Overcoming Your Story Podcast

By Miriam NjokuHealth & Fitness Mental Health

Overcoming Your Story Podcast episodes

May 12, 2021 Ify's Journey to Herself
Overcoming Your Story is geared towards black women, how they can connect with themselves, unleash their power and step out of their limiting beliefs. So, in this episode, Miriam speaks to Ify, a coach, teacher and trainer who helps black women manage their emotions and relationships.
Ify opens up about her own story, why she does the work she does and the many obstacles she had to overcome to get her where she is today.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
Ify was born in the UK but grew up in Nigeria. Her Dad was very passionate about her having an African upbringing. This was partly due to the racism he experienced in the UK.
Ify recognises that she grew up loved and protected but having a traditional African upbringing meant she didn’t really have a mind of her own. This is something she discovered as she got older, the career path her parents wanted her to take in medicine did not come easy to her, this affected her relationship with her father.
After not achieving what was expected of her, the relationship with her father deteriorated further. There was no conversation to be had around what she wanted but instead disappointment from her Dad for not achieving what he expected.
Every child is different. When parents decide on set paths, they aren’t taking into account the differences and preferences of that child. They are a unique person with their own identity but this isn’t always considered.
Being the first Daughter of an African family meant that Ify had so much pressure put on her. She was supposed to be responsible, accountable and successful. It was a big weight to bear.
Getting into project management and running professional courses is how Ify built her career. She has always loved working with people and building relationships so this was perfect for her.
Ify has always been friends with multiple groups of people. Even at school she was able to build relationships with many different types of women and when she reconnects with these women years later the foundation of the relationship is still there. It has followed her throughout her life.
BEST MOMENTS
“There was so much racism he experienced that he refused for us to have Christian names”
“I didn’t really have a mind of my own”
“I was sick on the inside, the reality that I was going down this path that I wasn’t supposed to go down”
“I love people, I love working with people, I love talking to people”
VALUABLE RESOURCES
https://www.instagram.com/connectingstories/?hl=en
ABOUT THE GUEST
Ify Is a Certified Coach, Teacher and Trainer. She is also a program manager and host of the Connecting Stories podcast aimed at empowering women and families in the black community.
https://www.instagram.com/connectingstories/?hl=en
ABOUT THE HOST
Miriam is a Trauma Informed Coach, an African, a mom of three daughters, a blogger and writer. After graduating from the London School of Economics, she built her international career in the fields of banking and international development, working for organisations such as the World Economic Forum, Lombard Odier Private Bank, JP Morgan, the Mastercard Foundation and the United Nations. She now uses her passion for psychology and dedicates her time to coaching others to free themselves from the burden of childhood trauma. Her wish to help other women connect to their inner wisdom, love themselves and follow their passion. In her effort to destigmatize mental health and normalize mental health conversations in black communities, she wrote her memoir about surviving childhood and finding her worth.
CONTACT METHOD
Instagram: @_miriamnjoku/
Facebook
Linkedin
CLUBHOUSE: @miriamnjoku
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
40 min
May 05, 2021 The Father Wound
In this episode, Miriam talks about the father wound. She explores her own relationship with her father and discusses the impact of his abandonment on her forming and building relationships as an adult.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
Miriam’s mother married her father very young. Her father was a prince and had multiple wives. Her mother had grown up knowing him as a visitor of her grandad but he then asked to marry her.
She moved in with him to a compound where his main house was and where all his wives and children lived. There was a lot of tension due to favouritism, it was not a good situation to be living in and created a lot of jealously, insecurity and negativity. This is how Miriam was brought into the world.
Her mother ran away from this situation and Miriam and her sister were brought up by family for the beginning of their lives.
For a lot of Miriam’s life she had a fascination with her father. She would see him in men that she walked by on the street and would look for him everywhere she went. She decided she needed to try and make contact with her father and and reconcile her feelings about him.
She got into contact with her father via letter and they communicated for one year before her father painfully died suddenly. She never got the opportunity to go to Cameroon to meet him and talk with him in person as an adult, this still hurts her but she has now managed to start to heal this father wound.
When we recognise patterns we gain awareness, this is how we can start to heal our trauma and forgive others and ourselves for what has happened to us in the past.

