Pause Purpose Play

In this powerfully vulnerable and honest episode with Mandy Lehto, we explore the ongoing journey of healing from overachieving and not feeling good enough. Mandy shared her own experience of this work in progress, of trying to no longer base her worth on achievements and praise, and instead on feeling worthy for being who she is, imperfections and all. We explore the signs that her body was saying no to more striving, as well as the wake up call she couldn’t ignore. We finish by thinking about how imperfect people are more likeable and get a deeper connection with others than seemingly perfectly put together people. 

Dr. Mandy Lehto is a personal and executive coach and writer in London.

She has a doctorate from Cambridge University, and in her former career, was a Director at a global investment bank in the City.

She has written for, or featured in, Psychologies Magazine, The Sunday Times, Psychology Today, Top Sante, The Huffington Post, eFinancial Careers, and on CNBC.

She’s a recovering overachiever, who’s on a mission to help women to identify less with their doing, and more with their being.

5:15 How striving for worth didn’t serve Mandy

8:03 Over-achieving is the only addiction we get praised for

9:19 Mandy reaches breaking point

11:41 The trap of taking on healing with the same over-achieving attitude

14:41 How Mandy became more aware of her inner critic

15:31 Surrendering to feelings

21:51 Realising that perfection gets in the way of connection

27:01 What would Mandy tell her younger self?

34:53 Avoiding competitive self-care

37:41 How to soothe the inner critic rather than escape it

39:41 Exercise that does suit high achievers

41:46 The changes that middle age have brought about

43:49 Playing through writing

Instagram: @MandyLehto

Website: www.mandylehto.com

Notice how hard it is to slow down, in a world which promotes rushing

We are caught in an illusion that rushing saves us time, makes us more productive and wins us greater success – in fact, it’s the polar opposite.

In this episode, I'm going to bust some productivity myths around rushing and set you straight on why it helps to rush less. 

I'd love you to join in with my challenge to rush less, pause more, by sharing your photo on Instagram with the hashtag #pausepurposeplaypodcast and tagging me, @the_thomas_connection 

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram: @the_thomas_connection

Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay 

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this episode, I'm speaking to leadership coach Katy Murray (Katy Catalyst) about how to step up to your ambition, passion and potential - without burning out. 

Katy leads Catalyst Collective a boutique consultancy focusing on Equity Inclusion and Diversity. She coaches change making leaders and entrepreneurs 1-1 and leads the Mastermind Change Making Women. 

02:39 Katy explains how she works with leaders and change-makers

04:07 How to step up without burning out

05:39 Katy's experience of getting close to burn out

06:45 Making yourself find a sustainable pace

07:35 So much of our learning comes from mistakes

10:05 How resilience can help us in these difficult times

13:15 The need for leaders to relearn self-compassion

15:08 Thinking about your wider network

16:20 Creating a new, less isolated, form of leadership

18:13 Toxic gratitude

19:12 How Katy finds pause in her life

22:40 Three questions to ask yourself every day

26:05 Lowering expectations to create space

29:44 Setting expectations, with the example of email auto-responders

32:20 Two questions for clarifying purpose and acknowledging success

37:23 How Katy finds joy and play in her life

40:27 Finding play in the workplace

44:30 Katy's gift for you

Connect with Katy on  Instagram and Linked In 

Sign up to Katy’s newsletter Catalyst Notes for coaching prompts, #PowerPractices, + practical leadership tips.  

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media.

In this episode, I expand on a metaphor for how we all cope with stressful times differently - as we are all sailing on the same stormy seas right now, but we all do so in differently equipped boats. This can help you step out of blaming and shaming yourself for your reactions to our current circumstances. 

Here I consider why it is that you can validate your loved one's feelings, and provide helpful suggestions, whereas you might be harsh on yourself. As the UK enters a second lockdown, I invite you to treat yourself with the same compassion that you would extend to a friend.

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram @the_thomas_connection

Facebook www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

This week I’m talking to Clio Wood, a Women's Health and Sex Positivity Advocate, and the Founder of &Breathe - award-winning wellbeing and fitness retreats for pre/postnatal, parenthood and peri-menopause. Clio created &Breathe following the birth of her daughter in 2014 and her experiences with trauma, postnatal depression, and painful sex/pelvic floor issues and is passionate about helping other women be their best selves.

02:11 Clio tells the story of her traumatic birth and recovery

07:23 How the transition to motherhood affects your relationship

10:31 Dealing with the focus of recovery being on the baby

14:41 Some little-known practical help that is available to new parents

15:43 The importance of a birth debrief

19:53 Why Clio chose to include mental wellbeing in her retreats

24:02 Taking time to do the inner work

25:29 Different experiences of pregnancy and birth during the Covid crisis.

