Own Your Pleasure

In this episode of 'Own Your Pleasure', host Whitni Miller engages with Ash and Dawn Noble, founders of Queer Couples Academy, to explore the intricacies of queer intimacy and relationship dynamics. They discuss the PACT model of therapy, the importance of understanding attachment styles, and how vulnerability plays a crucial role in building secure connections. The conversation delves into the impact of technology on relationships, the difference between interdependence and codependency, and the significance of aftercare and open communication in maintaining healthy partnerships. Through their insights, Ash and Dawna emphasize the importance of co-regulation and navigating power dynamics to foster a safe and nurturing environment for love and connection. In this conversation, Whitni and the Nobles explore the complexities of queer and straight relationships, focusing on the dynamics of roles, expectations, and communication. They discuss the high stakes involved in queer relationships, the importance of emotional space, and the need for effective conflict resolution. The conversation also delves into attachment styles, trauma healing, and the significance of creating safety and trust within relationships. They emphasize the hope for change and the potential for growth in all couples, regardless of their backgrounds.

Ash and Dawn Noble collided in 2020 when brought together by a shared trauma that completely rearranged their lives. As a result, they co-created a vision to build the safest relationship either of them have ever been in as they set out to become the cycle-breakers within their own family systems through the relationship they're building as a couple.

With that shared vision, they've launched Queer Couples Academy, where they share the skills that are needed to build a safe & secure relationship through the PACT model, which is a Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy developed by Dr. Stan Tatkin.

Learn More From Dawna & Ash Noble:
https://linktr.ee/Queercouplescoaching 
Follow Dawn & Ash at:
TIKTOK - @queercouplesacademy
IG - @ashanddawnnoble

Learn More From Whitni:
https://www.bde-moves.com
Follow Whitni at:
TikTok - @bdemoves
IG - @bde.moves
FB - groups/bdemoves
YouTube - Podcast Channel = @BDE-Moves Old Channel = @BdeTalks

00:00:00 Introduction: Celebrating Queer Pleasure
00:01:28 Breaking Stereotypes: Queer Women and Pleasure
00:05:36 Challenging Internalized Misogyny in the Queer Community
00:19:50 Embracing Pleasure-Centered Sex
00:27:53 The Need for Authentic Representation in Porn
00:33:46 Debunking the Myth of 'Lesbian Bed Death'
00:37:27 The Lack of Open Conversations Among Women
00:41:53 Consent and Abuse
00:43:51 Pleasure as Medicine
00:47:51 Being Your Own Lover
00:50:35 The Harmful Effects of People-Pleasing
00:52:11 Embracing Self-Love for Personal and Collective Growth
00:54:03 Join Us for the Empowerment Retreat in Costa Rica

In this episode, Whitni and Coach Khanyi challenge the stereotypes and assumptions about queer women's sexuality. They discuss how queer women can be both soft and loving, as well as fierce and passionate in their sexual experiences. They explore the importance of owning and embracing all aspects of their pleasure, including the more dominant and submissive roles. They also address the internalized misogyny and homophobia that can limit queer women's sexual expression and attraction to other masculine-presenting individuals. Overall, they advocate for authenticity and self-acceptance in queer intimacy. The conversation explores the importance of self-acceptance and self-enjoyment in one's body and sexuality. It emphasizes the freedom that comes from not seeking acceptance or understanding from others, but rather finding comfort and pleasure within oneself. The discussion also touches on the significance of creating safe spaces in relationships and the need for mutual consent and understanding. The conversation challenges societal norms and stereotypes surrounding lesbian sex and highlights the importance of authentic representation in porn. It also addresses the concept of 'lesbian bed death' and critiques the limited and flawed studies that have perpetuated this myth. The conversation explores the societal expectations and stereotypes around sex and pleasure for women, particularly masculine women. It highlights the importance of women creating spaces to talk about sex and pleasure, as well as the need to challenge patriarchal norms. The conversation also emphasizes the healing power of pleasure and the importance of self-love and self-pleasure. The upcoming retreat in Costa Rica is mentioned as an opportunity to let go of people-pleasing and embrace radical self-acceptance.

