In this powerful episode of Owning Pleasure as a Black Woman, I dive deep into the inherited guilt that shows up every time you say no or set a boundary.
You know it's the right decision—you're already overwhelmed—but there's that familiar knot in your stomach and the voice saying "you're so selfish." What if that guilt isn't even yours?
I unpack how survival scripts from our ancestors, childhood messages about being "low maintenance," and the strong Black woman stereotype create the perfect storm of people-pleasing.
Learn to distinguish between your authentic voice and inherited programming, understand the difference between caring and caretaking, and discover practical steps to reclaim your right to disappoint people without carrying their emotions.
Key Takeaways:
• The Guilt Isn't Yours: That critical voice telling you you're selfish for having boundaries isn't your authentic self—it's an inherited script from survival patterns passed down through generations, childhood conditioning about being "good," and cultural stereotypes about Black women always being available.
• Your Body Knows the Difference: Your authentic voice feels expansive in your body—shoulders drop, chest opens, you can breathe deeply. External scripts create knots in your stomach, tension in your shoulders, and restricted breathing. Use these physical cues to identify which voice is speaking.
• Caring vs. Caretaking: Caring says "I love you and I hope you figure that out." Caretaking says "I love you and I will sacrifice myself to give you what you need." Your "no" is actually true love—it gives people space to support themselves while preserving your energy for what you truly want to pour into.
Episode Challenge: The Guilt Audit
Step 1: Notice when guilt shows up this week without judgment. Just observe and acknowledge it.
Step 2: Ask yourself three questions:
- Whose voice is this? (Mom, grandmother, cultural messaging?)
- What am I afraid will happen if I don't fix this person's disappointment?
- What would I choose if I trusted that I could handle their reaction?
Step 3: Choose one small boundary to maintain this week, even while feeling guilty. Maybe it's not responding to texts immediately, saying "let me think about it" instead of automatic yes, or not volunteering for something you don't want to do.
Listen Now:
Ready to reclaim your right to disappoint people? Hit play to discover how to distinguish between your authentic voice and inherited programming that's keeping you stuck in people-pleasing patterns!
Links Mentioned:
• Get Your 7 Days of Self-Care: Visit www.javerywellness.com/reset to join the movement from consuming to creating
• Book a Free Consultation: Ready for deeper support? Schedule a complimentary 15-minute consultation with Javery Integrative Wellness Services here.
Connect with Us:
• Instagram: @natasha_is_satisfied
• Facebook: @NatashaChentille
• YouTube: @NatashaChentille
• Website: www.javerywellness.com
Music Credit:
Music by Mykhailo Kyryliuk from Pixabay
