Our TFMR Stories | Our decisions, our grief, real true parent stories

Becky, TFMR mom and mom to one living kid, shares her story of termination for T21. Becky was almost 40 and considering IVF when she found out she was pregnant naturally. She was over the moon to be pregnant. Then came the NIPT call... at work... while she was in front of her classroom. A heartbreaking 93% chance of T21, Trisomy 21.

In Part 1 of 2 of Becky's story, you'll hear how she decided to end her pregnancy after a Down’s Syndrome diagnosis. Becky needed to feel 100% certain before she could move forward. So she got her placenta biopsied, and when the results came back confirmed, she and her husband considered the two potential pictures of their baby's future - and what it would mean for their whole family. They thought about their ages, their firstborn toddler, finances, divorce statistics, and a world that isn't always kind. Even then, Becky was still going back and forth on her decision when more medical information - a poor pregnancy diagnosis for herself as well - also came into play.

Thank you for sharing about your baby boy and his Down Syndrome diagnosis, Becky. <3

GROUP SUPPORT IN TFMR GRIEF:

If you're carrying the weight of your TFMR alone... you don't have to anymore.

The TFMR Support Sanctuary is now open: a monthly community for parents who want ways to release the shame, guilt, and despair of this loss and feel sure and seen in their motherhood, their parenthood, and the love they have for their baby.

💜 A safe place to feel whole again and honor your baby

💬 Live circles every couple of weeks, starting April 2nd

💜 Month-to-month, no long commitment

🌸 Grand opening price: $45/month (going up to $55 on May 1st)

Join us: www.theTFMRdoula.com/join

FREE FACEBOOK GROUP:

Want early access to new podcast episodes and a chance to ask questions live? Join our private Facebook group, the TFMR Support Circle. You'll get to witness the raw, unedited version of my solo episodes before anyone else. You can also join in live and share your comments and get your questions answered to shape the episodes.

Application only, free membership:
http://www.theTFMRdoula.com/facebookgroup

🎙 Want to share your story?
Email Sabrina to be featured on the podcast: sabrina [at] theTFMRdoula [dot] com

Music credit:
Pamgaea by Kevin MacLeod
Creative Commons License https://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1300036&Search=Search

In Part 1, we talked about feeling "stuck" in TFMR grief and how that feeling comes from using old, outdated ideas - using a broken map. In this episode, I'm showing you what's ACTUALLY in these grief waters.

The old grief maps say "here be dragons" - monsters to fight, stages to conquer. But you've actually BEEN to this territory. You know what's really there: manatees (your baby's continuing love, the gentle waves of grief you learn to swim alongside) AND a giant squid (the soul fracture of choosing termination for a wanted baby, the impossible grief that wraps around you in the dark).

The problem? Most people refuse to believe the giant squid exists because they haven't lived it, haven't held their dead baby, haven't named a baby and then had to choose their death. You're not stuck. You're not imagining things. You're navigating waters that don't exist on anyone else's map.

And that's exactly why you need people who've seen the giant squid too.

TFMR GRIEF CIRCLE PROGRAM:
If you're longing for intimate, ongoing group support, apply now for the Ascend TFMR Grief Circle
💜 Small, caring groups of 5–6 people
💬 Honest conversation, healing practices, and community support
🌿 Next Wed. 7pm Eastern time round begins Feb. 18th 2026
👉 Learn more & apply: http://www.theTFMRdoula.com/ascend-apply

Want early access to new podcast episodes and a chance to ask questions live? Join our private Facebook group, the TFMR Support Circle. You'll get to witness the raw, unedited version of my solo episodes before anyone else. You can also join in live and share your comments and get your questions answered to shape the episodes.

Application only, free membership:
http://www.theTFMRdoula.com/facebookgroup

🎙 Want to share your story?
Email Sabrina to be featured on the podcast: sabrina [at] theTFMRdoula [dot] com

Music credit:
Pamgaea by Kevin MacLeod
Creative Commons License https://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1300036&Search=Search

If you’ve ever felt like your grief is never-ending, if you worry “will this ever end?” if you feel other people think you are ‘stuck’ in your grief after baby loss, listen in.

I share what that "I feel stuck" feeling may be showing up as after ending a wanted pregnancy. You’ll also hear why the *idea* of being “stuck in grief' feels so prevalent. And you’ll find relief in looking at “stuckness” in a new light.

