Pairadocs

I know you've never said this before, but I'm sure you've known someone who has exclaimed, "That kid makes me so mad!!"  Anger is an emotion that all parents have experienced, yet parental anger that is expressed in the wrong way can be the most destructive emotional element in any home.  Ouch.  This week, the guys chat about putting a lid on parental anger.  

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Series 33 – Lifeway

Problem with parental anger:

1. Things that we say and do that we regret are mostly done in anger
2. Parental anger is the most destructive emotional element in the home
3. Most anger is brought about by faulty thinking that is adrenaline induced.
   1. Albert Ellis ABC Model
   2. This is now we KNOW that nothing MAKES you mad.
4. 90% of parental anger is sin. We sin, but don't see God's wrath
5. We believe it's justified. But it is never justified.

Solution to parental anger:

1. Realize first response is your worst response
2. STOP
   1. Stop and separate
   2. Tone down tension
   3. Open YOUR heart to God
   4. Present Christ to your child

Excerpt from Toe to Toe with Your Teen (2nd Edition)

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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers

Dr. Josh Myers on Twitter: @docjoshmyers, Instagram: @docjoshmyers, and Facebook: @docjoshmyers

Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast

How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast

The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com

Has you child ever come home, upset because the kids at school were being mean to them? Don't you hate that?! Not only does it break your heart, but peer rejection could also actually have a long-term negative impact on their lives. Join in this week as the guys discuss how to respond when your child is rejected by their peers. And it does not include sobbing uncontrollably.

• OMG! This pandemic has done more than just socially segregated us. It has psychologically, emotionally, relationally, and intellectually segregated us. Many of us are trapped in echo chambers that only reinforce what we believe about politics, race, COVID, and a host of other societal issues. Confirmation bias is when we only hear what we want to hear, or expect to hear, without any inclination to consider another point of view. This is toxic for an individual, a couple, or a family. This week the boys discuss a topic that has certainly been around for a while, but has exploded during this unprecedented time in our culture. -----Confirmation BiasPsychological phenomenon that filters out evidence that doesn't support our preconceived ideas and only allows evidence in that supports our already agreed upon ideas. We set up a "filter bubble"We have mental "schemas" records or tapes in our brain that play on loop. Schemas help us make quick decisions and do things on autopilot. And we begin tosegregate ourselves into tribes that think and feel the same way as we do, which creates more "group think" and confirmation bias. When we have strong opinions and don't allow for other views, we lose our audience.What do we do?1)Hold our opinions loosely2)Focus on things we have control over3)Get out of our filter bubbles, and talk to people that don't think like us4)Talk less, listen more-----Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter:@docjimmymyers,Instagram:@jmyersfam, andFacebook:@docjimmymyersDr. Josh Myers on Twitter:@docjoshmyers,Instagram:@docjoshmyers, andFacebook:@docjoshmyers    
•         Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter:@docspodcast, Instagram:@docspodcast, and Facebook:@docspodcastHow do give to the show:www.patreon.com/docspodcastThe Timothy Center:www.timothycenter.com  

 

Is unconditionally loving your child and unconditionally praising your child the same thing?  Maybe not.  In fact, numerous studies indicate that lavishing praise on a child with little or no merit, actually can have a negative impact on the child's emotional development.  But then again, no praise could indicate emotion emotional neglect.  What's a parent to do?!  It's like we're danged if we do, or danged if we don't.

Listen in this week as Josh and Jimmy delve into the sticky, and somewhat controversial, topic of undeserved praise. 

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If this is your first episode, here are a few episodes to get you started:

• https://pairadocspodcast.libsyn.com/bob-goff
• https://pairadocspodcast.libsyn.com/empathy
• https://pairadocspodcast.libsyn.com/pornography

Pairadocs podcast has joined the Christian Parenting Podcast Network!

If this is your first episode, here are a few episodes to get you started:

• https://pairadocspodcast.libsyn.com/bob-goff
• https://pairadocspodcast.libsyn.com/empathy
• https://pairadocspodcast.libsyn.com/pornography

Follow Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

Follow Dr. Josh Myers on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

Follow Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast

Since we're all doing school from home now, please answer the following questions:

 

1. Honey, do these new pants make my butt look big?

2. No, I left your gift at the office.  Do you really think I'd forget our anniversary?

3. Mommy, are some of the kids on my team better than me?

4. Daddy, I'm so sad that Fluffy died.  Is he in heaven with Jesus?

5. Hey, Babe, I can't see the back of my head.  Am I balding at all?

 

So how did you do?  Answer honestly.  This week, the guys kick around the topic of how honest is too honest in the family. 

 

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We can justify lying by trying to "not hurt our spouse". It's choosing the path of least resistance. "Why would I purposefully hurt my wife" is the thought.

 

However, lying can be a behavior that can form a habit - quickly.

 

If you can't tell your spouse the truth out of fear of their response, you're in trouble. Without truth there is no trust, without trust there is no love.

 

You earn the right to speak truth / be honest. Love people first, then provide your truth.

 

Our goal in word and deed is congruency. Be the same in front of your wife as you are away from her.

 

We struggle to be honest with others because we are not honest with ourselves.

 

Be sure that you yourself are cultivating a relationship where people can be honest with you.

