Pause Purpose Play

In this episode I speak to Alexander Rozental about procrastination and perfectionism.

Alexander Rozental is a Licensed Psychologist in Sweden, with a PhD from the Department of Psychology at Stockholm University, and he is presently a Post Doctoral Researcher at the Centre for Psychiatry Research at Karolinska Institutet in Stockholm. Alexander has published research and a book on the subject of procrastination and perfectionism. 

We talk about -

05:11 How Alexander got into this area of study

Order my book at Amazon here.

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay 

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In today's slightly more vulnerable and personal episode, I'm celebrating pub day! It's finally here - my new book, The Lasting Connection, published today!

Order my book at Bookshop here

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay 

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this episode, I talk about cultivating a garden where you and your partner can grow into the best versions of yourselves, by letting compassion flow out from yourself.

This isn't easy when we are under pressure, but doing small acts can create a climate of warmth, trust and respect. 

This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter eight of my new book, The Lasting Connection. You can expect these special episodes, to appear in your feed every couple of days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.

Pre-order my book at Amazon here.

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay 

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this episode, I talk about understanding the different versions of your 'self' that show up in your relationship, and cultivating a compassionate self.

This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter seven of my new book, The Lasting Connection. You can expect these special episodes, to appear in your feed every couple of days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.

Pre-order my book at Amazon here.

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay 

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this week's conversation I talk to Sophie Burch about taking care of our mental and relationship health before and after birth.

Sophie Burch aka The Mamma Coach is on a mission to put mental wellbeing more on the map in pregnancy, birth and parenting.  She has 14 years as a mother to 4 boys (including twins), as a perinatal therapist and coach, and a birth trauma and PND survivor.  Her experience has shaped who she is and awakened her to a life of compassion and deep empathy for everyone from pre-conception through parenting to menopause.  Her approach is simple: to allow people to feel held and heard, safe and worthy of love and self-acceptance.

We talk about:

 4:10 Sophie’s own story and mental health struggles

9:15 The birth of Sophie’s twins

13:36 The ripple effect of taking care of your mental health

15:55 Teaching practitioners as well as parents

19:40 Working within our current pre and post-natal systems

20:34 The experience of fatherhood

22:07 Post-natal depression in fathers

25:00 The pressures of the patriarchy

27:15 Nurturing ourselves

30:34 The challenges of parenthood for over-achievers

31:36 Intrusive thoughts

32:03 Loss of identity

33:35 Expectations and perfectionism

34:50 Recognising that you are struggling  

35:48 The effect of parenting on couples’ relationships

38:08 The importance of a compassionate relationship while parenting

39:40 Resentment and unrealistic expectations

43:40 Preparing for stormy seas together

46:26 Modelling compassion to our children

48:39 the Nourish app

50:29 How Sophie pauses

51:50 Visualisation

53:10 Play - dancing and bouncing

55:18 Sophie’s takeaway for you

Pre-order my book at Amazon here.

Instagram: @themammacoach

Facebook & Twitter: @themammacoach

Website: www.themammacoach.com

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay 

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

It's not just the absence of something negative that makes for lasting connections - reducing your arguments, hostility or criticism. You also need the presence of something positive, something good. A feeling of closeness, a bond, feeling content in each other's company and feeling safe. 

One of the first steps towards a lasting connection, is understanding your emotions. If you don't get them, how will you communicate them to your partner?

In this episode, I talk about how the emotions systems; the Threat, Drive and Soothe Systems, impact on your relationship, and how you can work with your responses to deepen your connection with your partner.

This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter six of my new book, The Lasting Connection. You can expect these special episodes, to appear in your feed every couple of days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.

Pre-order my book at Amazon here.

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay 

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

If you don't notice your partner, how can you improve your connection with them?

This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter five of my new book, The Lasting Connection. You can expect these special episodes, to appear in your feed every couple of days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.

Pre-order my book at Amazon here.

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay 

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this episode, I talk about the characteristics that make or break a relationship. I invite you to consider which attributes your current or past relationship has, and to examine your intentions to help you move forward with strengthening your bond.

This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter four of my new book, The Lasting Connection. You can expect these special episodes, to appear in your feed every couple of days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.

Pre-order my book at Amazon here.

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay 

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this week's conversation I talk to Dr. Tracy Dalgleish about how our attachment styles affect our relationship dynamics, and how we can change the patterns we fall into with our partner.

Dr. Tracy Dalgleish is a Clinical Psychologist and couples therapist who helps individuals and couples navigate the challenges we all face in our relationships and within ourselves to create a more meaningful life through therapy, wellness seminars, and her work outside of the therapy room. For over 15 years, Dr. Dalgleish has provided direct clinical services as well as researching, writing, and speaking about relationships. She provides psychological assessments, diagnosis, and individual and couple therapy for a variety of difficulties, including depression, anxiety, postpartum difficulties, stress and burnout, and relationship difficulties. 

We talk about:

5:59 Interdependence

9:26 The 4 S's of social attachment - safety, security, seen and soothed

13:05 Turn taking in relationships

15:14 Incompatibility in attachment styles

19:50 Secure attachment

20:16 Anxious attachment

20:40 Avoidant attachment

21:39 Fearful or disorganised attachment

25:58 Being on the same team, when you're differently 'flammable'

29:40 Common cycles couples all into and how to break them

32:54 Toxic masculinity and emotional expression

36:48 Perfectionism and unrealistic expectations

39:52 Pervasive myths about relationships

41:00 When to go your separate ways

46:17 Tolerating relationship calibrations

49:03 How Dr Tracy pauses and plays

52:25 Dr Tracy's takeaway for you

Pre-order my book at Amazon here.

Instagram:  @Dr.TracyD

Facebook & Twitter: @DrTracyD

Website: https://www.drtracyd.com

Podcast: I’m Not Your Shrink https://drtracyd.com/podcast

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay 

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this episode, I talk about the strains on connection that modern relationships experience, including hardship, pressure to be perfect and globalisation, and the antidote to all this disconnection - compassion.

This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter three of my new book, The Lasting Connection. You can expect these special episodes, to appear in your feed every couple of days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.

Pre-order my book at Amazon here.

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay 

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media