Permission to Be You - The Podcast Diane Xuereb

As children, we depend on the love of our parents in all aspects of our lives.  We look for safety, recognition and to feel loved.

However, unfortunately, our parents make mistakes because they are human and they too have a past.

As a result, through their innocent behaviour, we might come to the conclusion that we are not lovable and we are not enough.

People-pleasing starts at a very early age.  We try to adjust to our parents, we do our best to please them, in an effort to win their love and acceptance.

This can be carried to our adult life which can lead to having unhealthy relationships and no boundaries.

Del's story is very powerful and at times quite unbelievable.

From living in a caravan with her mother to designing clothes in L.A, Hollywood.

I am quite sure that many of you will recognise themselves in parts of her story.

Personally what struck me the most in this conversation is this: 'We would have never been created with the capacity to feel the wide range of emotions we feel if we weren't meant to'

If you would love to be a guest, or if you know someone who would be a great guest, please get in touch via email: [email protected] or send me a personal message here:https://www.facebook.com/diane.xuereb.9

In This Episode

Julius talks about the pains of addiction.

Initially, a person might turn to drugs to find some sort of relief.  Relief from emotional and also very often physical pain.

For Julius, it was 'his saving grace but also a thorn in his side'.

I would say that it is safe to say that millions of people around the world want to feel loved. They want to feel appreciated and acknowledged.

If and when they don't feel it, they look for ways to create that elusive feeling called love.

As children, we look for it in our parents and as we grow older we seek it in other places.

Many people misunderstand where love comes from and as a result become very unhappy with themselves and with life in general.

So they turn to other things to find some sort of relief.  

There are many forms of addictions, shopping excessively, sex, porn, food, chocolate, alcohol, drugs just to mention a few.

Where do you think love is found?

Is it out there in people, pets, places and things?

Where have you been looking?

In this story, one man overcomes many obstacles in his life, sickness, rejection and addiction.  

Ultimately he finds love in the one place that we very often forget to look - himself.

If you are seeking, stop your search.

You are what you are looking for.

One of the things we talked about is perfectionism or as Melissa puts it, 'always wanting to get things right'.

In her case she wanted to look like she had it together, to try and look like that 'I knew more than I knew'.

Always trying to get things right is one way of proving to ourselves that we are enough and/or that we are worthy.

This is born from a misunderstanding that says,  to be loved we have to be perfect or we have to keep doing stuff to prove to ourselves that we are worthy of love.

Love is what we are made of, you don't have to work hard to get it because you are LOVE.

You cannot be separate from it, even though you do not always feel it.

Usually, I like to hear stories about how my guests struggled in an area of their lives but then discovered the freedom of giving themselves permission.

However, in this conversation, we went in the opposite direction.

Melissa talked about how she gave herself permission to experiment with a different way of responding to her husband.

If you want to hear what it is, listen to this episode to hear what she has to say about the Jab Fest and so much more.

If you would love to be a guest, or if you know someone who would be a great guest, please get in touch via email, or send me a personal message.

In this Episode

This was a very light-hearted conversation,  nonetheless, Cindy touched upon a subject that might be an issue for many people.

Cindy talked about her anxiety disorder and how she learnt to listen to the prompts her body gives her when she is in an anxious state.

We often misunderstand or fail to see how ingenious feelings are.  Many of us for many years have tried to change our negative emotions.

Let's face it, how many of you enjoy feeling bad??  I most certainly don't.

However, resisting any emotional state will only keep it in place.  Moreover, feelings are a great sat nav.

If for e.g. you are feeling urgency, you might probably read that as a prompt to go faster and faster.

What if your body is gently reminding you to stop because you are going too fast??

Try it out, don't take my word for it, test it and see what happens.

Excerpt from a book Money by Arnold Patent:

"often we avoid feeling our feelings because we believe the process is too painful. Instead, we use our intellects to attempt to resolve the situation without realising that the sole purpose for creating the situation is to bring up the feelings so that we can reclaim the power that we have hidden".

If you would love to be a guest, or if you know someone who would be a great guest, please get in touch via email, or send me a personal message.

During this conversation, I couldn't quite link the aim of the podcast to her story.

In actual fact at one point during the conversation, I was a little confused.

I was wondering how permission formed any part of what Tracey decided to do with her husband and children.

Then in an instant, I saw how Tracey gave herself permission to begin a new adventure.

Even though the decision she took was painful for her, she took the bold step.

Many or perhaps most people associate birth with the coming of a new child.

Birth comes in different shapes and forms, some of these shapes are not always comfortable, easy or simple.

I was silent for a good few seconds in this episode because I had to allow her story and the sacrifice she made to sink in.

I invite you to listen to this poignant story, one which clearly depicts what we do for the love of others.

If you would love to be a guest, or if you know someone who would be a great guest, please get in touch via email, or send me a personal message.

In This Episode

First I have to come clean and say that I was listening to Cristiana with I don't believe you filters on.

Even though it's strange to admit it, I was doing the best that I could at that moment.

I love this quote of Maya Angelou: "do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better".

There were points in the conversation that I was literally listening with my mouth wide open.

I couldn't believe that there was truth in some of what she was saying.

The good news is that I didn't stop myself, I showed up and was myself. I was being perfectly human.

I really used to care about what people would think or say about me.