BEST MOMENTS

“One man, many children, one husband, many wives”

“I’m stretching my arms and there is no one to take them as a father figure”

“I just kept looking for my father everywhere I go”

“Is my father wound gone? I don’t think so but I’m not so bothered by it”

ABOUT THE HOST
Miriam is a Trauma Informed Coach, an African, a mom of three daughters, a blogger and writer. After graduating from the London School of Economics, she built her international career in the fields of banking and international development, working for organisations such as the World Economic Forum, Lombard Odier Private Bank, JP Morgan, the Mastercard Foundation and the United Nations. She now uses her passion for psychology and dedicates her time to coaching others to free themselves from the burden of childhood trauma. Her wish to help other women connect to their inner wisdom, love themselves and follow their passion. In her effort to destigmatize mental health and normalize mental health conversations in black communities, she wrote her memoir about surviving childhood and finding her worth.
CONTACT METHOD
Instagram: @_miriamnjoku/
Facebook
Linkedin
CLUBHOUSE: @miriamnjoku
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
18 min
April 28, 2021Tatiana's Journey
Miriam is joined in this episode by Tatiana from Washington DC. Tatiana is currently a food photographer whilst working on a variety of business ideas including a simple syrup product.
They met on clubhouse talking about their childhood and today they discuss Tatiana's upbringing, her difficulties in life as an adult and the culture in Cameroon.

KEY TAKEAWAYS
Tatiana was born in Cameroon and lived there until she was 9. She then moved with her aunt to both Italy and Spain until eventually settling in France. As an adult, she then decided to move to the USA.

Tatiana always felt safe growing up but she suffered a lot of disruption and had a very strict upbringing. She spent most of her childhood adapting and adjusting and meeting the expectations of her family rather than developing herself as a child.

When living in France it dawned on Tatiana that the people that raised her until she was 9 were no longer there. Her aunt wasn’t very supportive because of how culturally she dealt with these types of situations, she felt very alone.

When Tatiana’s aunt had her own children, Tatiana became almost a second parent to her cousins and she resented this. Tatiana recognises that she wanted for nothing as a child physically and that her aunt loved her. But as an adult she feels like her aunt and family were over-protective and this led to her being ill-equipped to deal with the world as an adult.

Because Tatiana did not understand why her family made the decisions they did about her upbringing she made her own mind up. This meant she harboured a lot of anger which was quite destructive to areas of her life, she didn’t feel like she could be completely open with people, she was reserved and didn’t know how to communicate effectively in relationships. The consequences of her growing up quickly, having responsibilities early and not being able to be a child or teenager meant she didn’t learn all the things she should have done, especially in regards to communication, emotions and relationships.

Tatiana and Miriam agree that a lot of the cultural norms in African culture come from the fact that they are from countries where historically you are having to always be in survival mode. It’s a day-to-day mentality and it’s a difficult a long process to try and change this.

BEST MOMENTS

“When you’re younger you move around and then when you are older you start moving yourself around”

“I learned and matured quickly, I matured so fast I became inadequate as an adult”

“You can’t tell a child to grow up then tell them to act like a child…which one is it?”

“It shows that you have a mind of your own and that you know who you are”

“I carried anger for so long it was paralysing”

“I didn’t know what truly loving someone looked like because I didn’t learn”

ABOUT THE GUEST
Hi! My name is Tatiana, and I'm a proud dog mom, Assistant Director turned student. I enjoy long walks on the beach, the smell red roses and contemplating the sky for hours. Just kidding! Not a fan of any of those things. Seriously though, my friends describe me as easy going, fun to be around and cook extraordinaire. If you don't believe me check my Instagram @latelierdc. Cheers!!

