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If your son seems apathetic, glued to gaming, or strangely unbothered by school, you are not alone, and you are not imagining it. I decided to create this discussion because I have been contacted by so many parents about the lacklustre attitudes they are seeing in their sons, looking for advice on what to do.

Around the world, boys are falling behind academically, drifting socially, and retreating into screens. Meanwhile, girls are outstripping boys at school and university, and often hiding their own struggles under high achievement (a topic I recently covered both here with Dr Tara Porter and here with Dr Suzanne Garfinkle-Crowell.)

In this episode, I talk to Dr Leonard Sax—family physician, psychologist, and author of Boys Adrift and Why Gender Matters—about why so many boys are losing motivation and the practical things parents can do about it, starting now.

You’ll learn:

• What’s really going on with boys today and why we should all care, because this isn’t just a schooling issue; it’s a future-partner, future-father, future-society issue.
• How modern schooling can switch boys off.
• Gaming: when it’s harmless and when it’s stealing your son’s life, including clear, research-backed limits and rules you can put in place at home.
• ADHD or something else? The hidden role of sleep and screens.
• Masculinity, role models, and “good men” in a disrespectful culture.
• Porn, AI “girlfriends”, and the pull away from real relationships.
• Most importantly: how to pull your son back into real life.

Dr Sax published his first version of this book twenty years ago and the issues it described; falling male achievement, rising screen immersion, AI companions, and collapsing couple relationships, are accelerating rather than levelling off.

The habits and boundaries we choose while our sons are still at home may shape not just his grades, but his ability to form healthy relationships, be a good partner and father, and build a life he cares about in the real world.

If you’re worried about an unmotivated, gaming-obsessed, or emotionally flat son, this conversation will give you clarity, language, and concrete steps you can start using today.

Don’t forget to share this with anyone who is struggling with the issues or who might find it helpful.

Link to my Substack where you can find all of the notes and a handy PDF cheat sheet for parenting

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Are you trying so hard to be a good parent that you might be doing too much for your tween or teen, and accidentally making life harder for both of you?

In this episode of Parenting Teenagers Untangled, Rachel Richards talks with clinical psychologist and author Dr. Tara Porter about her new book "Good Enough" and why good enough parenting is actually the best kind of parenting.

Drawing on more than 25 years working in adolescent mental health, Tara explains how so many teens—whatever their diagnosis—secretly feel they are not “enough”: not clever enough, organized enough, pretty enough, or successful enough. She links this to a wider achievement-obsessed culture, fueled by:

• An education system caught in a “grade arms race”
• Social media’s like-and-kudos economy
• The professionalization of parenting and the tsunami of advice aimed at parents

Against this backdrop, Tara shares her three core principles of good enough parenting:

1. A good enough attitude – Letting go of perfection, resisting the urge to optimize every aspect of your child’s life, and accepting that zigzags and setbacks are normal.
2. Relationship-based parenting – Prioritizing connection over outcomes, being “like wallpaper” in the background: present, warm, and available without crowding them or trying to control everything.
3. Firm and kind boundaries – Finding the balance between warmth and firmness (authoritative parenting), gradually letting go of authority through the teen years so that by adulthood, your child is guided by their own internal compass, not your rules.

Rachel and Tara explore:

• Rescuing vs building resilience
• Two common struggle patterns in teens
  • The perfectionist achiever 
  • The rebellious non-complier 
• How to set boundaries that still protect the relationship
• Better conversations with teens
  Tara’s two key listening tools:
• Empathy – stepping into your teen’s perspective, so they feel genuinely understood.
• Curiosity – asking open questions rather than jumping in with solutions.
• Rachel adds the idea of “LUFU – Listen Until they Feel Understood”, and both discuss why advice rarely lands until a teen first feels deeply heard.
• Mental health labels vs hope and growth

Rachel's personal blog on getting the balance right 

Dr Tara Porter

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We’re living through an age where it can feel like our teenagers’ entire lives are happening behind a screen we can’t see. 

Meanwhile mental health problems in teens are a rising problem that is being blamed on their devices. 

The instinctive response for many of us is to clamp down: ban certain apps, monitor every move, or take away devices altogether.

But as Professor Candice Odgers put it so powerfully:

In this Wonder Room conversation Katharine Radice and I explore how parents can move beyond panic about phones and toward curious, constructive conversations that help teens feel safe enough to be honest.

These are some of the core things we cover in this episode:

Shifting focus from the phone to the child

• Phone use is often a symptom of underlying distress or needs, not the core problem.

Moving from monitoring to understanding

• Hours and apps matter less than the quality of your teen’s relationship with their online world and how it makes them feel.