 

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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers

 

Dr. Josh Myers on Twitter: @docjoshmyers, Instagram: @docjoshmyers, and Facebook: @docjoshmyers

 

Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast

 

How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast

 

Billy Myers: www.therapywithbilly.com

 

The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com

We've all done it.  Looked at how our spouse is behaving and wondered, "Wow, if he really loved me, he wouldn't be doing that."  Some of us have felt that so strongly that we actually say those word to our spouse.  Making their momentary behavior a referendum on "if" they love us or not.  Full disclosure, I have done this myself.  Just the other night I told my wife, Beth, "If you really loved me, you wouldn't make me watch the Downtown Abby movie a second time."  Wow, that felt good.  Freedom comes through honesty and confession.  Listen in this week as the guys expose this relationally destructive, yet common conflict mistake. 

 

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Even if we don't say these exact words, it is common for us to think/feel that "If our spouse loved me, he/she would -- blank --". 

 

Men ask the same question, "If you respected me, you would".

 

Don't assume your spouse doesn't love you. Unless your spouse has said "I don't love you" - assume he/she does. 

 

 

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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers

 

Dr. Josh Myers on Twitter: @docjoshmyers, Instagram: @docjoshmyers, and Facebook: @docjoshmyers

 

Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast

 

How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast

 

Billy Myers: www.therapywithbilly.com

 

The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com

Here's a parent's worst nightmare.  You look upstairs one day and your 27 year old son is still living in the same bedroom in your house that he occupied since the 8th grade!  Somewhere along the line, this young man…failed to launch.  Listen in this week as the guys discuss this growing phenomenon. 

 

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Helicopter parenting - hovering over your child to rescue whenever bad happens

Lawnmower parenting - clearing the path for your child so that nothing bad happens to them

 

Helicopter and lawnmower parenting cripples our children

 

Our kids an just "roll over" due to pressure/anxiety. Pressure from parents, school, friends, self, culture - can lead to kids that are anxious about adulthood and therefore just decide to give up. 

 

Parenting is an 18 year process of deparenting.

 

When they are young we as parents are supervisors, when they're teenagers we are managers, and when they are adults we become consultants.

 

Grace ceases to be grace if it occurs too often, it then becomes an expectation

 

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If you have an adult child still in your home that is failing to launch:

 

1. Begin mourning the loss of your child and accept them as adults

 

2. Have a clear written agreement on A) responsibilities they have with them still being in your home, B) a defined date when they must leave, C) creating a list of skills they need prior to leaving and D) a list of ways you might assist them financially even after they are gone. NOTE: Any assistance once they're gone needs to have an end date as well.

 

3. Risk them failing once gone - failure is one of life's great teachers

 

 

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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers

 

Dr. Josh Myers on Twitter: @docjoshmyers, Instagram: @docjoshmyers, and Facebook: @docjoshmyers

 

Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast

 

How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast

 

Billy Myers: www.therapywithbilly.com

 

The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com

The boys follow up with their co dependency talk from last week by discussing boundaries today. What are boundaries? How do you institute them? Won't that make matters worse? Listen in.

 

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Boundariless families are dysfunctional. These families are tired. 

Lack of boundaries finds its way into most, if not all, relational problems we have.

 

We mistakenly believe that if we set a boundary, it is unloving.

 

10 Laws of Boundaries

 

1. Law of sowing and reaping - needs to be consequences to behavior

2. Law of responsibility - be responsible for self

3. Law of power - make a choice and enact power within relationship

4. Law if respect - respect other people's boundaries

5. Law of motivation - risk disappointing people

6. Law of evaluation - hurt feelings aren't harmful

7. Law of proactivity - setting boundaries early

8. Law of envy - learn to be satisfied with your life

9. Law of activity - can't be passive and have boundaries

10. Law of exposure - choose to matter and exist in relationship

 

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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers

 

Dr. Josh Myers on Twitter: @docjoshmyers, Instagram: @docjoshmyers, and Facebook: @docjoshmyers

 

Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast

 

How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast

 

Billy Myers: www.therapywithbilly.com

 

The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com

What is co-dependency?  We've all heard about, accused others of being it, but what exactly is it?  I mean, we should depend on each other…right?  "Lean on me, when you're not strong…"  Hello?!  But what is it, really?  Listen in this week as the guys unpack the sometimes misunderstood topic of co-dependency, and see if you can recognize your relationship…uh, I mean recognized a "friend's" relationship. 

 

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Enchiladas Y Mas Closed

 

Co dependency = when one person needs another person, and the other person needs to be needed.

 

It's a relationship addiction. A toxic dance.

 

Submissive co dependents - desperately desire loves from dominant dependents

Dominant co dependents - don't give love the other desires

 

We pass on co dependency to our children

 

Recognizing who you are in your marriage:

 

Submissives

1. Does your self worth hang on your partners approval?

2. Is it difficult to say no when your partner makes a demand?

3. Do you walk on egg shells around your partner? 

4. Do you consistently worry about other's opinions of you?

5. Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?

 

Dominants

1. Are you in a constant state of frustration with your partner?

2. Can you not let go of correcting your partner?

3. It is difficult for you to agree to disagree?

4. Do you have a strong need to be right?

5. When push comes to shove, you get your way.

 

SOLUTION

 

1. Boundaries (next week)

2. Don't avoid conflict; be a buffalo

3. Figure out wants vs needs. You want your spouse, you don't need him/her

4. It is not your place to correct your spouse

 

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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers

 

Dr. Josh Myers on Twitter: @docjoshmyers, Instagram: @docjoshmyers, and Facebook: @docjoshmyers

 

Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast

 

How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast

 

Billy Myers: www.therapywithbilly.com

 

The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com