Join Whitni & Khanyi in Costa Rica:
Book your trip here - https://trovatrip.com/trip/central-america/costa-rica/costa-rica-with-whitni-miller-nov-2024

Grab Coach Khanyi’s Books & more:
https://coachkhanyi.kartra.com/page/Nwk17

Follow Coach Khanyi at:
IG: @lifecoachkhanyi
TikTok: @lifecoachkhanyi

Reach out to Whitni at www.bde-moves.com
Follow Whitni at:
TikTok - @bdemoves
IG - @bde.moves
FB - groups/bdemoves
YouTube - Podcast Channel = @BDE-Moves Old Channel = @BdeTalks

00:00:00:00 Welcome & Introductions 
00:01:23:01 Heather's Journey into Pelvic Floor Therapy & Sex Counseling
00:05:19:15 The Intersection of Pelvic Floor Therapy and Sex Counseling
00:08:24:12 Addressing the Bio Psychosocial Aspects of Sexual Health 
00:10:23:07 What is Pelvic Floor Therapy and Who is it for?
00:16:30:20 Passive Tightness vs Having Control of the Pelvic Floor Muscles
00:19:27:21 Pelvic Floor to Sex Counseling
00:28:09:27 Creating Realistic & Emotionally Honest Representations of Sexuality in Fiction
00:36:07:26 The Importance of Vulnerability and Communication
00:41:02:22 Expanding the Definition of Sex & The Power of Consent
00:49:22:27 Writing and Reading Authentically Realistic Erotica
00:54:18:20 Affirming Masculinity & Gender Identity
00:58:19:22 Queering Sex and Breaking Away from Heteronormative Scripts
01:03:51:06 Vino and Vulvas: Creating Open and Inclusive Conversations about Sexuality

In this episode, Whitni Miller interviews Heather Edwards, a sex educator, sex counselor, and pelvic floor therapist. They discuss Heather's background and how she got into pelvic floor therapy. Heather explains that pelvic floor therapy can help with urinary issues, pain, dysfunction, and other issues related to the pelvic floor. They also talk about the intersection between sex counseling and pelvic floor therapy, and how fiction and erotica can be powerful tools for exploring healthy intimacy and addressing sexual issues. Heather shares her own experiences with writing erotica and the importance of creating realistic and relatable stories. In this part of the conversation, Whitni and Heather discuss the importance of communication and consent in sexual relationships. They emphasize that sex doesn't have to follow a heteronormative script and that it's essential to create a safe space for each partner to express their desires and boundaries. They also explore the power dynamics and role-playing in sexual experiences, highlighting the importance of feeling seen and affirmed. Heather shares her experiences as an erotica writer and the need for more diverse and inclusive representations of sex in literature. They also discuss Vino and Vulvas, a platform where professionals discuss various topics related to sexuality, and Heather's online courses on pelvic health and anal sex. Find out more from Heather at: HeatherEdwardsCreations.com Read Heather's work at: YourEroticSelf.com Follow Heather at: IG @heatheredwardscreations IG @vinoandvulvas Reach out to Whitni at www.bde-moves.com Follow Whitni at: TikTok - @bdemoves IG - @bde.moves FB - groups/bdemoves YouTube - Podcast Channel = @BDE-Moves Old Channel = @BdeTalks

00:00:00 Welcome & Introductions 
02:06:21 What is Kink? 
03:49:17 Conscious Kink 
06:39:04 Communication 
07:59:11 Exploring Power Dynamics in Kink Relationships 
12:18:25 Creating a Safe and Expansive Kink Experience 
26:20:23 Attunement & the Importance of Slowing Down & Being Present 
37:24:26 The Healing Power of Kink 
45:06:01 The Psychedelic Experience of Kink 
53:46:19 Creating a Soft Landing: Aftercare & Debriefing 
01:31:02 Mastery: Being a Master of Yourself

