Remember trying to turn one of your weaknesses into a strength for a job interview, and casually saying “I’m a perfectionist”, as if it’s a good thing?

You could say that there are a lot of good things which perfectionism can be associated with.

There are also a lot of drawbacks to it, and the same parts of perfectionism which serves you well in life, can also end up costing you your health and relationships.

Tune into this short solo episode about the pros and cons of perfectionism, to see how it affects you, and see if you are striving for excellence or perfection. 

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay 

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Sweet sleep - a good night’s sleep refreshes you, a bad one frustrates you. If you lie in bed tossing and turning, worrying about how knackered you’ll be in the morning without the perfect night’s sleep, then this episode is for you.

I spoke to Dr Guy Meadows about how to get a good night’s sleep, how to stop struggling against ‘bad sleep’, and what to do when you just can’t sleep due to young children or anxious thoughts. 

Dr Guy Meadows is a leading figure in the area of chronic insomnia, pioneering the use of

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Mindfulness treatment. He has

worked with thousands of insomnia sufferers over the last 10 years at his

London-based clinic and around the world, and has set up the Sleep School to help

stop insomniacs needlessly suffering around the world. Guy is the author of The Sleep Book – How to sleep well every night. 

We cover:

• Insomnia and its causes

- Sleep helps us be focused, motivated and problem solve

- Biological sleep needs and genetics

- The majority of us wake up unrefreshed

- Deep sleep, light sleep and REM sleep

- Why we sleep, and why we wake

- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

- The struggle with insomnia = fight/flight boosts alertness

- Physical/mental aspects of the sleep conditioned response

- Insomnia as a heightened sense of awareness

- The steps to sleeping well

- 1. Accepting the discomfort

- 2. Open to difficult thoughts and feelings

  - 3. Live your life to lesson resentment

- Start living a valuable life _with_ insomnia, to feel more content

- The links between sleep and mood

- The science of sleep and the brain

- Changing what you can, accepting what you can’t

- Letting go of the rigid rules around sleep

- The benefits of rest if you can’t sleep

- Quiet wakefulness vs. active wakefulness

- Pause pockets

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay 

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Have you tried meditation, but can't make it a habit? Do you struggle to 'get it right'? 

Over my years of working with high-striving, perfectionistic women, I've found that they often share a pattern of wanting to meditate, but finding it hard to keep up.

In this episode I talk about why that can be, and how you can meditate without making it complicated or difficult for yourself.

www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm to download my free guide to taking a break before you break

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay 

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

The pressure to be perfect as a mother is immense in modern society - no wonder if you feel like you’re not living up to the standards and expectations placed on you to be ‘a good mum’. 

In this episode, I speak to Motherhood Studies Sociologist Dr Sophie Brock about how hard it is to be a mother today, as we “can’t self-compassion our way out of structural barriers, constraints, and institutional failings” affecting mothers. 

We cover:

• The social construction of motherhood and being ‘a good mum’

Dr Sophie Brock provides analysis of Motherhood in our culture, exploring the ways individual experiences of Mothers are shaped by broader social constructs. Sophie’s offerings include self-study courses for Mothers and practitioners, her podcast The Good Enough Mother, and her Motherhood Studies Practitioner Certification program.

To connect further - 

https://drsophiebrock.com/

@drsophiebrock on Instagram and Facebook

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Accepting help is hard, asking for it even harder. Do you trust that those who offer it to you, actually want you to take them up on it?

What stops you from trusting offers of help? 

I recently shared on socials about having gastroenteritis, and my baby too, and linked it to a discussion about asking for and accepting help. On my poll sticker, 80% of you answered that you struggle to accept help offered.

The difficult thoughts and feelings showing up when someone offers to help you come from the inner critic, that mean inner voice you have telling you off for things. 

Listen to this short episode to dive a bit deeper into what is behind your reluctance to trust offers of help, and get three affirmations you can use when help is offered and you resist taking it. 

I also cover how people pleasing is a part of this too. 

To learn more about how to let go of people pleasing in relationships, head to www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/peoplepleasing to take my mini workshop

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay 

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Have you lost your temper with your children, having felt a rage you never knew before you had kids? Then feeling intensely guilty afterwards, feeling like a ‘bad mum’ and thinking you’ve failed for getting so angry? 

Or you love your child so much, but can’t get rid of those strange thoughts you have popping in about hurting them? What if you would just drop the baby, or hit your child?

If you have experienced this, you might have had ‘maternal rage’ or intrusive thoughts about harm coming to your children. You’re not alone, and shaming yourself for it is only making it worse. Putting pressure on yourself to still achieve and strive like you did pre-motherhood leaves you vulnerable for parental burnout, and more likely to have another episode of rage.  

This episode with Clinical Psychologist Caroline Boyd, author of the book Mindful New Mum, may feel triggering for some, so please be aware of the support sources mentioned too. 

We cover: 

• Pressure on girls to be ‘good’

Mindful New Mum: A Mind-Body Approach to the Highs and Lows of Motherhood

by Dr Caroline Boyd

www.drcarolineboyd.com

Help with intrusive thoughts can be found at the following - 

FREE Pandas UK Helpline (call between 11am - 10pm): 0808 1961 776

http://www.pandasfoundation.org.uk/

Samaritans: call 24/7 Helpline: 116 123

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/postnatal-depression-and-perinatal-mental-health

https://maternalocd.org/

https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mental-health/problems-disorders

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay 

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Accepting help can be hard. Doing everything on your own is harder. 

It's especially hard to ask for help for perfectionists, caught up in all or nothing thoughts about how they must manage everything, always be strong, never show cracks in the facade. Always carry things for others, not letting them carry things for you.

In this short solo episode I will tell you how a broken toe is a sign that I need to accept help, and even ask for it.

In my book, The Lasting Connection, I talk about the five As of allowing compassion to flow in, from others to you.

The five A’s: Aware, Acknowledge, Accept, Appreciate, Ask

Drop me an email to [email protected] to receive a free copy of my worksheet about the five A's of allowing compassion to flow in.

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay 

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

So much pressure to be the perfect parent.

This narrative isn't helpful for the modern parent - you haven't failed, you are human!

• Children read our emotions and struggle to understand them

1 Aim for simplicity

2 Encourage acceptance

3 Respond with compassion

4 Increase playfulness

5 ‘Contain’ and connect to difficult emotions 

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay 

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

How do you feel about the phrase ‘good enough’?

I’m willing to bet that you don’t like it.

1. Because you don’t FEEL good enough

Listen to the end of this short episode and I will offer you something which will help.

Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay 

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

Are you feeling tired, burnt out and exhausted? Want more energy in your life? 

Simon Alexander Ong is a personal development entrepreneur, coach and public speaker. His debut book, Energize, will be published by Penguin on 21st April 2022. 

• Journey of burnout and overworking

Order Simon's book, Energize, here

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay 

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media