Several years ago I worked with a young man who rarely received grace at home.  As a result, he was resentful all the time and spewed anger on everyone around him.

This teenager once erupted in anger and took it out with a baseball bat on my car.  Instead of having him arrested for vandalism, I sat him down and told him he was forgiven… and we were going to work things out differently from then on.  He was still responsible for his actions, of course… and would have to pay for damages, do extra yard work, lose privileges and apologize to everyone involved.

But once he realized he was forgiven… that we loved him despite his behavior… tears came to his eyes.  Grace began working its redemptive power in his life.

 

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Do you have a grace- filled home?  Most of the time, I’d have to admit …the answer is “no”!

A biblical definition of grace is this:  God’s undeserved favor and forgiveness when we’ve chosen to do the unforgivable.  In human terms… it’s the love and kindness and forgiveness you show your teen in the face of bad behavior or poor choices.

Grace isn’t easy to give.  It’s not cheap.  In fact, it costs a lot!  But we’re called to be the hands and feet of God.  So… that means we’re called to offer grace, even when we’re dealing with a rebellious teen.

And how do you know exactly the right time to extend grace?  How ‘bout when it’s least deserved?

 

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Moms and dads often ask me for practical things they can do to improve their relationship with a teen.  They’re like, “Mark, what can I do today to turn our relationship around?”

Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens.

Let me suggest five practical things to get you started.  Just pick one … here goes …

Don’t point out everything your kid could do better.

Ask a question and listen for the answer.

Don’t share your opinion unless asked for it.

Praise your son or daughter in public.

Make time this week for a father- son or mother- daughter date.

Connecting with your teen takes initiative.  I hope one little change will make a big impact on your relationship with your teen!

 

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When kids are little, they respond well to clearly defined commands.  When they grow up, however, they begin to resist taking orders from mom or dad.

If you have a teen in the house, you already know what I’m talkin’ about.  Kids don’t like to be told what they should’ve done… or what they need to do better.  In fact, when teens are wrestling with new issues in life, they seldom respond to a lecture.

Many times repetition at this stage of development only reminds them of how they’ve failed or missed an opportunity to shine.  Constant nagging, correction and badgering often just pushes them away.

So back off a little!  Most of the time what’s really needed is a listening ear!

 

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Do you know what goes on in your teen’s world?  Do you know what they face everyday?

You and I see our kids before school, in between activities… maybe at the dinner table.  But there’s a lot of time that passes when they’re out of our sight.  And, if mom and dad aren’t vigilant about getting to know a teen’s world… they’ll miss a whole portion of life for that kid!

The more you understand about what your teen faces… what he loves and hates about his world… and the circumstances in front of him… the more you’ll have a compassionate heart toward him.  Your understanding allows space for the relationship to grow.

So, mom and dad, here’s a homework assignment for ya.  Get to know what’s really going on!

 

If you listen on a mobile phone or tablet, please download our Parenting Today’s Teens app available for Apple or Android. If you listen on a desktop or laptop computer, press the “play” button above to enjoy daily parenting advice.

Student Story: Jordan

All relationships take time, and building a bridge to your grandchild’s heart is no different.

This weekend on Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston reveals how you can strengthen your connection to your growing teen’s heart and the four things your grandkid needs from you most.

 

If you listen on a mobile phone or tablet, please download our Parenting Today’s Teens app available for Apple or Android. If you listen on a desktop or laptop computer, press the “play” button above to enjoy daily parenting advice.

Sometimes what we say to our kids isn’t what they hear.  I mean… we’re both speakin’ English… but to them, it sounds like gibberish.

Most parents start out with very good intentions.  They want to guide their kids with wisdom.  They want to help when life gets hard.  They want to make the most of a teachable moment.

But guess what?  Your teen might be missing it.  Your son or daughter doesn’t hear those good intentions.  Instead, they hear a lecture or a judgmental attitude.

As parents, let’s check to make sure we’re not hypercritical.  And second… let’s help our kids know that whether or not they understand us… we want the very best for them!  Sometimes what they hear is “don’t.”  What we mean is … “don’t get hurt!”

 

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You’re an adult.  Most likely you’re a responsible one.  You take in information, process the situation … and make mature decisions, right?  Well, that’s exactly what your teen will do one day, too!

A fourteen-year-old won’t behave like an adult yet… because he isn’t one.  And I’ve known plenty of moms and dads who keep that fourteen-year-old from making any decisions… just because he can’t make adult ones quite yet.

But let me challenge you on that.  Don’t sabotage your teen’s growth.  The only path from irresponsible teen to responsible adult is on the road of trial and error.  Allow your teen to make choices.  Then, be prepared that he’ll make some poor ones.

These little failures will actually compound over time and yield success as an adult!

 

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Ever asked a question of your teen … only to receive a one-word answer?  Or just a grunt?

It’s a common experience for moms and dads all across the country.  They try to strike up a conversation with their teen… only to be stonewalled.  That can be pretty discouraging, I know.

But let me offer some encouragement.  No matter how tight-lipped your teen seems to be right now, he still wants a relationship with you.  Deep down, what he or she most desires is a sense of significance and security in their relationship with mom and dad.

So don’t give up.  Don’t stop spending one-on-one time together every week.  Don’t stop asking those questions and waiting for the answer!  Your patience will pay off … sooner than you think!

 

If you listen on a mobile phone or tablet, please download our Parenting Today’s Teens app available for Apple or Android. If you listen on a desktop or laptop computer, press the “play” button above to enjoy daily parenting advice.

Where do you go to relax?  Who calms you down when you’re wound up tight?  If I asked those questions of your teen, would they give your name as the answer?

When a teen struggles, they rarely seek out mom or dad’s help.  Many times they have good reasons not to.  When they get home, they face a barrage of critical words and angry responses.  Or they feel more shame than hope.  [[When your teen walks out the door each morning… is he more worn out or more refreshed?]]

You have the ability to be the calming agent in your teen’s life.  It doesn’t mean you approve of all their behavior.  It just means you’re more ready to embrace them… than you are to embarrass them.  Look for ways to be a stabilizing force in your teen’s life!

 

If you listen on a mobile phone or tablet, please download our Parenting Today’s Teens app available for Apple or Android. If you listen on a desktop or laptop computer, press the “play” button above to enjoy daily parenting advice.