As an avid podcast listener interested in African immigrants’ experiences and their relationship with their children, I came across My Black is Transnational hosted by Dr. Kelechi Ibe-Lamberts by what I would call faith. I subscribed and became a regular listener, and I enjoyed the dialogues as his guests, mostly the children of African immigrants, dived into diverse topics. In one of his podcast episodes, Dr. Kelechi Ibe-Lamberts had a roundtable discussion titled Growing up immigrants with children of immigrants about their experiences growing up in an immigrants' home. I sent an email to Dr. Kelechi Ibe-Lamberts introducing myself as an African immigrant parent who listens to his podcast for the first time. I told him that African parents also have their perspectives regarding their challenging experiences in America. Since this initial introduction, Dr. Kelechi Ibe-Lamberts and I have been working in collaboration to bring this discussion to the community at large. I have been a guest on his podcast, and I was so delighted when he came to my platform to have a conversation with me.

Dr. Kelechi Ibe-Lamberts is a professor and researcher in health behaviors, disparities, and health outcomes among culturally diverse populations. His research interest specifically involves immigrant health and the development of transnational ties among immigrants. He identifies as a 1.5 generation Transnational Nigerian American. Born in Lagos, Nigeria, he immigrated to the United States at 8 years old, where he grew up in Chicago, Illinois. He received his undergraduate and doctorate degrees in Community Health from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. He continued his postdoctoral training at the University of Florida until 2018. He currently teaches and conducts research at SUNY Cortland in upstate New York.

In 2018, Dr. Kelechi Ibe-Lamberts established My Black is Transnational with the goal of bringing to the forefront the emerging yet overlooked impact that immigration and transnationalism have on Black people across the world. By providing research-based information— concerning issues among culturally diverse Black people—in a casual, relaxed manner, he enjoys creating content that will spark productive discussions topics for his listeners while also educating them on societal issues that include (but are not limited to) health disparities, health behaviors and proposed strategies to increase intra-racial relationships among Black natives and Black immigrants.

In this conversation, Dr. Ibe-Lamberts and I talked about the challenges/struggles of growing in an African immigrant home and its benefits. We discussed the dual identity (African Identity and Black experience) in which he identified as a 1.5 generation Transnational Nigerian American. We talked about his college life as a student and as a college professor. We dived into what he understood that the children of immigrants most struggle in college and how immigrant parents prepare their children for college life apart from imposing or advising them on what to study in college. We talked about navigating through social life in college and the struggle to fit into the predominant culture on his college campus, especially coming from an African immigrant home. We further discoursed the diversity of the black experience. Race as it relates to Black Experiences and Race as it relates to African immigrants' Experiences. I always appreciate my conversation with Dr. Kelechi Ibe-Lamberts. Please subscribe to his podcast My Black is Transnational and follow him on Instagram on blacktransnational.

In the second part of this ongoing conversation within our community, the speakers of this event are young men and women who volunteer to discuss growing up in America as a child of an African immigrant. There were six presenters whose parents migrated from different parts of Africa. The presenters include Gloria Mesa - Drc congo 🇨🇩, Nyemade Boiwu - Liberia 🇱🇷, Ousmane Diallo - Guinea 🇬🇳, Follyvi Dosso - Togo 🇹🇬, Anuoluwapo Ebiesuwa -Nigeria 🇳🇬 and Baaba Abaka-Yankson - Ghana 🇬🇭. The speakers were open and generous in sharing their experiences. They talked about the benefits and the challenges of growing up in an immigrant home and balancing between the two worlds or two heritage-blackness in America & African heritage. The topics for discussion were similar to those presented during the parents’ forum. Dr. Kelechi Ibe Lamberts said that up to 80 people signed up and attended the event, indicating that discussions such as this are much needed in our community.

Dr. Kelechi Ibe Lamberts of My Black is Translational was the moderator of the conversation. Mr. Abdoulaye Cisse of BABA coordinated the chart conversation and other technical supports. I gave a closing statement, and I was very grateful to the young men and women who presented. I admired our speakers’ openness in sharing their stories in many areas regarding their struggles relating to identities, mental health, domestic violence, family relationship, balancing between two worlds of their African heritage and blackness in America, and many more. Vulnerability is a strength, and our young men and women of our community demonstrated this throughout the dialogue. 