TFMR GRIEF CIRCLE PROGRAM:
If you're longing for intimate, ongoing group support, apply now for the Ascend TFMR Grief Circle
💜 Small, caring groups of 5–6 people
💬 Honest conversation, healing practices, and community support
🌿 Next Wed. 7pm Eastern time round begins Feb. 18th 2026
👉 Learn more & apply: http://www.theTFMRdoula.com/ascend-apply

Want early access to new podcast episodes and a chance to ask questions live? Join our private Facebook group, the TFMR Support Circle. You'll get to witness the raw, unedited version of my solo episodes before anyone else. You can also join in live and share your comments and get your questions answered to shape the episodes.

Application only, free membership:
http://www.theTFMRdoula.com/facebookgroup

🎙 Want to share your story?
Email Sabrina to be featured on the podcast: sabrina [at] theTFMRdoula [dot] com

Music credit:
Pamgaea by Kevin MacLeod
Creative Commons License https://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1300036&Search=Search

You know that feeling when someone tells you to "just be grateful for what you have" and it makes you want to scream? When your own family acts like you should be "over it" by now, so you plaster on a smile and pretend you're fine? If you’ve been feeling so alone after losing your wanted baby, exhausted from putting on a “I’m okay” face, and wondering if you are the problem because positive thinking isn't fixing your shattered heart - listen in <3

This episode breaks down why toxic positivity doesn't just fail to help TFMR baby loss grief - it actively makes it worse. If you've been told to focus on the positive (even trying it yourself) but your grief feels exactly as heavy, this is for you.

TFMR GRIEF CIRCLE PROGRAM:
If you're longing for intimate, ongoing group support, apply now for the Ascend TFMR Grief Circle
💜 Small, caring groups of 5–6 people
💬 Honest conversation, healing practices, and community support
🌿 Next Wed. 7pm Eastern time round begins Feb. 18th 2026
👉 Learn more & apply: http://www.theTFMRdoula.com/ascend-apply

Want early access to new podcast episodes and a chance to ask questions live? Join our private Facebook group, the TFMR Support Circle. You'll get to witness the raw, unedited version of my solo episodes before anyone else. You can also join in live and share your comments and get your questions answered to shape the episodes.

Application only, free membership:
http://www.theTFMRdoula.com/facebookgroup

🎙 Want to share your story?
Email Sabrina to be featured on the podcast: sabrina [at] theTFMRdoula [dot] com

Music credit:
Pamgaea by Kevin MacLeod
Creative Commons License https://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1300036&Search=Search

Megan Tennis' story & journey continues after her molar pregnancy diagnosis and medical interventions. Part 2 of 2 takes us through the cancer treatments that followed, the grief that regular therapy couldn't touch, and how Megan's own experience of feeling unseen and misunderstood in traditional therapy spaces led her to specialize in pregnancy loss counseling.

Megan has created something different: a therapeutic approach specifically for pregnancy loss that actually understands what grieving parents need. She shares what that looks like in this episode and how to help validate your grief after baby loss of all kinds.

This episode is for anyone who's tried traditional therapy after pregnancy loss (especially when it is a “unique” or “rare” or “not talked about” kind of loss -like TFMR-) and felt like something was missing. For those wondering if your grief "should" look different by now. For anyone who's thought "my therapist just doesn't understand this type of loss." Megan's story shows how going through it yourself & professional training can come together to create the support that actually helps.

CONNECT WITH MEGAN TENNIS:

@meganmiscarried on TikTok

Megan is also a licensed clinical professional counselor in Illinois: https://www.advancedbhs.com/megan-tennis-lpc/ and she wants to share the link for the helpful non-profit organization Chasing The Rainbows: https://linktr.ee/chasingtherainbows

TFMR GRIEF CIRCLE PROGRAM STARTING IN FEB. 2026:
If you're longing for intimate, ongoing group support, apply now for the Ascend TFMR Grief Circle
💜 Small, caring groups of 5–6 people
💬 Honest conversation, healing practices, and community support
🌿 Next Wed. 7pm Eastern time round begins Feb. 18th 2026
👉 Learn more & apply: http://www.theTFMRdoula.com/ascend-apply

Want early access to new podcast episodes and a chance to ask questions live? Join our private Facebook group, the TFMR Support Circle. You'll get to witness the raw, unedited version of my solo episodes before anyone else. You can also join in live and share your comments and get your questions answered to shape the episodes.

Application only, free membership:
http://www.theTFMRdoula.com/facebookgroup

🎙 Want to share your story?
Email Sabrina to be featured on the podcast: sabrina [at] theTFMRdoula [dot] com

Music credit:
Pamgaea by Kevin MacLeod
Creative Commons License https://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1300036&Search=Search

Megan's story begins with complications in a wanted pregnancy leading to a life-threatening molar pregnancy diagnosis. A molar pregnancy happens when what should be placenta/baby/pregnancy tissue grows abnormally instead, creating cancerous cells.

