Pause Purpose Play

By Michaela ThomasBusiness Entrepreneurship Health & Fitness Mental Health Education Self-Improvement

Pause Purpose Play episodes

May 19, 2022Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts and Maternal Rage, with Dr. Caroline Boyd
Have you lost your temper with your children, having felt a rage you never knew before you had kids? Then feeling intensely guilty afterwards, feeling like a ‘bad mum’ and thinking you’ve failed for getting so angry?
Or you love your child so much, but can’t get rid of those strange thoughts you have popping in about hurting them? What if you would just drop the baby, or hit your child?
If you have experienced this, you might have had ‘maternal rage’ or intrusive thoughts about harm coming to your children. You’re not alone, and shaming yourself for it is only making it worse. Putting pressure on yourself to still achieve and strive like you did pre-motherhood leaves you vulnerable for parental burnout, and more likely to have another episode of rage.
This episode with Clinical Psychologist Caroline Boyd, author of the book Mindful New Mum, may feel triggering for some, so please be aware of the support sources mentioned too.

We cover:
Pressure on girls to be ‘good’
Super mum myth, perfect mother myth
Navigating the highs and lows of motherhood
Loneliness and isolation of Western motherhood
Postpartum depression increased due to lockdowns
Pressure to be perfect and joyful
Feeling like a ‘bad mum’ and failing
Allowing new mothers permission for recovery
‘Hard to measure’ achievements in motherhood
Adjust to slower tempo, striving less
Transition, matrescence
Maternal rage and what it masks
Allowing compassion for self
Unmet needs and being out of capacity
Stigma of anger in mothers = failing
Judging yourself for anger intensifies it
Unwanted intrusive thoughts about accidental or intentional harm of baby
Support sources for intrusive thoughts and maternal OCD
Permission to look after yourself means unlearning old beliefs

Mindful New Mum: A Mind-Body Approach to the Highs and Lows of Motherhood
by Dr Caroline Boyd
www.drcarolineboyd.com

Help with intrusive thoughts can be found at the following -
FREE Pandas UK Helpline (call between 11am - 10pm): 0808 1961 776
http://www.pandasfoundation.org.uk/
Samaritans: call 24/7 Helpline: 116 123
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/postnatal-depression-and-perinatal-mental-health
https://maternalocd.org/
https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mental-health/problems-disorders
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
49 min
May 11, 2022 Asking for help
Accepting help can be hard. Doing everything on your own is harder.
It's especially hard to ask for help for perfectionists, caught up in all or nothing thoughts about how they must manage everything, always be strong, never show cracks in the facade. Always carry things for others, not letting them carry things for you.
In this short solo episode I will tell you how a broken toe is a sign that I need to accept help, and even ask for it.
In my book, The Lasting Connection, I talk about the five As of allowing compassion to flow in, from others to you.
The five A’s: Aware, Acknowledge, Accept, Appreciate, Ask
Drop me an email to [email protected] to receive a free copy of my worksheet about the five A's of allowing compassion to flow in.

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

11 min
May 05, 2022Nurture Your Child’s Emotional Intelligence, with Anne Lane
So much pressure to be the perfect parent.
Never losing it, always calm and gentle.
This narrative isn't helpful for the modern parent - you haven't failed, you are human!

Our children are the future, the next generation - no wonder we want to do right by them. So how do we nurture their emotional intelligence without breaking under the pressure?

Dr Anne Lane is a clinical psychologist and family therapist. Anne’s new book ‘Nurture Your Child’s Emotional Intelligence: 5 Steps to Help Your Child Cope with Big Emotions and Build Resilience looks at how our child’s emotions grow and develop and what we can do as parents to support this.
Children read our emotions and struggle to understand them
Helping our children to feel safe
The emotional demand on parents
‘Good enough’, not perfect, emotional nurturing
Give the emotion a space, a voice
The ‘should’ and pressure to be ‘calm and ‘gentle’
Using shame to control their behaviour backfires
Acknowledging emotions softens them
Balancing fear and courage, anger and sadness
Compassion for your own emotions
Five steps to help your child cope with big emotions
1 Aim for simplicity
2 Encourage acceptance
3 Respond with compassion
4 Increase playfulness
5 ‘Contain’ and connect to difficult emotions

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
1 hr 3 min
April 28, 2022Acccepting ’good enough’
How do you feel about the phrase ‘good enough’?
I’m willing to bet that you don’t like it.
Because you don’t FEEL good enough
Because you don’t want to BE good enough – you want to be perfect, amazing, excellent, remarkable and so on.