The focus of the second series is discussing their experience as children of an African immigrant in America, which relates to the benefits and challenges of growing up in an immigrant home. The discussion additionally focuses on the challenges our panelists see their African immigrant parents go through and how they think it impacts the value systems they instilled in their children. They talked about their individual favorable childhood experiences and what they would have liked to change in their upbringing. They further discussed their relationship with their parents and whether we feel comfortable or uncomfortable discussing our innermost feelings with their parents or adults in our lives.

Please stay tuned for part 3, which is the final dialogue. All parties would come together and further our conversation as we learn from each other.

This was a collaboration with Dr. Ibe Lambert of My Black is Transnational and Mr. Cisse of BABA about the experiences of African immigrant parents and their children as we try to balance between two worlds. Within our community, there is a disconnection or lack of understanding of the struggles the adults or the children may be experiencing as we continue to navigate our new adopted environment. Some may wonder why we are having this dialogue? We are having this conversation to start addressing uncomfortable issues within our community that we tend to shy away from discussing.

During our discussion, we explore the multifaceted experiences of African immigrants in America, delving into our reasons for migration, initial challenges, cultural identity, and the importance of community and continuous dialogue. The panelists share personal stories, childhood memories, and reflections on parenting in a new cultural landscape, highlighting the complexities of navigating identity and the impact of history on their experiences. This conversation explores the multifaceted challenges faced by immigrant parents in raising their children in a new cultural environment. It delves into issues of racial identity, the importance of open communication, and the emotional challenges that both parents and children encounter. The discussion emphasizes the need for parental involvement, community support, and understanding the cultural differences that shape family dynamics. Participants share personal experiences and insights on how to navigate these complexities while fostering strong family relationships and preparing children for the future.

Takeaways

Migration is often driven by social, economic, and political factors.

Initial migration goals may shift due to changing circumstances in home countries.

Cultural identity plays a crucial role in the immigrant experience.

Childhood memories shape cultural identity and influence parenting styles.

Parental relationships can impact communication and emotional expression.

Navigating identity in America involves balancing cultural heritage with societal expectations.

African immigrants face unique challenges related to race and identity in America.

Education is a key factor in shaping identity and opportunities for immigrants.

Open communication with children about challenges is crucial.

Parents often shield their children from their struggles.

Children need to be prepared for societal challenges.

Cultural identity plays a significant role in parenting.

Parental involvement in education is essential for children's success.

Emotional challenges can affect parenting styles and children's well-being.

Therapy and professional help can be beneficial for children.

Community connections can provide additional resources and support.

Chapters

00:00 The Journey of Migration

07:21 Personal Stories of Migration

12:28 The Importance of Continuous Conversations

15:50 Childhood Memories and Cultural Heritage

23:36 Parenting Challenges in a New Culture

28:54 Identity and Belonging in America

34:41 Navigating Racial Dynamics

46:15 Challenges Faced by African Immigrants

55:39 Discussing Struggles with Children

57:11 Navigating Parental Challenges

59:29 Raising Children Abroad: Opportunities and Challenges

01:01:42 The Impact of Cultural Identity on Children

01:04:28 Addressing Bullying and School Challenges

01:10:13 Emotional Distress and Its Effects on Parenting

01:14:50 Mental Health Awareness in Immigrant Families

01:17:11 Fears for the Future: Parenting in a Changing Society

01:20:19 Building Relationships with Our Children

01:24:36 The Importance of Family Foundations

01:26:43 Community and Family Connections

01:30:20 Navigating Academic Pressures

01:34:32 The Role of Extended Family in Child Rearing

01:39:48 Cultural Identity and Its Challenges

01:43:33 Closing Thoughts and Future Conversations

01:52:55 Introduction to PANSA PANSA Live Podcast

I was looking for a book that would soon be published on the internet when the search took me to Simon and Schuster, and it listed all the books that would be published next year. I browsed through the list, and I saw your book titled Self Care for Black Women, authored by Oludara Adeeyo. The name, which I recognized as a Nigerian origin and a first-generation Nigerian American, moved me to invite Oludara to my platform.  I asked Oludara to share her experience about growing up in America as a daughter of a Nigerian immigrant, to talk about her book, and as a mental health provider to educate our community about mental health awareness.

