our pod

There’s a Pre-Camp and a Post-Camp.
The good thing about camping is that Bella survived. The bad thing about camping is that it was worse than you can even imagine. The girls ponder the age old question, what show would be more better than Hacks? Ivana really wants to rail against the TV industry making us believe that workplace is like family. Bella didn’t know that people could have the same birthday before Rosie O’Donnell. And turns out, it’s kind of hard to fight Pride when you’re proud.

This week, members of the brood who are Team Ivana get a win. Bella wasn’t hooked on the L Word but she was bricked up for Rizzoli & Isles. Is there any more perfect love song than the one that goes “When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie”? Ivana will just say this really quick: she’s in an email fight with the Enneagram Personality Test people. Bella synthesizes the ethos of the podcast into one simple question: tree or bush? Oh yeah, and Steph’s here. Don’t mind her.

Episode starts with some housekeeping questions: which version of yourself are you carrying with you and what food is your chart? For members of the brood who are Team Ivana, this is going to be a long episode for you because Bella has a lot to say. If the girls could get one message through to Hailey Bieber’s ears it would be: leaving him will make you a bonafide star. The way Ivana gets to do Two Astrologies of the Week, Bella now gets to do One Liza Fact of the Week. And seriously, please no one steal Ivana and Jaymes’ Ed Sheeran jukebox musical idea.

Let us take you to a world where Bella lives in Etobicoke and Ivana lives in a condo. With gay, it can be so confusing to know if you have a crush or if that’s your blood sister. Ivana feels that the culture is a bit anti-polyamory right now but she doesn’t read articles, as you know. Bella got lost in the thought that she had her wisdom teeth removed around the same time as Beyoncé’s digital drop. Unfortunately, due to timing, we’re going to have to push “which months are gay” until next episode. And Our message to Traitors Canada is simple: who if not us?

"Don’t Cha” by The Pussycat Dolls is leading Bella to ask the age old question, what do you feel like: a lady, a soldier, a doll, or a fella? Today, Ivana is a soldier. Look at any of the looks on the Met Gala red carpet and know that Blake Lively was doing that in "A Simple Favour" (2018). Bella confuses Ivana's controversially-older-girlfriend fantasy for Kathryn Hahn with ERICA Hahn. The fictional heart surgeon lesbian from season 2 of Grey's Anatomy, of course. Doing your Enneagram personality test with someone is like having gay sex in a different kind of way. It's radical to be she/her when you’re dressed like Ivana is. And until someone gives us a monetary sponsorship to be Proud, we will not be celebrating Pride. 

Happy Lesbian Visibility week to Bella. Ivana, unfortunately, is feeling more bi than ever. If Ivana was on Love On The Spectrum her introduction would be: Ivana loves “The Idea Of You.” Ivana hates “Eileen.” Hey, can we ask you a question? Did you pay the tolls to the angels? Five gays told Bella she influenced Mayhem in the Desert. And five is a lot of gays. The greatest actress and star is Ivana for pretending she hasn’t heard Bella’s stories 18 times earlier. And finally, based on the carabiners JANGLING, things are changing in the spaces of Lorde’s identity. What other podcast is doing it like this? 

As Lady Gaga says, the girls are living just as free as their hair. Ivana is experiencing the highs and joys of life in her rec league soccer group chat. If you feel weird about Ariana Grande, think about if you’re a good person and you love your friends. When it comes to Benny Blanco, Bella is a girl who says height matters. Inspired by Brian Johnson, Ivana is going to forgo a social life, dreams, and passions to maintain a routine. It’s official. The three greatest songs in the world are simply “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston/Dolly Parton, “The Climb” by Miley Cyrus, and “Vanish Into You” by Lady Gaga. Ivana wants her White Lotus finale predictions on record in case they come true. (Update: she was wrong about pretty much every point). 

In true Our Pod fashion, our first ever guest does NOT have a microphone. But, it’s Steph (@steph.veiga on tt). You all get it. Bella got scared because she realized she didn’t have any skills for Steph’s homestead. Luckily now she’s getting really good at “fire.” And as Ivana says, fire is earth’s animation. When it comes to Divergent, Steph is a Dauntless and Bella knows that because they went to Tulum together. There is so much stigma around March. March is a Friday and that does NOT make April a Saturday! Steph and Ivana try to guess Bella’s favourite Gaga song but the thing about Bella is words don’t matter with her. And finally, when it comes to carabiner code, neither shall live while the other shall top... 

Ivana poses one simple question to her sister: How are you? Bella thought she would get a heroes delivery to the OR for her cancer but… she just walked with her tight hospital pants. Puss basically out. Meanwhile at her birthday, Ivana made everyone make meaning out of the loot bags. Her genuine birthday wish: to spend more time gaming. As in playing games. Finally 50-minutes in, let’s get to the list. Ivana finally got hate-crimed and she can’t even really claim all of it herself. Bella, however, has been hate-crimed many times. Bella loves that Karla Sofia went to the Oscars. It’s not the time to be an evil trans woman… but if you are gonna be one, sure. Show up to the Oscars. And if Traitors Canada production is listening, don’t worry… no one will really know about this podcast. It’s a bit of a niche audience. GROWING EVERYDAY…. 

Azealia Banks is right. The gays have to sit this one out. Bella is treating Mayhem like it’s Gaga's self-titled. Ivana is going between Garden of Eden and Zombieboy. Garden of Eden and Zombieboy. And obviously, all of them. Bella knew at 12:01 am that Killah was the one. Ivana believes Gaga about her blade of grass story. Bella, not so much. Here’s the thing: Gaga's horny for Michael. And he’s a good boy. And if your only reference to 80s music is Taylor Swift, you were probably born a few years ago.