Listen to the end of this short episode and I will offer you something which will help.

Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
12 min
April 20, 2022How to Energize, with Simon Alexander Ong
Are you feeling tired, burnt out and exhausted? Want more energy in your life?

This conversation with Simon Alexander Ong is all about how we can move from burnout and overworking, to living a meaningful life by making our health a priority and using energy management.

Simon Alexander Ong is a personal development entrepreneur, coach and public speaker. His debut book, Energize, will be published by Penguin on 21st April 2022.
Journey of burnout and overworking
Health as the first wealth, not a side hustle
Begin before you’re ready, to gain confidence
Failure a stepping stone to success
Mindset of an eternal student, of always learning
Can’t achieve if burnt out and no energy
Rewire your energetic state
“Not to do”list and boundaries
Making peace with people not liking you
Shifting thoughts and beliefs, for new actions
Pronoia - belief that life is working for you
Disconnecting from work to replenish energy
Journaling to live with more intention
The role of rest and silence for creativity
Energy management, not time management
Productivity using high energy periods
Using kindness to manage energy fluctuations
Negative self-talk as energetic blocks to flow
Energisers and drains, impacts how we see ourselves
Lucky breaks come from making good choices
Order Simon's book, Energize, here
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
59 min
April 14, 2022 Imperfection improves performance
Have you ever freestyled a presentation? Or do you check and check, overprepare, perfect those slides until you feel ‘confident’?
Imagine how much more time and energy you would have, if you allowed for imperfection.
Your performance would improve, as you would be more relaxed and less likely to be overwhelmed and overworked.
Newsflash: If you spend loads of time overpreparing and perfecting a presentation, it may be more of a confidence issue, rather than a competence issue.
In this episode, I use an example of a recent presentation I did about perfectionism, where I consciously didn’t prepare and also embraced imperfections through a mistake I made.

You can email me to find out more about my new group programme at [email protected]
If you need a self-compassionate break, telling yourself how hard it is sometimes and giving yourself some kindness instead of criticism around a mistake, then you can download a free 4min guided meditation audio on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/break
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
12 min
March 30, 2022The Cost of Perfectionism, with Jennifer Kemp
“I’m not a perfectionist? I’m just ambitious and work hard. True, I’m overwhelmed and exhausted, but I can’t stop because then I won’t achieve anything and feel like a failure.”

I hear these thoughts a lot, about how overworking is seen as a pathway to success and achievement. With fear of failure if we develop self-care and self-compassion, taking a break.

In this episode, I dive into perfectionism, overworking, shame, high standards and fear of failure, and how we experience more joy when living an imperfect life, with a fellow expert on perfectionism: Jennifer Kemp.
Jennifer Kemp is a privately practicing Clinical Psychologist, author, and busy mum, who works with clients who are struggling with perfectionism and the mental health problems perfectionism facilitates and maintains. She is the author of The ACT Workbook for Perfectionism, integrates Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), behavioural, and Compassion-Focused approaches in her therapeutic and consultation work.
We cover:
Perfectionism as a set of behaviours
High standards as rigid rules
Musts and shoulds create pressure
Fear and avoidance of failing
Self-criticism for mistakes
Perfectionistic standards running in families
Hope that we can change these patterns
Short term relief vs. long term costs
Checking and reassurance seeking
Anxiety about being good enough
Costs from overworking and avoidance
Perfect, unattainable goals lead to failure
Shame drives perfectionism, as discomfort we want to avoid
Willingness to be uncomfortable with anxiety around mistakes
Self-compassion as antidote to perfectionism
Being a recovering perfectionist
Perfectionism as umbrella to depression, anxiety and eating disorders
Stepping out of the comfort zone
Living an imperfect life that matters, following values that light you up