In this conversation, Oludara and I talked about the challenges/struggles of generation African immigrant child and the benefits of growing up in an immigrant’s home with dual identity (African Identity and Black experience). We talked about Oludara’s navigating through social life in college and the struggle of fitting into the predominant culture on her college campus especially coming from an African immigrant home. Before Oludara became a clinical social worker, she worked as a writer and editor at Cosmopolitan and managing editor at XXL. She talked about her experience working at Cosmopolitan and the discrimination and biases she experienced, and how her personal experience motivated her to change her career to become a social worker. We talked about her profession as a mental health provider, the negative stigma attached to mental health and mental illness within our community, and the Africans in the diaspora dealing with mental illness and drug addiction or having family members diagnosed with mental illness. We discuss the benefit of tackling mental illness early so people can live an everyday life if ongoing treatment is in place.

Oludara Adeeyo is a psychotherapist. Based in Los Angeles, California, she works as a psychiatric social worker, where she assists individuals experiencing homelessness and severe and persistent mental illnesses. Oludara is passionate about helping people improve their overall well-being; especially, Black women. Before becoming a clinical social worker, Oludara spent seven-plus years working as a writer and editor. She has been an associate web editor at Cosmopolitan and the managing editor at XXL. Oludara grew up in Edison, New Jersey. She loves Beyoncé, hot yoga, cooking, and watching telenovelas.

Oludara book is ready to be released titled Self Care for Black Women is dated to be released on January 11th, 2022. As Oludara said during our discussion, the book provides 150 helpful tips for black women in prioritizing their wellbeing with an outlook on life, improving mental health, eliminating stress, advocating for yourself, and most importantly, practicing self-compassion.

For contact: www.oludaraadeeyo.com, instagram @ Oludara Adeeyo and her book could be purchased at anywhere books are sold such as amazon, barnes & noble etc.   

Many of our listeners could see that my guests sometimes suggest other prospective guests that may have unique experiences, wisdom and expertise to share with members of our community. Kwavi Agbeyegbe, my prior guest on this podcast, introduced me to Ruth Duren. Duren is a life coach whose specialty focuses on helping immigrants of diverse backgrounds create the life and business they desire without editing or sacrificing who they are but to discover their authentic selves. As a biracial daughter of a Kenya father and American mother, Duren understands how our cultural background and the value system we are raised in can sometimes hinder or stand in the way of reaching our fulfilling lives. As indicated during our discussion, Duren talked about her childhood growing up in Kenya and being raised by her stepmother after her mother died when she was an infant. Duren spoke about how her diverse background made her who she is today and how she uses such experiences in helping others. When Duren works with her clients, she focuses on personal development, the missing link preventing clients from developing and sustaining their goals.

We also talked about immigrant women and some of the core issues they struggle with when achieving specific set goals. We also further discussed self-compassion and self-love and how we implement them in our lives as women. As further explained, women especially sometimes feel guilty when they put themselves first. Women are seen as the bedrock of the family and society, especially in a society that puts women last. We tend to ignore our pain but instead focus on our loved ones. Through life coaching, Duren is encouraging immigrants to thrive business-wise in a country of opportunities, to see that they matter, and discover their true calling with the assistant of a life coach. Ruth Duran is normalizing conversation on how immigrants could flourish both financially and emotionally without feeling guilty.

Short Bio 

Ruth Duren, MBA and Certified Life coach.

I help entrepreneurs make more money by getting twice as much done in half the time. I was born in Kenya to an American mother and a Kenyan father. My mother died when I was three, and my father remarried a Kenyan woman when I was 5. I moved to the US when I was 18, met and married the man of my dreams when I was 22. I have been married for 25 years, and we have raised three exceptional children. My youngest is 19. My favorite thing is to study business and the brain and take long walks with my husband and dogs. It is not unusual to find me listening to an audible and walking for hours. I have over three years of experience coaching individuals on their mindset and identifying what is blocking them from creating more money in less time. I specialize in business and making money, time, and energy without sacrificing any more time. My inspiration is to help as many entrepreneurs, especially immigrants, create their dreams and live their best lives possible.