ABOUT THE HOST
Miriam is a Trauma Informed Coach, an African, a...
44 min
April 28, 2021 Sense of Foreshortened Future
Miriam is an avid reader and does a lot of continuous research on trauma and trauma recovery. A couple of years ago she came across an article on time and prolonged trauma that shook her. In this episode she talks about the article, how she experiences time and why a sense of foreshortened future is a trauma response.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
If somebody has been tortured or had prolonged trauma a common outcome can be that they lose faith in humanity.
After a complicated and difficult childhood Miriam came into adulthood already tired. The way she experienced time was warped, she did not experience time like other people. She had a distrust in time as a result of trauma and it would make her feel like she didn’t have a future, that she wouldn’t meet the normal milestones most people do. This result came from being beaten, not being nurtured and is a trauma response. It is called a sense of foreshortened future.
If you have negative thoughts about the future it’s important to tackle them and challenge them head on. Break the cycles formed by this negative way of thinking, start by setting small goals and begin to build something else.
BEST MOMENTS
“You have a distrust in time and that is an effect of trauma, it makes you feel as if you don’t have a future”
“Being stuck in fear in childhood we become adults that are unable to project themselves into the future”
“It’s important to not be so scared of the future, it can really hold us back and keep us stuck”
VALUABLE RESOURCES
Link to full article: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4166378/
Link to overview of Coping with a Foreshortened Future: https://www.verywellmind.com/coping-with-a-foreshortened-future-ptsd-2797225
ABOUT THE HOST
Miriam is a Trauma Informed Coach, an African, a mom of three daughters, a blogger and writer. After graduating from the London School of Economics, she built her international career in the fields of banking and international development, working for organisations such as the World Economic Forum, Lombard Odier Private Bank, JP Morgan, the Mastercard Foundation and the United Nations. She now uses her passion for psychology and dedicates her time to coaching others to free themselves from the burden of childhood trauma. Her wish to help other women connect to their inner wisdom, love themselves and follow their passion. In her effort to destigmatize mental health and normalize mental health conversations in black communities, she wrote her memoir about surviving childhood and finding her worth.
CONTACT METHOD
Instagram:@overcomingyourstory
Instagram: @_miriamnjoku/
Facebook
Linkedin
CLUBHOUSE: @miriamnjoku
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
17 min
April 28, 2021A Very Brave Conversation with Brenda Chuinkam
Today Miriam welcomes Brenda Chuinkam onto the podcast. Brenda is a designer, entrepreneur, blogger and many other things! She is one of 4 children and is very pro-African, especially in regards to the culture and fashion.

In this episode they talk about mental health, being authentic and trauma.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
Brenda’s Dad was a diplomat which meant her and her family moved around a lot, each sibling was born in a different country! Brenda was raised multiculturally and was well travelled at a young age thanks to her Dad’s job.

From a young age, Brenda has always been able to adapt to new situations and get along/form relationships with many different types of people.

When Brenda was 17 she decided she wanted to lose weight after seeing a photo of herself. She lost over 60 pounds in 7 months, demonstrating that when Brenda was determined about something she would make it happen.

After she had lost the weight she realised that she had become to obsessed with food and calories and she wasn’t enjoying food anymore. She went to university and gained a stone, this is when she decided to learn more about exercise and nutrition and learned how to maintain a healthy weight in a positive way.

Brenda’s mum started her own business which meant she wasn’t at home as much as she was previously, she got a tutor for Brenda. Devastatingly this tutor sexually assaulted her, she kept it a secret as he asked, it went on for over a year. It wasn’t until Brenda was in her late 20s that she shared this with people.

In Cameroon, there is a practice called breast ironing, it is a process to suppress breast growth and the reasoning given behind it is to stop male attention. Brenda’s Grandmother decided to start ironing Brenda’s breasts when she started puberty, it was extremely traumatising but her Grandmother didn’t feel like she was doing anything wrong, she was following tradition and thought she was helping Brenda.
As a child, Brenda was an extrovert but she took on shame from the sexual assault and breast ironing she devastatingly had to experience and it mean she became introverted and not herself for many years.
Being in the Western world and learning about many different people who were easily themselves, via the internet and magazines, really helped Brenda find herself again. It made her want more for herself.
Brenda has always prioritised herself as an adult. If she needs a day off she takes a day off. Generally, her mental health is an 8 or 9 out of 10. She believes it also helps that she has such a great support system. She has been sad before but hasn’t ever suffered from depression as an adult.

BEST MOMENTS

“As a child for me it was always exciting”

“You’re very authentic, you’re very real, I like how you share yourself because you don’t pretend”

“It was being in the Western world that helped me”

“I always take care of myself, I always prioritise myself”

"We just need a place where we can talk about it"

VALUABLE RESOURCES
Website: https://melapteh.com/
IG: https://www.instagram.com/theankaraqueen/