Creating conditions for honesty instead of forcing lies

• Avoid loaded, judgmental questions and big emotional reactions that make teens hide or lie about what they’re doing online.

Naming the role of algorithms and external forces

• Ask “What is the algorithm feeding you?” to shift some responsibility away from the teen and toward the tech design, making honest conversations safer.

Scaffolding self-reflection and self-regulation

• Use curious questions (“Are you stuck?”, “Any surprises in your screen time?”) to help teens build lifelong skills in reviewing and adjusting their own digital habits.

For my Fearless Parenting community members I have gathered the key ideas and given you practical questions you can use tonight with your teen.

Katherine has a Substack full of help and ideas for parents of teenagers

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: 

My email [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Are smartphones and social media really damaging our teenagers’ mental health – or are we looking in the wrong place? In this episode, Rachel Richards talks with Professor Candice Odgers, a leading expert on adolescent mental health in the digital age, to unpack what decades of research actually show about teens, tech and wellbeing.

We explore why today’s teenagers are doing better than many headlines suggest, the real size of the link between phones, social media, anxiety and depression, and why offline risks are the biggest predictors of online problems. Candice explains how family stress, academic pressure, inequality, climate anxiety and adult mental health all play a powerful role in teen distress – and why focusing all our fear on phones can distract us from where we can genuinely make a difference.

You’ll hear practical guidance on monitoring vs. connection, how to talk with teens about their online lives without pushing them away, what “ready for a phone” really means, and how social media affects girls and body image. If you feel overwhelmed by scary stories about screens, this conversation will help you move from panic to evidence‑based, compassionate parenting.

Candice Odgers  via her website or on Substack

My substack:

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Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

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Ask Rachel anything

As a teenager, I grew up in a home with almost no routines. No one talked about what needed to happen when, and I remember constantly thinking, “What am I supposed to do now?” Life felt like reinventing the wheel every day. I didn’t feel safe, and I felt a lot of energy went into trying to cope in the chaos.

Now, as a parent and host of Teenagers Untangled, I’ve come to see routines not as dreary box‑ticking exercises, but as powerful tools for connection, calm, and joy. In this Wonder Room conversation, I sat down with teacher and parent Katharine Radice to explore how routines, habits, and rituals can serve our teenagers—and us.

You can find all of the notes and recommendations made in this bonus episode by clicking here:

Sign up for free emails to let you know when a new episode comes out www.teenagersuntangled.com

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Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

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Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: 

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Ask Rachel anything

If your teenage daughter says, “I have anxiety,” “my ADHD was out of control today,” or calls a friend “toxic,” it can feel both strangely sophisticated and oddly shallow at the same time. She has language. She has labels. But somehow, you’re still not sure what’s really going on inside her.

In this episode with psychiatrist Dr Suzanne Garfinkel-Crowell, author of Girlhood Translated: Understanding Girls in the Age of Therapy Speak and Self-Diagnosis, we pulled back the curtain on what this language is doing for girls — and what it’s doing to them.

I particularly loved Suzanne’s tip for us parents:

‘The biggest problem with therapy speak is when it’s a conversation stopper, because really, these words should be conversation starters.’

In the discussion she gives us parents ideas on how to move beyond the language our kids are using, and help them understand what’s really going on. 

This isn’t an “anti-diagnosis” conversation. It’s about understanding how the language of mental health, the DSM, and social media are shaping girlhood, and how we as parents can respond in a way that brings us closer instead of shutting our daughters down.

Dr Suzanne Garfinkle-Crowell

If you'd like written notes to remind you about the points in this episode, or you'd like to think more about it, come to my Substack

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Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: 

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Thank you, thank you, thank you, Wirohugo for your incredible donation. You are so kind! 

Here’s the question posed by one of our community using the Ask Rachel Anything button:

My fifteen year old boy seems to show no curiousity about the world. Does not know countries, capitals, does not read (except when incentived). Today, he didn't recognise the neighbouring village which we drive through many times. He is middling at school but good at some subjects. So, not a dunce! Is it digital distraction? Is it common? I searched your shows and could not find any record of this being discussed. 

Episode About:

Concentration and Choices:

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/concentration-and-the-troubling-effect-of-too-many-choices/

The Disengaged Teen:

https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/122-how-to-get-our-teens-to-love-learning-and-why-parents-are-the-missing-piece-of-the-puzzle/

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: 

My email [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Ask Rachel anything

They're the oldest in their primary and suddenly our babies have to cope with being the youngest in their senior school. It's a big leap, and it comes just at the point when our kids are becoming much more aware of themselves and others with a big dollop of puberty-driven insecurity.