Please follow Ruth Duren on Facebook live dialogue, YouTube channel, Instagram page and on her website @ www.ruthdureb.com  

I was introduced to Kwavi Agbeyegbe by Dr. Lulu, one of my guests on this podcast. Agbeyegbe is a certified life coach for women in their 50’s and above. She is an author and an international speaker. She just published a book titled 50 questions to answer when you reach 50- A guide to help women thrive and shine in their 50’s and beyond. She talked about what she does as a life coach for her clients, and she hosted women retreats around the world. Agbeyegbe explained to our audience what it means to go on retreats, which countries she has visited with women, and the diversity of women attended. She enlightened us on why women should consider going on a retreat and the benefits of going on a retreat.

Talking to Agbeyegbe shed light on the need for women in their 50’s to live a more fulfilling life. In this conversation, we discussed self-compassion and how we can implement it in our daily lives, especially if we women put ourselves. Women are seen as the bedrock of the family and the society at large, and at the same time, in a society that puts women last and tells us that we can’t have it all. Women are the victims of patriarchal society, but Agbeyegbe challenged us to think differently and take control of our lives. Explicitly focusing on African women, Agbeyegbe encouraged African immigrant women over 50 to thrive physically and emotionally healthily. Most importantly, we women matter.   

Kwavi Agbeyegbe is normalizing conversation about how women over 50 could flourish physically and emotionally without feeling guilty. She is coaching us African women to put ourselves first and practice self-compassion. 

Short Bio of Kwavi Agbeyegbe 

Kwavi is a Certified Life Coach, Author, and International Speaker. She is passionate about promoting a positive narrative for women in their 50s and over. 

She helps women in their 50s and beyond creates a future more exciting than their past.

She uses powerful tools and empowering knowledge to help them take control of their lives on their terms and embrace midlife as a fascinating journey.

She uses one-on-one coaching, group coaching programs, and international retreats to inspire women worldwide to transform their lives.

She received her B.Sc. in Information Technology from the Thames Valley University in the United Kingdom and obtained a Master’s in Medical Informatics degree from Northwestern University in Chicago. 

She trained with the Well Coaches School of Coaching, a program endorsed by the American College of Sports Medicine and Harvard University, and is a Certified Weight Coach through the Life Coach School.

Kwavi is a wife and mother to 2 teenage boys. She is a blogger with the Huffington Post and Thrive and has been featured on CBS, NBC, Best Self Magazine, and the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.

Taiwo and I connected after she commented on one of the articles I wrote published on my blog on Nigerian & Ghanaian Children Farmed Out to White Family in Britain. After reading the article, she commented that she was ‘farmed' with her twin sister and twin brothers. She also attached a link to the article she wrote on her blog about her experience. I could not resist but asked Taiwo if she would be willing to come to the podcast to tell her story.  I wrote the article at the time because I could not wrap my head around such a horrifying act of an able body parent who famed away a new baby to a white family in unfamiliar territory. African culture and tradition cherish children, and Africans dedicate so many sayings and songs to express the essence of having children.

In this conversation, Taiwo talked about her traumatic childhood experience and her relationship with her parents and siblings. As she continues to heal through talk therapy, we talked about how a lack of emotional bond between a child and biological parents could have an everlasting impact later in life. We discussed why many with similar experiences are refraining from talking about it. Is it because of shame, or it may be such a traumatic experience that those who went through it just want to reflect on what they may perceive as a good childhood experience and bury the challenging feelings of the whole ordeal? We further talked about how this experience has affected Taiwo’s understanding of her racial identity. Taiwo graciously and vulnerably spoke about her childhood to destigmatize the pain of traumatized childhood experiences. As she wrote on her blog, “I used to call myself a survivor, but if I really did survive, why is my lurking depression a constant reminder of my trauma."

A Short Bio of Taiwo:

I'm a mother of two grown sons who live and work in the UK. I am married to my wonderful husband, Enson Williams.

I was born in London, and I studied for my degrees in London. I worked in Dual Diagnosis for about ten years. I also worked significantly with the homeless in London, setting up advocacy work with teenage parents and working with other disadvantaged, marginalized sectors of society. The advocacy work focuses on mental health and homelessness.

I was a spoken word artist, appearing many times on different London stages with my poetry - primarily in the later 90s. I belonged to an African/and African Caribbean spoken word performance collective that came from London. We were part of an album called 'One Hell of a Storm (Versemongers Meet Soundcreators), a compilation album of the jazz and hip hop genres, released in 1994.

