Parenting Today's Teens

How do you react when conflict rears its ugly head in your family? Do you yell? Get defensive? Give the silent treatment? Get emotional?

This weekend on Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston presents seven ways to argue effectively and use conflict to your advantage.

Some years ago at the residential counseling center for troubled teens… called Heartlight… we helped a girl through some particularly tough issues.

Hi, I’m Mark Gregston… with Parenting Today’s Teens.

After a lot of hard work and the unconditional love of her parents, she was able to move on to a new life with both joy and celebration. And just recently, I tearfully watched her say her wedding vows. The bride wore a ring on both hands… one that we gave her to represent victory in her personal life… and her new wedding band.

At a special moment, she said to me, “I wouldn’t have my wedding ring without first having the ring you gave me.”

It’s a reminder that a teen’s future isn’t cast in stone. It can be steered in the right direction no matter how off course it’s been in the past.

Don’t give up. Don’t lose hope. Keep believing that your sons and daughters can turn emerge to be all God created them to be.

The world our kids live in today is far different from the one you and I grew up in. As kids move into their teen years, they face unimaginable pressure to turn away from the values you’ve worked so hard to instill in their lives.

Hi, I’m Mark Gregston… with Parenting Today’s Teens.

Raising kids in church, home school or a Christian school is no guarantee they’ll turn out as the godly, refined adult you’re hoping for. In fact… many parents wake up one morning to discover their teen has changed into a person they don’t even know.

Is that your experience? Doing everything “right” …only to find it didn’t work?

Teens today need moms and dads who’re constantly adjusting their parenting style to fit the times. If things aren’t working… don’t keep doing what you’ve always done!

Change it up!

I’ve met parents who post a list of rules on the fridge… and expect the kids to fall in line. But more often than not… that piece of paper does nothing more than annoy and embarrass the kids. And frankly …it doesn’t work.

Hi, I’m Mark Gregston… with Parenting Today’s Teens.

In the teen years, nothing’s more important than developing relationships between parents and kids. Because rules without relationship causes rebellion.

So here’s what I suggest. Take time to get with your teen over breakfast or dinner or coffee. And do it every week. Regular, intentional time… where you’re lookin’ each other in the eyes and letting your teen talk. It’ll foster the atmosphere where healthy relationships can thrive.

Over time, you’ll find this weekly get- together will be a place to share your own stories. Your own faults. Even a place where your teen will talk about deeper concerns, life questions and dreams.

You’ll be surprised how rules take care of themselves …once there’s a relationship!

A man struggling with terminal cancer once told me, “I try not to stand too long on the mountain, and I don’t sit too long in the valley. I live one day at a time and try to keep my attitude somewhere near the middle.”

Hi, I’m Mark Gregston… with Parenting Today’s Teens.

In a situation that was totally out of his control… this man trusted God for one day at a time. And I’ll tell ya, he experienced a deep sense of peace… even in his darkest days!

Perhaps you’re in a situation where things are dark, as well. It may not be cancer… but the anger, disrespect and tension at home has worn you down.

My hope is that this quick word from a cancer patient… will be a reminder to you. Today, live just one day at a time. Stay near the middle. And know that in the midst of the chaos at home, God is still in control.

When a teenager is causing problems in the family, he isn’t the only one in need! Moms and dads desperately need support, as well.

Hi, I’m Mark Gregston… with Parenting Today’s Teens.

In the heat of relentless family conflict, most moms and dads become battered, worn down… or even devastated. In fact, a teen spiraling out of control can lead to the break up of an otherwise strong marriage.

I’ve known lots of parents who are dying on the inside… but are too embarrassed to reveal their weaknesses to others. If that’s you… get over it! You gotta talk to someone! Get coffee with a trusted friend and spill out your heart.

Do you love your kids conditionally or unconditionally? Seems like a silly question, right?

Unconditionally, of course! But you might be surprised by how many teens say their parents only love them up to a certain point.

This weekend on Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston explains how to communicate unconditional love to your teen.

There’s no perfect formula for bringing a teenager to maturity. But… there are three ingredients that’ll give you a good head start!

Hi, I’m Mark Gregston… with Parenting Today’s Teens.

First. Unconditional Love lets them know there’s nothing they can do to make you love them more, and nothing they can do to make you love them less.

Second. Grace gives them room to fail …and then encouragement to learn from their mistakes.

And third. Truth is the correcting influence that balances their actions with what’s right and wrong. Living out the truth also means that consequences come when they step over the line!

Love, grace and truth. Take those three… flood your home and relationships with them. It’s the foundation for raising healthy, godly and mature young adults.

Teens do a lot of empty-headed communicating …especially by cell phone, IM, Facebook and text. In fact, it’s not unusual to see a group of teens sitting in the same room …sending text-messages to one another… instead of just having normal conversations!

Hi, I’m Mark Gregston… with Parenting Today’s Teens.

Yeah …this new generation knows how to communicate, and they have every device imaginable to stay in touch. BUT they don’t always know how to make a personal connection. It’s not something they’ll learn …unless you make a point to teach them.

So open your home for an evening of food and fun, playing board games, creating something, or just talking. Challenge them to leave their cell phones in their pockets.

Look for ways to model for your teen the value of connecting with friends and family …without defaulting to their electronics.

In order for parents to have a healthy relationship with their teen… it’s necessary to create a safe harbor where healthy relationships can develop. So… does your child sense your unconditional love?

Hi, I’m Mark Gregston… with Parenting Today’s Teens.

Relationships thrive in an atmosphere of unqualified acceptance. That means… even when your child blows it big time, or doesn’t respond the way you’d like …you don’t threaten to abandon him. He knows, without question, that your love is forever.

Every teen has a secret longing to belong. He wants a relationship that helps him discover who he is… and who he’ll become. Your child realizes this sense of significance through relationships that will never end …first with you, here on earth, and with God for all of eternity.

So… are you creating space for healthy relationships? Make your home a safe harbor from the storms of life.