30:11 Why we shouldn’t second guess our reaction to being isolated after birth

33:20 How Clio takes the pressure off herself

35:46 The lessons Clio has learnt from the effect of Covid on her business

37:50 How Clio incorporates play into her life

43:58 Escaping the Pressure Pandemic

44:46 Clio’s takeaway for you

Website www.andbreathewellbeing.com

Instagram  @andbreathewellbeing

Join the Pause Purpose Play group on Facebook

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this episode, I’ll talk about how busyness kills productivity and how flexibility saves it, through softening rigid rules and SHOULDs into softer COULDs.

I discuss the different reactions I hear from clients to a full to-do list, and three actions you can take to find a more sustainable pace in your work.

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram @the_thomas_connection

Facebook www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this week's episode, I talk to Suzy Reading about self-care in tough times. Suzy is a mother of two, an author, Chartered Psychologist and Coach. She specialises in self-care, helping people manage their stress, emotions, and energetic bank balance. It was her life experience of motherhood colliding with the terminal illness of her father that sparked her passion for self-care which she now teaches to her clients, young and old, to cope during periods of stress, loss and change and to boost their resilience in the face of future challenges.

03:55 Suzy busts the myth that being tough on yourself gets you through tough times

05:44 Overcoming harsh self-criticism with self-forgiveness

08:23 Making healthier choices when talking to ourselves kindly

10:14 Self-compassion and the nourishing action of self-care

13:54 How 'compassion' supports us in a way that 'resilience' doesn't

16:30 Not letting maternal guilt stopping us from nourishing ourselves

19:42 Pressure and success in motherhood - the Nourish app

23:28 The toxicity of the compensatory crutches we use to cope 

26:50 What to do when you realise your current habits are unsustainable

31:11 Suzy's micro movements approach to change

31:58 Making daily habits more nourishing

33:02 Suzy shares a physical exercise to help with posture

43:16 We talk about the power of visualisation if you are not able to physically play during hard times

44:26 Suzy's takeaway for you - to let guilt slide from your shoulders

Website www.suzyreading.co.uk/

Instagram @suzyreading

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this episode, I talk about the problems that come from trying to please all the people, all the time - and how this is especially problematic in your relationship. 

Do you struggle to say no to others, even when saying yes means less time with your family, or less time for you? 

Do you find it hard to ask for your needs to be met?

Or are you living with someone who finds it hard to articulate what they want? 

Do they constantly run around doing tasks for others, until they burn themselves out?

It takes courage to balance your own needs with those of others, especially resisting the urge to people please, but with a small steps approach, we can overcome that sense of obligation and learn to ask for what we need. 

Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk

Instagram @the_thomas_connection

Facebook www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection

This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media

In this episode, I talk to Executive Coach and founder of Wisdom for Working Mums, Nicky Lowe about when her body told her in no uncertain terms to pause. She experienced burnout in a corporate career, following her high standards and need for striving. 

Nicky is a qualified and accredited Executive Coach who is an advocate for achievement orientated, motivated, ambitious women who also want to be amazing mums.  She's spent the last 15 years being invited by some of the world’s largest organisations to support their leaders as an executive coach.  Many of these are working mums and this led her to contribute to the book “Mentoring for Working Parents” based on her experience.  As a busy working mum of 2 she knows only too well the challenges of combining motherhood with the work that fulfils her.  Her passion is helping women combine their work and motherhood in a successful and sustainable way - without losing their sanity or wellbeing! 

03:30 Nicky finding herself trapped as a ‘corporate prisoner’ and retraining as a coach

05:45 Hitting a brick wall of exhaustion as a new mum - adrenal fatigue

09:30 How Nicky turned a painful episode into a life change

14:30 Finding the balance between motherhood and work on our own terms

20:00 Consciously choosing to pause as an ambitious woman

21:20 Redefining self worth away from productivity

24:45 What Nicky does to rest and recover

29:30 Recalibrating needs as circumstances change

32:15 How Nicky allows herself to play

35:40 Finding joy in imperfect play 

Website: www.wisdomforworkingmums.co.uk

Instagram: www.instagram.com/nicky_wisdomforworkingmums/

Facebook: www.facebook.com/wisdomforworkingmums/

This episode focuses on how a lack of problem-solving can get you stuck going around in circles in your life, and your relationship, but even if you’re not in a relationship, this episode is still for you. I will tell you about getting started, continuing and completing problem-solving, guiding you through a step by step approach to productive problem solving, if you stay with me to the end of the episode. I know you have lots to do, but if you keep addressing your problems the wrong way, you’ll have even less time to do those things. 

You can't solve your problems when you're overwhelmed, exhausted and stuck. ⁠