Find Jennifer at https://jenniferkemp.com.au/

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
1 hr 12 min
March 17, 2022 Coping with Uncertainty
If you want to do good, being overwhelmed by the situation may mean that you do nothing at all.
If you constantly watch the news, you may freeze in anxiety and worry.
Especially considering the impact of two years pandemic on your nervous system.
Don't beat yourself up if you feel numb or indifferent, or so anxious that you can't watch it.
Want to help? Make sure to look after yourself, so you can mobilise what you have.
In this episode I share six tips for how you can cope with uncertainty.

You can email me to find out more about my new group programme at [email protected]
If you need a self-compassionate break, telling yourself how hard it is sometimes and giving yourself some kindness instead of criticism around a mistake, then you can download a free 4min guided meditation audio on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/break
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
12 min
February 17, 2022 Making Wise Choices with Your Time
Do you frequently jump on things and then overwork yourself, regretting doing this activity?
Ask yourself this:
Is this a wise choice of how to spend my time?
Is this activity driven by my values or by my pressure to achieve?
Is this going to light me up, and refuel me through my passion?
Will doing this drain my energy further, or replenish it?
Can I do a smaller version of this, rather than going all in?
Can I take any shortcuts?
What would it look like if it was easy?

Some of you may know I had my second baby in September, and recorded lots of podcast episodes before that, whilst I was still pregnant.
Instead of jumping into recording lots more podcasts now, I am making some wise choices with my time, taking some shortcuts.
I am still here, you will still get more episodes, but as and when it suits me and my baby.
Do sign up to my newsletter to be aware of when the next episode hits, www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/newsletter

You can email me to find out more about my new group programme at [email protected]
If you need a self-compassionate break, telling yourself how hard it is sometimes and giving yourself some kindness instead of criticism around a mistake, then you can download a free 4min guided meditation audio on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/break
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
10 min
January 27, 2022Chronic Pain and Perfectionism, with Romy Sherlock
Do you experience persistent, or chronic, pain? Or you have a loved one who does? You might know how hard it is to pace yourself on a ‘good day’, overdoing it and then ‘paying for it’ the next day. Especially if you have high standards for yourself, then you may just push through the pain rather than being kind to yourself.
In this episode, I speak to Dr Romy Sherlock about chronic pain and perfectionism, as they often go hand in hand.
Romy Sherlock is a clinical psychologist specialising in working with people with chronic/persistent pain. She spent 8 years leading an NHS pain psychology service and set up Retraining Pain, a multidisciplinary team to help people with persistent pain.

We cover:
What chronic pain is
Injury or illness causing pain
Overprotective nervous system
Biopsychosocial model of pain
Life and identity before/after pain
Changing your relationship to the pain
Complete recovery vs. Adjusting to it
More than ‘issues in the tissues’ or ‘all in your head’
Pain as threat detection
Making rehab less scary
The stress and anxiety of pain
The link between trauma and pain
Perfectionistic tendencies and self-criticism
Overdoing and pushing through vs pacing
Pain experience in women
Hardwired to want to achieve and fit in
Feeling like a burden
Acceptance isn’t resignation

Find Romy Sherlock here: www.retrainingpain.co.uk

Resources mentioned -
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
When The Body Says No by Dr. Gabor Maté
Living Beyond Your Pain by JoAnne Dahl and Tobias Lundgren
Explain Pain Handbook by Professor Lorimer Moseley and Dr. David Butler.
www.livewellwithpain.co.uk
www.tamethebeast.org

Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
To spend 90 days to develop love and compassion for yourself, join the online course, The Compassionate Couple, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
52 min

About Pause Purpose Play

From the publisher's feed

Imagine if you could follow your ambition without drowning in it – how much more fulfilling life would be? That’s what Pause Purpose Play is all about – finding balance over burnout by setting you free from needing to be perfect, so that you can take action and get started with what matters to you, instead of getting stuck in procrastination and holding yourself back with self-limiting beliefs your inner critic tells you.

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