I embraced Ifa around this time, as it gave me a balance of being grounded and in touch with my Nigerian/Yoruba heritage and roots.

I migrated in 2012 from my birthplace of London, UK, to the sunny climates of the Caribbean: Guadeloupe and the Commonwealth of Dominica (where my husband comes from).

I am currently researching for my fictionalized reimagined memoir of my mother when she first came to the UK in the 60s.

I love to read, write sporadically in my blog about my life in the tropics,  Taiwo's Blog, drink lots of coconut water, have lots of sea baths, and idle gently on the beautiful white sands of Guadeloupe's beautiful beaches, pouring plenty of gratitude to the hot climates of the Caribbean. When I'm in Dominica - which has 365 rivers, I visit Osun daily.

As she wrote on her blog, “I used to call myself a survivor, but if I really did survive, why is my lurking depression a constant reminder of my trauma".

Guest Name:

Doreen Akiyo Yomoah

Summary:

This interview with Ms. Doreen Yomoha explores the African immigrant experience, identity, and the decision to be child-free. It offers insights into cultural challenges, personal choices, and societal expectations faced by first-generation Africans in the diaspora. While browsing on the BBC website, I came across a conversation on its podcast called Choosing to be childfree, featuring two women of African origin who have decided not to have children. Both Doreen Akiyo Yomoah and Nina Steele were the guests on the show. Steele is from Ivory Coast, and she is the founder of Nonparents.com. I tried to get both of these guests on the podcast but, I could only reach Yomoah. She agreed to come to have a conversation with me on Pánsá Pánsá podcast to present her perspective on being child-free and the mission of Childfree Africa.

Yomoah was born in Accra, Ghana, and she was raised in Tokyo and upstate New York. She has lived in Shanghai, Accra, London, Dakar, and presently in Geneva, Switzerland. Experienced writer and researcher working in international development. Skilled in report writing, policy analysis, and communications. Holder of an M.A. in peace studies from the University of Bradford and a B.A. from Michigan State University. She was committed to bringing an intersectional lens to sustainable development.In my conversation with Yomoah, we discussed her challenges/struggles of being a first-generation African immigrant child growing up in Japan, the United States, and many parts of the world she has and continues to call home.

During our conversation, we talked about Yomoah’s dual identity as an African and a person of color living in these different parts of the world. Yomoah sees herself as a “Third Culture Kid,” which means children who grew up in a culture or culture other than their parents or the country of their birth. After talking about Yomoah’s background, we jumped into the main topic of being childfree and the fundamental decision to launch such phenomenal discussion to a broader audience through blogging and interviews. As I commented during the interview, I can see her argument of being child-free because not everyone should or have the capacity of being a parent. There are differences between giving birth to a child and parenting a child. Parenting a child demands both emotional and financial responsivity and parental availability in a child's life. We also briefly talked about feminism and its meaning to diverse women from different backgrounds and differences in struggles. To learn more about Childfree Africa, please visit the website childfreeafrican.com or follow on Instagram @ childfree_africa

Key Topics:

Challenges of growing up as an African immigrant in Japan and the US

The concept of third culture kids and identity formation

The decision to be child-free and societal pressures

Cultural and religious values influencing personal choices

The evolution of feminism among women of color

Keywords

African immigrants, identity, child-free, cultural challenges, diaspora, Ghana, Japan, United States, Switzerland, feminism, societal expectations

Chapters:

01:20 Doreen Akiyo Yomoah's Background and Journey

03:34 Challenges of Growing Up as an Immigrant Child

07:00 Navigating Identity and Belonging

10:13 Conversations on Race and Identity

11:31 Understanding the Third Culture Kid Experience

13:25 Social Integration in College

15:46 Parenting Conversations and Cultural Differences

18:27 The Child-Free Choice and Its Implications

22:08 Child-Free vs. Childless: Understanding the Distinction

23:35 Navigating Societal Expectations on Parenthood

26:01 The Pressure of Cultural Norms

29:17 Finding Community in Child-Free Choices

33:39 Challenging Traditional Values and Beliefs

36:31 Understanding Feminism Across Cultures

40:47 Respecting Choices: The Child-Free Perspective

44:33 Advice for the Childless and Child-Free Aspirants