In this conversation, Whitni Miller interviews Kimi Inch, a renowned expert in intimacy and conscious kink. They discuss the meaning of kink and conscious kink, the importance of intention and negotiation in kink play, and the power dynamics between doms and subs. They emphasize the significance of attunement, communication, and curiosity in creating a safe and pleasurable experience. Kimi also shares tips for introducing kink to a partner and the transformative potential of exploring desires and fantasies. In this conversation, Kimi and Whitni discuss the power of kink and BDSM in personal growth and healing. They explore the importance of communication, consent, and aftercare in creating safe and transformative experiences. They also highlight the role of curiosity, self-awareness, and self-compassion in exploring desires and emotions. Kimi shares examples from her client work, emphasizing the potential for kink to challenge societal norms and empower individuals to embrace their authentic selves. They discuss the fluidity of roles and the importance of breaking free from limiting beliefs and stereotypes. Overall, they emphasize that kink is not just about pleasure, but also about personal growth, communication skills, and rewiring belief systems.

Reach out to Kimi Inch at https://andmorepresents.com/ 

Follow Kimi at:
Tiktok - @kimiinch
Instagram - @kimiinch
Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/domidollz

Reach out to Whitni at www.bde-moves.com
Follow me at:
TikTok - @bdemoves
IG - @bde.moves
FB - groups/bdemoves
YouTube - Podcast Channel = @BDE-Moves Old Channel = @BdeTalks

In this conversation, Whitni Miller interviews Cooper Stone, a queer non-binary somatic sex educator and certified sexological body worker. Cooper specializes in working with individuals exploring their sexual orientation, gender identity, and recovering from religious shame around physical intimacy. They discuss the concept of pleasure and how it can be found in various ways, not just through sexual experiences. Cooper explains the role of a somatic sex educator and the importance of savoring and integrating pleasurable experiences. They also delve into the work of deprogramming shame and the process of surrogate partner therapy, which involves building relational skills in a supported environment. The conversation explores the concept of surrogate partnering and the therapeutic goals involved. It emphasizes the importance of defining goals and tailoring the therapy to individual needs. The discussion also touches on the idea of queering sex and expanding the definition of what sex looks like. It highlights the role of anticipation, storytelling, and sensory exploration in creating pleasurable experiences. The conversation concludes with a mention of mindful erotic practice as a way to explore and discover what feels good. Cooper emphasizes the importance of connecting with our bodies and exploring pleasure. They suggest asking ourselves what would be pleasurable in the present moment and engaging in activities that bring us joy and sensations. Cooper also discusses the practice of masturbation coaching and how it incorporates mindfulness and self-awareness. They highlight the need to listen to our bodies and adapt our self-pleasure practices as our desires and preferences change over time. Cooper and Whitni also discuss the concept of trans phantoms and the ability to experience sensation in body parts that are not physically present.

Reach out to Cooper Stone at www.followyourpleasure.com

Reach out to Whitni at www.bde-moves.com

Follow me at:
TikTok - @bdemoves
IG - @bde.moves
FB - groups/bdemoves
YouTube - Podcast Channel = @BDE-Moves Old Channel = @BdeTalks

In this episode, Whitni interviews Dr. Vencill & Dr Lauren Fogel Mersy diving deeply into desire discrepancies & pulling on pieces from their phenomenal book, Desire: An inclusive guide to navigating libido differences in relationships. You can reach out to Whitni through her website bde-moves.com where you can book a call, grab her socials, & so much more.

Below please read about each of the authors more specifically: Dr. Vencill (she/her) is an assistant professor, board certified clinical health psychologist, and AASECT-certified sex therapist at the Mayo Clinic, where she spends the bulk of her time providing integrated sexual health care in the Menopause and Women's Sexual Health Clinic. She also works closely with Mayo's Transgender and Intersex Specialty Care Clinic and the Men’s Sexual Health team in Urology. Dr. Vencill is a consulting editor for the International Journal of Sexual Health and recently co-authored the new book, Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships. She can be found on: Instagram @drjennifervencill

Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy (she/her) is a licensed psychologist and an AASECT certified sex therapist. She received her doctorate in clinical psychology and completed her postdoctoral training at the University of Minnesota’s Institute for Sexual and Gender Health. She has advanced training in Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy and Gottman Method Couple Therapy. She specializes in sexual health and relationships and owns her own private practice in Minnesota. She is the co-author of the book, Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships. She can be found on: www.drlaurenfogel.com Facebook @drlaurenfogelmersy Instagram @drlaurenfogelmersy TikTok @drlaurenfogelmersy

Dr. Lynda Spann is the founder of the Lesbian Couples Institute (LCI). Lynda and her wife, Lisa Yaeger, live in the Denver, Colorado area. LCI, which she founded in 2018, offers personal in person therapy and online coaching to lesbian couples by a lesbian couple. Lynda’s parents were Baptist missionaries from Texas, however she was born and raised in Uruguay, South America. She spent her childhood and teen years living in Uruguay much of the time and in Texas some of the time. Dr. Spann has a BA in Psychology from Baylor University. Her MA in Family Studies & PhD Marriage Family Therapy were earned at Texas Tech University After completing her Doctorate in 1996, Lynda moved to Pueblo Colorado and started her private counseling practice. Lynda and her wife, Lisa have been a couple since 2005. Outside of work, they love to travel, make homemade raviolis, hike, spend time with their 3 grandkids, throw great Halloween parties, & go to concerts. The combination of having a doctorate in Marriage and Family Therapy, years of practice as a couples counselor, and her own challenges in learning how to create a truly healthy intimate relationship, is what enables Dr. Spann to guide her clients at LCI to build thriving relationships that last. In her 25 years as an expert licensed marriage therapist, Dr. Spann has helped hundreds of couples. Reach out to Dr. Lynda through her website at www.lesbiancouplesinstitute.com or follow her on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, & LinkedIn all at @lesbiancouplesinstitute 

Reach out to Whitni through her website www.bde-moves.com where you can book a call, grab her socials & so much more!

Follow me at:
TikTok - @bdemoves
IG - @bde.moves
FB - groups/bdemoves
YouTube - Podcast Channel  @BDE-Moves  Old Channel  @BdeTalks 

In this episode Whitni interviews Brittany Shultz about her experience discovering her sexuality & the winding road that lead to her stepping into her full authentic self. A little about Brittany: Brittany is a bright light in the world with so much vibrance, energy, & love that she exuberantly shares with everyone around her. She's done a ton of hard work on herself over the years and came to the realization "later in life" that she is a lesbian. This is her brilliant winding road to self-realization and actualization where she admittedly likes to stick her toes in the dirt and roll down grassy hills.

Reach out to Whitni through her website www.bde-moves.com where you can book a call, grab her socials & so much more!

Follow me at:
TikTok - @bdemoves
IG - @bde.moves
FB - groups/bdemoves
YouTube - Podcast Channel  @BDE-Moves Old Channel @BdeTalks

Welcome to our very first Episode of Own Your Pleasure Podcast with BDE Moves, aka Whitni Miller. In this episode we talk to Dr. Nikki about sex & relationships. ABOUT Dr Nikki: She is a licensed psychologist with a diverse set of talents. Her expertise includes being a diversity, equity, and inclusion consultant and trainer; writer; podcaster; public speaker; and therapist. She is a Black woman, feminist, social justice advocate, sex-positive advocate, intellectual, mother, scholar, and mentor. When you meet her you’re likely to find a transparent, witty, irreverent, charming, genuine, and relatable human being. Her many intersecting identities uniquely position her to help others via training, coaching, and therapy. She believes that meaningful relationships are sources of learning about ourselves. We each have a fundamental right to happiness and pleasure as defined by ourselves for ourselves. To the matter of her credentials, she received her Ph. D. in Counseling Psychology from the APA-accredited top-ranked program at the University of Missouri-Columbia in 2002. For over 15 years she was a professor of Counseling Psychology with over 7 years as a tenured professor. During that time, she peer-reviewed published pieces focused on identity and cultural factors impacting young Black adults. Reach out to Dr Nikki through her website www.drnikkiknows.com 

Reach out to Whitni through her website www.bde-moves.com where you can book a call, grab her socials & so much more!