In this episode Engrid and Georgie unpack this idea of perfectionism, self sabotage, trying (too) hard, and having desire.

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ENGRID

Instagram: @livengproof

Liveng Proof Podcast

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GEORGIE

Instagram: @georgiemorley

The Chasing Joy Podcast

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In this episode:

The Gals share the messages they adopted while growing up:

Engrid:

• "You're not naturally gifted, but you're a really hard worker"
• "Trying hard gets you noticed "
• Your work ethic is what you bring to the table
• You prove your worth by how hard you work
• Work hard to make sure you're as prepared as possible
• "Good" isn't good enough, you need to be exceptional

Georgie:

• "It's not okay to look like you're trying "too hard"
• "Don't be too obsessive, don't be too much"
• Dont say what you want outloud, you'll look stupid if it doesnt happen
• "Wanting too much is selfish"
• "Trying too hard looks desperate"
• The price of failing is too high, so don't do something unless you can 100% control the outcome
• Being told "Why do you care so much?"

We get a lot of messages from society that ambitious women are too much, they are annoying, aggressive, bitchy, too loud, & bossy etc.

Are you a person who needs to know the plan? For example, are you someone who needs to know the workout ahead of time so you can conserve energy?

I'm supposed to excel but not LOOK like I'm trying

Felt tremendous pressure to be a high achiever and "good girl"

Fear of success and sabotaging yourself by getting trapped in a "working hard" loop

"If I'm bad at this why try? If I'm good at this why try?"

Having an aversion to trying harder than you have to

Quitting on things you actually really love

The gals share personal experiences that shaped these beliefs

We have the most perfectionism around the things we feel the most shame about

It's okay to like yourself more than other people like you

Messages around what it means to be "cool"

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How These Beliefs Have Showed Up in Our Life & Work

Engrid:

• Unsustainable behaviors: owning my own business + working so hard that I burned out
• Fear of success
• Perfection to the point that things aren't fun anymore
• Fear of being my FULLEST self, fear that I won't know what to do once I'm there
• Fear of letting myself dream of the future (because if I don't get it I can't be disappointed)

Georgie:

• Quantity over quality
• Having a quandary of interests + being multi-passionate
• What happens when I fully commit to something? If I prepare?

To give it your all is to believe you can succeed (and if I don't think I can succeed then I'll never be disappointed).

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Mantras/Reminders we use to challenge these old narratives:

• Your best is going to be different from one day to the next
• When perfectionism is driving, shame is riding shotgun, and fear is a backseat driver.
• We strive for perfection where we have the most shame *yaaaas*
• My identity is no in perfectionism
• Failure is just the first act (in a play) & a setup for a comeback
• Failing doesn't make you a failure

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Questions we're asking ourselves:

How does the phrase "what will people think" - how does living by this, ultimately shackle you?

Take away: Trying isn't bad & trying also isn't going to save you