you the Momtra: stop beating yourself up over beating yourself up.

Stop “shoulding” on yourself! And remember that if there’s a lesson you’re keen on learning or an intention you’re putting focus on...you are GUARANTEED to get opportunities to practice it! The lessons will loop around and find us where we’re at and serve us based on what we need and what we’re summoning up.

Give yourself some grace this week. Love the lessons. Love the process. Love yourself.

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What comes first: your child(ren) or your marriage?

This can be a loaded question. And I understand that there might be different answers for everyone. And even that the order can switch around depending on the season, needs and just what’s best for you and your family to function.

I received an awesome listener email from Sam - asking me to touch on this topic. I’ve mentioned in other avenues and in my podcast that I share with my husband called “Doing It At Home” (our show all about home birth) - that for me (for us)...it works to put marriage above Maya, our daughter.

So in this episode I answer Sam’s request - why and how I make husband a priority, especially in this season of parenthood.

I explain my reasons for putting my marriage first (there’s a trick here though...there’s actually even something before marriage!). I also give some practical tips and resources for “watering your relationship.” And even if you don’t agree with putting marriage ahead of children (which I have no problem with! No judgement here...again whatever works), these are still things that you can incorporate into your partnership to strengthen and fuel it so that you can both be powerful supports for each other and tend to your children’s needs.

What are some of your tips for tending to your relationship and giving it healthy attention and care? I would love to hear them! Email me at [email protected] or DM me on Instagram @sarahmbivens

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How do you feel about being selfish?

In today's episode I'm stripping away the judgements around being selfish, and giving you permission to treat yourself like the queen you are.

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What is a yoni egg and what do you use it for?!

Recently I made a post in my Instagram stories about using my yoni egg, and got a lot of really great questions and comments about it.

So I figured - why not make an episode on it and share it with all of you?!

I dive into what a yoni egg is, some brief history on the usage of them, why women use them and the benefits to using one - both physical and metaphysical. Physically, the yoni egg is said to help strengthen the vaginal walls and pelvic muscles - think when you do kegel exercises. This of course is linked to enhanced sexual pleasure. Metaphysically, the yoni egg is associated with energy clearing and healing.

I was all excited to try out my egg for the first time a few years ago - only to have a total freak out when I realized I did something wrong! I share my mistake with you because it’s funny, but it also has some lessons in it.

And how do I feel about using my egg after having a baby?! Well, let’s say after using it last week (and two amazing love-making sessions later), I’m very happy to be reconnected with it.

So if you’ve wondered about a yoni egg, never heard of one, or have one and use it frequently...there’s something for you in this episode.

To check out where I got my egg or learn more about yoni eggs in general, you can go to www.yonieggs.com.

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What happens when pretty much everything you thought you knew about yourself and what you owe your success and sense of identity to is taken away?

I’m putting on my lifestyle coaching hat for today’s Monday Momtra and pulling an example from a client call I had about a year ago. For some reason it popped back into my awareness and I feel the topic and lesson is very real, relatable and valuable.

I was talking to a client, let’s call her Anna. Anna was sharing a wound of hers that continued to present challenges in terms of her confidence and self-love. It had to do with an organization that she was a part of for a number of years, that she felt contributed greatly to who she is now as a person. When some things went sour and she left the organization, she felt that she was nothing without it. She saw her value as a person wrapped up in her membership to this organization.

Many of us can relate to versions of this. Sometimes when a phase or season of life changes, our foundations can get rocked a little. A relationship, job, role or responsibility, geographical location -- when these things evolve, it can be tough to evolve along with the rest of the world.

So what do we tell ourselves or remind ourselves when things move on? Ehhem...espeically in motherhood! Where our responsibilities are constantly changing. And then what happens when we’re not needed the way we used to be? I’ve got some ideas on how to cope with these changes, and an idea to hold onto that can boost you up for a rocking week ahead!

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Can you experience balance and breakdown simultaneously?

Welcome to an intimate and vulnerable part of my world - a hard day in mothering. I currently have a 16-month-old with a nasty cough, erratic sleep schedule, insatiable desire to breastfeed and limitless lung capacity for scream crying.

I get real here. I share some of the circumstances that have been going on and how they’ve been impacting me. I even cry while recording the episode. Because that’s what’s going on and that’s where I’m at. I have zero qualms about sharing this reality - because it’s all a part of the experience.

And I firmly believe there are lessons to be learned in breakdown. That there’s a path to breakthrough. And that you can acknowledge what’s happening, how it makes you feel, while still having the internal knowingness of who you are. The emotional landmines, tiny insidious thoughts lurking beneath the surface and waiting to explode to destroy all the hard work you’ve done to build yourself up through love and confidence, do not have to define and rule the entire thing. They also don’t take away from the awesome woman and mother that you are.

So if you’re having a rough day or can relate to one, I think you’ll appreciate this. I also take it a step beyond just the venting and releasing, I discover the clear takeaways for myself from this experience and share them with you to try for yourself. To have balance in breakdown.

And if you have any tips or things you’ve done to maintain your sense of balance when the sh** hits the fan, I want to hear them! Reach out to balanceandmotherhoodpodcast[at]gmail.com.

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