Plumbing the Death Star

Puberty is never good. It's even worse when your teeth are little guys, you can explode exactly one (1) time or Wolverine is there to welcome you into the X-Men while you wait in a cave. Today the clever geniuses at Plumbing the Death Star are asking what the worst mutant ability to awaken with. Zammit wants us all to have big thinks or be pig warmers, Jackson experiences a very bad morning before getting a great pair of sunglasses but JD goes and ruins it for everyone. From having the sensation of pie to experience a haircut you're not having to orifices dialatingon their own. All we know is that when JD's power awakens you better pray to whatever god you believe in that you just happen to be sitting down when he is.

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This is pop culture. We swear. Springsteen wrote a song (and a book) so it counts! Outlaw Pete is about a bank-robbing baby whose exploits become a meditation on sin, fate, and free will. Springsteen himself said it’s essentially the story of a man trying to outlive and outlast his sins! Now the sin is robbing a bank and the man is a baby but it still counts! But we here at Plumbing the Death Star ain’t gonna spend any time on that, we’re here today to discuss how you’d rob a bank using the powers of a baby. And not just any baby, a baby that is at most 3 months old. Zero object permanence, no knee caps and a weak fontanelle are just a few of the things in our arsenal to rob a hank. You might be thinking that such a task is impossible and we’re here to tell you that yes, not being able to speak, hold your own neck up or even have man-thoughts are definitely hurdles. But never underestimate the nature of man, or in this case baby, and our willingness to overcome any obstacle put in our way.

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Sure Charlie Bucket got the factory because everyone else failed quicker, but was that the best move by Wonka? Running a business is hard work. Running a questionable legal chocolate manufacturing business with multiple scandals involving workers rights, fair pay and strange and unique injuries to guests is possibly harder. We don’t think Charlie has it in him to bribe officials or squash any dissenting opinions about unions. His amoral failings will be the death of Wonka chocolate and Augustus Gloop will have died for nothing. At least under the ruthless eye of one of the other children, Gloop’s legacy will live on. But more importantly Wonka’s legacy will live on. Sure it might be Wonka-Salt now, but the chocolate’s so good you’ll die for it. Just ask Augustus. You can’t. Because he’s a dead little boy. Due to woeful safety regulations at the chocolate factory. But you know he’d say it and mean every word.

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In Pokemon-realm there’s only three things to do: fight, breed or sell bicycle and the Plumbing Boys are all out of Pokemon. There might also be beauty show? We’re unclear if that’s true. There’s a lot of horse kick math from the leading experts of getting kicked in the head (by horse) that results in a very bad day at the circus and realising that a lot of animals struggle against rock, hate being on fire and cannot body electricity. Jackson chooses sell bicycle and picks snake in a very simple 3 or 4 step plan to make a million dollars that mostly involves shaking down a kid and then faking getting really sick. JD gets on his soapbox about dog shows and Zammit just wants to think about bears. It’s a lot of thinks about animals this week but there’s one thing we cannot deny, a cassowary is god’s most sinful creation

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It’s 1990 somethings! A truly blissful time when the internet didn’t exist, everyone was still recovering from the 80s, tying a flannelette shirt around your waist was the pinnacle of fashion and you had to buy your music from an actual record store. But you didn’t want to buy your music from some kind of bland corporate mega corp like Music Town. You want to go somewhere hip and radical like Empire Records! Where the staff can get away with stealing a large amount of money, have Rex Manning slam your cheeks in the copy room and you can perform your next big hit ‘Sugar High’ on the rooftop. Like a Beatle! Sure it’s not all good times. You might hallucinate Gwar sacrificing you on stage and your boss might hit you, but at least he didn’t turn you into the cops. See, it’s all swings and roundabouts! Empire Records, now accepting job applications by gun point and they’re open ‘til midnight.