For Megan, this meant facing something she never thought would come from pregnancy: becoming a cancer patient. She found herself not only grieving the loss of her pregnancy but also having to do cancer treatments to save her own life.

Listen in to hear the raw reality of making medical pregnancy decisions under crisis conditions. If you’ve felt isolated during fertility and pregnancy health crises (that are just never talked about!)… if you wonder how to survive grieving a pregnancy that needed heartbreaking medical interventions …. if you had to make impossible choices for your body/pregnancy… this episode is for you.

CONNECT WITH MEGAN TENNIS:

@meganmiscarried on TikTok

Megan is also a licensed clinical professional counselor in Illinois: https://www.advancedbhs.com/megan-tennis-lpc/ and she wants to share the link for the helpful non-profit organization Chasing The Rainbows: https://linktr.ee/chasingtherainbows

TFMR GRIEF CIRCLE PROGRAM STARTING IN FEB. 2026:
If you're longing for intimate, ongoing group support, apply now for the Ascend TFMR Grief Circle
💜 Small, caring groups of 5–6 people
💬 Honest conversation, healing practices, and community support
🌿 Next Wed. 7pm Eastern time round begins Feb. 18th 2026
👉 Learn more & apply: http://www.theTFMRdoula.com/ascend-apply

Want early access to new podcast episodes and a chance to ask questions live? Join our private Facebook group, the TFMR Support Circle. You'll get to witness the raw, unedited version of my solo episodes before anyone else. You can also join in live and share your comments and get your questions answered to shape the episodes.

Application only, free membership:
http://www.theTFMRdoula.com/facebookgroup

🎙 Want to share your story?
Email Sabrina to be featured on the podcast: sabrina [at] theTFMRdoula [dot] com

Music credit:
Pamgaea by Kevin MacLeod
Creative Commons License https://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1300036&Search=Search

You're not alone if you have tough, scary, horrible thoughts after ending a wanted pregnancy, terminating a wanted pregnancy, having an abortion for medical reasons. When you've lost a baby in pregnancy after a horrible prenatal diagnosis, of course not all your thoughts are cheery and light.

In this episode I talk about some hard thoughts you may be struggling with, and a safe space you could join if you'd like someone to hold you through it.

The thoughts that keep you up at 3am after TFMR aren't talked about in regular grief spaces. They're too raw, too complex, too misunderstood. But having these thoughts doesn't make you a monster… it makes you HUMAN.

In this solo episode, I share 5 of the toughest thoughts TFMR parents carry, from hoping your baby would die naturally to realizing there's no safe time in pregnancy. These aren't easy to hear, but if you've had them, you need to know you're not alone and you're not broken. We hold these thoughts together because that's the only way they become bearable.

Special holiday support package with a 1:1 session AND "Peace of Mind: Audio mindfulness program for TFMR parents" here: https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/holiday-support

START 1on1 SUPPORT NOW:
📧 Email me, I want to hear from you: sabrina @ the tfmrdoula . com
📅 If you’ve received a devastating diagnosis and want emotional support through deciding what’s next, book a Decision Support call here: https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/decision-support.html
‌
MORE TFMR GRIEF SUPPORT RESOURCES:
For more TFMR support, join us over on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/thetfmrdoula
💜 Join our Facebook group: https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/facebookgroup
‌
🎙 Want to share your story on Our TFMR Stories?
Email Sabrina sabrina @ the TFMR doula . com to be featured on the podcast
‌
Music credit:
Pamgaea by Kevin MacLeod
Creative Commons License
Links: https://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=usuan1300036
License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
...

Re-released episode, originally from 2023.

Grief can be especially hard around the holidays and through the new year with expectations to be "joyful" and "cheerful." In this episode I answer questions from other TFMR parents in the community about getting through the holidays. You'll hear 4 main tips PLUS an explanation of "Grieving in 4D."

This episode was originally recorded as a live video in the TFMR Support Circle Facebook group. Apply to join us here: https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/facebookgroup to listen to episodes early.