It's easy to worry about them making friends, coping with their newfound indepenence; complicated timetables, different classrooms, homework, buses and remembering their passwords. 

Here to help us figure it all out is Katherine Radice, author of the Parents Guide to Exam Stress long time teacher and mum of two teenage boys. 

Just five of things we cover in the episode are:

Realistic expectations for starting secondary school

• Why trying to make the “perfect” first day backfires
• Teaching kids that “lumps and bumps” are normal and part of adjustment

Identity, uniform, and appearance

• How brands/clothes (e.g., specific shoes, jackets) are tied to teen identity and belonging
• When and why it’s worth listening and sometimes compromising on these wants

Extracurricular activities and balance

• Benefits of clubs for confidence, community, and friendship-building
• The risks of over-scheduling and how to judge when it’s “too much”

Emotional turbulence in the early weeks

• Tears, anger, door-slamming, and exhaustion as expected reactions
• How to respond with empathy, rituals of comfort, and not jumping into “fix-it” mode too fast.

Communication: with teens and with school

• How to get teens talking: low-stakes questions, rituals, “super silence,” and active listening
• When to see something as a “blip” vs a real problem, and how to approach schools constructively

Friendships: 

• How to talk about making friends without turning it into too much of a big deal

Hopefully, by the end of our discussion you'll have a much clearer idea of what you can do and also what you don't need to be doing to support your children through the turbulent teen school years. 

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: 

My email [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Is AI changing the way teenagers understand friendship? Should we worry about teens turning to chatbots for advice and emotional support? And what can parents do to help their children build strong, real-world relationships?

Welcome to a new Teenagers Untangled Community Catchup, where Rachel Richards is joined by teacher, author and mum of two teenagers Katherine Radice to talk through what's happening in the world of teenagers — from the news and the latest research to the problems parents are dealing with at home.

This week, we start with GCSE results and teenage motivation. How should parents respond when results aren't what their teenager hoped for? Why does effort matter even when the grades aren't brilliant? And could constantly criticising schools actually make it harder for our teenagers to engage with the adults who are trying to help them?

Then we turn to teenagers and AI.

As AI chatbots become an increasingly normal part of young people's lives, we ask what happens when teenagers start using them not simply for homework or information, but for emotional advice and companionship.

Unlike human friends, an AI chatbot is available whenever you want it. It doesn't need anything from you. It doesn't get tired, disagree in quite the same way or require the give-and-take that real relationships demand.

But is that actually a problem?

We discuss why disagreement and friction are important parts of healthy relationships, helping teenagers develop their identity, challenge their assumptions and learn how to live alongside people who don't always think exactly as they do.

That leads us into teenage friendships: why teenagers can become so focused on finding a “best friend”, why friendships inevitably go through difficult patches, and how parents can help when a friend betrays a confidence, leaves their child out or hurts them.

Rather than immediately deciding that the other teenager is a “bad person”, we discuss how friendship difficulties can become opportunities to learn about trust, forgiveness, apologies and understanding other people's perspectives.

Finally, we look at something parents can easily overlook: our own friendships.

Our teenagers are watching how we talk about other people, how we deal with disagreement and rejection, and whether friendship and community have a meaningful place in our adult lives. Sometimes one of the best ways to teach our teenagers how to build relationships is simply to let them see us doing it.

A wide-ranging, practical conversation about teenagers and AI, ChatGPT, teenage friendships, GCSE results, school, parenting teenagers and helping young people build healthy real-world relationships.

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: 

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So many parents come to me saying 'My teen has no friends. What should I do?' and I can't help wondering if we are missing one of the most important ways to help them. Being good at friendships ourselves.

Think about it. If we're not good at making and maintaining friends ourselves, who will our babies learn their friendship skills from?

In this episode of Teenagers Untangled, I’m joined by author, broadcaster, and founder of The Friendship Lab, Sheridan Voysey, to unpack why 20–25% of adults now say they have no close friends, how that impacts our teens’ mental health, and what we can actually do about it. 

We explore the five stages of friendship, why busyness, smartphones, and constant mobility are eroding our connections, and the simple, intentional steps parents can take to help their tweens and teens build deep, lasting relationships.

Whether your child is struggling to find “their people,” stuck on the surface with classmates, or hiding behind screens, this conversation will give you practical language, science-backed insight, and real-life ideas for modelling healthy friendships at home. If you care about your teen’s confidence, wellbeing, resilience, and sense of belonging, this is an episode you won’t want to miss.

Contact the Friendship Lab

The Friendship Lab Course

I create notes on every episode which you'll find on my Substack page 

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. 

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. 

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: 

My email [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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