ABOUT THE GUEST
Brenda Chuinkam is a young Afropreneur based in Canada with a love for...
37 min
April 28, 2021 Going To Therapy
In this episode, Miriam wants to talk about going to therapy as a black African woman.
Miriam is the only person in her family to go to therapy and has started sharing what she has learnt with them and wants to be open and honest about her experiences. She hopes that her own experience of therapy will aid her in coaching others, particularly in regards to overcoming trauma and finding a way forward. We all deserve to take control of our lives and we all have the power within us to change things.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
Why is it so difficult for many cultures in Africa to go to therapy? There’s a lot of shame and taboo attached to going to therapy, many people see it as a last resort, that you would only go if there is no hope for you.
Miriam first went to therapy when she started her masters degree. During her first session, she spent the whole time crying. Recounting her family history and her upbringing was so hard, she decided to park the idea of therapy for a while.
Towards the end of her degree she had a nervous breakdown where she could not do anything. It was the first time she was unable to study for an exam but thankfully her previous hard work meant she still passed. After her degree Miriam moved back to Switzerland, after seeing a GP she was diagnosed with chronic depression and decided to see a therapist again.
Finding the right therapist can be extremely difficult. It took Miriam quite some time to find the right one, she didn’t feel comfortable or understood with the first therapist she saw. She was later matched with a therapist that at first she questioned but she actually ended up having a great connection with this therapist who ended up helping Miriam start her work.
Although Miriam has stopped and started therapy for various reasons over the years, she has learnt something from each session and every therapist.
Miriam believes that if we do not talk about emotional pain it stays within us and makes us sick, both mentally and physically.
BEST MOMENTS
“It felt like starting over and over again”
“The fear of failing has always followed me”
“I was so scared because I had this conviction deep down that my mother didn’t love me”
“That was a huge relief it was like the first mental block had been lifted”
“We have to free ourselves from our stories”
“I cannot be the mother I want to be, or the wife I want to be, without being the person I want to be for myself”
VALUABLE RESOURCES
ABOUT THE HOST
Miriam is a Trauma Informed Coach, an African, a mom of three daughters, a blogger and writer. After graduating from the London School of Economics, she built her international career in the fields of banking and international development, working for organisations such as the World Economic Forum, Lombard Odier Private Bank, JP Morgan, the Mastercard Foundation and the United Nations. She now uses her passion for psychology and dedicates her time to coaching others to free themselves from the burden of childhood trauma. Her wish to help other women connect to their inner wisdom, love themselves and follow their passion. In her effort to destigmatize mental health and normalize mental health conversations in black communities, she wrote her memoir about surviving childhood and finding her worth.
CONTACT METHOD
Instagram:@overcomingyourstory
Instagram: @_miriamnjoku/
Facebook
Linkedin
CLUBHOUSE: @miriamnjoku
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
20 min
April 28, 2021At 17 her mind was made up! With Telma
In this episode, Miriam interviews her friend, a teacher and filmmaker, Telma Diaz.
Telma was born in Portugal to her mum who was from Guinea-Bissau and her Portuguese Dad. Telma moved to Guinea-Bissau for a couple of years whilst her mum set up their life Switzerland, Telma then spent most of her childhood and teens in Geneva before moving to England.

Telma discusses her difficult childhood, her experience of racism in Switzerland and her passion and determination that got her to where she is today.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
When Telma was living in Guinea-Bissau she found it very different to Portugal where she was used to having freedom. It is how she learnt a lot about her African roots. When Telma lived in Portugal people saw her as African and when she was living in Guinea-Bissau people saw her as white, it made he feel like she never truly belonged anywhere.
Telma then moved to Switzerland and the difference to where she had been living was shocking. She was very grateful to be given all the opportunities she was in Switzerland but back in the 80s when she was there it was quite racist which she unfortunately experienced a lot, especially in school.
Telma found the racism in Switzerland more difficult to deal with then the physical beatings she experienced in Guinea-Bissau. The racism never stopped, no matter how much she tried to adapt it was always there and seriously affected her mental health.
At 7 years old, Telma’s Dad left. This was heart-breaking to Telma, she had no one to talk to that understood her struggles as her mum was going through the same thing as her.
When on holiday in England Telma saw Trevor McDonald presenting the news on TV and was gobsmacked, she had never seen a black person presenting on TV before. She also noticed black policeman and the fact that people were friendly and nice to her and her mum. They were accepted, it was a stark contrast to her experiences and treatment in switzerland.
At 17 after staying with a host family in England Telma decided she wanted to live there. Her mum agreed that she could live there as long as she completed school in Switzerland. She moved to England at 19 and learnt to speak English fluently within a year. She then went to university, became a filmmaker and is now a teacher. Her experiences with teachers in Switzerland means that she knows exactly what not to do and vows to always be accepting and encouraging to her students.