Other links mentioned:
Get your free copy of the guide "Self-care in the Grief of TFMR" here: http://www.thetfmrdoula.com/tfmr-self-care

Special holiday support package with a 1:1 session AND "Peace of Mind: Audio mindfulness program for TFMR parents" here: https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/holiday-support

START 1on1 SUPPORT NOW:
📧 Email me, I want to hear from you: sabrina @ the tfmrdoula . com
📅 If you’ve received a devastating diagnosis and want emotional support through deciding what’s next, book a Decision Support call here: https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/decision-support.html
‌
‌MORE TFMR GRIEF SUPPORT RESOURCES:
For more TFMR support, join us over on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/thetfmrdoula
💜 Join our Facebook group: https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/facebookgroup
‌
🎙 Want to share your story on Our TFMR Stories?
Email Sabrina sabrina @ the TFMR doula . com to be featured on the podcast
‌
Music credit:
Pamgaea by Kevin MacLeod
Creative Commons License
Links: https://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1300036
License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
...

In Part 2 of 2 of Rachel Polans' TFMR story, we move into what happened after her baby’s rare ‘de novo’ genetic mutation diagnosis. The D&E procedure in Brooklyn, the physical reality of being postpartum without a baby. Rachel talks about what it was like being in a general surgery pre-op area with people there for all kinds of procedures, not a space designed for pregnancy loss.

Rachel shares about the haunting due date, seeing other people who were pregnant at the same time have their babies, and struggling with the medical record that says "elective termination" when that's not what this was at all.

Rachel also opens up about how being a genetic counselor shaped her grief differently - she never even knew the term TFMR existed until after her loss, even though she had counseled families through this exact experience.

If you're postpartum without your baby, if you're struggling with how the medical system names (or doesn’t name) what happened to you, if you work in healthcare and nobody prepared you for living through this yourself, or if you're trying to find your people and don't know what to search for: I hope Rachel's honesty about finding the TFMR community and now navigating pregnancy after loss will help you feel less alone.

Thank you, Rachel, for sharing your baby's story with us 💜

Rachel also wants to share her Instagram profile if you’d like to reach out to her:

https://www.instagram.com/rachel_polans

START 1on1 SUPPORT NOW:

📧 Email me, I want to hear from you: sabrina @ the tfmrdoula . com You can have specific grief support in the heartbreak of TFMR.

📅 If you’ve received a devastating diagnosis and want emotional support through deciding what’s next, book a Decision Support call here: https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/decision-support.html

MORE TFMR GRIEF SUPPORT RESOURCES:

For more TFMR support, join us over on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/thetfmrdoula

💜 Join our Facebook group: https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/facebookgroup

🎙 Want to share your story on Our TFMR Stories?
Email Sabrina sabrina @ the TFMR doula . com to be featured on the podcast

Music credit:
Pamgaea by Kevin MacLeod
Creative Commons License
Links: https://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=usuan1300036
License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

In Part 1 of 2 of this real TFMR story from mother Rachel Polans, we talk about the bad diagnosis that eventually led Rachel to end her wanted pregnancy. After struggles with infertility, IUI treatments, and a chemical pregnancy, Rachel finally got to hear this baby's heartbeat at 6 weeks.

But a later ultrasound scan showed bilateral club feet and led to more testing… 7 weeks of waiting for amniocentesis results… and then the phone call on her husband’s birthday that changed everything: KAT6B gene mutation. A condition so rare there are fewer than 150 cases in the world - and Rachel recognized it because she happened to have a patient with this exact gene.

As a pediatric genetic counselor, Rachel sees families going through these worst-case scenarios every single day. Going through it herself was something else entirely. Rachel's medical knowledge was both a blessing and a curse. It helped her know which tests to ask for, but it also meant she knew what could go awfully, awfully wrong.

If you're waiting for test results right now, if you work in healthcare and this is happening to you, if your body is telling you something's wrong even before the doctors say anything - Rachel's story will help you feel less alone. Thank you, Rachel, for sharing your baby’s story with us 💜

Rachel also wants to share her Instagram profile if you’d like to reach out to her:

https://www.instagram.com/rachel_polans

START 1on1 SUPPORT NOW:

📧 Email me, I want to hear from you: sabrina @ the tfmrdoula . com

📅 If you’ve received a devastating diagnosis and want emotional support through deciding what’s next, book a Decision Support call here: https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/decision-support.html

MORE TFMR GRIEF SUPPORT RESOURCES:

For more TFMR support, join us over on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/thetfmrdoula

💜 Join our Facebook group: https://www.thetfmrdoula.com/facebookgroup

🎙 Want to share your story on Our TFMR Stories?
Email Sabrina sabrina @ the TFMR doula . com to be featured on the podcast

Music credit:
Pamgaea by Kevin MacLeod
Creative Commons License
Links:https://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=usuan1300036
License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/