Israel launches major strikes on Iran—and somehow, we knew it was coming thanks to a spike in Pentagon-area pizza orders. Patrick Gutfield breaks down the so-called *Pentagon Pizza Report*, the long-standing theory that pizza deliveries reveal military ops. Meanwhile, President Biden accidentally stumbles onto the set of *Reacher*, discusses quantum physics, and apparently beats Jack Reacher in arm wrestling. And Trump Mobile is here—kind of. The Trump family’s new wireless service charges you upfront but doesn’t actually connect you to anything... except hidden fees.

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Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.

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