BEST MOMENTS

“In a way I felt like I never belonged anywhere”

“I felt like I was beaten up by words”

“It could be the best country, but not as a black woman”

“What I went through is part of me”

“The weather was rubbish but the people were so nice”

“Acceptance is key”
VALUABLE RESOURCES
https://myswissexperiences.com/
https://www.instagram.com/tdiasdebrito/

ABOUT THE HOST
Miriam is a Trauma Informed Coach, an African, a mom of three daughters, a blogger and writer. After graduating from the London School of Economics, she built her international career in the fields of banking and international development, working
45 min
April 28, 2021 The Mother Wound
Welcome to the first episode of Overcoming Your Story by your host Miriam Njoku. Miriam has a passion for psychology and uses this and her own experiences to coach others and help them free themselves from the burdens of childhood trauma. She is trying to destigmatise many topics in African culture, including discussions around mental health and aims to help as many women as she can live a more successful and liberating life.
In this episode, Miriam talks about her own story as an African daughter. Mother-daughter relationships are a delicate topic, but it’s important to talk about things that are difficult, especially if it can help you heal and provide a template and learning that can help others do the same.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
There is a lot of taboo and shame around admitting you have a difficult relationship with your mother. But Miriam believes by being honest and relaying her feelings she can move forward.
Miriam was born after her mother had lost a child at 8 months old and was in a marriage she did not choose. Her mother was under a lot of pressure and was very unhappy with her life, her mother ran away and left Miriam and her sister with their great grandmother whilst she worked and sent money to look after them. Eventually Miriam’s mother did have her daughters move and live with her in Switzerland but by this time Miriam and her sister had suffered a lot of pain and trauma, it felt too late.
What happened was never discussed or approached, it meant that Miriam stayed angry with her mother and it would sometimes show itself in seemingly unrelated situations. She couldn’t let go of the feelings of abandonment.
After starting her own family, Miriam decided to challenge the notion of always respecting your mother and sat her mother down and talked to her about her trauma and her true feelings. Miriam knew it was hard for her mother to listen to but it was important for her to know and listen to these things.
A culture has to be for the people, the moment it no longer works for the people we need to start questioning it. Many African women have difficult relationships with their parents and there are many issues with fear of abandonment, we need to challenge this.
BEST MOMENTS
“No topic is off limits on the Overcoming Your Story podcast”
“Inside I was still very angry but I would not show it”
“I was trying to take care of everyone’s emotions apart from mine”
“We had to break that generational burden”
“Many, many African women have difficult relationships with their parents”
VALUABLE RESOURCES
ABOUT THE HOST
Miriam is a Trauma Informed Coach, an African, a mom of three daughters, a blogger and writer. After graduating from the London School of Economics, she built her international career in the fields of banking and international development, working for organisations such as the World Economic Forum, Lombard Odier Private Bank, JP Morgan, the Mastercard Foundation and the United Nations. She now uses her passion for psychology and dedicates her time to coaching others to free themselves from the burden of childhood trauma. Her wish to help other women connect to their inner wisdom, love themselves and follow their passion. In her effort to destigmatize mental health and normalize mental health conversations in black communities, she wrote her memoir about surviving childhood and finding her worth.
CONTACT METHOD
Instagram:@overcomingyourstory
Instagram: @_miriamnjoku/
Facebook
Linkedin
CLUBHOUSE: @miriamnjoku
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
23 min
April 22, 2021 Overcoming Your Story - Trailer
Welcome to Overcoming Your Story, a podcast by Miriam Njoku.
Miriam is passionate about mental health awareness and particularly childhood trauma and its effects on a person’s life. As a trauma-informed coach, she helps others to free themselves from the burdens of childhood trauma. She wants to destigmatise mental health topics and normalise talking about feelings in the African and black communities with the aim to help as many women as she can live life according to their own terms.

ABOUT THE HOST
Miriam is a Trauma Informed Coach, an African, a mom of three daughters, a blogger and writer. After graduating from the London School of Economics, she built her international career in the fields of banking and international development, working for organisations such as the World Economic Forum, Lombard Odier Private Bank, JP Morgan, the Mastercard Foundation and the United Nations. She now uses her passion for psychology and dedicates her time to coaching others to free themselves from the burden of childhood trauma. Her wish to help other women connect to their inner wisdom, love themselves and follow their passion. In her effort to destigmatize mental health and normalize mental health conversations in black communities, she wrote her memoir about surviving childhood and finding her worth.

CONTACT METHOD
Instagram:@overcomingyourstory
Website: https://www.miriamnjoku.com/
Instagram: @_miriamnjoku/
Facebook : Miriam Njoku Blog
Linkedin: Miriam Njoku
CLUBHOUSE: @miriamnjoku
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
2 min

About Overcoming Your Story Podcast

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Your Host Miriam Njoku, a trauma recovery coach, shares her journey healing from trauma and interviews guests whose stories will inspire you to change the narrative of your life, uncover your resilience and create a way forward.

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