It can be a tricky, awkward subject, but we gotta talk about it.
Sex.
It's so important so that our kids can take pleasure in their bodies, love themselves without shame, and take responsibility for their sexual experiences.
Sex is not a topic we can ignore, despite how uncomfortable we or our children might feel. If we ignore it, we send all sorts of terrible shame messages.
And, to really drive the point home, researchers have shown time and time again that talking to our kids about sex makes them less susceptible to sexual abuse AND, bonus, more likely to delay sex to later ages.
Today Andrew and Caroline talk about their perspectives on how to talk to kids about sex. They have some very enlightening ideas that you don’t want to miss out on, including perspectives to consider if you have a son and/or daughter.
And, here are some tips to consider as well:
Don’t let others have the talk. Kids will learn faulty information and come up with their own (usually problematic) ideas. You can certainly find out what kids are learning in school but it’s important you address their unasked questions and fill in the gaps – they aren’t learning everything they need to know.
Normalize. It’s important to normalize how you talk about our body parts (after all, a penis is a body part like an elbow, there are just additional considerations we need to talk about) and the act of sex itself so kids feel comfortable in their own skin.
Talk sooner than later. You never want to wait too long – it gets too awkward, your kids might not listen, and it might be too late anyway. Starting early often helps everyone get used to the subject, reduces awkwardness, and makes future conversations easier.
Continue the talk. The sex talk is not one-and-done. You’re going to give a little information at a time in an age-appropriate way. And continue to have the conversation with more age-appropriate information as kids get older.
Talk about everything, no matter how uncomfortable. There is so much more to learn than missionary-style traditional sex, the logistics of baby-making, and avoiding sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
Yes, do talk about oral sex. Masturbation. Navigating relationships. Sexual orientation. If you make the sex talk taboo (even if it’s just one or two topics), we send the message that sex is shameful.
Yes, do talk about orgasms and enjoying the body and everything that comes with it.
Discuss consent. Early and often. This is an important but often overlooked topic. Consent is so important regardless of gender. We love this Cup of Tea consent video, which we showed our kids from time to time as they got older, giving more insight and information once they could understand more.
And, to help you with this conversation, Caroline created THIS GUIDE with ideas of what to talk about depending on the ages of your kids: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/sex-talk-guide-book/
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