Pie Hard attempts to reel in a Collingwood legend, weighs in on the ubiquitous tagger debate, calls time on a Carlton coach, samples a delicious new club sponsor, spotlights the rise and rise of Darcy Cameron and Frampchise, salivates over incoming goal pig Charlie West, all while downing a couple of cold hard fridge cigarettes

We scrape the bye week barrel to unearth Collingwood connections to the design world, celebrate the Maynard contract, analyse which veterans will play on, reveal the identity of the next Collingwood Big Fish, and for some reason we even talk about Warren Tredrea.

This week Pie Hard mainlines the Collingwood speedball, unloads on embarrassing wizard hats, sneaks into the Daicos' dentist box, carb loads with Isaac Quaynor and generally peaks too early to a soundtrack of Aaron James folk songs

We settle on a theme for Collingwood's terrifying burst dominance, discuss mid-season recruits, a return to the Magpie nest for Dermie, celebrate Ned Long's game of shrugs, Oleg's Bunnings sausage, and the plantar fascia fix that was there all along

Pie Hard goes horizontal to dream Bobby patting babies, Nick's protective droogs, Maynard dissing North, Daicos family dentistry, 90's in-game dining, and our evergreen diatribe against the Dome

We head to Rome to anoint the first-ever Collingwood Pope, survive a bout of rigor mortis out west, unveil fresh sponsor kickbacks for Big Ned, decode the club’s latest Wadeless injury report, and ask the Harders how to indoctrinate the next generation of Magpie tragics

We exhume the Geelong game, dissect Derek Hine's Tassie makeover, Jaidyn Stephenson's Uber Eats addiction and De Goey's malaise, whilst looking forward to provoking the purple haze with profound disrespect at the selection table

We chat Anzac Day angles, the legend of the Collingwood Cougars, magpie autobiographies, golfing activations, globetrotter handballs, next-gen prospects, and a mouth-watering Pie Hard free agency sales pitch

We chat music licensing with our lawyers, enjoy kick to kick on the Gabba, reflect on our love affair with Jamie Elliott, explain the resurgence of Darcy Moore, uncover a scamming Eddie McGuire, share our tip for the Anzac medallist and relive the infamously 'safe' Waislitz Balls.

Snub-nosed revolvers and the end of Carlton, Gladiator Peter, Josh's dream home, zero-carb Carp, breaking bad caravans, choose your own adventures and the transcendent joy of littering at the G.