Pen & Paper Bullshit

Hell's Elves continue to live their lives, even as the sinister Santa conspiracy continues to gather steam and, without even trying, they find themselves dead center of the whole affair, lacking any sort of concrete evidence about just what really is going on in Devil's Lake. Oh also, there's a fight between two extremely old men on magickal LSD, and its very good.

The Champions of Temperance set out to steal the holiest text of the Church of the Large Scorpion God, the rival of the kobold led Church of the Larger Scorpion God. The Champions give the Croak-Atians a taste of that old time religion.

Pen & Paper Bullshit, in conjunction with Extra Credit, is overjoyed to present Maid in Hell. Maid RPG is one of the worst games ever created, with rules for fucking your master/employer, character creation done solely by rolling on tables, and mechanical "rewards" for doing gross shit. We mostly gloss over this bad stuff, but the game continues to prove to be complete horseshit.

This is a companion episode to Extra Credit's bad pen and paper episode, so be sure to check that out!

Music used

Overlord Season 3 Opening by MYTH & ROID

It's Not Ero (feat. Senah Kim) by Isaac Schankler

The Hell's Elves, a cabal formed to stop the local Santas from being murdered and consumed by the large twine ball in the center of Devil's Lake, decide to get to the heart of the matter and stake out the twine ball, in an effort to see just how its eating all those Santas; things go about as well as you'd expect.

The Champions of Temperance, backed by the Church of the Larger Scorpion Gods, decide its time to show the other nations what they're capable of by creating a horrible, blasphemous artifact; the first step is to acquire some refined and processed etherium from Freedonia. A daring heist is carefully planned to break into Freedonia's most important bank: Mt. Gox; will the Champions survive their encounter with libertarian economics and blockchain technology?

The town of Devil's Lake, North Dakota is facing a dire epidemic: a shortage of mall Santas. Thankfully, the magickal cabal known as Hell's Elves is on the case; they're pretty sure someone's feeding the Santas to the giant ball of twine that's the pride of Devil's Lake and the cornerstone of the town's all important tourism. They simply have to find out who's doing it, why they're doing it, and figure out how to stop them!

The Queen's Court embarks on a quest to discover just why Ocean's-8 was involved in a back truck robbery. Karina speaks for the team. Giacomo learns to enjoy the letter C. The Honorable Lady Has-a-dragon strikes a deal. Naomi decides not to be dumb as shit.

In the final session of Pigsmoke, the professors finally confront Cutshaw over her plans; of course they do this in their typical fashion, which means they blunder into a solution and somehow fix things. Warning: horny on main.

The heroes of the Queen's Court assemble for the first time to stop an armored truck robbery! The Honorable Lady Has-a-dragon stakes her claim on Neo Haven. Giacomo wears an adorable sweater. Karina Dane proves to be the most normal hero on the team. Naomi Love discusses her ghost son.

The Creed of the Church of the Larger Scorpion Gods, as set down by the 1st Council of Temperance.

I Believe there are three Larger Scorpion Gods, which are: One Good, Maker of all things unseen and invisible; one Evil, Maker of all things visible and corrput; the Large Scorpion, Maker of Swamp and Earth, of all things visible and invisible.

I believe in One Lord, Magyie Magyck, foremost Prophet of God, fully Divine and Truly God, being of different substance but having the same will as the Father Scorpion, Monothelite Being of similar substance to the Father Scropion; who appeared as a kobold, born of the Encylopaedioff Clan, was martyred under Sir Turbuthy; she substituted the Wrong-does upon the battlefield, and in so doing, escaped death. She is said to have become scorpions on the third day, showing that the dead shall indeed be turned into piles of deadly scorpions.

I believe in the Holy Scorpion Spirit, the Larger Scorpion, the Giver of Poisons, Who proceeds from the Father Scorpion, with Whom She will be reunited.

The dead shall be raised as scorpions, not in spirit.