I am starting to get the answer to "what am I without the depression and anxiety?"

I am still pissed off my therapist ditched me. I know this emotion I am feeling is at the root of my trauma. It is bigger than this one situation but I will not let the therapist off the hook. I am still a bitter betty they left me when I needed them.

I discuss my approach to the holiday season. I look forward to seeing loved ones in a different light. They are people, not problems.

I discuss how my fridge is "prepped" for my variety of moods.

I discuss how a seemingly insignificant conversation with a schizophrenic peer compelled me to confront my own biases about mental illness.

I discuss a situation when my anxiety was triggered by my surroundings. It was a lesson about the power of words. The world has done its job in shaping my reality. It is about time I start shaping my own reality in the world.

I started the day with some classical music. Interesting. I discuss the internal dialogue it took to get out of bed and get shyt done. This is becoming less about the illness and more about breaking the habits derived from the illness. I discuss a tactic learned in therapy that got me up and going.

I discuss the weekend after being released from the hospital. I got to experience stuff totally out of my comfort zone. I am practicing being in the moment and establishing a pattern of free thought. My previous thoughts and behaviors are tinged with depression and anxiety. It takes weekends like this to jolt my senses and awaken me.

I discuss the news of his injury and how the mental recovery is equally as challenging as the physical one. There is if often an entire medical team to support an athlete with their achilles injury. I hope the same level of support is provided to help with the toll this injury will take on his mental health.

An episode like this usually gets scrapped, but I thought to allow my mind to sift through the clutter. The depression is trying to emerge just as the anxiety is subsiding. It is my job to make some behavioral changes to prevent a crash.