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TheDamBeaver wants us to answer How We’d Steal the Moon. We assume it’s to do with Despicable Me’s very own Gru, but we can’t be sure. JD wants to make everything big, Zammit takes a leaf from paper, scissors, rock and Jackson figures it out. So let’s all go get a small loan from the Bank of Evil, feed our satan horse only the finest cuts of clown meat and pray that we never find out the earth is ending until the last possible moment. Or a three day weekend. Either or.

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If you’re in Melbourne or the UK and want to see three beautiful idiots live and in the flesh, head on over to https://www.sanspantsradio.com/events/category/live-shows/ and grab your tickets today to see us in Melbourne, London, Edinburgh, Manchester and/or Birmingham

Gustavo wants to know How Would the World React if God Killed Spider-Man as per Eddie Brock's Wishes in Spider-Man 3 and thinks we're the right people for the job. And they're right! As soon as Eddie clasps his hands together and calls God 'sir' he's going to hear the loudest boom anyone has ever heard accompanied by an angelic hymn as the body of Peter Parker slaps the stone tiles in front of him, head first. With Peter smoted, most likely unrecognisable as his body turns to ash from being hit with holy light, a lot of questions arise. Since both Peter Parker and Spider-Man are suspiciously missing will anyone connect the dots? How long will New York take before they notice the webslinger is not stopping crime? Will any super-villain cash in and try to take credit for the death of Spider-Man? We're here today to say yes, yes they will and it will be from the villain you suspected the least. Either way, if God's granting out smite wishes it probably best to be off anyone's radar as it will be a very dangerous, albeit short, time to be alive.

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If you’re in Melbourne or the UK and want to see three beautiful idiots live and in the flesh, head on over to https://www.sanspantsradio.com/events/category/live-shows/ and grab your tickets today to see us in Melbourne, London, Edinburgh, Manchester and/or Birmingham

After last week Daddy had to go lay down, but never fear, our good friend James aka Mr Sunday Movies is here to fill in that Zammit-shaped hole to talk all things Krang! Well really one thing Krang: why’d they put him there? He’s so exposed to one swift punch to the bread-basket! Krang can’t look anyone in the eyes and is the perfect height for crop dusting. Surely there’s a better place to put Krang in a robot body? Either way we can all agree that Krang looks so fun to punt, throw off a cliff or cook like a haggis. We don’t know much but we do know we want to wreck Krang’s day.

You can find James on the Weekly Planet Podcast or on his YouTube channel Mr Sunday Movies.

If you’re in the UK and want to see these three beautiful boys live and in the flesh, head on over to https://www.sanspantsradio.com/events/category/live-shows/ and grab your tickets today to see them in London, Edinburgh and/or Manchester. Birmingham show TBA!

We’re joined by special guest and Vault-Tec employee Adam Carnevale to ask What Would Your Ideal Fallout Vault Be? In true Vault-Tec fashion, Adam comes up with some incredible vault ideas from some kind of nightmare man to a vault where everyone thinks they’re birds maybe? He even puts forward hover-cabins connected by pneumatic tubes involving snipers for some reason. But none of that matters as Zammit and Jackson are here to help his brilliant ideas come to fruition! Do you want to trick your vault dwellers into thinking they’re slightly bigger? Sure! What about a VR realm? Or an M. Night Shyamaln wonderland? We don’t know what possessed you Adam, but yes. We’ll help you build it! Because we’re good friends.

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Sure, filling up that dweeb with hunk juice worked out well for everyone, but surely there were some other ideas to use all that super soldier serum? Did Stanley Tucci ever have a think “what if horse?”. The kicks alone would have powered a million propagandas! The problem there we guess is we don’t know the ideology of the horse. Plus giving it to say, war dogs who have already seen battle and suffering from incredible amounts of PTSD seems a sure fire way of making smart dogs whomst hate America. If we gave it to everyone we face the problem of maybe not everyone in America is pro-America. The only feasible solution was to make a juice that makes you weak and dumb and let that get stolen. The only problem there is three podcasters will inevitably make that juice part of their daily requirements.

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