Truth is we care more about what we think of ourselves than we care about what others think.

I can almost guarantee that what you will hear is this: see I told you, you are and add whatever description it is you say to yourself.

People are only confirming what you already think about yourself, positive or negative.

Cristiana and I are pretty much in agreement about the importance of being ourselves.

Her perspective is fresh, insightful and filled with love.

I invite you to listen and to share it with anyone you think might benefit from listening.

If you would love to be a guest, or if you know someone who would be a great guest, please get in touch via email, or send me a personal message.

In This Episode

During the conversation, on more than one occasion,  I asked Nicky to give me concrete examples of stress.

The answer I was looking for did not come via concrete examples but from one very simple realisation. Listen closely and if you hear it I'd love to know what it is you heard.

In the meantime here are some questions for you to consider:

Are you trying to change yourself into an acceptable version of who you think people want you to be?

Are you a bad person because your desk/home/bedroom is untidy?

How much of your time do you spend in trying to adapt to others?

"People are going to make of me what they make of me and it has very little to do with what I do.

"All thinking is irrelevant. What we think is what we think. What goes on in my mind is almost none of my business unless I'm noticing it and its looking like that's relevant and then that seems a thing". Nicky Bartley

It takes a lot of energy to constantly monitor your behaviour.

Nicky talks about constantly monitoring herself because of a tidy desk policy.

How much of your thinking are you taking seriously?

It is safe to say that you might find yourself listening to this episode a couple of times because almost everything she shares is a golden nugget.

I heard something new every time I listened.

I invite you to listen and to share it with anyone you think might benefit from listening.

If you would love to be a guest, or if you know someone who would be a great guest, please get in touch via email, or send me a personal message.

In this Episode

This conversation was recorded nearly six months ago and whilst I was editing it,  I realised that I was listening differently.

I heard something that I had already heard before but this time it was more profound.

Denise shed light on the heart of the reason why I started this podcast.

It is to inspire you to allow yourself to step into our light and in doing shine it on others.  The Light includes your darkness because in my mind without it we are incomplete.

She poses some very interesting questions and is also very honest about the challenges she has with giving herself permission to do whatever she wants.

Here are some of the things that occurred to me whilst I was listening:

Is it dangerous just being you?

What is the worst thing that could happen if you were to let go and show up?

Would you enjoy your life more?

Are you second-guessing yourself?

If that rings true for you, have you stopped to ask yourself why?

Have you made yourself smaller in terms of the life that you are living?

On another note do you do torment yourself with the following questions:

Who am I to do that?

Do I know enough?

Who cares what I think?

Do you have a crazy idea or an idea that you have labelled as crazy which has love at its core??

What’s stopping you?

Is it the narrative a story you tell yourself repeatedly, day in day out?

Is it a so called belief?

Belief is a thought its not the truth.  Its something you might have picked up from somewhere and you are living up to the idea on a subconscious level.

Something you were told as a child or something you heard from anywhere.

I thoroughly enjoyed having this conversation and even though its a tad long it is filled with golden nuggets.

I invite you to listen and to share it with anyone you think might benefit from listening.

If you would love to be a guest, or if you know someone who would be a great guest, please get in touch via email, or send me a personal message.

Everybody has their own idea of the words Permission to be You.  Here is some of Julian's version.

A paraphrased quote:

'To be you is your default setting it is naturally who you are. Its about doing nothing.  Its about just allowing who you are to come out. It doesn’t take any effort in fact its about unlearning some stuff. We all have wings and they are designed to fly.'

Have you unknowingly clipped your wings?

Are you using the full thrust and span of the wings that you have been given?

Or Are you playing small and settling for what you think you should be doing?

If so how are you getting in your own way?

Are you listening to the narrative that says you should be doing things to achieve success?

What brings you joy? Find that out first and then go do that!!

Are you letting your light shine on others by embracing both your dark and light side?

We also talked about grief and how different people experience various forms of loss.

Death in a family.

Separation

Divorce.

This was a wonderful conversation filled with wisdom and insights.

I especially enjoyed Julian's presence and his fresh look on life and the fact that he was the first male guest on my show.

I invite you to listen and to share it with anyone you think might benefit from listening.

If you would love to be a guest, or if you know someone who would be a great guest, please get in touch via email, or send me a personal message.

Yarraka sheds light on some of the things that were uncovered as a result of her going live on Facebook with her son Quaden in February 2020.

Yarraka talks about a number of sensitive issues, namely racism, discrimination, bullying and an extraordinarily high rate of teenage indigenous suicides.

She talks about Quaden's journey up till now. The number of operations he has had to have throughout the course of his very young life. As well as the bullying and hate he was subjected to.

When I asked Quaden why he doesn't like school which might have been a silly question: He said: because of the bullies.

I was alarmed as well as touched when Yarraka told me about a suicide note of 12-year-old girl. "Maybe when I'm gone the racism will stop"

In spite of what they have been through Yarraka remains hopeful, its not all doom and gloom and every cloud has  a silver lining.

This podcast episode is well worth of your time.

This is a cause that needs support and all our love and compassion.

I invite you to listen and to share it with anyone you think might benefit from listening.

If you would love to be a guest, or if you know someone who would be a great guest, please get in touch via email,  or send me a personal message.